Comments on: Emotional Cheating – How Innocent Friendships Cause Problems http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/ Got goals? Need a push in the right direction? You've come to the right place! Wed, 23 May 2012 23:00:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: deepti raikar http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-40609 deepti raikar Mon, 05 Mar 2012 06:50:52 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-40609 hi, just want to know one thing. Once we are emotionally attached to a person outside marriage,later we come to know its not right to do so,but we have promised that we will be there for him always. i have ended such relation hurting him a lot.Now he doesnot want to communicate further. Would that have been good if i continued just as friend? Please advice and comment hi,
just want to know one thing.
Once we are emotionally attached to a person outside marriage,later we come to know its not right to do so,but we have promised that we will be there for him always.
i have ended such relation hurting him a lot.Now he doesnot want to communicate further.
Would that have been good if i continued just as friend?

Please advice and comment

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-20506 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Sat, 14 May 2011 15:34:58 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-20506 The best way to avoid emotional cheating is to stop spending time with people of the opposite sex. The best way to avoid emotional cheating is to stop spending time with people of the opposite sex.

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-9163 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:31:14 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-9163 Dear Melinda, It's normal and expected to have regrets when you leave a relationship, even if your partner was emotionally or otherwise cheating! Leaving someone you love and built a life with is hard and heartbreaking...even if you're not good for each other. I encourage you to talk to a counselor on your own, and remember that your partner doesn't seem to want to change or commit to your relationship. As you said, you're feeling confused and messed up -- and the best way to straighten out your thoughts and emotions is to talk to someone in person, who can help you find clarity and insight. And, give yourself time and space to heal before you second-guess your decision to leave him! Instead of thinking about your regrets or if you should have stayed, just focus on healing and moving on. Call a counselor for in-person support, so you can be sure you're getting healthy and progressing in the right direction... Wishing you all the best, Laurie Dear Melinda,

It’s normal and expected to have regrets when you leave a relationship, even if your partner was emotionally or otherwise cheating! Leaving someone you love and built a life with is hard and heartbreaking…even if you’re not good for each other.

I encourage you to talk to a counselor on your own, and remember that your partner doesn’t seem to want to change or commit to your relationship. As you said, you’re feeling confused and messed up — and the best way to straighten out your thoughts and emotions is to talk to someone in person, who can help you find clarity and insight.

And, give yourself time and space to heal before you second-guess your decision to leave him! Instead of thinking about your regrets or if you should have stayed, just focus on healing and moving on.

Call a counselor for in-person support, so you can be sure you’re getting healthy and progressing in the right direction…

Wishing you all the best,
Laurie

]]> By: Melinda http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-9140 Melinda Sun, 07 Mar 2010 15:20:24 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-9140 I have just left a 31/2 year relationship with this man because of emotional cheating, since I left I have had some regrets and keep wondering if I have done the right thing. I truly love this man, but I look back at all his emotional cheating and all the lies that came with it and it makes me very sad and angry. I feel like the last few years of my life have been based on a lie and feel violated. When we first met he made me feel so secure, made me believe I could trust him, that I was the only woman in his life. Then I found out about the calls from his past girlfriend, they would text each other she would send pictures of her breasts to him and much more. His older daughter heard him on the phone one time and made sure to tell her not tell me about this, he had her lie! This went on for our entire relationship. Then I found out about others, his therapist he wanted (I found an email to her), he would go online and flirt with other woman. Then he connected on a website and found some old friends (woman) they would chat endlessly. I found myself feeling very insecure and jealous. I tried talking to him and he said we are just "friends" as well as all the others, yeah right!. Then the last one was an old friend (his younger daughters godmother) her husband had just left her so my "boyfriend" became her connection to make her feel better. They were on the phone 2-3 times a day, texting and connecting on this website. I saw what was happening we would argue all the time, I was tired of trying to make him see me and appreciate me, I was exhausted trying, so I left. So why do I feel so sad? In the past three years we tried therapy only to go a few times, and every time I would ask can we make another appt (you see it was through his insurance so he had to make the appointments) he never did. I would try talking he would say I know I'm sorry but then it would continue, this was all done behind my back. Several times I told him please if you don't want this relationship be honest and just say so, his reply would be I love you and want you, your the only one. But it continued. He tries really hard to impress everyone except the people in his direct life such as myself, his daughters (he disappoints them also). He makes sure he finds the time for his "friends" but not his family. Another thing he has been doing since I left is ask me to remain friends "a friend with benefits"! I told him you want me to remain your friend and keep you satisfied physically while you continue your phone, internet and texting intimacy, I don't think so! He has played with my mind for so long I am feeling quite messed up. Another thing we are in our 40's! Please help, I feel like I am sinking!! Melinda I have just left a 31/2 year relationship with this man because of emotional cheating, since I left I have had some regrets and keep wondering if I have done the right thing. I truly love this man, but I look back at all his emotional cheating and all the lies that came with it and it makes me very sad and angry. I feel like the last few years of my life have been based on a lie and feel violated. When we first met he made me feel so secure, made me believe I could trust him, that I was the only woman in his life. Then I found out about the calls from his past girlfriend, they would text each other she would send pictures of her breasts to him and much more. His older daughter heard him on the phone one time and made sure to tell her not tell me about this, he had her lie! This went on for our entire relationship. Then I found out about others, his therapist he wanted (I found an email to her), he would go online and flirt with other woman. Then he connected on a website and found some old friends (woman) they would chat endlessly. I found myself feeling very insecure and jealous. I tried talking to him and he said we are just “friends” as well as all the others, yeah right!. Then the last one was an old friend (his younger daughters godmother) her husband had just left her so my “boyfriend” became her connection to make her feel better. They were on the phone 2-3 times a day, texting and connecting on this website. I saw what was happening we would argue all the time, I was tired of trying to make him see me and appreciate me, I was exhausted trying, so I left. So why do I feel so sad?

In the past three years we tried therapy only to go a few times, and every time I would ask can we make another appt (you see it was through his insurance so he had to make the appointments) he never did. I would try talking he would say I know I’m sorry but then it would continue, this was all done behind my back. Several times I told him please if you don’t want this relationship be honest and just say so, his reply would be I love you and want you, your the only one. But it continued.

He tries really hard to impress everyone except the people in his direct life such as myself, his daughters (he disappoints them also). He makes sure he finds the time for his “friends” but not his family.

Another thing he has been doing since I left is ask me to remain friends “a friend with benefits”! I told him you want me to remain your friend and keep you satisfied physically while you continue your phone, internet and texting intimacy, I don’t think so! He has played with my mind for so long I am feeling quite messed up. Another thing we are in our 40′s!

Please help, I feel like I am sinking!!

Melinda

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-8980 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Thu, 25 Feb 2010 03:32:35 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-8980 Dear heartbroken, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's attraction to his old friend -- that truly is devastating. Yes, marriage counseling is a great idea...and I hope you take comfort in the fact that their attraction is likely based on infatuation and idealizations from the past. They're heady and giddy from their puppy love days, and are reliving their youths. Adulthood can be painful, and so can marriage -- and it sounds to me like they're using each other as an escape from reality. But, that doesn't heal your heart or save your marriage! My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope you and he are able to work together to salvage your marriage and rebuild trust. It's a long process, but if you're both committed, it may happen faster than you think. Let me know how things go, and I wish you all the best. Blessings, Laurie Dear heartbroken,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s attraction to his old friend — that truly is devastating.

Yes, marriage counseling is a great idea…and I hope you take comfort in the fact that their attraction is likely based on infatuation and idealizations from the past. They’re heady and giddy from their puppy love days, and are reliving their youths. Adulthood can be painful, and so can marriage — and it sounds to me like they’re using each other as an escape from reality.

But, that doesn’t heal your heart or save your marriage!

My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope you and he are able to work together to salvage your marriage and rebuild trust. It’s a long process, but if you’re both committed, it may happen faster than you think.

Let me know how things go, and I wish you all the best.

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: heartbroken http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-8963 heartbroken Wed, 24 Feb 2010 12:12:03 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-8963 My husband just recently reconnected with an old middle school friend. He told me about it and how happy he was to reconnect with her and everything. He is back home now visiting family and she lives in the same town so of course he meets with her and her family. They have been emailing each other everyday. Well I came across one of the emails yesterday that just tore me apart. It basically said that my husband felt like he couldn't trust himself around her that he would want to try something with her (like kiss) but at the same time doesn't want to mess up the great things they both have- their friendship and marriages. He just wanted to let her know what he thinks about when he sees her or hears her voice. That he would try to keep it inside from now on. Key word Try. And then she replies that a part of her is relieved that it wasn't just a middle school crush. That she finds herself wanting to talk to him all the time and that she keeps checking if he emailed her. She feels the same intensity that he does and it scares her. She looks at her husband and still loves him and nothing has changed since my husband came back into her life which is good. She says that she realizes that he will always hold a piece of her heart which pounds at the thought of him. Of course I confronted my husband on this and he wrote back nothing happened. He made sure that he only met her with her family around. That he loves me only. So I emailed him how I felt betrayed and empty inside and of course a lot more stuff. Then he emails he never thought of it that way but he can see how I would feel like that. That he is truly sorry and he will do anything to make it up to me and show me that he really does love me and everything. I also emailed the friend. She emailed saying she was really sorry that I got hurt but nothing went on (physically) that it was only a middle school crush. That my husband loves me and he talked about how happy he was and everything. So I replied and let her know how I felt about what went on. That something did happen even if it wasn't physical. Plus I let her know I wasn't going to tell her husband to ruin her marriage like she did mine. I don't know I'm just hurt mostly by him. How can he say those things about another woman. I haven't emailed or talked to him since. I want to save our marriage and so does he but it just hurts so much right now that I don't want to deal with it. I guess we should see a counselor. I think I will give it another day or two before I reply back to him. My husband just recently reconnected with an old middle school friend. He told me about it and how happy he was to reconnect with her and everything. He is back home now visiting family and she lives in the same town so of course he meets with her and her family. They have been emailing each other everyday.

Well I came across one of the emails yesterday that just tore me apart. It basically said that my husband felt like he couldn’t trust himself around her that he would want to try something with her (like kiss) but at the same time doesn’t want to mess up the great things they both have- their friendship and marriages. He just wanted to let her know what he thinks about when he sees her or hears her voice. That he would try to keep it inside from now on. Key word Try. And then she replies that a part of her is relieved that it wasn’t just a middle school crush. That she finds herself wanting to talk to him all the time and that she keeps checking if he emailed her. She feels the same intensity that he does and it scares her. She looks at her husband and still loves him and nothing has changed since my husband came back into her life which is good. She says that she realizes that he will always hold a piece of her heart which pounds at the thought of him.

Of course I confronted my husband on this and he wrote back nothing happened. He made sure that he only met her with her family around. That he loves me only. So I emailed him how I felt betrayed and empty inside and of course a lot more stuff. Then he emails he never thought of it that way but he can see how I would feel like that. That he is truly sorry and he will do anything to make it up to me and show me that he really does love me and everything.

I also emailed the friend. She emailed saying she was really sorry that I got hurt but nothing went on (physically) that it was only a middle school crush. That my husband loves me and he talked about how happy he was and everything. So I replied and let her know how I felt about what went on. That something did happen even if it wasn’t physical. Plus I let her know I wasn’t going to tell her husband to ruin her marriage like she did mine.

I don’t know I’m just hurt mostly by him. How can he say those things about another woman. I haven’t emailed or talked to him since. I want to save our marriage and so does he but it just hurts so much right now that I don’t want to deal with it. I guess we should see a counselor. I think I will give it another day or two before I reply back to him.

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-8556 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:27:54 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-8556 Dear Mrs Jackson, I'm sad to hear about your marriage...it's very difficult to be in an unhappy marriage, but not have the financial resources to leave. Can you call a local distress line or women's shelter? There may be sources of financial support in your community -- you just have to do a little digging to uncover them! If you explain what it's like to live with your husband, you may be able to get help. Even if he's not emotionally cheating or having an "affair of the heart", it's clear that you two aren't happy together. Please do make a few calls, and let me know how it goes... Blessings, Laurie Dear Mrs Jackson,

I’m sad to hear about your marriage…it’s very difficult to be in an unhappy marriage, but not have the financial resources to leave.

Can you call a local distress line or women’s shelter? There may be sources of financial support in your community — you just have to do a little digging to uncover them! If you explain what it’s like to live with your husband, you may be able to get help. Even if he’s not emotionally cheating or having an “affair of the heart”, it’s clear that you two aren’t happy together.

Please do make a few calls, and let me know how it goes…

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Mrs.Jackson http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-8529 Mrs.Jackson Sun, 24 Jan 2010 03:16:21 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-8529 My husband and I are not no longer sleeping in the same room far less the same bed. I am not no longer in love with him I love him because of the child that we share but he is so damn meand to the child it makes me angry. My husband is drowinin in religion that he does not know how to enjoy how to be married. He dose not take care of himself which is a second strike and if he scratches my backs he runs to clean his nails as if I am nasty. He selfish and stingy to his family but to others he is so given. He has walked off and left me three to four times and I realy do not understand why he came back because I have been a single mom for a long time so it was no thing. We dont talk to each other. I wandt to be able to move on and I cant due to fincail reason, but the relationship is so toxic and I am very depress by it . My husband and I are not no longer sleeping in the same room far less the same bed. I am not no longer in love with him I love him because of the child that we share but he is so damn meand to the child it makes me angry. My husband is drowinin in religion that he does not know how to enjoy how to be married. He dose not take care of himself which is a second strike and if he scratches my backs he runs to clean his nails as if I am nasty. He selfish and stingy to his family but to others he is so given. He has walked off and left me three to four times and I realy do not understand why he came back because I have been a single mom for a long time so it was no thing. We dont talk to each other. I wandt to be able to move on and I cant due to fincail reason, but the relationship is so toxic and I am very depress by it .

]]> By: Mrs. B http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-8280 Mrs. B Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:21:46 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-8280 Thanks Laurie, I certainly will keep in touch. Ms. B AKA: Mrs. B Thanks Laurie, I certainly will keep in touch.

Ms. B AKA: Mrs. B

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/emotional-cheating-innocent-friendships-cause-problems/comment-page-5/#comment-8279 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Wed, 06 Jan 2010 23:42:24 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=400#comment-8279 Mrs B, You have so much insight and self-awareness! That's great. It's interesting that this may be less about your husband, and more about your own dissatisfaction with your life. The beauty of this discovery is that you have the POWER, intelligence, motivation, and strength to change your life. You don't have to sit at home and wait to see what happens! Let me know how it goes as you return to the workforce... Laurie Mrs B,

You have so much insight and self-awareness! That’s great. It’s interesting that this may be less about your husband, and more about your own dissatisfaction with your life.

The beauty of this discovery is that you have the POWER, intelligence, motivation, and strength to change your life. You don’t have to sit at home and wait to see what happens!

Let me know how it goes as you return to the workforce…

Laurie

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