Comments on: Help for Widows and Widowers – A Story of Loss, Survival, and Peace http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/ Got goals? Need a push in the right direction? You've come to the right place! Wed, 23 May 2012 23:00:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Starting Over in Your 60s - After Your Husband Dies : Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-2/#comment-44032 Starting Over in Your 60s - After Your Husband Dies : Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals Sat, 19 May 2012 21:40:06 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-44032 [...] I’m writing this article because a reader left this comment on Help for Widows and Widowers – A Story of Loss, Survival, and Peace: [...] [...] I’m writing this article because a reader left this comment on Help for Widows and Widowers – A Story of Loss, Survival, and Peace: [...]

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-2/#comment-44017 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Sat, 19 May 2012 15:47:03 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-44017 Dear June, Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I'm so sorry for your loss - it sounds like you're still in shock. I hope your heart heals quicker than you think, and that you're able to find people to lean on for support. I wrote this article for you: <a href="http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/starting-over-again-60s-husband-died/" rel="nofollow">Starting Over in Your 60s - After Your Husband Dies</a> I hope it helps, and I wish you peace and faith that surpasses all understanding. Blessings, Laurie Dear June,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I’m so sorry for your loss – it sounds like you’re still in shock. I hope your heart heals quicker than you think, and that you’re able to find people to lean on for support.

I wrote this article for you:

Starting Over in Your 60s – After Your Husband Dies

I hope it helps, and I wish you peace and faith that surpasses all understanding.

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: june http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-2/#comment-43991 june Sat, 19 May 2012 03:44:24 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-43991 since my husband has died i feel very incomplete. i was with him for 30 years and we did everything together. i feel like i lost my idenity. it's not like i haven't tried to feel good but it just doesn't feel right. starting over again in your 60's is something i never thought would happen to me. i really feel so alone. my husband did everything for me and now i have the responsibility of runnig it all. when you really don't know how, it seems impossible. i miss him alot. i hope all of your lives get better. since my husband has died i feel very incomplete. i was with him for 30 years and we did everything together. i feel like i lost my idenity. it’s not like i haven’t tried to feel good but it just doesn’t feel right. starting over again in your 60′s is something i never thought would happen to me. i really feel so alone. my husband did everything for me and now i have the responsibility of runnig it all. when you really don’t know how, it seems impossible. i miss him alot. i hope all of your lives get better.

]]> By: Julie Larsen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-1/#comment-42517 Julie Larsen Sun, 22 Apr 2012 02:31:46 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-42517 It may be too early for me to write this but I need to talk about my husband who died April 9, 2012. Charlie was diagnosed with Alpha 1 Antitrypsin Defficiency in 1997. It affected his lungs and his breathing got worse and worse. He was slowly becoming housebound and I started staying home from work more and more to care for him. We have no children and it has always been just the two of us. We became even closer as he got sicker. I probably would have lost him in 2003 but he was lucky enough to receive a single lung transplant. The miracle gave us a life again. While he was still not able to work, I went back to running my business. We still did everything together. 5 years survival is long for a lung transplant patient and we were well into our 8th year. He was still doing well except that his breathing was getting a little worse. As I approached 66 we decided I should sell or close my business and retire. Friends and customers asked if we were going to travel. Our simple wish was to do a few things around our farm place together. We were two weeks into an 8 week retirement sale when Charlie fell from a tractor and broke his wrist. The open break or something in the surgery managed to cause a terrible pneumonia in his good lung.Because of antirejection drugs he had no immunity. After intubation, things went from bad to worse. we couldn't get him off the ventilator and everything else started failing.He was on full time dialysis. He suffered horribly for almost a month in ICU. Because of the ventilator he could not speak. He could not use his right arm to write and his left was so full of lines we could barely communicate. I couldn't bear to leave him so my brother came from out of state to help me take a few breaks for sleep. Close to the end he needed a surgery which he couldn't survive. I had to make the decision not to resesitate. His mind had failed too. He was kept out of pain and removed from the ventilator. He died peacefully 30 hours later with me holding on to him. Even though in my mind I know I did the only thing I could for him, in my heart I keep questioning whether we should have kept trying for a little longer. I suppose it's because I can't see how I am going to live without him. We're just finishing up the retirement sale. On my calendar for that last day at the shop I had written "celebrate!" and I now I can see no reason to ever celebrate again. It may be too early for me to write this but I need to talk about my husband who died April 9, 2012.
Charlie was diagnosed with Alpha 1 Antitrypsin Defficiency in 1997. It affected his lungs and his breathing got worse and worse. He was slowly becoming housebound and I started staying home from work more and more to care for him. We have no children and it has always been just the two of us. We became even closer as he got sicker. I probably would have lost him in 2003 but he was lucky enough to receive a single lung transplant. The miracle gave us a life again. While he was still not able to work, I went back to running my business. We still did everything together. 5 years survival is long for a lung transplant patient and we were well into our 8th year. He was still doing well except that his breathing was getting a little worse. As I approached 66 we decided I should sell or close my business and retire. Friends and customers asked if we were going to travel. Our simple wish was to do a few things around our farm place together. We were two weeks into an 8 week retirement sale when Charlie fell from a tractor and broke his wrist. The open break or something in the surgery managed to cause a terrible pneumonia in his good lung.Because of antirejection drugs he had no immunity. After intubation, things went from bad to worse. we couldn’t get him off the ventilator and everything else started failing.He was on full time dialysis. He suffered horribly for almost a month in ICU. Because of the ventilator he could not speak. He could not use his right arm to write and his left was so full of lines we could barely communicate. I couldn’t bear to leave him so my brother came from out of state to help me take a few breaks for sleep. Close to the end he needed a surgery which he couldn’t survive. I had to make the decision not to resesitate. His mind had failed too. He was kept out of pain and removed from the ventilator. He died peacefully 30 hours later with me holding on to him.

Even though in my mind I know I did the only thing I could for him, in my heart I keep questioning whether we should have kept trying for a little longer. I suppose it’s because I can’t see how I am going to live without him. We’re just finishing up the retirement sale. On my calendar for that last day at the shop I had written “celebrate!” and I now I can see no reason to ever celebrate again.

]]> By: june http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-1/#comment-42225 june Sat, 14 Apr 2012 02:52:50 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-42225 i lost my husband to prostate cancer, he was 59 years of age. it was a 30 year relationship. he died feb 21, 2012 and everyday seems to be so hard, i feel like im a living dead person. i have gone to bereivement classes which only seemed to make me feel worse. i just wish it never happened. i have tried to do all types of things to make things better but i only feel worse. the worst part of this is i amtotally afraid of being alone. i secretly want another partner but i was a caregiver for years and i am so tired. i am really confused. i know i need more help but can't seem to find it. i feel so lost, so alone and so hurt. i lost my husband to prostate cancer, he was 59 years of age. it was a 30 year relationship. he died feb 21, 2012 and everyday seems to be so hard, i feel like im a living dead person. i have gone to bereivement classes which only seemed to make me feel worse. i just wish it never happened. i have tried to do all types of things to make things better but i only feel worse. the worst part of this is i amtotally afraid of being alone. i secretly want another partner but i was a caregiver for years and i am so tired. i am really confused. i know i need more help but can’t seem to find it. i feel so lost, so alone and so hurt.

]]> By: Philip Kelly http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-1/#comment-39291 Philip Kelly Thu, 29 Dec 2011 15:53:34 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-39291 Hi, I am a widower seeking friendship but can't find anywhere in my area that could help me. I've looked at dating sites but a little bit wary about them. Could you advise? Hi,
I am a widower seeking friendship but can’t find anywhere in my area that could help me. I’ve looked at dating sites but a little bit wary about them. Could you advise?

]]> By: Nicole http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-1/#comment-38671 Nicole Fri, 02 Dec 2011 04:25:05 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-38671 November the 26th 2011 is the day that has instantly changed my life! This past Saturday morning my boyfriend kissed me on the forehead as i slept in, he was leaving to go hunting behind the house with his oldest son and his brother. He asked me to go to the store when i woke up for a few items. At 7:59 am he sent me a picture message of his deer he shot and his son also got one. I left for the store at 8:25 am. While i was gone they drug their deers to the edge of the field behind our house. I accidentally left my phone in the car. When I got back to my car at 9 am I realized I had missed about 20 phone calls from the last 15 min. I called back. His youngest daughter told me to come home something was wrong. I called 911 and try to find out where they where taking him and they said no where to go to my home. At that moment I knew something terrible had happened. I raced back to the house with the dispatchers on the phone the whole time. I pulled up and he was gone. At the bottom of our back yard his lifeless body laid under a white sheet. I miss him so much already! I still don't understand or believe it! We were suppose to get married soon and have children together. Im lost! I buried my love yesterday. I feel crushed and lifeless! I watched them close his casket and I will never see his body or touch him again. I want him back! I want him back! I don't understand why a good hearted loving man with a hugh family and many friends and loved ones had to die so young (42 yrs old) while rapist and murderers live. Why couldn't have been someone else! November the 26th 2011 is the day that has instantly changed my life! This past Saturday morning my boyfriend kissed me on the forehead as i slept in, he was leaving to go hunting behind the house with his oldest son and his brother. He asked me to go to the store when i woke up for a few items. At 7:59 am he sent me a picture message of his deer he shot and his son also got one. I left for the store at 8:25 am. While i was gone they drug their deers to the edge of the field behind our house. I accidentally left my phone in the car. When I got back to my car at 9 am I realized I had missed about 20 phone calls from the last 15 min. I called back. His youngest daughter told me to come home something was wrong. I called 911 and try to find out where they where taking him and they said no where to go to my home. At that moment I knew something terrible had happened. I raced back to the house with the dispatchers on the phone the whole time. I pulled up and he was gone. At the bottom of our back yard his lifeless body laid under a white sheet. I miss him so much already! I still don’t understand or believe it! We were suppose to get married soon and have children together. Im lost! I buried my love yesterday. I feel crushed and lifeless! I watched them close his casket and I will never see his body or touch him again. I want him back! I want him back! I don’t understand why a good hearted loving man with a hugh family and many friends and loved ones had to die so young (42 yrs old) while rapist and murderers live. Why couldn’t have been someone else!

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-1/#comment-12942 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Fri, 29 Oct 2010 23:03:03 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-12942 Dear Sheila, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's actions -- that's scary, and I'm so glad you survived! It sounds like the shock and disbelief has worn off, and you're feeling the emotional pain of not just losing your husband, but what he did to you. Please call a distress line, or talk to a counselor. You're not going through the "normal" grieving that widows do...yours is much more intense and serious. You need guidance and support, which your family and friends may not be able to provide. Please call someone for help, for in person help. Let me know how you're doing now... Blessings, Laurie Dear Sheila,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s actions — that’s scary, and I’m so glad you survived!

It sounds like the shock and disbelief has worn off, and you’re feeling the emotional pain of not just losing your husband, but what he did to you.

Please call a distress line, or talk to a counselor. You’re not going through the “normal” grieving that widows do…yours is much more intense and serious. You need guidance and support, which your family and friends may not be able to provide.

Please call someone for help, for in person help. Let me know how you’re doing now…

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Sheila http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-1/#comment-12894 Sheila Tue, 26 Oct 2010 19:46:59 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-12894 I lost my husband Aug.09 he shot me twice and then shot himself. I was in ICU for 5 weeks,did not get to go to his services he was cremated. I have spent the last year traveling and staying on the go. But all of a sudden I don't have what it takes. I haven't had a good night sleep since this happen but now I don't even want to get out of bed if I do I just lay around in my pjs and I cry all the time about eveything. I don't have anyone to talk to my family don't understand nor do I, why it has hit me so hard all of a sudden. I'm just looking for suggestion and any help I can find. I lost my husband Aug.09 he shot me twice and then shot himself. I was in ICU for 5 weeks,did not get to go to his services he was cremated. I have spent the last year traveling and staying on the go. But all of a sudden I don’t have what it takes. I haven’t had a good night sleep since this happen but now I don’t even want to get out of bed if I do I just lay around in my pjs and I cry all the time about eveything. I don’t have anyone to talk to my family don’t understand nor do I, why it has hit me so hard all of a sudden. I’m just looking for suggestion and any help I can find.

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-grieving-spouses-widow-shares-how-she-survived/comment-page-1/#comment-11884 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Sun, 12 Sep 2010 13:51:10 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=578#comment-11884 Dear Rose, Thank you for taking the time to comment. I wish you all the best in your relationship with this widower. It sounds like he's having a really difficult time moving on, which is understandable after 50 years of marriage! Laurie Dear Rose,

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

I wish you all the best in your relationship with this widower. It sounds like he’s having a really difficult time moving on, which is understandable after 50 years of marriage!

Laurie

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