Jan 012009
 

Do you want a better marriage, a happier wife, a more peaceful home? These tips on how to be a good husband are from relationship therapist Richard Webb.

The more loved and cherished your wife feels, the more love you’ll receive in return — and the happier your life will be.

“One of the things I love most about being The Relationship Specialist is that I get to empower marriages,” says Webb. “I particularly love to teach husbands how to be their best so that their wives totally adore them.  Most husbands fall into the good or poor categories.  They aren’t very happy with themselves and their wives don’t like them very much either.  Great husbands are few and far between.”

One of the best books on marriage I’ve ever read is ScreamFree Marriage: Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer.

I wrote an article that shared the best tips from that book, called Is Your Marriage Good or Bad? 3 Myths About Being Married. Who knows – maybe your wife is happier than you think!

And, here are Webb’s tips on how to be a good husband….

4 Tips on How to be a Good Husband to Your Wife

Good husbands have happier marriages, and enjoy a richer, deeper, better life and relationships.

1. Listen to your wife’s feelings. You might not understand or agree with her, and that’s okay. Just listen.  Most husbands argue or get frustrated when their wives share feelings, and this does not make marriages happy.  A good husband conveys unconditional support to his wife and makes her feel safe to share all parts of herself.  A wife who can freely express herself will feel special and loved — and you will make both your wife and your marriage happy.

2. Spend time with your wife. To be a good husband, ensure your actions clearly show that your wife is your greatest priority.  She needs to know she is special.  You can still enjoy your sports, television, hunting or fishing — but if your wife doesn’t know she comes first in your life, then she may resent your other pursuits. Another way to be a good husband is to learn the best ways to say “I love you.”

3. Be your wife’s champion. Your wife needs to feel your strength and security.  “I’m here for you” is what you want her to know.  To make your wife happy, don’t let her be in charge all of the time.  And, don’t let your message of powerful, unconditional love be weakened based on her moods or behavior.  Good husbands stand by their wives no matter what – but they also stand up for themselves.

4. Tell your wife that she’s beautiful. Good husbands let their wives know that they only have eyes for her.  You dilute the strength of your marriage when you look at other women.  How will your wife feel safe — and like she’s in a happy marriage — if she feels threatened?  To be a good husband, devote yourself to her.

Knowing how to be a good husband takes effort, but the rewards are enormous! When you’re uncertain or frustrated in your marriage, ask, “What would a Good Husband do?”  This question will help you keep your direction and commitment.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage Therapist and author of How To Be A Great Partner.

If you struggle to express your love, you may find 80 Ways to Say I Love You helpful.

What do you think about these tips on being a good husband? Comments welcome below.

 

If You Need Help With Your Love Life…

How to Get Your Ex Back

Stop the Divorce and Save Your Marriage

How to Captivate a Man and Make Him Fall in Love With You

laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Christian, bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer, blogger, warrior princess. :-) My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

What's happening in your life? I welcome your big and little comments below! I can't give you advice, but writing might bring you clarity and insight.

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." - Romans 15:13

In peace and passion...Laurie

  21 Responses to “How to be a Good Husband to Your Wife – 4 Tips From an Expert”

  1. Dear Mac,

    It sounds like you’re doing everything you can to be a good husband – and you’ve learned alot through this experience! This will make you a better man in the long run, even though it’s incredibly painful right now.

    I wrote this article for you:

    When Your Wife Isn’t Happy – 6 Ways to Increase Intimacy and Love

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.

    Sincerely,
    Laurie

  2. My wife came home from a trip two months ago (we’re both military) and told me that she was not happy, and had not been for several years. I was floored, but after thinking about it, I completely understood. She has been gone soo much over the last four years, that I became depressed, and not a very good support system for her. Because she had been soo unhappy, she decided that she would no longer compliment me or show me any emotional intimacy. This just added fuel to the fire and I became controlling and questioned her loyalties to me. I made several comments to her that I wish I could take back, and she told me she forgave me for them, but I can’t take them back. She says I never trusted her because I asked a million questions every time I got to talk to her. I grew very insecure over the last four years, and now I realize that she always loved me, but she was gone soo often that and for soo long that she says we lost our connection and never got it back. Anyways, since she told me she was unhappy, I did a lot of soul searching and know that I have made a lot of changes, but she just says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. She assured me there was noone else and never was, just that life is too short to be unhappy and she doesn’t know what to do to be happy again. We went to marriage counseling once, then she volunteered to go back to afghanistan for a month and I attended the last two sessions alone. The counselor has helped me get over some of my insecurities, but I still feel like i’m chasing after something that won’t happen. She still occassionally tells me she loves me, and hugs me almost every day, an occassional kiss, but no emotional or physical intimacy at all. I know I’m a better husband and father since this happened, but want to try some of the things I’ve found on your websit. I’m currently working my way through the book “Love Dare”, but it’s dificult with her being gone. I plan to continue to tell her how I feel about her and my daughter, and show that I want nothing more than all of us to be a happy family while not pressuring her to do anything. I feel like I’m living with a stranger, she’s not the same woman she was even a week prior to her telling me all of this. Help!!!!!!!!!

  3. I believe that many men are afraid of doing what it takes to be a good husband because they fear doing all the necessary work and then not being appreciated. This is what I call being attached to outcome. We don’t strive to be good husbands so that we can please our wives and get their approval. We strive to be good husbands so that at the end of the day we can say we were all the way in and were fully present for our women. Taking a half ass approach is not good for any relationship. Getting all the way in will allow us to see whether it blows up the relationship or takes it to new and exciting places.

  4. That’s great that you have such a strong marriage, Alison!

    One of the best ways to be a good husband is to know what makes your wife happy…and what she doesn’t really care about. And it all involves knowing your wife, which involves talking to her and understanding her.

  5. Great article again. I agree with most of what’s said,although I must say I don’t really mind my husband looking at other women. Our relationship is very strong, so I don’t feel threatened by this.

  6. When my husband is anywhere in communication with his father he treats me horribly. He even went as far this week to buy a gun with the money that was suppose to pay for a doctor appointment to find out if I do have cervical cancer. He thinks buying stuff is great for him and I should just suffer. Though, when his dad wasnt around the few weeks before and I was in and out of the hospital he was great and there for me.
    We have had so many up and downs but I have ALWAYS been there for him. I work and am successful. My pay goes to our family, every penny. I do not go out and spend on myself. I still where most clothes from high school and that was over 20 years ago. I buy for him and the youngest child that still lives at home. Also for his other daughter that lives with her mother.

    I have supported him with everything but now he makes it so I might die from cancer and he doesnt even care. He left me home today on my only day off to go with his father, how do I live with that any longer? How do I beleive he loves ME when he chooses to purchase stuff for himself knowing that I can no longer go to a doctor because of what he did. I might have cancer and he doesnt even care for me to find out so he can make his father happy. How do I cope with this????

  7. i have been married to my husband for 6 years, we have been together for 8 1/2 years and have known eachother for 15 years. He seems to have a problem with always needing another woman around to talk to. As far as I can tell, there has never been more than talking, but this last girl he decided to connect with, the conversations turned sexual instead of just supportive. It makes me really uncomfortable to stay in this relationship now. He tells these other women that they are pretty and that they should be sure to have a great day because they deserve it and things like that, but hasn’t told me i’m pretty in years. I don’t think that he is even slightly attracted to me any more. I know for certain that he was when we got together. We have two kids together (and i have one from a previous relationship). I am upset that it has escalated to sexual stuff, and I am upset that he takes on the “supportive boyfriend” type role for these women, and leaves me to fight for even the simplist of compliments or kind words. He actually is way more likely to say something mean to me than say something nice. I am at the point now, after this new “friendship” that he took too far, that i don’t want to be with him any longer. I deserve better treatment and find myself having negative thoughts about myself now. I never thought i wasn’t pretty until now. We are going to try counleling, but i feel like i have already mentally checked out of this relationship.

  8. Dear Hope,

    I’m sorry to hear about your relationship with your husband — it sounds like you’re ready to let your marriage go!

    Have you talked to a counselor? I encourage you to try to sort out your emotions, thoughts, and marriage with a trained professional. There’s a lot of history and baggage in marriage, and it takes an objective perspective to sift through it all and figure out the best course of action. It sounds like there’s a lot of blame, accusations, and miscommunication in your marriage — and you don’t necessarily need couples counseling to make things better (though if you and your husband are willing to go into marriage counseling, I believe it can help!).

    And, I encourage you to focus on how you can take control over your own thoughts and behaviors. There are things you can do that will make you feel better about yourself, your marriage, and your life. Of course, this depends on your circumstances and personality…which is where the counseling comes in!

    I hope this helps, and wish you all the best.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  9. Dear Chitra,

    I’m so sorry that I missed your comment! Are you still around? If so, let me know how you’re doing now.

    Laurie

  10. Hi, thanks for sharing the tips. I’m experiencing some tough time with my husband.He don’t listen to me. When I tried to have the open communication with him. He told me that I made him sad because those are the things that he doesn’t want to hear. He just want to hear good things about him. He spend more time with his business more than anything else. When I say to him that we need more time together, he would response to me that money is important to the family, if he don’t make enough money, we will not be happy together. He doesn’t give me sense of security anymore since four years ago. He had an affair four years ago. I thought I can accept the relationship, but after four years, I still can’t give myself 100% to him as far as trust is concern. I still ‘protect’ myself in a way for not letting him know what I have because he will use that to against me. For the last year, he has been scolding me whenever he feel stress. He has mentioned three times to me that I got him into a miserable marriage. Which I can honestly tell you that I did nothing wrong at all. He don’t compliment me anymore like he used to. He is just concern about himself only. Now I can see more and more selfishness, self-centered from him. Lately, I just found out two incidents that he has tarnished my image in front of his friends. One of them shared it with me. I was so sad to hear that and what makes me angry was those are not facts at all. When I want to create conversation with him, he just tell me that he is very tired. As a wife, I have done everything I could but it seems not working. He just like to blame me for no reason, he will just finger point to me whenever things don’t go according to him way.
    I’m just tired of this relationship. I don’t think he has make me happy at all. I really do not know what I should do to make the relatioship work.

  11. I have been married in 1997 and lived together only for just 4months and I was conceived. My husband was having no job and he had drinks and other habits and they sent me out. For the past 11 years I was with my mother . I have a girl child studying 7th std. I applied for divorce in 2003 and it was an ex-party case and got the order in 2006. I started looking for a partner only one year ago. Now I am married to a person who is a widower and having a girl studying 11th std. the girl is with their grand mothers house and not living with him. I go remarried on July 12th. we are nearing 1st year marriage day and now i am 5month carrying. Now he is saying that he has a doubt whether i am considered as a wife by way of sasthras as i am second which i am unable to accept. And his daughter is also not co-operating. due to her also i face problems. Now no one is accepting me as a family member in his side. I do not know what to do. I am so depressed that i tried even suicide attempt. please guide me how to react in this situation.

    Thanking you,

  12. Hi Rocky,

    Have you and your wife tried marriage counseling? Sometimes an objective perspective can make all the difference in the world. Our thoughts about what we did and didn’t keeps going round and round, which makes it almost impossible to see our relationships clearly!

    I don’t know the answer to your question (about if a good wife can stray after a short period of inattention). But that may matter less than her remorse and willingness to rebuild a happy marriage with you.

    Mort Fertel is a marriage counselor who believes that spouses who cheat are less likely to cheat again, because they know how bad it is for the relationship. So, to be a good husband and rebuild your marriage, you may need to stop thinking about your wife with another man, and start focusing on your present and future together.

    I hope this helps, and wish you all the best. Let me know how you’re doing!

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  13. Well, i agree with all the tips and i have lived that for 27 years. However, i am going through some rough times with my business and i guess some of my frustrations made their way into our relationship. I soon discovered that my wife was having an affair (albiet, i only know about the texting but the texts suggest more). I confronted her and she said i was not paying attention and she felt unloved and unappreciated and this person made he feel nice.
    She has stopped the affair (at least that’s what she told me) and i want to believe her and rebuild what we have. She is a good woman and great wife and she always told me i am a dream of a husband but obviously, something went wrong.
    we both live highly stresses lives and as such are probably need to find time for us as the kids are now grown and we are alone again together.
    Is is really possible for a really good wife to stray because of a lack of attention over such a short period (1 year) over 27 years? we are working valiantly to save our marriage but i cant get the image of her with him out of my mind.

  14. My life is miserable because my wife doesn’t like me and is bitter -mean -hateful and just downright evil to me. I love her and I know that I am not the type of man she wants but I let go of my pride and I stayed hopeful that she would really love me but it has gotten worse. She tries to make things true that are not true, she will go to any lengths to prove that she is right -evenchanging the stories around. She has told me that he doesn’t love me or like me and she threw the wedding ring in the trash. She was on the myspace account (she got my password) and she found a email from a high school classmate who was spearheading the communication between the rest of us and she took it as I was planning a get together with the classmate. Well she just ran with it and made the story that I slept with the girl in GA but I didn’t and she will not believe me. I think she is just trying to find a reason to get out of the marriage by just making up a story and actually causing major drama. Well anyway the rest of the classmates probably had the get together but I didn’t go because my wife didn’t want to go with me, so when I went to VA to a child support hearing she assumed I went to GA. I was on the phone with her all the time while in VA and she actually knows that I didn’t even go to GA – she really must want out of this relationship-marriage. I am so miserable that she cannot tell me the truth and stick with it because we we garduated high school together also. She doesn’t even have enough respect to be truthful and tell me to my face. I mean we are adults and I am just at a lost because I actually have put all my soul in this and it isn’t fair. Now if I was going out there trying to wreck everything then I would be wrong huh. I just want to be happy I am tired of this misery. What do you think?

  15. Dear True,

    It sounds like your relationship is on the right track! If you’re already thinking about how to be a good husband, then I suspect you will make your girlfriend and possible future wife very happy :-)

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  16. Wow this is a pretty interesting website. I got this link from suite101.com I am not a husband but I am dating someone who puts a smile on my face and I have decided to just let it flow. I enjoy how new it feels and I want to let my guard down. Although it’s early I do not want to change our conversations or our connection. I hope it works out. Maybe one day I can put these tools to use.

    Blessed Be

  17. Hi Brit,

    I’m sorry to hear that your wife treats you badly, even when you’re trying to be a good husband! I can’t tell you if it’s time to stop trying to make your marriage happy, and try to find another woman…but I think that if you’ve been in an unhappy relationship for a long time, and you’re sincerely doing everything you can to make it better, then maybe you do need to consider leaving the relationship.

    Have you tried talking to a couples counselor or marriage therapist? He or she may be able to give you valuable insights into why your wife isn’t happy, and how you can connect with her.

    And, have you asked your wife why she treats you so badly? Her reasons for being unhappy may help you decide if you can build a healthy marriage, or if you should let her go…

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  18. all this is well and good but what if after you dont all this being a good husband your still treated like your the pet dog is that the time to find an more apropreate woman?

  19. How about asking your wife how to be a great husband? The answer may be different for every woman. For instance, I’m not big on going out for expensive meals or getting flowers or chocolates….but a man who does this might be a great husband in another woman’s eye!

    So, husbands, ask your wives what she thinks a great husband would say and do. You might be surprised — it might be as simple as cleaning up after yourself at home (she is NOT your maid) or calling her during the day to see how she’s doing.

  20. Totally…

  21. Thank you for all your advice. I’ll make sure that what I have read today will not be ignored -and neither will my wife.