Comments on: How to Cope With Guilt After Your Cat or Dog Dies

By: Laurie

Laurie — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 23:46:17 +0000

Dear Sean,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us, of your last hours with Coupe. What a beautiful way to walk alongside your dog as she left this earthly world.

There may be many reasons you’re feeling so much guilt and pain about her death. I can’t list them all here, but I took the main points from the veterinarians I interviewed and the pet books I read and put them in my ebook, listed above.

Losing our beloved pets is one of the most heartbreaking things we’ll ever experience. Our pets rely on us for everything, and give us everything in return. The bond is incomparable, and when it is broken by death….it feels impossible to recover.

It might be worth talking to a professional counselor about your feelings, if you feel like you’ve gone beyond “normal” grieving. It’s healthy to mourn our dogs and cats when they die, but if our grief is debilitating or getting in the way of daily functioning, then there may be something else going on.

I will keep you in my prayers, and hope you come back and let me know how you’re doing.

Blessings,
Laurie

By: Sean

Sean — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 23:50:22 +0000

My friend of 14 years passed away 4 days ago. Coupe was an Australian Kelpie Dog. She was our baby and we even referred to ourselves as Mum and Dad. We had to make a choice on Saturday to help our friend move onto the next world, we understood she was an old dog and had already had a long life but she was still alert and still wagging her tail when you came home. She was arthritic so she was slower than usual in moving. I was woken by my wife saturday morning because Coupe was acting strange. She seemed to be stumbling when she walked, she looked drunk and was finding it hard to get more than a couple of steps withou her backl legs giving way, after which she would get back up and walk another few steps till she got too her bed. her tail was between her legs and she looked sad. I told my wife it was probable a pinched nerve or arthritis and we would watch it. Things didnt improve and when she went to relieve herself she started swaying and tilting her heead. Then she just stood there staring at the fence. I lifted her head and turned her face to me and my heart broke, she was telling me something. I carried her inside and petted her and brought her water and food, she wouldnt eat. I told my wife it was time to take her to the vets to see what was wrong, when we got there the lookon the receptionist/nurses face said it all. We took her into the room and a vet came in and did tests. She said Coupe had an swollen liver, enlarged heart on at least one side and her breathing was laboured. Her temp was ok and she didnt ‘seem’ to be in pain. When the vet watched her trying to walk, she knew. She told us that we could do lots of tests, drugs and scans but her experience told her it was a brain tumor or brain cancer. I didnt know what to do next because i knew what was coming. She left us with coupe for 10 mins to chat, we both started crying, it seemed we were thinking the same thing, we stroked her head and petted her and told her we loved her, I couldnt hug her because she was lying flat down. The vet returned and could see that we had decided. They placed her on a beautiful blanket and i out my arm around her neck and leabed her head against my chest, my wife put hger arm around coupes waist and the vet told us to talk to her, we told her we loved her and my wife said “thank you” too her, then she just leaned against me, and was gone. We had 10 mins with her afterwards and we kissed her on the head and still whispered words of love into her hears. We took her home and I wanted to bury her straight away while she was soft and warm, the way I wanted to remember her. We buried her in a flower garden near the front door because she loved to lie at the door watching people pass. we put her favourite balls and lead in with her and made sure she was covered, kissed her head and covered her face and finished the burial. we went inside and raised a glass of wine to toast her, we cried uncontrollably for a while and comforted each other, then we just sat there and tried to watch tv and act normal.

That is the background to what happened then. Since that day my grief and guilt are spiralling out of control and I cant find peace. I started by asking all the normal questions, “was it the right time” shld we have waited. should we have tried to make her better first, did she still have some time left. The I felt guilty about a massive range of things like, should I have played with her more, should I have payed her more attention, should I have walked her more, Then I started on my actions before and after the vet visit, should I have hugged her more, did I say enough before I buried her, did I choose the best place to bury her, was she happy in her life with me, should I have seen the signs of her illness sooner, should I have had check ups done every year….then i felt guilty for throwing het old blanket out (was in disrepair), packing all the food away and even spraying down the concrete where she used to visit for the toilet. I cant stop, and its getting worse. I have found peace with the decision about putting her to rest as I found a website that explained the brain tumors and she had every symptom , so there was no doubt the vet was right and the consequencesd of letting it go on included terrible things like paralysis. Its everything else I cant cope with, all the questions rolling like waves, and I cry all the time, i still gfeel like I let her down when she trusted me and I feel like I should have taken her home for one more day to spend time with her, but the way she was, would she have just been in pain and torment, not eating, being sick , not being able to walk, was there any quality to even a last day for her? I miss her terribly and I cant find a way through. I just want to holf her once more.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 14:11:42 +0000

Dear Denise Joy,

I am so sorry to hear how you lost your dog! That is awful. There is nothing worse than feeling like you caused your dog’s death in some way

I hope you realize that it wasn’t you or your mom’s fault. It was an accident, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. You should only feel guilty if you did something deliberately to cause your dog’s death — and you didn’t. Your poor dog was just unlucky that day…and so were you. My heart goes out to you.

Thank you for sharing your story – it’ll help us cherish our pets all the more.

I hope you’re doing well, and healing from the guilt and loss you feel.

Blessings,
Laurie

By: denise joy

denise joy — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 07:08:48 +0000

hi everyone , i found this site when i was searching on how to get over when losing a pet . my boyfriend’s family gave me a pomeranian puppy 2mos old as they’re christmas and new year’s gift to me . he was given to me december 31, 2012 and died yesterday january 10 2013 . he was really playful that day , he just wanted to play with me and my mom .. he always wants to go into our bed , and to do that he would climb into the sofa beside our bed using his nails .. but that day , when he attempted to climb on the couch , i told my mom to remove him and my mom push him away and then we heard a sound like he hit his head on the floor . then suddenly he was not moving at all , i began to feel scared and nervous especially when i saw his eyes and body are not moving but he was still breathing but really hard . i began to cry and to panic because i dont want to lose my new baby , because he was so special to me and he was such a sweet boy . my mom and i immediately called my boyfriend to tell what happened and to ask where is the nearest vet , we decided to meet halfway for it wud waste time if we would have waited for him here in the house , as we were in the taxi , swallow was really not moving at all but im still hearing his heartbeat , then when we are almost on our way to meet my boy friend , blood flow into his mouth and to his nose . i was really in shocked and cried out load but my mom was trying to comfort me because i have a heart disease , hypertrophic cardio myopathy which i inherited from my father and brother who already passed away . when we left the taxi , my swallow’s head was not moving and his heartbeat stopped . we rode into my boyfriend’s car and went in to the vet but unfortunately the vet was not there , my baby died into my arms and i was full of blood , from my hair down to my legs and i feel so guilty about it . and now , i kept on asking myself on the what-ifs .. what if i allowed him to climb into the bed , what if i didnt ask my mom to push him away . if i had only known that would happen . i would have given my life to him . dogs are my life . they are my therapy . i still have two dogs , a shih tzu and a domestic dog and i love them so much .. the anguish im feeling now is indescribable . barely two weeks with me d best christmas gift i consider of ever having . he left me with a bleeding heart . maybe he’s not meant to grow old with me bye swallow . mommy loves you ….. forever .

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 22:11:30 +0000

Thank you for sharing how you’re coping with your pet’s death. I know how terrible it is, and my heart goes out to you.

Your experiences are helping other readers with their feelings of guilt and bereavement.

By: Kat

Kat — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 14:12:36 +0000

Hello all.

I found this site searching for something to help me with the terrible guilt I feel. My dog Katie was hit by a car 2 nights ago. We rushed her to the emergency vet. Her front legs were stiff and vet said she had fluid/blood in her chest. I had paid the vet just to xray and give her pain meds. They said it would be thousands of dollars to keep her overnight and “see” if she would make it. I couldn’t afford the treatment. I had to put my poor baby girl to sleep because I couldn’t pay for them to save her. I feel so awful about it. I’m struggling because I don’t know if I did the right thing. What if she did pull thru if I had waited just a bit longer? She was young and healthy. I can give my self some comfort that I stayed with her, I told her I loved her and to be a good girl wherever she may go.
Thank you for listening. Everyone’s stories and thoughts have helped a bit.

By: john ngo

john ngo — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 01:41:40 +0000

I lost my cat, Momo, the other day. She was a 6 year old orange tabby. I had her since she was a kitten. She was a petite cautious girl who rarely ventured outside. Last night I moved a washing machine through the front door and had no idea she was gone until I was done moving. By the time I got upstairs, I heard her scream outside my window and knew she was being attacked by a coyote. I live in the city away from the hills but they’ve migrated down because of nearby construction. My girlfriend and I ran out to save her as fast as we could but she was gone. We searched that night for hours and came to the realization that she was gone. It’s really tough right now.

We both cry non-stop still. There are so many memories of her all around. I stay home all day and she was really my best friend. I am so sad about this and I find it better to share my thoughts with others. However, there aren’t many people who understand my specific situation, especially those who don’t own pets.

Lastly, I have another cat who’s 6 months younger and has been with Momo since we adopted her as a kitten. She’s really depressed and can tell Momo won’t be coming back. My vet says that we should get her a companion to help her cope but I’m not sure if my girlfriend and I are ready yet.

Anyways, thank you for your site. I didn’t want to look for help dealing with this as I wanted to let it run its natural course but I’m glad I did. Momo can never be replaced but I don’t want to simply forget her by getting another cat. It’s tough. Truly. Thanks for listening.

RIP Momo, I hope you’re in a better place. We all love and miss you, especially me.

By: samantha

samantha — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 01:57:12 +0000

today i lost my beloved little one my 3 year old cat daisy im heartbroken and wracked with guilt when she was a stray only a few months old i found her shivering in the snow one extremely cold december sick with flu she could barely stand i took her home and nursed her back to health and since that day her and i have been inseperable i fitted a catflap so she could go for a little wander when she wanted her and i would spend hours playing around the flat playing chase with a dressing gown belt and a piece of string with a toy mouse attached..when my gran passed i was devastated and every morning thereafter when i woke she would be there i would lift the bed covers for her and she would immediately dive underneath and curl up at my tummy and snuggle with me for a good half hour before nudging me under the chin with her head until she encouraged me to rise for breakfast..when i would go out and return home within 5 mins of me arriving back in she would sprint through the cat-flap and into the flat to greet me not one time did i ever return home to not have her follow behind me..3 days ago i came home and as usual less than 5 mins later in she came however i noticed her breathing was laboured i prayed it wasnt anything serious checked her all over and she seemed otherwise ok i kept a close eye she was eating and drinking fine but within 24hrs became listless seemed to have trouble lying down and began making little groaning noises,,i decided it best to take her to the vet today so i rang a cab and not being able to get a basket or cage to transport her in tried to wrap her in a towel and get her into the car but once i lifted her she freaked dropped to the floor and started yowling i paniced lifted her again wrapped her up the best i could and managed to get her into the car once the car began moving tho she began freaking out again i tried to calm her down wrapped my arms around her and she let out a sound that i will never forget a heartbreaking deep cry then spasmed in pain twice foam came out of her mouth and she died..i watched the light go out from her little eyes and my heart broke,,i havent stopped crying since im crying as i write this because i feel like its my fault she died and in such pain,,if only id not decided to take her to the vet or waited until i could of gotten a proper cat basket to transport her i think now maybe shed been hit by a car? and had internal injuries? and me lifting her and trying to restrain/subdue her in the car aggravated the injuries and that was what killed her,,its killing me to know that the last few moments of her life with me were spent that way..and that maybe if id of even maybe never tried to take her to the vet she might of healed herself in time or at the very least have been able to pass away peacefully curled up beside me,,i keep playing those last few minutes with her over and over in my head…i loved her so much…..today was my birthday… but i feel as if part of me has died in that car along with her…

By: josie

josie — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 17:43:22 +0000

My dog piggy passed away on Monday and my family and I are heartbroken. I miss her so much. She was 15 years old and we had her for 12 years. We adopted her from a family member that abused her. She was such an amazing Boston Terrier, so loving, affectionate, smart and so devoted to all of us. I grew up with her and we spent a lot of time together.

On Sunday she passed out in the yard when my mom took her to go potty and then we all knew that she was really sick. My sister had taken her to the vet recently and they pretty much gave her a clean bill of health so we had no idea what was going on.

We took her to an emergency vet and they were very rude and tried to charge us $500 for an xray and then when my sister asked what are her options they flat out asked her “What can you afford?”

We left and took her to another clinic and found out she had cancer. All of us decided to put her to sleep.

I feel guilty because on Monday I had to go to work and my sisters took her to the vet and all of us decided to put her to sleep. I was about to go to the vet to say goodbye and unfortunatly I didn’t make it in time.

I feel like I should have been there and I just miss her so much.

I’ve cried so much and I just wish I didn’t feel this sadness and I wish I would go home and she would be there. It’s rough.

Lately I have been feeling like I want to adopt another Boston Terrier but then I feel guilty about that too. I wound never replace Piggy, she was one of a kind and so special, but I feel like adopting another Boston Terrier might help me heal, but then I feel guilty about it.

All I know is that I KNOW animals have souls and I know she is heaven. With such caring, loving and innocence, how could they not go to heaven?

Sending love too all of you who have lost a loving pet.

By: Makayla

Makayla — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 01:47:08 +0000

I have a 17 year old little dog, she is still living but she won’t eat much, she is skin and bones and is losing her fur, but its winter. I don’t want to put her down, I have had her all her life, which is all my life too because I’m only 18. I don’t want to put her down too soon but I don’t want her to suffer. She is blind and deaf too and here in the last month she has started walking circles in confusion. The other day we had to go get her because she was almost in the road(we can’t afford to fence in our yard) And neither can we afford to get a bunch of different medicine to help her gain weight or anythig else to keep her going. Is it time?