This is our dog Georgie – we rescued her a few months after we gave our first dog away.
If you’re thinking about surrendering your dog, here are several things to consider. We sadly gave our dog away yesterday; it was the right decision for us, but we’ve been crying ever since.
The following tips will help you decide if you need to give your dog away.
But first, here’s something to consider:
“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people [and dogs] we can’t live without but have to let go.” ~ Author Unknown.
And that’s exactly how I feel: I can’t live without my dog, but I had to let her go. One of my regrets is not learning more about dogs from books such as Inside of a Dog: What Dogs See, Smell, and Know.
The more you understand your dog, the better equipped you’ll be to make the seemingly impossible decision of whether you should give her away.
Should You Give Your Dog Away?
Here are my tips, based on our recent experience with adopting and surrendering a dog.
Separate emotion from the reasons you need to give your dog away
We adopted Jazz, a 75-pound one-year old black lab German Shepherd “puppy” from the West Vancouver SPCA just over a month ago. We fell in love with her almost immediately, which is why we couldn’t stop crying when we surrendered her back to the SPCA yesterday.
However, as heartbroken and guilty as we feel, we couldn’t ignore the practical reasons that compelled us to give our dog away. We are not the best family for this dog.
If you’re trying to decide if you should give your dog away, try to separate your love from what’s best for everyone…including your dog.
Make a list of pros and cons for keeping versus giving your dog away
When you make your list of reasons for keeping or not keeping your dog, assign each reason a number. For instance, one of the reasons we gave our dog away (a “con”) is that she is the size of a small pony and has the energy of seven dogs combined. Our house and yard isn’t big enough for her – and neither are our energy levels! So, this con rates a 10 on a scale of 1-10 (10 being “very important reason” and 1 being “hardly important at all”).
When you finish making your list, add up the numbers. If the cons for keeping her outweigh the pros, then maybe you should give your dog away.
Listen to your heart and head – not other people’s opinions
My husband and I were your typical confused dog owners! We didn’t know if we should keep trying to train and bond with our dog, or if we should just give her away after one month. Everyone we talked to had a different opinion: some said to give the dog away because it’s not worth the time and hassle to train her, while others said it just takes time (up to two years!) for her to mature and learn how to be obedient and part of our “pack.”
Ultimately, though, we had to make our own decision, regardless of what other dog owners or obedience trainers said.
Do what’s best for you and your family
I’m a full-time writer and blogger; you’d think I’d be the perfect owner for a big energetic dog who needs lots of time and attention! But, she was so restless and needy, I couldn’t do my job properly. Having this young black lab around all day was emotionally draining; I was constantly worried that she might need to pee, that she was bored, that she was lonely without her SPCA dog friends.
Additionally, it was physically exhausting and time consuming to take her on four walks a day, which the dog obedience trainer recommended. As painful as it was to give our dog away, it really was the best decision for us.
Find ways to cope with guilt after finding a new home for your dog
Both my husband and I feel terrible that we took Jazz back…but it helps to know that we did the best we could. Our dog will be better off in a different home with a family who can give her what she needs. We’re struggling with seriously guilty feelings after giving our dog away – and the sooner we find ways to cope with our pain, the better off we’ll be. One way to cope is to talk about it with people who understand, and to write about it.
UPDATE: we adopted a different dog (Georgie, pictured above) six months after giving Jazz away, and can’t imagine life without her! We always wanted a dog, but didn’t find the right one…until now. I describe how it all happened in Are You Ready to Get Another Dog?
Are you struggling to decide if you should give your dog away? Comments welcome below.
If have no idea what to do about your dog, read Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions. It’s not about dogs, it’s about making serious and important life decisions.
And if you hate yourself for giving your dog away, read my article on forgiving yourself for the “bad” things you did.
A reader suggested these articles, for people who are struggling with this decision:
Thank you for those links, Karen!
What have you decided to do — did it help to write out your thoughts here? I don’t have any answers for you, but hope that something has happened to make the decision more clear for you….
Hello Everyone,
I have thought to give Lola away for the last 4 months, I still cannot decide what to do. Lola was the only left from a bunch of puppies in a shelter, no one wanted her because of her look and ways, she doesn’t really look like a breed in particular, she was the one on top of everyone, biting them, steeping on them and she definitely had a not submissive attitude, but it broke my heart seeing that every puppy was leaving except her. Then, I convinced my husband to adopt her. He was not happy about it, but since we didn’t have children, he agreed with me. I got pregnant in December last year, and I have been dealing with her with all sort of things she does; she destroys everything, from underwear to her own bed, she eats all sorts of bugs, she doesn’t listen and she tries every way to get what she wants. She is very, very smart, too smart for her own good, I try to follow a routine, and play with her twice a day, taking hikes, even now that I’m almost 6 months. I have to take care of everything at home, my husband works long hours and I am the only one dealing with everything. Lola is not helping the cause, she gives me a lot of work, and as much as I would like to wait for her to grow and give her that space I cannot see it possible with a baby coming. I have another dog, he is very sweet, he is my husband’s and he is 12 years, so he is trained and very submissive, Lola doesn’t stop busting his chops. My main concern is that, when she does things I get very frustrated, for a second I cannot breath, I get dizzy, I feel my heart bumping so rapidly that my chest hurts. This is unfair for both of us, there is no need for her to feel miserable in this house, I don’t want to go through a health problem and specially with a baby coming. I am so sad and confused.
We’re still trying to decide. What should we do with this dog (mutt?} We’ve spent oodles of $$ on him, & so many hours of research (mine-Laurie), and many, many hours steam-cleaning our carpets.
Night before last- he woke me up by throwing up something beside the bed and then eating it. I was so tired I didn’t even care. Yesterday evening I had my book-club over, and he knocked a glass out of my friend’s hand, & then ate my cake. Mind you- all while on a gentle leader in my hand. His food obsession is extreme, but since he came to us so emaciated (to the point of death) I tend to give him a lot of lattitude. (He’s pulled a roasted chicken off the table and porkchops off a platter-not to mention the plates he’s knocked out of our hands and stuff he’s stolen out of our hands.)
But the question is- can a dog like this be saved? Are there some dogs that just should be put down? The manners I’ve taught him are forgotten when food is the question.
Our older lab has been very tolerant-with the food aggression etc, and he has the scars on his face to prove it. We are not new at this DOG-THING. But I try to take in every animal that shows up at our farm…cat dog, deer, turtle, bird…
This dog, I can’t figure out. I’ve never seen anything like him-and as the grand-daughter of a game warden, I’ve seen my share of animals…But i have to tell you that i love him.
I’m afraid he might bite others, but that’s only his scared/abused-self reacting.
I’ve started hand-feeding him his food & only on signal allowing him to eat… trying to break his food-aggression and make him realize all his food comes from me.
I home-cook all his feed- (getting away from his bowel-troubles and the dog-food industry) this week it’s Pork roast with rice, cottage cheese and broccoli. Every week is different. My family (husband and 2 teenage sons) are not as committed as I am, so when I’m busy with say my book-club, and I ask them to take care of the boys…and they just let them outside to run wild, I end up with explosive diarrhea on my bedroom carpet at 6:30 in the morning. An hour later, I was able to get in the shower to get ready for an 11 hour day at work. (and no- the dogs aren’t left alone that long (my sons get home at 3 and take care of them.)
After I led the boys downstairs this morning, I started crying and i couldn’t stop. The dogs were worried. The Boys were too. I’d had enough.
This is I guess an essay. Modern life… Mom takes care , and when Mom breaks down…?
I’m done, i can’t clean up any more messes- Giardia is cured, food allergies are cured, obsessive humping-cured.
He ate my half-grown baby chicks out from underneath my hen. He chewed the weather stripping off our garage door. He destroyed a Wii controller. He broke his crate.
He ate my kids Easter baskets -shit tin foil for a week.
When I’ve tried to tie him, he chewed the leash to get free- many, many times.
Is this a dog who should be put down, or can he be re-adopted?
We have the space for him…the energy…what is it we’re lacking? If we don’t have it- who would?
It’s the whole food thing. Can a dog who was so starved…eating road-kill to survive, can he be rehabilitated?
Brittany, bless you- you’ve tried so hard. Don’t feel guilt- you’ll adopt another dog when it’s the right time and the right dog.
Its an extremely hard decision to make and other peoples opinions are harder to cope with. I adopted a kelpie x german shep over a year age and have struggled with keeping up with her energy needs she destroys everuthing digs everywhere and barks all the time. We have everything in our power but I think I have to realise that this is just not the right home for her. I know its the right decision not only for me but for my dog. But how do you deal with the guilt? Its heartbreaking to think im giving up on her and I hate myself for it…
Hi Ken,
Thank you for your comments. It’s a very, very difficult decision that you’re facing! I really respect the fact that you feel like you made this commitment, and should stick to it.
Have you thought about a dog walker to come in and take him for a walk in the middle of the day? When I have to be gone for more than 7 hours, my dog walker takes Georgie for a romp for 2-3 hours mid-day. This leaves Georgie tired when I get home, which relieves me of a long after-work walk.
About your question about giving him away to this family, and then watching him while they’re on vacation. It may be best if you could stay at their place if you take care of him, so he learns where his “real” home is. I think that may help with all the transitions. I’m not a veterinarian or dog expert, though. It may be worthwhile to call a shelter or vet and ask what they think.
Having a dog is a huge sacrifice, even when things are “perfect.” I love Georgie and would never give her away (like I did Jazz), but I almost daily get irritated with her. She wipes her bum on the carpet, costs me lots of money in medications and vet bills, and really restricts my activities. But, she gives me that unconditional love you mentioned! And I love having her in my life. I can’t imagine life without her, and I know someday I will have to.
I hope you’re able to make a decision that you know in your heart is the right thing to do. Remember that the right decision isn’t always the easiest one. Sometimes it hurts more to do the right thing.
Blessings,
Laurie
Thank you for this article.
I have been hemming and hawing about giving away my dog that I have had since June 29th, 2012. I was his 3rd owner in his first 6 months of life.
He was a nervous wreck when I got him. The poor guy didn’t know what was going on. Now, he is my shadow in the house.
It’s just me and him. I am at out of the house 10-12 hours Monday thru Friday (sometimes Saturday) for work. He is a Hound/Husky mix who has a ton of energy. I would walk him a mile in the morning and more than that in the afternoon. Also visiting the dog park in the evening and he was still going.
I have don’t have much patience to begin with. Put that on top of working construction all day, coming home tired and crabby, and having to go on a 2 mile walk as soon as you get home. If he doesn’t get his exercise he gets whiny and fidgety, which makes me more crabby.
I have had him for over nine months and there are weeks I love him and weeks I can’t stand him. There are days I just don’t want to deal with the responsibility I have decided to put upon myself. I feel he would be better with an active family. But, I feel bad being gone for up to 12 hours or getting frustrated at him when I am tired and he needs to go on a walk or when he gets a little out of line. You know you blow things up when you are tired and crabby. I don’t beat him, but I have yelled and scared the crap out of him by doing so. Yet this guy is still my shadow in the house. It is true of the unconditional love a dog gives you.
I have been trying to rationalize this in my head by saying that he would be better off with someone else than me, but the argument in my head keeps coming up with the conclusion that I am selfish and only thinking of myself. It was me who decided to take on this responsibility of owning a dog. It was me who kept saying I was going to make this work when I just wanted to let go of the leash when he was pissing me off. And now I feel like I am giving up on him. Why, because I want to go out after work and can’t? Because I don’t want the responsibility that I chose to take?
I won’t take him to a shelter. So I have been asking friends and family if they know of a family that would want a energetic dog. I have found one family that are very interested in getting a dog. They came over to meet the dog and were very nice. They wanted to pick him up and take him to their house tomorrow for a few hours, but I said only if I could come with. I want this to be so much less stressful on him then the stress he had when I took him. I told them if they were in a hurry or if they had a problem if this process took about a month or so then this won’t work . I want them to come over a lot so he gets used to them so the transition is seamless. And if they decided they didn’t want him, they better bring him back to me. I don’t want him going to a shelter.
After reading a few dog books, the one thing I can’t stress enough, and I wish I did when I got this dog, is research the breed or the breeds in the dog you are thinking about getting. Had I known what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have taken him.
Sorry if this is incoherent or doesn’t make sense. I am having a hard time with this whole process and I am just scatter brained right now.
One question I have is if this transition worked out and they took my dog, they asked me if I would watch him if they go out of town on vacation. Is that good for the dogs mental state to have an old owner watch it for a week or so?
Dear Kevin,
You have been through a lot with your dog! I was diagnosed with Giardia 4 days ago, and am currently taking the exact same antibiotics as your dog is.
Have you had the dog for 3 months? Sometimes it takes a long time to get a dog adjusted to the routine. It took my current dog, Georgie, almost 2 years to really settle in with us. She finally doesn’t wreck things in the house when we leave her alone for a few hours.
Having a dog is a sacrifice, and it’s possible that the worst sacrifices come at the beginning of the relationship. That is, it takes both dog and owner time to adjust to each other. If you’ve never had a dog before, it’ll take you time to figure out how to be a leader.
Have you taken dog obedience courses? That may be a good first step. What do you think?
Dear Jon,
Have you tried obedience training? We hired a dog obedience trainer, and she came in to our home for 2 hours and gave us tips on how to handle the dog. It didn’t work with Jazz, but I think it’s a good idea to at least try that route before giving the dogs up. Your dogs are still puppies, and need to learn what is and is not theirs.
What do you think?
Hi Eileen,
I’m glad to hear you got your dog back, and things are going great! Enjoy your new relationship with your dog
Laurie
He’s a stray= first came to our house the first of December. He was totally emaciated, but he had a collar on, so I thought maybe someone was missing him and would get a Christmas present. After 2 months, when no one had claimed him, my family paid $100 to take him home.
He was covered in his own excrement, still emaciated, and after his baths was humping our old lab. Next was his neutering. Stitches removed.. still having diarrhea, but no longer compulsively humping. Next tried improving his food, feeding him $6/lb food, still diarrhrea. I’m determined to end this cycle.
I started cooking all his food-chicken/salmon, + rice + vegetables. I’ve tried everything. Every combination.
His diarrhea wouldn’t quit so I looked into the causes of such rampant diarrhea, and found out it was Giardia. Metronidazole for 1 week cured that . So now, I’ve been through humping=neutering, diarrhea=home-made food, anti-biotics, still loving him, but my home-life is crumbling. He’s still food-agressive-biting,-not-house-trained. My life revolves around him. Help Me.
My family has two 6-months old Schnauzers, they love them and I have gotten quite attached to them, but they bite everything they can find. They ripped out the phone line, tore a whole in the hose in the yard, destroyed two bowls where we put their food, and tore some electrical cables from my truck (quite pricey I might add). We have tried to fix and replace these objects but they just keep trying to go at them as if they were toys, which they have – tons of them. We have tried to teach them not to keep destroying our possessions but it hasn’t worked. My question is, should we keep trying or just give up and get rid of them?
Laurie,
I’ve written to you back in June of last year with my situation about giving my dog up. He was with my friends for a few months and I’m so happy to tell you I have him back. I’ve had him back for awhile and I’m so happy and everything is going great.
Dear Terri,
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It sounds so frustrating and heartbreaking, that you’ve tried everything to stop your dog from guarding you so fiercely. It’s a terrible stress for you, your marriage, and even your friendships.
I don’t have any easy solutions. I’m not a dog trainer, so I can’t offer tips.
You have to protect your grandchildren – I think that’s more important than keeping your dog. If anything happened to them, you would never be able to forgive yourself – and your kids wouldn’t either. So, you need to prioritize your human family above your dog family.
You need to decide if you want to keep your dog and organize your life in a way that protects her from other people. Unfortunately, that means she’ll never come into contact with others, which may escalate her behaviour when she eventually does interact with humans.
For your grandchildren’s visit — maybe they need to stay somewhere else?
Or, perhaps your dog could stay with your friend (the one who might take her), and you could test that out while your grandchildren are visiting?
What do you think of these two options?
we rescued an abuse maltese 2 years ago and she resource guards me, meaning when some people come near me or in same room she attacks, including my husband. Once she attacks she is all love on that person. We’ve tried everything to break this, even hired a trainer, nothing has worked. the fear of her attacking our young grandkids is forcing me to find her another home, but it’s killing me & hubby is not happy about getting “rid” of her. I might have a friend interested but wary of giving her to someone I know (even though it will be good home). People say Im giving up on her, bad dog owners, etc. Im so torn I cannot sleep. My grkids are coming in June and Im scared. I dont know what to do. I love her so much, but we cant help her. Its getting worse. please help me.