This is our dog Georgie – we rescued her a few months after we gave our first dog away.
If you’re thinking about surrendering your dog, here are several things to consider. We sadly gave our dog away yesterday; it was the right decision for us, but we’ve been crying ever since.
The following tips will help you decide if you need to give your dog away.
But first, here’s something to consider:
“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people [and dogs] we can’t live without but have to let go.” ~ Author Unknown.
And that’s exactly how I feel: I can’t live without my dog, but I had to let her go. One of my regrets is not learning more about dogs from books such as Inside of a Dog: What Dogs See, Smell, and Know.
The more you understand your dog, the better equipped you’ll be to make the seemingly impossible decision of whether you should give her away.
Should You Give Your Dog Away?
Here are my tips, based on our recent experience with adopting and surrendering a dog.
Separate emotion from the reasons you need to give your dog away
We adopted Jazz, a 75-pound one-year old black lab German Shepherd “puppy” from the West Vancouver SPCA just over a month ago. We fell in love with her almost immediately, which is why we couldn’t stop crying when we surrendered her back to the SPCA yesterday.
However, as heartbroken and guilty as we feel, we couldn’t ignore the practical reasons that compelled us to give our dog away. We are not the best family for this dog.
If you’re trying to decide if you should give your dog away, try to separate your love from what’s best for everyone…including your dog.
Make a list of pros and cons for keeping versus giving your dog away
When you make your list of reasons for keeping or not keeping your dog, assign each reason a number. For instance, one of the reasons we gave our dog away (a “con”) is that she is the size of a small pony and has the energy of seven dogs combined. Our house and yard isn’t big enough for her – and neither are our energy levels! So, this con rates a 10 on a scale of 1-10 (10 being “very important reason” and 1 being “hardly important at all”).
When you finish making your list, add up the numbers. If the cons for keeping her outweigh the pros, then maybe you should give your dog away.
Listen to your heart and head – not other people’s opinions
My husband and I were your typical confused dog owners! We didn’t know if we should keep trying to train and bond with our dog, or if we should just give her away after one month. Everyone we talked to had a different opinion: some said to give the dog away because it’s not worth the time and hassle to train her, while others said it just takes time (up to two years!) for her to mature and learn how to be obedient and part of our “pack.”
Ultimately, though, we had to make our own decision, regardless of what other dog owners or obedience trainers said.
Do what’s best for you and your family
I’m a full-time writer and blogger; you’d think I’d be the perfect owner for a big energetic dog who needs lots of time and attention! But, she was so restless and needy, I couldn’t do my job properly. Having this young black lab around all day was emotionally draining; I was constantly worried that she might need to pee, that she was bored, that she was lonely without her SPCA dog friends.
Additionally, it was physically exhausting and time consuming to take her on four walks a day, which the dog obedience trainer recommended. As painful as it was to give our dog away, it really was the best decision for us.
Find ways to cope with guilt after finding a new home for your dog
Both my husband and I feel terrible that we took Jazz back…but it helps to know that we did the best we could. Our dog will be better off in a different home with a family who can give her what she needs. We’re struggling with seriously guilty feelings after giving our dog away – and the sooner we find ways to cope with our pain, the better off we’ll be. One way to cope is to talk about it with people who understand, and to write about it.
UPDATE: we adopted a different dog (Georgie, pictured above) six months after giving Jazz away, and can’t imagine life without her! We always wanted a dog, but didn’t find the right one…until now. I describe how it all happened in Are You Ready to Get Another Dog?
Are you struggling to decide if you should give your dog away? Comments welcome below.
If have no idea what to do about your dog, read Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions. It’s not about dogs, it’s about making serious and important life decisions.
And if you hate yourself for giving your dog away, read my article on forgiving yourself for the “bad” things you did.
A reader suggested these articles, for people who are struggling with this decision:
Thank you for those links, Karen!
Im thankful to have found this site and all these comments. I’ve had my black lab/German Shepard mix for almost 5 years. She’s always been a little skiddish and awkward but also loving. Recently I’ve had some problems with her becoming very over protective of me which has resulted in her biting two people. I’m at a loss for why this is happening and can’t seem to fix the problem.
I had gotten her in college and she was always around a lot of different people and loved whenever someone would come over. She loved the attention. About a year as a half later I had to move her to my moms because I couldn’t keep her in the house I was living in. I feel like I messed her up by doing that because that’s when the issues started.
The first time she bit someone was when a plumber came over without anyone home. She barked at him and ran upstairs to hide. He followed her to try to get her outside and she bit his hand. Since then it’s happened with a roommate that she can’t seem to warm up to.
I’ve tried training classes but am afraid this is a huge issue. I have to take her to the vet and am afraid that she wil feel threatened and bite the vet.
I’ve been thinking about what would happen if I gave her away, but I don’t even think a shelter or anyone would taken her because she’s bitten someone. I’m going to try behavioral training, but constantly think about the option of giving her up. I work full time with a commute and I’m not around enough.
Whatever I choose to do I’m glad I read these comments and know I’m not alone.
Thanks.
Dear Brittany,
Your story will help other people who don’t know how to make this difficult decision. I believe you did the right thing by giving your dog away, and hope you will be able to remember her without feeling guilty or bad about it.
It’s hard. My heart goes out to you, and I wish all the best for your dog. It’s possible that someone will adopt her, because some people feel called to take care of dogs with high needs.
Blessings,
Laurie
I took my dog back to the Humane Society this morning. To say that I feel bad and guilty and terrible would be an understatement. I adopted her a little more than a year ago when she was a puppy.
She was neurotically shy and downright unfriendly toward people at times. She was very afraid of males. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months, and she still barked at him aggressively every time she saw him. She also barked at his 13-year-old son and his son’s young friends. I don’t blame him for not wanting her around children, especially his. We also couldn’t keep her in his back yard because he has the kind of fence that has iron bars (instead of wood) and she would sneak underneath and run away and wouldn’t come back when I called her. (She came back eventually, when she was ready.)
She also pulled very hard on the leash whenever I walked her – so hard, that I fell a couple of times. She could be very difficult. When I took her to the vet in October for her annual shots and checkup, the doctor saw her problem (without my having to say a word about it) and recommended that we put her on Prozac. I tried that for a month and it seemed to help her, but I couldn’t afford to keep paying $70 a month for Prozac, plus the additional doctor visits that treatment entailed (on top of heartworm/flea prevention every month and all her shots, etc.).
I tried, everybody. I tried so hard to make it work. On week days, I came home every day at lunch (from work) to walk her. Every morning I drove her to the dog park so she could run and get some exercise. I took her on five walks a day (I live in an apartment). I loved her, in my own way, and she loved me in hers.
Recently several people have made comments that she had “gotten better.” Unfortunately, not better enough.
I tried to find her another home myself. I posted signs, put an ad on Craigslist, talked to everybody I knew. But to no avail. To be honest, no one really liked her, especially anyone who happened to be male.
In the end, it came down to a choice between a human (my boyfriend) and a dog. My boyfriend and I are planning to get an apartment together but he couldn’t see living with her and having her bark at him every time he came in. I chose the human over my canine companion.
The saddest part? Knowing how anti-social she can be, it is unlikely someone else will adopt her. Although she is very pretty. But people don’t want a neurotic, difficult dog. People want normal, good dogs. Life is difficult enough on its own. People want easy. She is not easy.
It’s an ugly issue that no one wants to talk about. There is no clear-cut answer. There is no black or white; there is only murky gray ambiguity and the harsh reality of choice and circumstance.
Thanks to everyone who has posted their stories and to Laurie for providing this forum. I don’t feel so alone knowing others have had to make this difficult and painful decision, too. Thank you and God bless. Take care.
Thanks for your comment, Brittany. I’m sorry you had to make this decision, and I wish you all the best tomorrow.
Giving your dog away is awful and painful, but sometimes it’s the best decision we could make – for ourselves AND for our dogs.
Laurie, thanks so much for your posting/article. It’s a tough subject to talk about and no one seems willing to tell the truth, as you did. I am taking my dog back to the Humane Society tomorrow. It is the most painful decision I have ever made. At least it’s a no-kill shelter and they have a lot of successful adoptions, so I tell myself someone else will adopt her and give her a good home.
Thank you for sharing your stories of giving your dog away. I know how hard it is – it’ll be painful for a long time. But you made the best decision you could, which will be better for your dog in the long run.
My neighbour got a dog a couple weeks ago, and regrets it. The dog is just a puppy, 9 weeks old, and is totally different from their last dog. That makes it difficult for my neighbour to adjust, and she mentioned taking the dog back to the spca. I told her about my experience with giving Jazz away, but didn’t tell her to keep the dog (which is what I sometimes wish I would’ve done).
Anyway, my heart goes out to everyone in this situation. It’s a tough decision to make.
Laurie
Boy, did I think I was alone, after reading these comments. I adopted a dashound/lab mix 3 months old a month and half ago. I have no children or husband and am over 50 and disabled. I thought a puppy would be perfect boy was I wrong. I did teach her to potty outside. I was exhausted. She showed me mixed signals when to go outside so I was taking her out everytime she looked at me. I couldn’t stop watching what she put in her mouth rocks, dead birds, dirt, poop. I was taking thngs out of her mouth more then some mothers with their children (maybe). Because of my age and disabled I found myself laying down after we were going for a walk, rather, a run. She is the cutest little girl but I gave her back then cried my eyes out so they let me have her again but the same thing…I became moody, I felt unhealthy, my sleep insomnia was worst. I wanted her to just pee on the carpet rather take her outside but I never alowed this I just thought it. My favorite moments were her sleeping with me putting her little chin on my shoulder and listening to her breathe then scoot down by my side and cuddle with me. Then I thought these are the moments I wait for..her to sleep so I can get some peace then I thought this isn’t way I wanted a dog. So, my heart became heavy again and I had no transportation if she was very sick I’d have to call on a neighbor at night? The list went on and on. So, I called and they came and got her again this time I cursed myself and cried and cried. My puppy’s sister was still at the shelter so I could only think they were meant to be together not apart. The shelter won’t let me adopt again I think I have to wait a certain amount of months. That hurt more because she was loved very much. I chose the wrong temperment for my personality…but I thought what if I don’t fit with a certain animal type I just say here take her back? Decent parents don’t do that and that is where my guilt is deep in my heart. One day she is warm next to me the next in a shelter cold…I don’t know. I do know I will never do this again …I miss her everyday…she did play and as I speak I am smiling of how she held her squecky toy in her mouth to make noise…now I better stop.
Hello:
I have been struggling with the decision of whether to get rid of my dog. I know that no one can tell me whether it is the right decision or not but it is so hard to decide. And I feel really alone in the choice.
I have had my dog for 6 years. I adopted him from the humane society when he was a puppy. We went to puppy school (two rounds) and also took a reactive rover class when he began to exhibit aggression issues. Initially, I got him because I run at night and I thought I would feel safer with a dog on the larger side. And as a black lab, they have a reputation of enjoying running. However, maybe because I ran with him too early but he has never enjoyed running and I eventually gave up.
If I am totally honest, I have never really enjoyed having a dog. But over time, the stress of having my dog has become overwhelming. First, he ran over a woman in the dog park and broke her leg. This could have resulted in a lawsuit against me, but that fortunately did not happen. Then he ran from me in the dog park and was hit by a Suburban. This resulted in a $1,000 vet bill. I am single and don’t make a lot of money. And then approximately two months ago, he attacked and likely killed a very small dog. I was not able to follow up with the family, but this could have turned into a large vet bill (although my dog was on leash and the other was not).
My dog has leash aggression which means I can only walk him late at night and when I see other people I have to cross the street because I am not sure what my dog will do. I initially got a dog because I wanted to be more engaged in my community. Instead, I feel more isolated because my dog is already home alone all day and so I don’t want to leave him in the evening hours, but I can’t even take him on a walk because it is too stressful. And I feel guilty.
During the 6 years I have had my dog, I also had a significant other who loves the dog and cannot understand my decision to give my dog up. He keeps talking about the commitment I made and that to give my dog up would be so so horrible. He is a true dog lover and lives for his dog. We broke up approximately 1 year ago but are still overly emmeshed. He is not willing to adopt the dog.
I have posted ads trying to readopt him but no one has responded. What makes this decision so difficult is that in reality, surrendering him to a shelter ultimately means he will be killed. So this is not like a decision where I can try and look on the brightside and act as if I am signing my dog on to a happier life. He would in all likelihood be killed.
My parents both died in the last couple of years, and I miss that feeling of people who would unconditionally support your decision. I know that my parents would support this decision but having hypothetical support is not as good as having people actually in your court. It is very difficult to be your own support. I feel so bad and so guilty. But if I keep the dog, I sacrifice my life in a way. But the question seems to be which pain is greater. The pain of getting rid of him (and his likely death) or the pain of keeping a dog that mostly makes me miserable and could potentially be a financial liability. Life doesn’t get any easier as we get older!
Thanks for this forum, reading all these comments has been really helpful.
Dear Allie,
I can’t tell you if you should give your dog away — it was hard enough to make that decision for my own dog, much less for someone else! It’s a very difficult decision.
If you think your dog isn’t happy being outside all day, then you need to figure out how to give him a better life. That may mean giving him away, or it can mean finding ways to break his day up.
For instance, when I have to be gone all day, I have a dog walker come in and take Georgie on a 3 hour hike. It costs $23 every time, but it’s worth it! Some people take their dogs to “doggy daycare” every day, but I know my dog doesn’t really like it because she balks at going into the dog play area. She doesn’t rush in; I have to almost force her to go in. But I’ve taken her there for 2-3 hour stints, and she’s always been fine. That costs $5 per hour.
Or, you could ask a neighbor who is home all day to take him for a lunchtime walk.
Most people who have dogs have full-time jobs and can’t be with their dogs all day! It’s a challenge, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to give your dog away.
Ask your parents about the dog walker and doggie daycare ideas. Maybe ask them about a neighbor coming in to give your dog a lunchtime walk, too. See what they say. Maybe you can save up to help pay for the dog walker, or put your allowance towards paying him or her. My dog loves going with her dog walker, because she gets to hike in the forest with a pack of dogs! I know my dog loves her walker because when we run into her at the dog park, Georgie jumps up and down with joy.
Let me know how it goes with your parents, about the dog walker.
If you do decide that it’s best to give your dog away, know that you’re doing the best thing for him. Giving him away doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or you don’t love him. It means that you can’t take care of him the way he deserves, and you’re doing it out of love and kindness.
Even though you’re doing the right thing for him, you may still feel bad for a long time. We gave our dog Jazz away 2 years ago, and I still feel awful about it. I hope she’s in a good home, but the sadness and pain I feel about having to give her away has not gone away. I just live with it, and I keep telling myself that I made the right decision.
Let me know what your parents say, okay? I’m glad they said they’ll find an excellent home for him. If you decide to give him away, you need to trust that he’ll be happier in his new home.
Laurie
Yes I talked to both my parents and they say they will look for excellent homes but I am the one who has to decide and I don’t know I want him to stay but he isent happy he is out side from 8am to about 6pm because I have stuff to do what should I do
Allie,
What do your parents or guardians say about giving your dog away? I don’t think you should make this decision alone! It’s a very difficult decision, and nobody should face it without getting help from other people. I’m really glad you found this article, I hope it helped, but I think you need to talk to someone in person about your dog.
Being outside all day isn’t always bad for a dog, but it really depends on the weather and how much space he has. My brother-in-law has 2 dogs that are outside all the time, but he lives on an acreage and the dogs can go into the garage for warmth. That’s all those dogs know – the outside life – and they seem fine. I think they’re lonely because my brother-in-law is single and has no kids, and dogs love company. But the being outside part isn’t a problem for them.
So, I think you need to talk through your dilemma with someone in person, before you decide you should give your dog away. Then, the next question may be, “Where do I give my dog away?” That’s a big challenge.
I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful! But I’d love to hear more about your problem. I can’t tell you what to do, but sometimes it helps just to write out your problems.
Sincerely,
Laurie
I am 12 and I don’t know if I should give my dog away he is out side from 8am to 5pm I love him with my entire heart but I don’t think he’s happy? What do I do?????
It’s been 2 years since we gave our dog away, and I still feel sad and guilty whenever I think about her. This doesn’t mean we made the wrong decision, but it’s just so hard.
About 2 hours ago, we gave Reese away, our Pomeranian-Poodle mix. He was the first dog we got after my wife and I married 2 years ago, and we got him when he was just 6 weeks old. He was our baby, up until we had a real baby of our own. Reese wanted a level of attention that my wife and I were unable to give him, especially after our daughter was born. He learned to jump one of the walls of our back yard about a month ago and I had no choice but to leave the poor little guy either crated while we were at work, and later, tied to a 25 ft. cable at all times. At that point, my wife and I decided it was best to find Reese a home where he will get the attention he deserves, and where he won’t have to be tied up or crated all the time.
The decision was thought over very carefully, nevertheless it was made nonchalantly. Up until the moment came that it was time to say ‘goodbye’, we realized what was happening. We had our brave faces on as we physically surrendered Reese, I told him, “Well, Reese, our time together is up, buddy. I love you very much, and this is for the best.” I can see in his big, light brown eyes that he knew something big was going on. He was scared.
Shortly after we went back into the house, my wife and I burst into tears. We had just let go of our “baby”, and I couldn’t block the thoughts of when we raised him, comforting him in the middle of the night because he missed his mama, and most of all, the sound of his cry, which I’ll never forget. I’m overwhelmed with sadness and guilt for letting him go, and as I finish typing this, my eyes are filling with tears. Be that as it may, Reese had become more of a burden than a relief–his extremely high need for attention, his incessant barking all night, and his wall jumping and running off. With three other dogs to look after, we couldn’t take it anymore.
Evenso, I’m still feeling very guilty and sad that we let him go because it makes me feel that I wasn’t a good enough companion to him. As hard as I tried to tell myself that he’s just an animal that does not bear any more significance than a human being, when the time came to hand him off, it hit me like a wall of bricks, and I’m creeping towards devastation. Even my other dogs were whining and whimpering for a while after they realized he was gone. I guess only time will heal my wounds, but as I type this, my eyes fill with tears and I feel very terrible for having let him go.
I am moving countries soon and gave my beloved and adored 2 year old miniature pom away to a lovely family. I am absolutely devastated. It’s been 5 days now and I am still in a state. I am in constant tears.
How do I get over it?
Hello, I have a 3 yr old Havanese named Behr. My husband and I are trying to decide if we should find him a better home. My husband (fiancé at the time) and I drove 8 hrs one way just to get him because we fell in love with him! I’m also allergic to most dogs and i needed one that didnt shed very much. When we Adopted him into our family it was just us two and we lived pretty simple lives. I was able to give Behr the attention he deserved!
Since then things have changed so much. We got married and 6 months ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Before my son was born, I told myself that there was no way things between us and Behr would change. Well little did I know I was completely wrong. Since my son has been born 100% of my time has been spent trying to be the best mommy I can for my son. Being a full time mommy and wife with a husband that is always working is not as easy as most ppl think.My husband works up to 7 days a week sometimes , 70 hrs at the very least. And neither of us are able to show Behr the attention and love he deserves. It breaks my heart but it’s the truth. He was my Pride and joy before my son came along. I still love him but just can’t give him the love he deserves. I’m so scared that ppl will judge me and I think it’s what’s getting in the way of me finding him a better home. I’m also scared that I will one day regret it. I know the decision is totally up to my husband and I but I could seriously use some advice!
I read your post and instantly wanted to cry (I would have if I wasn’t at work). I was researching how to put a dog up for adoption when I came across your own experience. I adopted Journey (a “Toller” mixed with a lab) when she was 6 months old from the SPCA – she was much bigger than I was looking for, but after she came into the room there was no way I could leave without giving her a home. At the shelter, her demeanor was more shy and relaxed but after a week or so of having her at home, she changed. My mother thinks that they must almost sedate the animals at the SPCA slightly so their true natures are not evident.
I’ve had Journey for over a year now and we have had our ups and downs (and quite a bit of crying on my part when it’s really tough). We have overcome a lot (and have gone through training), but the last month and a bit, her personality has reverted and actually become ageressive towards men. The other day she got a hold of a stray cat. Her jaws were locked and it took me a lot in order for her to let the animal go. Unfortunately, the cat didn’t survive and I can barely look at Journey. I think I may be at the point where I need to give her up, but if anyone knew what she was like, she would never be adopted. Just one of life’s tough decisions.
I have a dog, a pom terrier mix. I rescued her about a year and a half ago from an abusive family. When I got her she was very terrified of me and my husband, now she isn’t as much but if you move towards her too fast or try to pick her after something happens she freaks out a little. I will admit she has also bit me when trying to put her outside after having an accident. Between getting bit and my husband and I’s failed attempts at training her even with the aid of a trainer, I feel I’m not doing her any justice and feel the need to re-home her. I’ve been struggling with the thought for about 4-5 months now. If I do go along with it I can’t figure out if I should just post her on a site similar to craigslist or take her to a shelter. I only fear they would put her down, but she’s super cute and is only 3.5 years old, and despite her short comings is a really sweet happy little girl when she feels like it.
Dear Galina,
I’m sorry – I don’t know what to suggest about your cat! I have no idea how to give a way an 11 year old cat who is so afraid of other cats
Is there any way you could get help taking care of her? I’m thinking of a friend, family member, or even a volunteer who could help with whatever care your cat needs.
Maybe you could put up notices at local churches, or call the different veterinarians in your area? You might also try Craig’s List,if there’s one in your area.
I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful. Let me know how you’re doing, and if you successfully found a home for your cat.
Blessings,
Laurie
I’m thankful for everyones posts. My problem is giving away my 11 year old cat who VERY afraid of other cats. I have multiple neurologic conditions and feel it is better for me not to have to care for an animal. But, all foster care programs are loaded with cats and cannot take any more of them.The “no kill”cat shelter wants $1000 to take her.I’m disabled and will never have this kind of money. I put up ads for over a year, but no one wants an old cat. If she goes to APA or Humane society, they will put her down fast when they see her extreme fear of cats. I don’t know what to do to find her a home.My cat worships me making it even harder for me to give her up, but my health is not good. I would like to hear from others about what I can do. Thanks!!
Dear Eric,
It’s such a difficult decision – I’m sorry you have to make it. I don’t know if you should give your dogs away, and I can’t tell you what the best decision is. I know how hard it is to be faced with it.
Whether or not you keep your dogs, you’ll have to make a painful sacrifice. If you keep your dogs, your life will continue the way it is. IF you give up your dogs, your life will be easier in practical ways, but you’ll have to deal with the guilt and pain of giving them away (and that guilt and pain does not go away!).
I guess you need to ask yourself which is worse: the sacrifices of living with your dogs, or the pain of giving them away. Neither decision is easy…but one is easier than other. I don’t know which one is easier for you.
When you decide whether or not to give your dogs away, I encourage you to make changes that make that decision easier. For instance, if you keep your dogs, can you sit down with your sister and dog and talk about the household chores? If you’re carrying the full load of chores, maybe they could pick up the slack. Or, they could walk the dogs?
I know it’s not easy – there are no easy answers. I wish you all the best as you cope with this…and I hope you let us know what decision you made and how you’re doing.
Blessings,
Laurie
I was looking to give my dogs up for adoption and i fell upon your site,i am deeply troubled and need help.So here’s how i am in this situation.2 years ago my mom brought a stray pup home after reading an add in the papers.I trained her and looked after her i was jobless and going through depression so it was easy to look after her.I few months down the lane i resuced a pure breed stolen labrador from my neighbours.Long story short they had stolen it and tied her up for 5 hours in the sun without food or water.We called the cops and the ngos and lawyers,living in India they went scot free and i ended up with the labrador.
This lab is the best dog in the world,she just wants to eat and sleep and.We tried to give her up the very next day after i got her,knowing the responsibilites we would face.No buyers for the lab after seeing the ticks and the bruises she had, so i was stuck with it,our family decided to keep her even though we live in a small apartment.
2 years have gone by since i have been with the dogs.i had a few odd jobs and mom and me would share the work when i would go out.
Now my mom has gone abroad for work for 6 months and i cant take care of 2 dogs.I am cleaning and cooking for my sister and dad(we still live with our parents) so i need to give them away.i am stuck what should i do?noone seems to want them.They want the pure breed and not the stray,i am not willing to give them up to 2 individual homes.i am tired of cleaning the house, the dishes, laundry,cooking,groceries,the dogs.
i dont have time to go out or relax.i cant apply for a new job even if i wanted to.
should i keep them and and keep doing all the work?should i give them away and miss them but move on with my life?will it be wrong if i gave them up?
We cant hire somebody coz we aint rich.
Please advice me as im so confused in life and with my dogs.
Thank you. I found you through a general search for people grieving after having to give up their dogs. My family adopted what was promoted to us as a Border Collie/Pug mix (turned out to be part Sheba Inu, according to vet.
He was with us from 6 weeks old (too early- I now know better!!) and got progressively more and more aggressive and dominant, first toward my kids, and then toward adults. We read that aggression can be a sign of needing more exercise, and he behaved when outdoors on walks, so it got to the point where we were taking turns running him practically ALL DAY LONG. When we weren’t giving him attention, he barked nonstop. We had no idea that he was “bullying” us and demanding attention was his way of becoming pack leader. I also think, in hindsight, that I should have crated him away from the kids and chaos so that he could rest, as he was probably OVERtired, not needing MORE walks!!
He was my children’s first dog, and we had him for 6 months, making him like part of the family. I have cried almost daily that I had to give him up, and I see that he is up for adoption again with hardly a mention of his issues, other than “not good for small children” in his description, and he is listed under another name, which I am sure he has not learned in the 3 weeks since we gave him up. Why they did that, I do not know or understand.
We did adopt another dog (soon, I know!!) after spending days and nights researching what we did wrong, and what breeds are good with children this time. We now have an older (year and half) basset hound/lab mix, who is mild mannered and somewhat lazy, and the perfect fit for us. He’s a doll, but not half as smart as our other puppy, and I am having a hard time really connecting with him as I am still missing the first puppy, even though I know, logically, we could not keep him. I keep dwelling on the “what ifs” which is ridiculous. I really need to find a way to let it go.
One of the most difficult things about deciding if you should give your dog away is that only you can make that decision! Nobody can tell you if it’s the right thing to do…but it does help to get an objective perspective.
If you can’t take care of your dog the way he or she deserves to be taken care of, then I think you should give your dog away.
Even if you KNOW in your heart of hearts that this is the right decision, you’ll still feel guilty, hurt, and sad that you had to give your dog away. Just because it’s the right decision doesn’t mean it’s an easy one! Sometimes the best decisions are actually the most painful ones.
I’m really sorry for what you’re going through – I know how painful it is! I don’t regret our decision to give our dog away…but I’ll always feel sad and guilty about the whole thing.
i have the most perfect 6 month old chihuahua. She is super friendly and loves people. she is my company and is like a daughter to me. but due to circumstances in my grandmothers home i had to move back to my mothers house where my step dad hates dogs. i almost had to move back out because of it. hes managed to let me keep her here under one condition she must be in a cage in the garage. ive always said that i hate the whole cage thing i want her to feel free not trapped. im also going to university in the fall and even if i wont be living there im going to be very busy. im not sure if its better to have her in a cage or give her to a family that can give her more attention. and the subject has pretty much been depressing because i love her so much.
I have not given up my dog yet but it’s about to happen . Just the thought of it breaks my heart and makes me cry and that’s how I ended up on this site , I wanted to read about other people’s experiences…
3 years ago, I took Gypsy in as a foster after seeing her on Craigslist day after day desperate for a home to go to . At only abt a year old, she ‘d already survived the kill shelter twice and in between homes , she was viciously attacked by other dogs and she became dog aggressive from lack of proper handling and socialisation.. I am from the UK and because I knew I would be going back eventually , I didn’t want to adopt but wanted to help by taking in fosters.
The first week I got her , I got her a trainer to help with her dog aggression issues because I wanted to help her to become more adoptable . She had 6 sessions total and I spent hours, day after day training with her but it didn’t really help. She had been in my care for 8 months when the rescue finally asked me to adopt her. Nobody else wanted her and I’d grown very attached to her by then so I agreed.
Abt a month ago,just when I was abt to start obtaining papers for her to go back to the Uk with me, my mum told me it was no longer possible for me to take her back because my brother will be moving back with his 2 young boys who are both allergic to dogs. Ever since then I have been overwhelmed with the guilt and pain of having to leave her behind . I have been trying to find a home for her myself rather than just hand her back to the rescue because I want her to go to somebody I know and trust. I am even more than happy to send money for her food , medical bills etc until her dying days but I haven’t had much luck so far. It’s hard enough to rehome a cute, friendly little dog in NYC , let alone a 35lb shepherd/terrier mix that doesn’t like other dogs. I know I most probably have to give her back to the rescue because at the end of the day, I HAVE to go back and the thought of it is killing me. Nobody understands . Everything just keeps telling me to put myself first but it’s really, really hard. I think it makes it more the harder because of her issues and I know it will take an extra patient, understanding person to handle her..
These tips were really great with deciding whether to give away my dog…but I still have some doubts about it. She’s a Shetland sheepdog who turned 8 just a few days ago, and whom I’ve had since she was a puppy. She has always been able to run in around in our backyard and play with the other neighborhood dogs, until we moved into an apartment a year ago. Since then, I feel bad about keeping her cooped up in our apartment, and I don’t have the time to take her out for long walks every few hours. My mother has a friend who owns a farm and is interested in taking her. I just really don’t know what to do!
So I have a 3 year old Pomeranian whom is not very I guess u can say trained he uses puppy training pads to use the restroom and is an indoor dog, my parents have decided to remodel our home And the dog previously started urinating whereever he wanted, so they refuse to let him back outside he only barks when he is put outside,and I don’t know what to do my parents suggest getting someone to adopt him, i love this dog to death he has been my companion the last 3 rough years of my life, I want to keep him with all my heart but he would have to live outside, which may not be the best for him but I just want him in my hands, my parents claim to give him up so he can have a better life, rather than “suffering” in our yard which is meant by he is a very fluffy Pomeranian, I really don’t know what to do keep him here in my yard, or give him up?
Thanks Karen I actually have read these before and I saved them so I can read them daily if need be to heal.
Eileen,
I ignore those who make general condemnations. Here are a couple of links which helped me make the decision to find a new home for my 9 month old Mastiff. At this point she has other mastiffs with whom she rough houses without the constant, “gentle, gentle, settle down, stop” which I had to say to her when she was wild with my cocker spaniel and my cats. Now she can be who she is! Do not despair, you made a thought out choice to help your dog.
http://www.theotherendoftheleash.com/tag/rehoming-dogs
http://www.cesarsway.com/training/dogtraining/do-Foster-Dogs-Feel-rejected-When-re-homed