10 First Date Conversation Starters – What to Talk About on Date One
Use these first date conversation starters and small talk tips to have a fun and boost your confidence. The happier and relaxed you are, the more you’ll enjoy your date.
Before the tips, a quip:
“A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself,” says Lisa Kirk in New York Journal American.
That’s one of the best tips for first date conversations: talk to your dating partner about him or herself. Ask questions; listen sincerely and attentively. It sounds simple, but it’s surprisingly difficult to really listen and be curious about other people.
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10 First Date Conversation Starters
Even shy, introverted personality types can use these tips to avoid awkward silences on first dates. These tips range from discussing ”the elephant in the corner” to knowing when to “fold ‘em” — and they’ll make your dating life easier and more enjoyable.
Talk about the “elephant in the corner”
If you notice that there seems to be nothing to talk about, then your date is probably noticing the same thing. Talk about that!
I often say this to start conversations: “Isn’t it awkward when you feel like you have nothing to say?” Then you’ll start talking about that – and you’ll both be more relaxed. Try it – it really is an effective first date conversation tip. You’d be surprised at how fun it can make your date!
Know the news (not the most exciting stuff for me to talk about – but my husband loves it)
I’m not a big fan of American politics, the war in Iraq, or the Canadian housing economy – but I listen to CBC and scan various news sources so my hubby and I have something to talk about at dinner (because sometimes old married couples need conversation starters, too!). Find stuff to talk about from the news, sports, your community, or politics.
Share the highs and lows of your day
Here’s a great “first date conversation starter” that works for any get-together: family meals, first dates, or huge galas. Ask for the highs and lows of the day, and share yours. Did you lose your keys or find $100? Maybe you ate at a new restaurant recently, or found a great new CD. Making small talk is about sharing the little things — which, by the way, is important even after you’ve been married for years!
Comment on a piece of clothing or accessory
Even better, wear a funky brooch, scarf, or necklace. If you’re talking to someone wearing any accessory, ask where it came from or what the significance is. Being observant about people and your surroundings is a great conversation starter for first dates.
Ask questions about what your date says
There’s nothing worse than talking to someone who’s eyes are flitting all over the place. When you’re making small talk, follow up on what your conversation partner is saying. For instance, if they say they’re “doing excellently”, ask why. If they mention that they’re exhausted, follow up on it. This is a good way to make dating fun – and get to know your date better.
Recall your past conversations
Even if it’s a first date, you can highlight what you talked about on the phone as you were setting up the date. Here’s a first date conversation tip that will carry you to second and third dates: file away bits of information, such as their favorite vacation spots, the tie they were wearing the last time you met them, or where you were the last time you saw them. Then, make sure you ask about those things.
Ask open-ended questions that require an explanation
For instance, “How are you?” isn’t an effective first date conversation starter. Making small talk is easier if you ask “Whatever happened with ‘__________’ “? or “The last time we spoke you said ________. What happened with that?”
For more small talk tips, read 5 Smart Conversation Starters.
Ask what funny movies or books your date has seen recently
Someone once asked me that at a party –and this is so much more than a first date conversation tip. When I was asked what book I was reading, it felt like contrived conversation – which it was – but then we had a fantastic discussion about the book! Even the obvious conversation starters can be effective, especially for first dates…you’ll never know where it’ll go.
Take deep breaths – finding stuff to talk about is easier if you’re relaxed
Your date (and conversation partner) will pick up on how relaxed – or anxious – you are and will respond in kind. And two nervous people aren’t great at making conversation! So, let your guard down with your first date, business lunch partner, or the stranger at the gala event. If you’re nervous, say so. If your shoes are too tight, say so. Knowing how to make small talk on a first date is about having fun on your date with chit chat.
Know when to fold ‘em – let the conversation die out
If the conversation feels like dragging a piano uphill with cement boots on, then let it go. You can’t connect with everyone, and some conversations simply refuse to take life! Making small talk involves knowing when it’s time to move on – because conversational chemistry is just like personal chemistry. You can’t force it to happen.
Remember that making conversation on your first date is just like making conversation with a family member, coworker, or stranger at a party. The most important thing is to be yourself – let whatever is on your mind or going on in your life come to the surface.
The Psychology of Love
What do you think of these first date conversation starters? Comments welcome below!
Category: Dating Tips
Before you know what’s “good” to talk about on a first date, maybe you need to try a few things first! Perhaps talking about the elephant in the corner doesn’t work for everyone. It’s amazing what starts conversations – if you think about how certain conversations get started, you’d be surprised.
When I work hard to make conversation, I often fail. But when I’m genuinely curious about other people and ask about their lives, I can start good conversations. It does help to know a little about them, though, so you can ask about stuff they’ve already talked about.
I completely disagree with ‘talking about the elephant in the corner’ technique. Whenever someone has done this to me, i take it too personal and think i’m the one making it awkward. And every time, just from that one little comment, I become uncomfortable and awkward for the rest of the night. It doesn’t work and it’s kinda rude.
Some silences or conversations gaps are perfectly fine – most people don’t talk all the time! Well, maybe women friends do…and some male/female combinations. But my husband and I went out for sushi today, and our conversation was slow and quiet. We just didn’t have much to say to each other, which sometimes happens.
But, when you’re getting to know each other, you definitely want to keep talking! One of my favorite ways to start conversations is to ask what people like best about their jobs, and what they like least.
Again, making conversation on the first date boils down to being genuinely curious about your dating partner. Is he owning or renting? Where did he take his last vacation? What was the last concert or play he attended? Does he have pets?
And don’t just pepper your date with questions — make sure you answer your own question, so there’s some give and take happening!
I hope this helps, and welcome your thoughts.
Blessings,
Laurie