How to Cope With Guilt After Your Cat or Dog Dies
Many Pet Owners Feel Guilty About Their Pet's Death
How do you stop feeling guilty after your dog or cat dies? Pet loss guilt is experienced by many pet lovers, even if they didn’t do anything wrong.
Why do we feel so guilty after our pets die?
“Dogs have given us their absolute all,” said Roger Caras. “We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.”
Isn’t that a beautiful quotation about dogs? And it applies to cats, too — not the “serve” part, but the love and affection.
If you’re struggling with grief and guilt because of the circumstances surrounding your dog or cat’s death, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss. I interviewed veterinarians, grief counselors, and pet experts for the best ways to survive the death of a beloved dog or cat, and I included stories from real pet owners who coped with guilt and grief in sometimes surprising ways.
How to Cope With Guilt After Your Cat or Dog Dies
One way to cope with guilty feelings after the death of your dog or cat is to accept that you made the best decision for your pet at the time. If you put your cat or dog to sleep, you made the best decision you could. Maybe you didn’t try every pet medication, alternative therapy, or special food that you could find – but you did the best you could. Take a deep breath, accept that you did the best you could, and let go of your guilt that your cat or dog died. You did the best you could.
Stop replaying the “if only” scenarios
“If I only I would’ve known my pet was sick, I would have acted differently…” We can only see clearly when we look back on what’s happened – because hindsight is 20/20, my friend. There is no value in replaying the “if only” scenarios…unless you replay them with a happier ending! Instead of looking back at the “if onlys”, focus on saying good-bye to your dog or cat — perhaps with a pet memorial.
Remember that you don’t know what would have happened
If you’re dealing with guilty feelings because of pet loss, you may think, “If only I would have recognized that he was sick earlier, I could have saved him.” The problem with this type of thinking is that you don’t know what really would have happened! Maybe it’d be a happily ever after ending – and maybe your pet would have died anyway. When we engage in the “if only” scenario, we deceive ourselves into thinking we could have saved our pet from death.
Know that you’re not alone – many pet owners feel guilty
Your feelings of anger, grief, and guilt over your pet’s death are felt by many people who lost their dogs or cats. We’re all mourning together, my friends…and our pets are watching and loving us from wherever they are. Make them proud and happy; there’s no room for sadness or guilt where they are.
If you’re struggling with grief and guilty feelings because of the circumstances surrounding your dog or cat’s death, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss. I interviewed veterinarians, grief counselors, and pet experts for the best ways to survive the death of a beloved dog or cat, and I included stories from real pet owners who coped with guilt and grief in sometimes surprising ways.
If you have any thoughts on these ways to cope with guilty feelings after your dog or cat dies, please comment below…
Category: Cats and Kitty Tips, Dogs & Doggy Care Tips, Grief & Recovery Tips, Pet Care Tips
I just made an appt.to put my 14 yr old dog down. I’m sick about it but know it’s the right thing to do. His back legs have given out, he can’t get up w/o help, he’s losing control of his bodily functions and not eating. I know he’s in pain and I don’t want him to suffer but I still feel guilty.
Our pug of 11 years was killed on Easter Sunday while we were in church. It’s been a month now and we r still sad. We have her ashes on the mantle and we have her near our family altar with her collar. I try to remember all the good she did for us and how she helped train our other pug “charlie”. I try not to think about that horrible day as it only depresses me. I have had 8 pugs and I decided to have a family portrait of all of them together since its only now Charlie that is alive. I want to remember how beautiful they all were and how much I loved them and how they loved us. we have a saint candle that we keep lit every day for everyone in our family that has died. It’s a shrine that keeps us praying for all of them,
These comments have helped me greatly. My very special cat died several months ago but I am still struggling with her loss. She adopted me and just her and I became a little family. She was there with me through some rough times. She was hit by a car and taken too early at only 4 years old. I believe in the afterlife, but I’ve been struggling with knowing she is there and if I will see her again. I never got to say goodbye. I will say, what’s heaven without animals? Not heaven. Especially with all the love they give here on earth. They must have a special place..
Janelle, so sorry about Skippy. We had to put Shamus down May 3 as well. Maybe they rode the same elevator up to heaven? Shamus was 15 and a Prince of a dog. Regal but not aloof. Quiet and calm. He was so beautiful and we are just now going through all of the photos over the last 15 years. We miss him terribly. We were fortunate to have him for so long and unlike you, we had time to prepare for the inevitable. You, on the other hand, had to make such a horrible choice while in shock, under pressure, and numb from all of the emotion. Nonetheless it took courage on your part and you made the right decision. Skippy would have been in so much more pain and like all good dogs, probably woud have equated that pain with punishment for being a “bad” dog. That would have been worse than anything and so unfair to him. We are total strangers but we will always share the sad anniversary of 5/3/12. Hopefully as the years pass, we will remember on that date the happy times and good memories of our pals. God Bless you and may He keep your heart strong.
Helene- I understand your pain, I have guilt feelings about my sweet Louie too. Someone told me recently something that might make you feel better: The veterinarians are the experts, we take our pets to them and trust that they take care of them. We trust what they say and do. THEY dropped the ball, not you. They gave you their opinion and you trusted it, just like I did. Don’t blame yourself, please.
My dog skippy died today. He was the sweetest dog anyone could ever meet. He was run over and I took him to he vet. They took x-rays and figured out that one of his legs was fractured, his pelvic bone was completely broken and his other leg was broken as well. He also had internal bleeding. They said they could possibly fix it but they didn’t think it was possible. They also said that if they could he would not be the same and would not be able to walk. We decided to euthanize him so he would no longer be in pain. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I could not stop crying. I keep thinking to myself if that I had just done something to prevent his he would still be alive. He was always just a happy little dog and I miss him so much already.
Our sweet cat Smokey just died. He was only two years. I am so heartbroken. We had found him when he was only a few days old and bottle fed him. After two weeks we found his 4 brothers and sister. We found good homes for them and kept Smokey. He was such a good sport. A beautiful black cat with a great attitude. We just moved from a subdivision to the country. He had always tried to go outside and I would never let him in the subdivision, scared he would be killed by a car, because the same had happened to our other cat. He would run out as soon as we would open the door and rub himself on the concrete patio. So when we moved to the country two months ago we reluctantly let him out. Boy, he had the time of his life, watching birdies and running around the field. Last week Smokey suddenly started throwing up mucus and acted a little weird. This recurred the next night when I heard him running like a mad cat escaping something. The next morning he had another one, this time it seemed worse so I immediately took him to the vet. They said it must be a hairball that’s stuck so they gave a laxative. But my poor cat had terrible diarrhea after that so I stopped. That night he had seizures every hour. I held him with a blanket to protect him from harm and afterwards I would hold him till he felt better and wanted to lay on the ground again. I took him back to the vet and they took his blood work. Everything looked perfect, of course he had no seizures or other signs so they gave him anti seizures meds. I told them that I thought about poison, although I had no idea what because I have mostly non toxic cleaners at my home. I gave him his seizure meds at home and the next couple hours he was fine. Then in the afternoon he started having four seizures within an hour, much stronger this time. So I called in panic to the vet and said it really looked like he was poisened. They told me it couldn’t be because his blood work was fine but they would keep him overnight and give his meds intravenously. I asked them if they would be gone at night and they said they would but they would make sure all was fine and that in worst case scenarios they would take the pet home with them to keep an eye on them. This comforted me enough so I went home and we celebrated our anniversary. The next morning the vet called and told my husband our beloved cat had died. He had had no seizures and seemed all fine so they left at around 9.30pm and when they came back the next morning they had found him dead! I can’t get beyond this feeling that I should have pushed for someone to be there with him, that I would have said ‘no, I’ll take him home then’. I can’t believe that I didn’t push immediately that they flush his system because it looked like poison! I trusted the experts and ignored my own instinct. And now my sweet Smokey is gone and I cannot make it right! I still don’t know what on earth he could have gotten into. It drives me insane. But I refused to do further examinations after he died because I wanted to bury him and give him peace. This hurts so terribly much, death is so definite and I can never cuddle him again or tell him ‘sorry’…
My sweet little dog Louie died April 24th. I held him in my arms as he passed away. This was the end of a very long and stressful month. He died of kidney disease with internal bleeding and being so week he could not even walk. Louie was about 10 years old but I hoped to have him a few years longer. When I first noticed one morning Louie had wet the bed a lot, I thought he just couldn’t get outside because I closed the dog door, so I didn’t take him straight to the vet (guilt #1). When he did it again a week or so later I rushed him to the vet and they ran every test on him they could and everything came up negative at that time excepte his kidney levels were up and his tryglicerides were out of wack. They did an MRI and didn’t see anything else. As time passed he spent many nights at the vet in order to get the fluids back in that he was losing. WHen he was home, his stool looked firmer than usual buy dark, it didn’t click that it might be black – it just didn’t click with me because I was so focused on getting rid of the diarrea, not the color. He was a little wobbly on his feet and couldn’t jump up on the bed anymore but I thought that was because he was so week from the treatments and the loss of weight. To make a long story short, the vets, me, everyone thought he had a good chance to pull through until April 24th he just took a turn for the worse, very black stool, couldn’t even stand up, didn’t eat at all but drank a lot. His regular doctor was not on duty that day so I took him in as soon as I got home from work and another doctor familiar with his case said he had really gone down. They didn’t recommend euthanasia then, but I just felt the poor little guy had had enough. They agreed and said his chances were dramatically lower now. He was awake, he knew I was holding him in his little blanket and he licked my hand several times before it all ended. Now I wonder if I should have waited for his doctor, given him one more night at home, given him one more chance. I feel like the pit of my stomach has dropped completely out. I have anxiety attacks thinking that maybe I gave up too late. He trusted me with his life! Why did I not notice the darkened stool, why did the vets not notice his wobbly state and check it? I never mentioned it because I thought he was just weak from the procedures and when he gained weight he would strengthen up. This all happened so fast I just can’t wrap my head around it. I didn’t want him to suffer but I could have waited one more day WHY?
I read some of the posts and couldn’t help notice how we want to find blame on why our dogs died. I don’t think it helps anyone to blame anyone or anything for why we lost our loving pets. Especially since we can’t go back and change the past. I agree that we need to focus on the joy and times we had with them. The article points out wat we can do to find closure in ths devastating event. I am going to try to get over my grief and become stronger from it.
My family lost our dog today. I want to believe that she is happy where she is now. But I feel empty and I am trying to remember her good memories. We as humans ask why? The what if’s are definitely on my mind. I am trying to stop asking why and just accept that it is.
I am Native American,we believe our animal brother and sisters have spirit just like you and I,we will see them again in the next world,but until then the pain of separation is great,how do we live without them when they were so much a part of our lives,the yearning,lonliness,guilt, self torture, because we have the ability to love we ultimately pay the price in the end, for giving our heart and loving,so why are we punished in the end for such a beautiful act,because we still want to love in a happy way,and have joy,we grieve that side of our selves along with the absense of our object of love.our pet who personaly becomes a best friend or child to us,I loved my cat with all my heart never thinking of what it would be to let her go, i had to let her go due to illness this week,i am in pain just like all of you,it hurts bad,last night i saw her in my dream she came to me meowing i anxiuosly petted her knowing i was dreaming,i told her i love her and that was it ,her coming to me saying goodbye,i woke crying its never easy to say goodbye not for them either,the way she came to me tells me she’s going but she has not forgotton the love we had,my pitty is for myself because i have to stay while she goes,but i know she will be there when its my time,for now i will grieve my loss and feel my pain till oneday i have healed,letting go and loving means we agree to undergo all that it entails even letting go,I love you Emmy and will be with you again,for all of you who hurt so i will pray your suffering is eased,so you too can see the chapter in your life,where you loved freely with joy,was an beautiful act upon both parts ,yours and your loved one,one of many relationships where we will share this world and life together with love, its what we do,its what we are meant to do and its beautiful.I have to let go,not be selfish but celebrate her journey and let her know its O.K. for her to go,now that is ultimate LOVE and Dam it hurts.