Oct 082009
 

Extrovert and introvert love is different, but not impossible! Here are tips on loving different personalities — because introverts and extroverts can fall in love and build strong relationships.

These tips for introverts and extroverts will help them love each other despite their different ways of thinking and being in the world.

“We all use both our introverted and extroverted skills, but we are hard wired to be more one than the other,” says Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.

If you’re not certain if you have mostly introverted or mostly extroverted personality traits, take my Test for Introverted Personality Traits — the link is at the end of this article.

To learn more about introverted personalities, extroverted personalities, and love relationships, read The Introvert & Extrovert in Love: Making It Work When Opposites Attract.

And read on for three ways to build strong relationships for extroverts and introverts in love!

Extrovert and Introvert Love – Loving Different Personalities

“Can extroverts and introverts have successful relationships?” asked a reader on my article, Tips for Networking Successfully for Introverts.  she asked. Yes, my friend, they definitely can!

First, here’s a basic description of the two types of personalities:

Introverted Personality Traits – Introverts are usually energized by being alone, private, and quiet. Introverts are more sensitive to social rejection, and don’t always see the world as a safe place.

Extroverted Personality Traits – Extroverts tend to be energized by groups of people, conversation, and activity. Extroverts are less sensitive to rejection, and see the world as a safe place.

3 Ways to Build Strong Relationships for Introverts and Extroverts in Love

1. Understand your partner’s extroverted or introverted personality traits. The more you know about your partner’s personality traits, the happier you’ll be together. For instance, it’s common for introverts to feel “weird” or abnormal for not wanting to socialize – especially if they have extroverted partners. So, understanding your own introverted personality traits and your partner’s extroverted personality traits (and vice versa) are key to building strong relationships.

2. Accept your partner’s extroverted or introverted personality traits. After you understand your different personality types, you need to accept them – and not try to change your partner. For instance, the introvert needs to accept that his extroverted partner needs social activity; the extrovert needs to understand that her introverted partner needs privacy and downtime. Acceptance means the introvert doesn’t try to change the extrovert and the extrovert doesn’t try to change the introvert. Acceptance means the extrovert sees the value of the introvert’s personality– and vice versa. Acceptance means giving the other person space to express and be themselves.

3. Find specific ways to meet each other halfway. Strong relationships are all about compromise – and extroverts and introverts in love have to make compromises if they want to retain their own personality traits. For instance, the introvert may not want to go to all the social events the extrovert wants; the partners could agree on a certain number of outings per week or per month. The extrovert could then decide if he wants to attend extra events alone or with other friends; the introvert may even attend extra events. Further, introverts and extroverts could also compromise on how late they stay at certain events, how often they see certain people, or .

If you’re not certain if you have mostly introverted or mostly extroverted personality traits, read A Test for Introverted Personality Traits.

And if you have any thoughts or questions on extroverts and introverts in love and building strong relationships, please comment below!

About Me

quips tips love relationshipsI'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.

  7 Responses to “Extrovert and Introvert Love – Loving Different Personalities”

  1. I am an ambivert (mix of extrovert and introvert) married to an introvert. Here’s where I run into a dilemma. In order for me to have my need to do occasional social things with him, he has to compromise. I do NOT want him to have to do something he doesn’t enjoy or want to do just because I want to. If he doesn’t want to, he shouldn’t have to. So how do I get rid of my desire to sometimes do social things with him?

  2. Hello Sylvia,

    Yes, I think one of the best books for extroverts and introverts in love is the book I featured above: The Introvert and Extrovert in Love: Making it Work When Opposites Attract by Marti Olsen Laney.

    And, I think the more you learn about your partner’s introverted personality traits, the better! It’s easier to love someone if you know who they are and where they’re coming from. So, I also recommend Laney’s The Introvert Advantage.

    I hope this helps, and wish you all the best in your relationship.

    Laurie

  3. I am in love with an extreme introvert. How ever i am kind of a mix of introvert and extrovert. i really liked your articles about how we can be in love and still be ourself. Do you recommend any reading on loving an introvert?
    Thanks,
    Sylvia

  4. Randy,

    Thanks for taking the time to comment! I really appreciate it, and am so glad you found this article helpful.

    All good things,
    Laurie

  5. Hi Laurie,

    Thank you for your tips and advice. I consider myself an extreme introvert, and for a long time I could not get along with my wife, who is an extreme extrovert. A lot of the things she does that are typical of an extrovert used to make me insecure. However, after reading your articles, I realize that everyone is different and I actually started to accept her. I feel more secure now, knowing that her extroverted actions and behaviors stem from her nature and hence do not pose a threat to me. Thank you very much for the information.

    Randy

  6. Allison,

    Thanks for your comment — I love to hear about good relationships and people being happy together! I especially love to hear about extroverts and introverts being in love and getting along great :-)

    It sounds like you have a loving relationship, and you’re working together to meet each other halfway.

    Take care and thanks again for sharing about your relationship,

    Laurie

  7. Hi,

    I’m an extrovert who loves an introvert. He likes to stay home all the time, and is uncomfortable with my friends. But we make it work by doing alot of the things you say in your article. So yes I think introverts and extroverts can be in love and very happy!

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