This is our dog Georgie – we rescued her a few months after we gave our first dog away.
If you’re thinking about surrendering your dog, here are several things to consider. We sadly gave our dog away yesterday; it was the right decision for us, but we’ve been crying ever since.
The following tips will help you decide if you need to give your dog away.
But first, here’s something to consider:
“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people [and dogs] we can’t live without but have to let go.” ~ Author Unknown.
And that’s exactly how I feel: I can’t live without my dog, but I had to let her go. One of my regrets is not learning more about dogs from books such as Inside of a Dog: What Dogs See, Smell, and Know.
The more you understand your dog, the better equipped you’ll be to make the seemingly impossible decision of whether you should give her away.
Should You Give Your Dog Away?
Here are my tips, based on our recent experience with adopting and surrendering a dog.
Separate emotion from the reasons you need to give your dog away
We adopted Jazz, a 75-pound one-year old black lab German Shepherd “puppy” from the West Vancouver SPCA just over a month ago. We fell in love with her almost immediately, which is why we couldn’t stop crying when we surrendered her back to the SPCA yesterday.
However, as heartbroken and guilty as we feel, we couldn’t ignore the practical reasons that compelled us to give our dog away. We are not the best family for this dog.
If you’re trying to decide if you should give your dog away, try to separate your love from what’s best for everyone…including your dog.
Make a list of pros and cons for keeping versus giving your dog away
When you make your list of reasons for keeping or not keeping your dog, assign each reason a number. For instance, one of the reasons we gave our dog away (a “con”) is that she is the size of a small pony and has the energy of seven dogs combined. Our house and yard isn’t big enough for her – and neither are our energy levels! So, this con rates a 10 on a scale of 1-10 (10 being “very important reason” and 1 being “hardly important at all”).
When you finish making your list, add up the numbers. If the cons for keeping her outweigh the pros, then maybe you should give your dog away.
Listen to your heart and head – not other people’s opinions
My husband and I were your typical confused dog owners! We didn’t know if we should keep trying to train and bond with our dog, or if we should just give her away after one month. Everyone we talked to had a different opinion: some said to give the dog away because it’s not worth the time and hassle to train her, while others said it just takes time (up to two years!) for her to mature and learn how to be obedient and part of our “pack.”
Ultimately, though, we had to make our own decision, regardless of what other dog owners or obedience trainers said.
Do what’s best for you and your family
I’m a full-time writer and blogger; you’d think I’d be the perfect owner for a big energetic dog who needs lots of time and attention! But, she was so restless and needy, I couldn’t do my job properly. Having this young black lab around all day was emotionally draining; I was constantly worried that she might need to pee, that she was bored, that she was lonely without her SPCA dog friends.
Additionally, it was physically exhausting and time consuming to take her on four walks a day, which the dog obedience trainer recommended. As painful as it was to give our dog away, it really was the best decision for us.
Find ways to cope with guilt after finding a new home for your dog
Both my husband and I feel terrible that we took Jazz back…but it helps to know that we did the best we could. Our dog will be better off in a different home with a family who can give her what she needs. We’re struggling with seriously guilty feelings after giving our dog away – and the sooner we find ways to cope with our pain, the better off we’ll be. One way to cope is to talk about it with people who understand, and to write about it.
UPDATE: we adopted a different dog (Georgie, pictured above) six months after giving Jazz away, and can’t imagine life without her! We always wanted a dog, but didn’t find the right one…until now. I describe how it all happened in Are You Ready to Get Another Dog?
Are you struggling to decide if you should give your dog away? Comments welcome below.
If have no idea what to do about your dog, read Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions. It’s not about dogs, it’s about making serious and important life decisions.
And if you hate yourself for giving your dog away, read my article on forgiving yourself for the “bad” things you did.
A reader suggested these articles, for people who are struggling with this decision:
Thank you for those links, Karen!
Dear Amy,
It sounds like the methods you’ve tried to teach your dog to go to the bathroom outside have not worked. Is it possible for you to learn and try different ways to toilet train your dog? She is still just a puppy, and needs to be taught where to pee and poo. It is a time commitment on your part, but once you teach her, she’ll remember!
The hardest stage of owning a dog is often when you first get him – especially if you get a puppy! They take alot of time and energy. But, in the long run, they are totally worth it.
Can I give you some links for puppy training blogs and forums? Do you think that would help? Let me know.
Blessings,
Laurie
Dear Shaun,
You’re experiencing the pain of giving your dog away — you’re going through the normal, healthy grief response! I know it’s not much of a comfort to be told you’re grieving, but…you need to give yourself time to deal with your loss.
You made a huge sacrifice to give your dog a better life, and you’re paying the horrible price.
Even though you know you made the right decision, and you know your dog will be well taken care of, you want him back. I felt the same way. Even three years later, I still feel sad about giving Jazz away.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It WILL get easier, my friend. You may never be totally “over” giving your dog away, but you will move on and be happy again. And maybe you’ll get another dog one day, and that dog will help to fill the gap. My dog Georgie is not a replacement for Jazz, but I am so glad she’s in my life. Some day, you will share your life with a dog again, and you’ll remember Boo Boo with love and a little sadness. But you will know you did the right thing, and you will know his life is better because of the sacrifice you made.
I hope this helps.
In sympathy,
Laurie
I have a 9 month old yorkie that will not learn how to go to the bathroom outside. My parents got her for me as a present but my mom takes care of her all the time since I’m at school. She’s getting really sick of taking care of her all the time so I feel like giving her away is the best option. I am afraid she will be depressed & miss me since whenever I’m home she’s always by my side. I don’t know what to do
hi laurie
this sunday we gave our dog back to his original owner , (she had relationship difficulties so we took him off her hands 6 months ago) im sooo gutted i feel so sad yet really angry , he was a perfect first dog for our lil family of 4 .. i was always under the impression that he was my husbands dog , then the kids and i just looked after him when i wasnt working , to be honest i found it hard to bond with him at first due to the fact that i am really allergic to him ,( i was taking antibiotics for the whole 6 months ) i fed him , walked him , played with him a little but couldnt really have to much contact =( but i did enjoy it … my house feels sooooo empty now , i didnt realise that the routine i was in, i loved , even down to clearing the muck in the garden , i feel lost , every time i walk past where his cage was i cry , i actually feel really empty too … i do feel guilty as well , he did nothing wrong , he was perfect , i grew up with dogs and im finding it very difficult to deal with that its me who is allergic him… its been 2/3 days now and im still so sad … i know there is light at the end of the tunnel and ill get over it & i actually feel a bit better having read through what ive written , i have plenty of videos and photos , i just miss him <3 i never would have thought that i could have felt this heartache over such a small amount of time … thank you nicky
Hi Laurie.
I just gave my dog away today to a gentleman whom I know will be awesome for my little Maltese I had. The name of the dog I had is Boo Boo. He is awesome and so so loving and loves to cuddle. I have been a mess all day and cannot stop crying. I took him in a couple of weeks ago from a family who did not have the time for him. His teeth need cleaning so terribly bad and could not afford it due to trying to get back on my feet. He also needed other things as well. I know I should not have taken him due to financial reasons and I’m also very lonely and I know this is the reason why I took him in. I cannot stop crying because I so miss him snuggling and miss him in general. The person I gave him to is retired and lost his wife in 2009 and recently lost his dog after 15 years. I know he has the financial means to look after him. I just feel so lonely and guilty. I want him back but for selfish reasons I know. Please help! Shaun
Dear Coca,
I thought that’s what you meant – that giving your dog to someone you know would be more painful for you because you’d see him and be sad. I don’t know what’s worse. I’d rather see Jazz, and know she’s being loved and taken care of! I hate not knowing where she is or who’s taking care of her. I pray she is happy and safe.
You did the right thing, Coca. It feels awful and heartbreaking and horrible, but your dog will be taken care of. He’s got a pack to be part of! Dogs LOVE to be part of a pack — they hate being by themselves. You have given your dog a big gift — a better life.
But that doesn’t make it easier to cope with the loneliness and guilt. I still feel sad and guilty when I think about Jazz, and I have to remind myself over and over that I did the right thing.
You made the right decision, Coca. Now you’re mourning, but eventually you will be happy again. Plus, you get to see your dog and know that he’s happy, too! Dogs are super resilient; he’ll adjust to his new home and pack in no time.
Come back anytime and let me know how you’re doing.
Blessings,
Laurie
Thank you so much for your reply.
I think giving him to someone I know is a bad idea because I would see him & want him back & it’d be harder for me.
Last night I gave him back to my friends grandparents, they have his mother along with 2 other family dogs so she said he was running all over happy.
Me however, I cried all night long. I can still hear him whining when he hears me walk in & its really hard. I have moments where I’m fine then I’m a complete wreck but I know it was best for him.
Dear Coca,
I totally understand falling in love with a dog, only to later realize that you aren’t equipped to take care of him! Dogs take a lot of work, responsibility, and energy — not to mention money. They need a yard and fresh air. They need to run and wrestle and play with other puppies! Being hidden away in an apartment isn’t a good life.
I think you know what you need to do. You have to make the best decision for your puppy, to ensure he has the best life possible. If you can’t sacrifice your time, energy, and money to take care of him, then you have to sacrifice your love. That is, if you can’t give him the life he deserves then you need to give him to someone who can.
Why do you think it would be a bad idea to give him to someone close to you?
Laurie,
Hi, I’m 21 years old & live in my own apartment. This is my dillema, the apartments I live in have a $300 pet deposit & its $25 extra a month. Since Dec. 2012 I have been hiding my puppy. I worked with a girl whose grandmother just had puppies, I fell in love with the only boy & got him. Since then I have fallen completely in love but now regret it. I honestly don’t have the money for him. I was in luck getting him around Christmas so used my gift cards for pee pads & food. He has gotten just a tiny bit bigger but since he can’t go to the bathroom outside my apartment smells disgusting. I want to take him outside to “potty” & take him for walks but I don’t want him to get sick.
Basically, I can’t afford the extra charges ($300) to rent & I can’t afford his shots. I feel so bad for even getting him but I thought I could work it out. I am so depressed lately, I don’t want to give him away but know that I can’t give him the life he deserves.
I wanted to give him to someone close to me so I could see him but I wonder if that would be a bad idea.
I just need an outsiders opinion.
Thank you.
Dear Tina,
I think giving your dog to a family member who knows her would be better than risking the possibility that someone else won’t take her! It might be especially beneficial for her to be with another dog, because that may help her get more exercise.
About her weight – have you looked at how much you’re feeding her at mealtimes? My vet told me that dogs only need a very small amount of food, and are almost never at a danger of being underfed! We feed our dog a handful of kibble twice a day, plus a few treats, and her weight is good. What and how much dogs eat may be more important than how much exercise they get, in terms of weight gain.
Anyway, if you have to give her away, I think it’s probably better to keep her in the family!
Blessings,
Laurie
Thank you for this post. We were in your shoes with a Golden Retreiver puppy and committed to do the work, believing it would only be a couple of years before he matured and calmed down. We had him 9 years and he never out grew the puppy stage. And since then we added a baby to the mix. We tried so hard to make everything work but when my son became a toddler (now 3) Bear, our dog, considered him a play mate. A 30lb toddler and an 85 Retreiver aren’t really a fair match. Bear was constantly grabbing toys from my son causing him anxiety. I’d have to keep the separated which is torture for a golden. Finally, a couple of weeks ago we were all outside and Bear mouthed my son’s hand trying to get a toy. He didn’t hurt him but we just couldn’t take the risk. Bear is not malicious, he is just big and full of energy–a Retriever! Friday we returned him to the Rescue so they could find a more fitting home with older boys and other dogs to wear him out. I’ve sobbed for 4 day. Thank you for this post. It’s not an easy decision. And yes, I feel horribly guilty about it but it just isn’t fair to keep him in the backyard either. He needs lots of attention that we just couldn’t give him.
Hi Laurie, I have a really complicated situation right now :/
My dad really wants to just give away my 7 nearly 8 year old golden retriever. Our house right now is okay for her but we will be moving in a few months and the back yard will not be able to accomodate her needs. However, we are possibly able to get her to stay with other family members. However, the problem with our dog is that she is quite obviously over weight. I have tried taking her out for walks but she doesn’t cooperate, she tries to run away and after she gets tired, she lies down and she will not get up. She literally grips the ground and makes you drag her, which is kind of impossible. I love her to death because I’ve had her ever since she was a few months old but I don’t know, would an “old” dog like her that is overweight be able to find a home easily? Or would sending her to another family member be a better option? Because if so, I would try to look around to see if my brother-in-law is going to get a decent house because he has a dog too.
Dear Ashley,
It sounds like you and your husband are too busy to commit to raising a puppy! Puppies are adorable and fun, but they are also a TON of work…as you’ve learned.
If you can’t give Ralphie the home he needs and deserves, then you need to let him go. Dogs need to be with people – they are pack animals. Leaving them alone all day isn’t good for them or you – or your neighbours.
Do you have any options for re-homing Ralphie? Finding a good, loving, caring home for a dog you have to give away will help you cope with some of the guilty feelings. It’s awful, but sometimes giving your dog away is the best possible choice. And, the SPCA told me to do it sooner rather than later, for the dog’s sake.
Where will Ralphie go?
Me and my husband just recently got a 2 month old shih tzu named ralphie… We thought it would be a lot of fun and neither of us have had a pet before. But we didn’t understand how much responsibility it would be, he keeps us up every night whining and wanting to play, and we are exhausted! I am always worried about whether he has to go to the bathroom and what he needs because he is always whining. I don’t work until 3 but both me and my husband are going to school and work full time, next semester I will start classes at seven am and get home around eight pm. When we put him in his kennel he freaks out and yelps and bangs on the cage. We live in an apartment complex so this is not good for our neighbors. He hates being left in his kennel. We have only had him for a few days but we have not enjoyed it. We love our puppy so much and I have been an emotional wreck at the thought of giving him up… but I am also an emotional wreck at the thought of keeping him. I just don’t feel like we could give him the best home especially when we have to keep him cooped up in the kennel all day. To also just be honest, I really miss the way it used to be with my husband when it was just me and him, when we try to have a moment to ourselves our puppy starts whining and it really drives us crazy. I feel so guilty… can you offer some comfort?
- Ashley
Dear Hector,
I am so sorry your dad is forcing you to make a choice like this. It is not fair!!
What will you do? I want to tell you to keep your dog, and tell your father that you cannot choose between the two of them. It is not that you love your dog more, it is that they are both very special and meaningful to them. I want to tell you to put your dog above your dad….but I know that is easier said than done.
Whatever you decide, you will survive. You are a strong person – and your dog will survive, too! She will survive whatever happens next, because she has experienced your love and compassion. She will be able to forge a connection with someone new. She knows what it means to be part of a pack, and will adapt….because that is what animals do.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings,
Laurie
Dear Nicole,
I am in Peru, and not keeping up with my comments as much as I can normally! And every time I see a dog, I remember how much I love my dog Georgie, and how hard it was to give Jazz away. Our dogs sure steal our hearts.
Regarding your husband and your dog…I think the dog is not the issue. I think there is something else going on with your husband that is triggering his extreme reactions to the dog. The dog is not the problem, but I do not think your husband will be able to see this. I do not know if it is a control issue, or if your husband is being triggered by memories from his childhood – when we are triggered, we often do not even know what the exact memories are. All we feel is the response, the reaction.
You cannot change your husband, but perhaps he is willing to consider looking deeper into his reactions about the dog? That would be so great, because I believe that giving your dog away will not be the end of this problem. I believe this will come back in different ways, perhaps when you have kids or experience other stresses as a couple.
Or, you can just give away the dog. But I do not think this is a good way to solve this problem. When my husband and I gave away Jazz, we cried on each others shoulders. I do not mean to say your husband should have the same reaction…but this experience should bring you closer together as a couple somehow, should help you know each other better.
What do you think?
I wish you all the best as you work through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you – all the way from Peru!
Blessings,
Laurie
I’m struggling with the decision to give up my dog for adoption. I’ve had my dog for almost three years, and I have never had an issue with her. Getting her from the shelter was one of the best decisions I have made in my life, and I thank God for this wonderful experience. Since she was abused (or I thought she was), it took her quite some time to warm up to me. I love my dog. I might not be the best owner, but I love her. When I lost someone I loved very much, my dog helped me cope through the pain and agony that I was feeling. I had to push myself to take her out to relieve herself, feed her, and even to take her to the park. While I was mourning my loss, so many nights she would get on the bed and kept me company. Now, before I got her, I was the type of person that thought that dog owners were odd for giving so much importance to their canine companions. I understand now.
I currently live with my father to help him financially, and there had never been a problem with my dog, until a guy set his dog loose, got in our property, and attacked my dog. My father had to separate the dogs. Since then, he’s telling me to get rid of my dog. Now my father has not always been kind to me, but I love him. He’s the only parent I have, and I have to take care of him. Today he gave me an ultimatum: him or my dog. I don’t want to give up my dog. Unlike my father, my dog has never belittled me. I’ve barely had a dad growing up. I know God tells us to love our parents, and I do. I really don’t know what to do. If I give her up, I don’t know how I will cope with the sorrow.
Dear Laurie,
I am currently wrestling with what to do about my 9 month old mastiff mix Apollo. My husband is in the Army and we recently moved 4300 miles away from my family and friends to our first duty station in Alaska. We are newlyweds and the first couple of months up here were awful for me. I was depressed and lonely. We adopted a cat, and while she was sweet and low-key, she did not provide the companionship and affection that I craved. I started a job in which I worked with dogs all day and it made me want a dog of my own so badly. I found a dog that I wanted to check out at the shelter, and my husband surprised me by bringing him home. We quickly discovered that he has extreme separation anxiety (would physically hurt himself if ever put in a kennel, even if we were home with him). We recently started letting him roam the house and the destruction is now minimized.
The main issue is my husband. He HATES the dog. The destruction that I view as minor (from work and my experience of owning a dog growing up) is monstrous and awful to him. He’ll yell at the dog and punish him when he gets home before me. I’ve tried to tell him that punishing the dog hours later doesn’t teach him anything and that it’s just mean, but he doesn’t care. If there’s a couple of good days in a row he decides that he loves the dog, but the second something gets chewed on or destroyed he hates him again. We’ve been fighting constantly and it is a huge strain on our new marriage. He says that he doesn’t even want to come home and see the destruction. While I don’t say it, I think he’s being immature and over dramatic.
It’s become pretty clear that the anger and the fighting is going to continue as long as we have the dog. I get mad at him for yelling at the dog (bopping him on the nose, locking him in the yard when he wants to come in) and he gets mad at me for defending him and not getting upset over the things he does. I’m afraid that rehoming him will make his anxiety worse, but I’m also afraid that the way that my husband scares him is also making his anxiety worse.
I was raised that when you adopt a dog it’s for forever, and I already hate myself for considering giving him up, but I’m so tired of the fighting and the crying. My husband is so happy when the dog isn’t around and seemed so relieved when I said that I would consider rehoming him.
I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that I’ll become depressed and lonely again if he leaves. Him and my husband are my only real friends up here.
Any advice?
While you have to consider what’s best for you and your family, you have to also consider what’s best for the dog. If you don’t have a rescue group, someone you know, or a foster parent to give the dog back to, are you going to give your pet away to the pound, where it will more than likely be euthanized before its time? If you don’t have someone you can safely give the dog to without worrying it will meet an untimely end, I suggest you keep looking before you decide to give away your dog.
Dear Shanna,
Thank you for sharing your experience — I know how hard it is! But it sounds like you did the right thing.
Your daughter is going through so much pain, it’s awful. All you can do is hold her while she cries, and keep reminding her that your beloved Shorkie had to find a new home for all the reasons you listed. She may never really accept it, and will always have pain in her heart because of it….I know I still feel terrible about giving our dog away, and I’m the adult who had the power to make the decision! Eventually the pain fades, but I don’t think it’ll ever really disappear.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Blessings,
Laurie
Dear Susanne,
I think it’s important not to let people guilt you into feeling bad about any decision you make in life. A few readers have commented here that I did the worst thing ever, that giving a dog away makes me the most horrendous person! They’re allowed to have their opinion – I’m always glad to hear from people. But, I had to do what felt right to me. It was awful and I feel guilty, but not because of what people say or think of me.
It’s hard not to care what people think, that’s for sure. I care what people think…but I have to live my own life and make my own decisions.
You have to do what you have to do, and not let people take power over you. Take your power back by letting people think and say what they want, and reminding yourself that you did the best thing for you and your family.
Blessings,
Laurie
Thank you for sharing your experience. Today we gave our beloved Shorkie away. It has been the most heart wrenching thing to watch our 11year old daughter cry all day and demand he come back. The decision has been along time coming and one we had put off for months. But with our daughters allergies, our older dog (who has never been aggressive) becoming aggressive towards our Shorkie, and potential relocation in the near future we felt we just did not have a choice. We had to make the best decision for our little guy. I do not even know how to beginning to comfort our daughter. Reading the various post about all the difficult decisions others have had to make, give me comfort in knowing we are not alone. I know we made the best decision we could. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.
Our neighbours bought a Beagle pup when he was about 6weeks old and had him for 10 months – they offered to give him to us when they were moving, but then ended up placing him in the local Animal Shelter – we adopted him 2 weeks later after he was neutered and microchipped – he has been with our family now for about 4 months, however we don’t feel he is happy
We do not have a fenced in backyard, so we have to put him on a lead out back – we also have a 10 yr old cat that is NOT happy he is here. Although our 3 yr old gets along with him fine, he tries to “dominate” our 6 yr old and our 12 yr old is just too lazy to walk him, so mom is doing all the work with him and I just don’t have to time. He is due for his most recent check up at our vets – they told me $133.00+tax but I haven’t taken him yet because we just weren’t sure we were gonna keep him 
He is just over a year and I just don’t feel like he is “banding” to our family. We have him house trained, but since we baby gated the upstairs and the basement off, he has snuck down to the basement more than once (kids keep forgetting and leaving that gate open) and stealing stuffed animals, clothing and stuff and chewing it up or just takes it in his cage OR pees on stuff in the basement! It’s not an every day thing, just a once in awhile. We will go a few days with him being on his best behaviour, but then (usually after we spend extra time withhim) he acts up! I have some telling me to “wait it out” and “it’s only been 4 months!” and “you wouldn’t give your kids away!” – I owned a shepherd/samoyed for 10 yrs before we had our 3 girls and he was the BEST dog EVER!!! I was totally in love with him! But this fellow we have now, he gives me this “look” and I cannot get past the fact that he trie to be the dominate one. If we didn’t have so many “owners” trying to “teach him” MAYBE this would work? I am just NOT very happy about his behaviour to our 6 yr old AND the indignant look he gives me instead of a look of love and devoution – I just don’t want ANY of this GUILT that others are making me feel about all this 
Dear Maria,
I know how you and your daughter feel – even though you did the best thing for your dog and your family, the feelings of guilt and pain are still so strong! There doesn’t seem to be anything to erase that pain, other than to keep reminding yourself that you made the best decision you could. Giving a dog away is a very difficult thing to do, but you did it out of love, compassion, and necessity.
We gave our dog away 2.5 years ago, and I still feel bad about it. It sucks. My husband believes we did the right thing, but sometimes I wonder if we should’ve tried harder.
But what’s done is done. You can’t go back. You have to keep telling yourself that your dog is in a better home, and you made the decision to make everyone’s life more peaceful and happy.
I’m afraid your daughter is feeling the natural consequences of giving a dog away. I know it’s heartbreaking to see her in such pain, but you can’t take it away from her. This is one of those horrible life moments that we just have to experience. She’ll never forget it – and either will you – but hopefully you both can somehow use this experience to make your lives and the world a better place.
In sympathy,
Laurie
Hi Laurie,
In May 2012, my daughter and I fell in love with a pup we saw at a street fair. We already have a 5 year old German Shepherd & 4 cats, but this dog stole our hearts. I debated the entire day getting this dog. My husband was against it. When we came home, sad, without the dog, my husband said “go get him”. Against what I knew what my better judgement, I went.
We crate trained him and taught him basic commands. He loved shoes, toys (the kids toys) and anything else he could chew. We pup-proofed the house. We have a yard, so house breaking was made fairly simple. BUT – he was a digger. He dug up our yard. When he wasn’t digging, he was playing with our German Shepherd. Not a bad thing, but, they killed all the grass in the yard. We were left with dirt. When it rained, there was just mud. There is constant dirt/dust throughout my house and there’s no way to keep up with it. It became a battleground between my husband and me because the mess in the house became something we could not keep on top of.
This went on for a few months. The solution ended up being finding a new home. I love the couple that took him. They are dog people and seemed perfect for our dog. He took to them right away. My 12 year old daughter is devastated. I told her well in advance what was happening. She met the people and was able to say goodbye to the dog on Saturday. Now, she just stands and cries and tells me she wants him back.
I tell her that I made a mistake, I never should have gotten the dog. I put it all on me. Nothing on her, nothing that she can do. But, it breaks my heart. I feel very good about the people we gave him to. My daughter even helped me write a letter of the dogs likes/dislikes. I told them that they have an unconditional return policy. If for any reason, ever, they feel that they cannot take care of him, they should call me. Not sure what else I can do. I am feeling so guilty and helpless.
Dear Katie,
You made the right decision for yourself and your family. Giving a puppy back to the rescue group is so difficult and sad, but you made the decision based on the best thing for everyone. It sounds like the puppy needs alot of attention and care, to help it become less aggressive and protective (if it’s even possible to train her out of it).
She will find the right home. You have to trust that she will find owners who will love her, and be able to discipline her and teach her how to be a good dog. You also have to trust yourself, that you made the right decision — even though it feels terrible. Sometimes the “best” decisions are the ones that make us feel the worst.
I hope you’re doing better, and that you find ways to trust that your puppy will find the home she’s meant to be in, with the people she’s meant to be with.
Sincerely,
Laurie
Hi Chris,
Having a dog is a huge sacrifice — even the most obedient, well-behaved dogs need to be looked after when you leave for the weekend or day! We’re going to Peru for two weeks next month, and my biggest worry is my dog. Our dog walker will be staying at our place and looking after her, but I’m still concerned about how my dog will be while we’re gone.
If I was in your situation, here’s what I’d be thinking about:
1) It takes dogs time to adjust to being in a new home, especially if they’re not used to kids and lots of activity. Some dogs take longer to adjust than others. You need to give the dog time to settle into his new environment — this is a big deal for him. Dogs feel fear, confusion, etc. We can’t expect them to just adapt to their new home overnight.
2) Puppies are alot of work! My neighbor got a 6 week old puppy whose mom was killed, and it’s been very difficult for them. House training, walking on a leash, chewing, getting the puppy used to a routine…it’s like having a baby.
3) It takes people time to adjust to having a dog! Because a dog is a significant sacrifice of time, energy, and money, it can be difficult to get used to. When you adopt a dog, you need to give your family time to rally.
4) This is a huge life lesson for your kids. If something is difficult or requires sacrifice, do you just give it away? If a relationship or commitment is bigger or harder than you expected, do you give up after a week?
A dog can be one of the best experiences a family can have — if the family is willing to try to include him in the activities and adventures, or take care of him when he can’t be included.
When the dog can’t go, then maybe a dog walker can break up his 10 hour day of waiting. That’s what we do when we have to be gone for more than 6 hours; our dog walker takes Georgie for a romp with the other dogs.
Another thing to remember is that kennels can feel safe and protective to puppies, if they’re trained early. We don’t kennel our dog because we got her when she was over a year old, and hadn’t been kennel trained. But some dogs love and feel safe in their kennels — but not for 10 hours!
Those are my thoughts. Deciding if you should give your dog away is difficult — and the tricky thing is that you want to keep the dog long enough to give it a real chance to assimilate into your home, but short enough so it doesn’t get too attached to you and your family.
I know lots of busy, active families who have dogs. It’s an adjustment, but once the routine is established, things do get easier. It takes more than a month for a habit or routine to become rooted in your life…are you willing to invest another month in your puppy?
Sincerely,
Laurie
This article has helped me with the very difficult decision I have made about giving our puppy back to the rescue group we got her from. I have been crying and not sleeping now for 3 days because I feel so guilty about giving her back, but she has shown aggression toward me and my husband and I just can’t have an aggressive dog around my young children. She is not even three months old yet but has tried to attack me when I got close to her as she was eating something outside. I had to get a broom and hold her down with it while my son got a leash. She is a great pup other than that. She follows me around and knows sit and come already. We have only had her for a little over a week and part of me is wondering if I am making he right decision because we haven’t given her enough time. My kids are scared of her because she bites (just puppy bites, but she is a large puppy so it hurts) and no matter how we try to train her not to bite she still does. When I get stern and tell her no she snarls and lunges at me. My best friend who is a vet tech told me that puppies her age should not have that kind of behavior and I am doing the right thing. But I feel so horrible! She is just a baby and I know she thinks I am her mama already. What if I give her back and her new family abuses her because of her behavior? I am so distraught.
Hi Laurie,
My wife and I have a 13 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. The kids and I have been trying to convince my wife to get a dog for about 3 years.
She finally gave in and now we have a 3 month old miniature labradoodle. We have it a week and are wondering if we made the right decision. We cannot leave the dog (Kona) on his own for a second; he is very active and wants to chew on everything. Also, my daughter got an unintentional bite from the dog and now she fears it and wants nothing to do with it. We are trying to coach them both to get along but I think the Kona smells my daughter’s fear. Our family is very active with soccer, skiing, going on trips, etc. (mostly a dog free environment). My son likes the dog very much and he realizes that he will have to pick up his sister’s portion of the responsibility (at least for now), but he also has other interests that take him away from the dog. It seems like the dog was a very short lived novelty and now it’s a chore. I would have thought that both kids would be head over heels for it and play, train and spend way more time with it, but I guess I was wrong. Ironically my wife looks to be the most upset about giving the dog up. However she thinks it’s probably the best for both the dog and the family dynamic. People tell us that the dog can be in a kennel while we are away, however we don’t like the idea of having a dog locked up in a cage for up to 10 hours while we ski, work, go out, etc. I’m thinking we need to find the dog a home that has more time for it. Thoughts?
Chris
Dear Ashley,
I think it’s a good idea to take your dog to the veterinarian. They’re used to dogs that could bite them – but it’s probably good to give the vet and the vet techs warning that your dog may be aggressive or feel defensive.
Have you talked to any dog walkers? We have a dog walker who takes Georgie for a romp when I have to be gone all day. It helps (but Georgie isn’t aggressive – that makes a big difference).
I wish you all the best as you decide if you should give your dog away. It is such a difficult decision, especially when your dog has bitten someone.
Your first step may be to take her to the vet, and see if there’s something health-related or physical going on. Sometimes physical issues or pain makes dogs irritable, and affects how they behave.
Take care – let us know how things go!
Sincerely,
Laurie