Comments on: When You Caused Your Pet’s Death – Coping With Guilt http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/ Got goals? Need a push in the right direction? You've come to the right place! Wed, 23 May 2012 15:32:09 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Becky http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-44100 Becky Sun, 20 May 2012 16:09:16 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-44100 Renee-I am in a similar situation as you and I understand your grief and guilt. The day befor mother's day I forgot my dog was outside with me when he wandered away from sitting with me on the deck. I found him in the road dead, only about 10 minutes had lapsed and we live in rural Maine with a huge backyard. He was practically a baby at just 16 months old and I am so heartbroken right now. My husband was wonderfully supportive, I'm not sure I could deal with what your husband is doing to you on top of the grief and guilt. It would be too much to bear. Please consider greif counseling and surround yourself with as many supportive people as you can. I am avoiding unsupportive people as it just makes the hurt worse. Hugs.... Renee-I am in a similar situation as you and I understand your grief and guilt. The day befor mother’s day I forgot my dog was outside with me when he wandered away from sitting with me on the deck. I found him in the road dead, only about 10 minutes had lapsed and we live in rural Maine with a huge backyard. He was practically a baby at just 16 months old and I am so heartbroken right now.
My husband was wonderfully supportive, I’m not sure I could deal with what your husband is doing to you on top of the grief and guilt. It would be too much to bear. Please consider greif counseling and surround yourself with as many supportive people as you can. I am avoiding unsupportive people as it just makes the hurt worse. Hugs….

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-43364 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Mon, 07 May 2012 16:38:51 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-43364 Dear Renee, I'm so sorry about your dog's death, and that you feel you caused it. And, it's especially painful because of your husband's reaction! It must seem overwhelming. I really, really recommend the book I mentioned in this article -- the one about Self-Compassion. You need to forgive yourself for forgetting your dog was outside. You made an honest mistake, and you need to stop beating yourself up over it. It was an accident, and unfortunately it had terrible consequences. But the consequences don't make it any less of an accident! My heart goes out to you. I hope your husband will be able to forgive you -- he may be reacting so harshly towards you because he feels devastated, helpless, and overwhelmed with grief. He isn't thinking clearly, and I'm sure that once he mourns your dog's death, he will take back his harsh words to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sincerely, Laurie Dear Renee,

I’m so sorry about your dog’s death, and that you feel you caused it. And, it’s especially painful because of your husband’s reaction! It must seem overwhelming.

I really, really recommend the book I mentioned in this article — the one about Self-Compassion. You need to forgive yourself for forgetting your dog was outside. You made an honest mistake, and you need to stop beating yourself up over it. It was an accident, and unfortunately it had terrible consequences. But the consequences don’t make it any less of an accident!

My heart goes out to you. I hope your husband will be able to forgive you — he may be reacting so harshly towards you because he feels devastated, helpless, and overwhelmed with grief. He isn’t thinking clearly, and I’m sure that once he mourns your dog’s death, he will take back his harsh words to you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sincerely,
Laurie

]]> By: Renee Wright http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-43296 Renee Wright Sun, 06 May 2012 16:42:09 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-43296 I accidentally caused our English Bulldogs death by forgetting he was outside...we live in TX and by most standards, it was only warm, but he couldn't take the heat. It just tears me up and I am riddled with guilt and sorrow...what's worse is my spouse told me immediately after that I was selfish and did not deserve a dog...along with a few other things, basically anything mean he could think to say...but no comfort...and now he tells me when I'm grieving, to get over it...I can't...I loved our dog...he was my companion and I just can't forgive myself for not being there when he needed me. I accidentally caused our English Bulldogs death by forgetting he was outside…we live in TX and by most standards, it was only warm, but he couldn’t take the heat. It just tears me up and I am riddled with guilt and sorrow…what’s worse is my spouse told me immediately after that I was selfish and did not deserve a dog…along with a few other things, basically anything mean he could think to say…but no comfort…and now he tells me when I’m grieving, to get over it…I can’t…I loved our dog…he was my companion and
I just can’t forgive myself for not being there when he needed me.

]]> By: Memow Miller http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-42657 Memow Miller Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:43:35 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-42657 My beautiful Lilly- only 4 years old- and, I know everyone says it, but the most unique cat ever. I had to put her to sleep after she started to deteriorate from a chronic kidney problem (she was, we discovered, after an ultrasound, born with only one kidney and the other misshapen and too small). She became very ill last year at the same time but pulled through- so we spent the winter dreading this month coming around again. This time we were "prepared" - can you ever really be? Does anyone really know for sure that you did the right thing? I know in my head, yes, but I still spend sleepless nights with guilt. I still feel her jumping onto my bed at night and curling at my feet. And I still cry- and am as I write this today. My beautiful Lilly- only 4 years old- and, I know everyone says it, but the most unique cat ever. I had to put her to sleep after she started to deteriorate from a chronic kidney problem (she was, we discovered, after an ultrasound, born with only one kidney and the other misshapen and too small). She became very ill last year at the same time but pulled through- so we spent the winter dreading this month coming around again. This time we were “prepared” – can you ever really be?
Does anyone really know for sure that you did the right thing? I know in my head, yes, but I still spend sleepless nights with guilt. I still feel her jumping onto my bed at night and curling at my feet. And I still cry- and am as I write this today.

]]> By: KJ http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-42026 KJ Tue, 10 Apr 2012 05:21:23 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-42026 4 days ago we said goodbye to our beloved cat. In January he suddenly stopped eating and we took him to the vet. They did bloodwork and found nothing out of the ordinary, and assumed it was dental problems causing him not to eat. We scheduled him in the next day for a tooth cleaning and an extraction. We also had him on antibiotics, meds to coat his stomach and an appetite stimulant. The vet bills were huge and none of it helped. Sometimes he would eat, but mostly he just licked at his food and due to this had lost a lot of weight. Last Thursday I found him in distress, suffering from a seizure or maybe a stroke, I don't know. We rushed him to the vet who told us to euthanize, which we did. I wish I had noticed his weight loss earlier. I am sick with guilt over the fact that I did not have more testing done, or get a second opinion from another vet or SOMETHING that may have prolonged his life. I was home Thursday afternooon, upstairs with music playing, and I did not go check on him and maybe he was crying and I didn't hear it. I don't remember if I petted him the day before. I feel like a monster. I have barely eaten since this happened, cannot stop crying and am now in physical pain from an old car accident injury that hasn't bothered me in years. My husband doesn't understand why I am blaming myself, he was the actual owner of our cat (took him in 10 years ago as a stray) and was mostly responsible for his care. He is happy that we were able to give him a loving home and let him live out his time in peace. But all I can think about is the what-ifs, and am running all these different scenarios in my head. Even though we have several other cats that are quite elderly and in great health, I feel like I've failed. I'm so sad and I desperately miss him. 4 days ago we said goodbye to our beloved cat. In January he suddenly stopped eating and we took him to the vet. They did bloodwork and found nothing out of the ordinary, and assumed it was dental problems causing him not to eat. We scheduled him in the next day for a tooth cleaning and an extraction. We also had him on antibiotics, meds to coat his stomach and an appetite stimulant. The vet bills were huge and none of it helped. Sometimes he would eat, but mostly he just licked at his food and due to this had lost a lot of weight. Last Thursday I found him in distress, suffering from a seizure or maybe a stroke, I don’t know. We rushed him to the vet who told us to euthanize, which we did. I wish I had noticed his weight loss earlier. I am sick with guilt over the fact that I did not have more testing done, or get a second opinion from another vet or SOMETHING that may have prolonged his life. I was home Thursday afternooon, upstairs with music playing, and I did not go check on him and maybe he was crying and I didn’t hear it. I don’t remember if I petted him the day before. I feel like a monster. I have barely eaten since this happened, cannot stop crying and am now in physical pain from an old car accident injury that hasn’t bothered me in years. My husband doesn’t understand why I am blaming myself, he was the actual owner of our cat (took him in 10 years ago as a stray) and was mostly responsible for his care. He is happy that we were able to give him a loving home and let him live out his time in peace. But all I can think about is the what-ifs, and am running all these different scenarios in my head. Even though we have several other cats that are quite elderly and in great health, I feel like I’ve failed. I’m so sad and I desperately miss him.

]]> By: Wendy G http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-42015 Wendy G Tue, 10 Apr 2012 02:48:13 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-42015 My friend, listener, and cuddle buddy was made a star today 4/09/2012. I never thought it would be so hard, but it was. Crazie had deteriorated when we left her at a friends house in between moves. In the last months started to have seizures, not eating, had a hard time walk, but never gave up on trying to get a drink from the bathroom sink or tub. I carried her up and down the stairs since she would try to follow. I brought her home to my parents house to have my dad help me, but Crazie looked like she was getting better. She was eating, drinking and cuddling (snuck her into the bedroom) Her purr was loud, how can I have done this to her!! She has always been there for me and I let her down. I carried her out of the vet crying my eyes out and waited for her to wake up. It feels just like yesterday that we picked her up from some lady outside walmart. Ever since that day, she was mine. Crazie would always cuddle under my left arm and purr till she fell asleep. Always there to greet me when I came home or didn't really want to talk. I am still waiting for her to jump on the bed to make me stop writing and pay her some mind. LOL. I miss you a lot Crazie!!!!! You gave me a great 13 years and I hope I did the same for you. My friend, listener, and cuddle buddy was made a star today 4/09/2012. I never thought it would be so hard, but it was. Crazie had deteriorated when we left her at a friends house in between moves. In the last months started to have seizures, not eating, had a hard time walk, but never gave up on trying to get a drink from the bathroom sink or tub. I carried her up and down the stairs since she would try to follow. I brought her home to my parents house to have my dad help me, but Crazie looked like she was getting better. She was eating, drinking and cuddling (snuck her into the bedroom) Her purr was loud, how can I have done this to her!! She has always been there for me and I let her down. I carried her out of the vet crying my eyes out and waited for her to wake up.
It feels just like yesterday that we picked her up from some lady outside walmart. Ever since that day, she was mine. Crazie would always cuddle under my left arm and purr till she fell asleep. Always there to greet me when I came home or didn’t really want to talk. I am still waiting for her to jump on the bed to make me stop writing and pay her some mind. LOL. I miss you a lot Crazie!!!!! You gave me a great 13 years and I hope I did the same for you.

]]> By: Jennifer S. From Oregon http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-41503 Jennifer S. From Oregon Mon, 02 Apr 2012 22:37:43 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-41503 Today 4/2/12 we also had to put our beloved 12 year old Yellow Labrador Bruiser down. We had him since he was a puppy and he was the best and most loyal & mellow dog we’ve had. He had a severe seizure last week and his back legs became paralyzed to where he could hardly walk or go potty and he was so sad and clearly in pain. I know we & the Vet made the right decision but it’s so difficult. I almost don’t want to go home & see his empty yard. Sometimes I feel guilty for not walking him enough, etc.. Last winter we had to also put our sweet 5 year old kitty down due to liver failure. It’s so hard to see your Pets in pain and dying. Seems like these days our beloved pets keep passing away. Today 4/2/12 we also had to put our beloved 12 year old Yellow Labrador Bruiser down. We had him since he was a puppy and he was the best and most loyal & mellow dog we’ve had. He had a severe seizure last week and his back legs became paralyzed to where he could hardly walk or go potty and he was so sad and clearly in pain. I know we & the Vet made the right decision but it’s so difficult. I almost don’t want to go home & see his empty yard. Sometimes I feel guilty for not walking him enough, etc.. Last winter we had to also put our sweet 5 year old kitty down due to liver failure. It’s so hard to see your Pets in pain and dying. Seems like these days our beloved pets keep passing away.

]]> By: Ck http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-41449 Ck Sun, 01 Apr 2012 23:38:59 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-41449 Today we put our 13yr old german sheperd down. He had hip problems and was falling and injured his back. He was feeling pain in his hip that he couldnt sit down properly anymore. Three months ago he had a surgury and got tumor removed and was 34kg (already skinny). and yesterday went to vet he was 28kg. and was eating normally but still decreased in weight due to age and the vet recommended me to put him down and we did it the next day(today). I felt guilty for making the decision having him put down and also i felt i could have done so much more in making his life better.Hes been a part of me like seeing him is like a habit,a habit similar to something we had to do like brushing teeth and taking a shower. I just cant imagine walking in the backyard not seeing him and always calling his name out. Gucci! my friend told me hes free now and its better for him. Yeah i know but i just miss him so much so so much. Today we put our 13yr old german sheperd down. He had hip problems and was falling and injured his back. He was feeling pain in his hip that he couldnt sit down properly anymore. Three months ago he had a surgury and got tumor removed and was 34kg (already skinny). and yesterday went to vet he was 28kg. and was eating normally but still decreased in weight due to age and the vet recommended me to put him down and we did it the next day(today). I felt guilty for making the decision having him put down and also i felt i could have done so much more in making his life better.Hes been a part of me like seeing him is like a habit,a habit similar to something we had to do like brushing teeth and taking a shower. I just cant imagine walking in the backyard not seeing him and always calling his name out. Gucci! my friend told me hes free now and its better for him. Yeah i know but i just miss him so much so so much.

]]> By: DB http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-41065 DB Mon, 26 Mar 2012 03:57:44 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-41065 Today we put our beagle down and I'm still in shock that it's all over. Cody was 13 and probably could have gone for a few more years but he was getting more and more agitated with the noise making and running our kids would do on a daily basis. Rather than face a more serious situation, we decided that a change had to be made. After calling several shelters, we found that none could take in a dog of his age, and some vets recommended euthanasia. Rather than wait for an illness to cause him pain or worse, a bite to one of our children, we decided to go ahead with it. I couldn't even bring myself to accompany my wife and father as they left for the vet, and I didn't even want to look him in the eye and say goodbye because I knew what it would do to me inside. We LOVE you Cody, and may we all be reunited again in heaven, old friend. Today we put our beagle down and I’m still in shock that it’s all over. Cody was 13 and probably could have gone for a few more years but he was getting more and more agitated with the noise making and running our kids would do on a daily basis. Rather than face a more serious situation, we decided that a change had to be made. After calling several shelters, we found that none could take in a dog of his age, and some vets recommended euthanasia. Rather than wait for an illness to cause him pain or worse, a bite to one of our children, we decided to go ahead with it. I couldn’t even bring myself to accompany my wife and father as they left for the vet, and I didn’t even want to look him in the eye and say goodbye because I knew what it would do to me inside. We LOVE you Cody, and may we all be reunited again in heaven, old friend.

]]> By: Stephanie http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/death-pet-coping-with-grief-guilt-after-pet-dies/comment-page-4/#comment-41064 Stephanie Mon, 26 Mar 2012 03:23:00 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=2147#comment-41064 I had to put my 13yr old siamese cat Marty to sleep on saturday due to mistakes made by his old vet he ended up with an infection in his system due to his teeth and also kidney failure he was in so much pain he cried out loud stopped eating and drinking i could not see him suffer anymore and i had to make the choice to have him put to sleep it hurt me to do it but the vet said it was so bad that it was the best choice i can't function Marty was my bestfriend in ways he loved me no matter what he kept me company he cuddled up beside me on the bed and nestled his head on my arm watched tv with me now he is gone and i am a wreck i can't afford to have him cremated i can't bury him in my back yard can't afford to get him a plot so my cat can't rest and neither can i knowing he is at peace when he isn't right now to cremate a 4lb cat the want $200.00 dollars or more i wanted to keep him close to me in my home in a nice urn i don't know what to do this is killing me i want my cat to rest and be at peace i love you Marty i did what i thought was right for you. I had to put my 13yr old siamese cat Marty to sleep on saturday due to mistakes made by his old vet he ended up with an infection in his system due to his teeth and also kidney failure he was in so much pain he cried out loud stopped eating and drinking i could not see him suffer anymore and i had to make the choice to have him put to sleep it hurt me to do it but the vet said it was so bad that it was the best choice i can’t function Marty was my bestfriend in ways he loved me no matter what he kept me company he cuddled up beside me on the bed and nestled his head on my arm watched tv with me now he is gone and i am a wreck i can’t afford to have him cremated i can’t bury him in my back yard can’t afford to get him a plot so my cat can’t rest and neither can i knowing he is at peace when he isn’t right now to cremate a 4lb cat the want $200.00 dollars or more i wanted to keep him close to me in my home in a nice urn i don’t know what to do this is killing me i want my cat to rest and be at peace i love you Marty i did what i thought was right for you.

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