When You Caused Your Pet’s Death – Coping With Guilt
The one thing worse than your dog or cat dying is feeling like you cause your pet’s death. Here are a few ways to cope with the guilt of putting your pet down or accidentally causing your pet’s death.
These tips for healing are inspired by a reader who had to put his dog down. Saying good-bye to your beloved dog or cat is heartbreaking - and it’s even worse if you feel guilty about your pet’s death. I hope these tips help.
Before the tips, a quip:
“If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there,” says Pam Brown. “Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them.”
Even though your dog or cat is no longer here with you, your lives and souls are still entangled.
If you’re struggling with grief and guilty feelings because of the circumstances surrounding your dog or cat’s death, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss. I interviewed veterinarians, grief counselors, and pet experts for the best ways to survive the death of a beloved dog or cat, and I included stories from real pet owners who coped with guilt and grief in sometimes surprising ways.
And, here are several ways to survive the pain of causing your pet’s death.
When You Caused Your Pet’s Death – 4 Ways to Cope With the Guilt
Some people accidentally cause their dog or cat’s death by accidentally leaving them in harm’s way. The most important thing to remember is that you did NOT kill your pet on purpose!
If your actions led to your pet’s death, you have to keep reminding yourself that you did not deliberately harm your dog or cat. It was an accident, and you would have done things differently if you had know what would happen.
Identify “imagined” guilt about the loss of your dog or cat
Not recognizing that your Yorkie, cockapoo, or Siamese cat was ill doesn’t mean that you weren’t paying attention or taking good care of him or her! This is imagined guilt. Animals can’t always communicate their physical health; pet owners can’t see inside their bodies and brains.
Another type of “imagined” guilt is if you’ve accidentally caused your pet’s death by letting him out, keeping him in, or losing track of his whereabouts. If you did not deliberately set out to harm your pet, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. I know this is easier said than done – and it takes effort to forgive yourself.
If you’re dealing with imagined guilt because of your pet’s death, remember that sometimes illness or disease overcomes our dogs, cats, and other beloved pets…and there’s nothing we can do. This loss of control is a very painful — but real — part of life.
If you feel unbearably guilty about causing your pet’s death, read Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind by Kristen Neff. It’s one of the best books I’ve ever read, especially for people who hate themselves for things they’ve done. For a quick preview, read my article about overcoming self-hatred and forgiving yourself.
Remember that it’s normal to feel guilty when your dog or cat dies
Whether your guilt is real or imagined, know that it is a normal grief reaction. Even the most “innocent” pet owners feel guilt over a pet’s death. For instance, I now cringe when I recall how angry I was at my beloved cat, Zoey, for scratching the basement door (I didn’t realize the door to her litter box was shut tight, and she couldn’t get in). That was over 12 years ago, and I still feel guilty!
Healing after you had to put your pet down often requires forgiving yourself.
Identify “real” guilt about your pet’s death
Real guilt may spring from your feelings that you neglected your dog or cat’s annual vaccinations, daily food intake, exercise habits, and “quality time” with you. If you’re struggling with real guilt, remember that you had reasons for doing what you did. The stress of money, work, kids, marriage, and daily life may have taken precedence over how you treated your pet. Maybe you didn’t make the best choices.
Healing after your pet’s death involves accepting that you wish you would’ve done things differently — and talking this through with your family, friends, or loved ones.
Remember what you did right — because you did a lot right!
Your dog or cat loved you beyond all reason – so you must have done something right. How did you love and take care of your pet? Balance your real guilt with the real ways you loved your pet. You took good care of your dog or cat in many ways; don’t wave that away.
Coping with your pet’s death isn’t just about mourning; it’s about cherishing the best parts of your life with your dog or cat.
More Articles About Coping With Pet Death
- Can’t Live Without Your Pet? How to Survive Your Pet’s Death
- 4 Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Pet Dies
- Spiritual Ways to Survive Pet Loss – Heaven, Prayers, Memorials
Category: Cats and Kitty Tips, Dogs & Doggy Care Tips, Pet Care Tips
I wrote about my story two weeks ago. I lost my love, my pet Dana. She was evrything to me even if some people think that she was only a rat. I loved her very much and she loved me. She was alweys there for me when I neded a shoulder to cry on. My family doesn`t care much so when I need someone to talk to I feel alone. I know that she was sick and up in age but when I made the descision to put her to sleep I wasn`t ready and now I wish the vet would have helped me to understand the magnitude of the guilt that I have to deal with afterwards which is very deep inside of me. I know that I made the descision for her, but it is still haunting me. Even though I only had her for only a couple years, the impact she had on my life and the bond we had was very strong and something I never experienced with anything. It’s been a month since she has passed and I still haven’t been able to fill that empty void she left behind. I know many people have had pets for many years such as with cats and dogs but I would appreciate any words of comfort to deal with my loss. Love to all who are currently dealing with the loss of their beloved pets.
Lin,
Wow, our stories really do kind of mirror each other, don’t they? I had tons and tons of guilt over Magic’s diet. He used to be on a special diet when he was 5 after he had surgery to reconstruct his uretha. But most of his bladder problems had cleared up and he never really liked science diet or iams. But in the last couple of months his appetite had changed and we were trying many different things, one being fancy feast shrimp feast which he loved but now afterwards I find out it’s very bad for someone in that condition. But someone said it might have done him some good since he wasn’t really eating like he used to.
I’ve beat myself up so much over this even though I’ve had some amazing support and reassurance since it’s happened. Someone said that even if I didn’t have any guilt over Magic’s death than I would have probably found something else to feel guilty over. And amazingly enough that’s true. Once I started down from my guilt spiral over his death I would go back to times to when I didn’t want him on me (which really wasn’t all that often, I loved spending time with him and he was pretty spoiled with attention) or wishing that I had cleaned his bowl out better, stuff like that my husband thinks is crazy but I can’t help it. I just miss him period and I think when it comes down to it, it’s just going to take time and I have to work though it.
Mystery (love the name) sounds like she was just as special as our Magic. And there had to be a reason she showed up at “your” doorstep. I’m sure her life was filled with happiness and love by the sound of it.
Thanks so much for your reply, it’s a comfort to know I’m not alone and likewise I hope you too, realize that Mystery had an amazing Mommy who loved her very much
For JulieB,
Reflecting on being plagued by “what ifs” as well, I just had to have my cat Mystery euthanized this morning (Tuesday). I am mirroring your story with mine. She was about 12 (found her on my doorstep as a kit-kat so her age was a guess). She was at the lower range of a cat’s average age. She also had hyperthyroidism and was dying of kidney and heart complications. I feel awful too, assuming her weight loss, constant eating, and throwing up was related to summer heat, seasonal shedding, and a change of diet. She also used to be quite obese (without anti-depressants!). It was only in the past several months that I noticed her weight loss and change of coat texture, and assumed (something that I am terribly regretting) that is was also just an aspect of her aging. Mystery did not act normally for the past month, but not enough to get me to a vet. She had not been to vet in 10 years, because she would fight me fang and claw when I tried to get her into a carrier. I thought the stress of the struggle and the trip would cause her to have to be treated for high blood pressure! I also had an instinct that this ‘was it’ as I felt I was reliving a past scenario with my previous cat who was dying and I didn’t realize it. Still afraid to put Mystery through the stress of being dragged to the vet I arranged for a ($$$) house call. Within 24 hours, the house call was completed with blood work done and fluids administered. Then, based on the test results I had to bring her in to the vet yesterday afternoon, having started to say my goodbyes for the past 3 weeks but hoping I was just paranoid. This morning my boyfriend and I paid our last visit to Mystery in an examining room, talking to her, petting her, and saying goodbye. Her personality was still somewhere in there (in her eyes), but the cat I really knew and loved was lying on a blanket, scared, distressed, and disoriented – a shell of her feisty self. We did stay with her to the end, as the meds were given, and it was indescribably heartbreaking to feel her leave. I am devastated as I write this.
So one difference is that I was there in the end, but the guilt is not necessarily less because there is still all the second-guessing about everything else. I only wish I had held her in my lap, but couldn’t think of it at the moment. If Magic was like Mystery, the distress of a body and breathing failing may not have been the last memory you would have wanted to take away. You made the best choice you could at the time.
I have many regrets that I will eventually have to forgive myself for (like a diet that seems to be associated with hyperthyroidism) because I did the best I could for the all of the years I had with Mystery. I will grieve and mourn and remember how blessed I was discovering her on my doorstep 11 years ago, and I hope to find solace in knowing I did the best I could during a crisis. You did the best you could too.
Hope this brings some peace to you,
Lin
Dear Laurie,
I too, am plagued with so many “what ifs” of my pet cat Magic’s passing, this past Friday. He was 19 and half and I know he had a long life but apparently he had hyperthyroidism and was dying of liver failure. I feel awful because we assumed his weight loss, constant eating and throwing up somehow related to the fact that he was diagnosed as ocd when he was 9 or 10. In fact he used to be quite obese and over the years after taking off prozac he seemed pretty happy and peaceful and it was only the last few years that we really noticed the weight loss was quite a bit but then we once again assumed (something I’m really regretting) was that it was just an aspect of his aging. Magic acted normal until two days before we took him him in. He hadn’t been to the vet in ages, he was quite the fighter and at 15 or 16, we thought in some ways it would make him worse. I don’t know. But in the end, when his behavior changed drastically, I had an instinct this was it. But still didn’t know and at the vet had to make fast decisions, and one of them that puts the most guilt on me is the fact that my husband and I cried with him, said our goodbyes and chose not to be with him in the end, we couldn’t bear it. Now I feel I betrayed Magic and it continually breaks my heart. We lavished such love on him because we had no children of our own, and he us (he constantly was with us) and yet the only I can think about is not being there to comfort him in the final moments of his life.
Dear Patrizia,
You have to know that you did the right thing! Your pet was suffering, and in pain. Letting her live would be like torturing her, which is not a loving way to treat your pet.
You made the right decision, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. You’re feeling misplaced or inappropriate guilt — becauuse there’s no reason to feel guilty for making the best decision you could!
Please read this article about letting go of guilt:
Dealing With Guilty Feelings When Your Pet Dies
The tips in this article, and the one above, are my best ways to get over the guilt of your pet’s death. You need to take control of your feelings, and keep telling yourself that you made the right decision.
I hope this helps.
Blessings,
Laurie
We rescued our pet rat Dana from being eaten by a snake. She became part of our family for two years. Her age was probablly 2 1/2. The last couple of months she grew tumors and developed respiratory problems, and she lost wieght. Barely drinking and eating. Needlees to say she was sick. Brought her to the vet and he prescribed antibiotics for her. A week later she got worse. Having a difficult time breathing, grasping for air. We took her back to the vet and he adviced us to put her to sleep so she wouldnt suffer and suffocate to death eventually. We took a few minutes and said our goobyes and then let her go, after of course considering all other options which he said would be to no avail. Now I can not get over the guilt of having made such a decision. All the what if’s come to my mind. Was it her time? Please help me to cope and understand.
THANK YOU.
Nate – just read your post, so sorry to hear of your loss of Petey, it is indeed heartbreaking – we lost our dog of 14 years old 3 weeks ago to cancer and the pain is still so raw. We are full of guilt of wish we had treated him more, cuddled him more, so many thoughts. We miss him so much as all of us on here do. I hope you recover soon and can be strong – but of course you will miss her forever.
I lost my little Petey last Monday at 9:40 a.m. She evidently had a heart attack two days previous the vet said. She was breathing so shallow, I took her in to get checked and that is what I was told. I had a feeling that she was near the end, but I didn’t want to accept it. I wanted to be selfish, but I decided it best to let her go. I miss her so. I have such a whole in my heart that I am in pain it seems. I miss her waking me up, greeting me at the door, all those things I took for granted. There is never enough time in life, so while you have it, make sure you use it wisely. I had my little life for years. It wasn’t long enough. It just goes so fast. Petey was a wonderful and sweet friend, a caring companion, a forgiving and tolerant pal. I will truly miss her sweet face. The world moves really fast… slow down and pet your friend a little longer. They ask so little. Goodbye my friend.
Dear Celeste,
I’m so sorry to hear about your cat…you’ve had such a long time with him, and it’s heartbreaking that he’s gone. Saying good-bye is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do…
But, you have to remember that this was your final act of love towards him. It was time for Baby to leave, after 15 years of happiness, comfort, and joy with you. You didn’t want to let him go because you loved him so much, and you finally decided to let go because you loved him so much!
You’ve been acting out of love the whole time, and you should not feel guilty about that.
How will you remember him? Some people find pet memorial stones very comforting, while others create photo albums or urns of ashes. Others make a collage of pictures for the wall. Memorializing him won’t take the pain away, but it could help you work through your grief. And, make sure you give yourself time to grieve. Losing a pet is like losing a member of your family, and the sadness and loss doesn’t just go away overnight.
No matter how you choose to keep his memory alive — even if it’s just in your heart — remember that you did the right thing. You loved him all the way to the end, and that included letting him go.
In sympathy,
Laurie
I am totally heartbroken…Today, June 7, 2010, I made the decision to put my cat, Baby, who had given me 15 years of happiness thru bad times, to sleep as it became clear that he was never getting better from his paralysis and with his incontinence and all, I was selfish to keep him suffering that way, just because I could not let go, because I was afraid to let go..
So I did..and I am hurting, as I never had before
Dear D,
I haven’t had an anemic cat with this problem, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you lost her. What a long journey — she had a good life. It’s easy to see how much you loved her.
Blessings,
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post blog ..Pay Off Your Mortgage – 5 Ways to Make Mortgage Payments Go Away =-.
My cat Chloe, 15 1/2 years old) passed away last Saturday. She had CRF (chronic renal failure) for 15 months, for which I gave her SQ fluids. The vet was so proud of her because her kidney values were stablized with the fluids.
But we noticed that she was having problems swallowing her food – the food would roll off her tongue and she would not eat that much with all her efforts. She was hungry. So we took her to the vet. The lab tests did not reveal any change in her kidney tests. There was slight anemia, per my vet – the hematocrit was 24…but she said this was not due to the kidney disease because the Creatinine was only 3.4.
So we scheduled a full mouth exam and xrays under anesthesia. I found a note next to my phone before I took her to the vet that morning for the procedures – here it was dated 3 months ago (January), and her hematocrit was 39 – the current one of 24 was a 15 point difference. I wanted to speak to the vet before they did the procedures. She called me later that morning and said they would run another hematocrit before doing the procedures.
The procedures under anesthesia went well… no problems found in her mouth, but Chloe’s hematocrit was 16 – a difference of 8 in 5 days! She also had an IV in at the time they drew the blood, which could have diluted it. They send some bloodwork out to a lab – to check the complete blood count, check for blood parasites. They gave me Hivite iron drops to give her….which she did not like. she also hid under the bed for 2 days . The vet called me 2 days later with the lab results – no parasites, the RBC’s showed a little regeneration, the hematocrit was 19 vs 16.. The vet thought she might have an mass in her abdomen that is slowily bleeding. She said I could start prednisolone – it might help. The vet tech told me earlier that the cats crash hard on Pred – it onlys masks the disease. 3 days later I decided to stop the Pred – I did not think it had to be to tapered off (per an internet site). I did not want to see her crash.
She tried to eat occasionally but still had problems – she would lick foods that had a lot of gravy. I gaver her SQ fluids to maintain her. It looked like her abdomen was starting to swell. She gagged on a small hairball last Thursday which made things worse. She passed away on Saturday. I was a vet tech years ago…I tried to do what I thought best for her,,,but it is very painful to accept – always wish I did things differently.
I was wondering if anyone else had an anemic cat whose Hematocrit dropped this quickly? She was negative for FIV, FIP, FeLeukemia.
Dear Laurie…
Thank you so much for your comforting words. It does make me realize that my husband and I need to focus more on the positive side that Sophie and Tater provided to us. And, thinking of them together in Doggy Heaven romping around brings a smile to my face.
Thank you!
Lori
Dear Lori,
I’m so sorry to hear about Sophie…there’s so much grief, regret, and sadness when the things we do accidentally cause harm to our animals.
First, you need to remember that you did nothing wrong! There was NO WAY you would have put her on the rope if you would’ve known that she’d break free….you couldn’t have known what was going to happen. It’s easy to look back with 20/20 vision and wish we had done things differently…but we have to accept that we’re making the best decisions we can, based on who we are in that moment.
Regarding not talking about her because it causes more sadness and grief…it’s important to remember that different people grieve in different ways. Some people talk and cry for days, while others put it behind them and move on. When you live with someone who grieves differently, then you need to find the best way to grieve together.
I think it’s important find the balance between expressing how you feel, and accepting that she’s gone and it’s time to move on. One way to do this is to take 15 minutes a day to talk or write about how you feel (guilty feelings about her death, sad feelings because you recently lost your other dog). After your 15 minute memorial is up, then you need to focus on your present life.
When those guilty, sad feelings arise, tell yourself that you’ll experience them at 7:30 pm (or whatever your memorial time is). Then, redirect your thoughts to something more positive and mood-lifting. Those positive thoughts can be about Sophie and Tater — because it’s important to remember our lost pets with love and joy, not just guilt and grief.
Actually, that’s another way to grieve in a healthy way: use your memorial time to focus on the best parts of your dogs’ lives. Remember that they’re not suffering now, and picture them in happy doggy heaven! Let them go, bless them, and focus on saying good-bye with love and freedom…
You might also think of it as two different ways to honor your dogs’ memory: do you want their legends and lives to be connected to pain, grief, and suffering? Or, do you want their lives and legends to be associated with happiness, freedom, love, and play? The legacy your dogs leave is totally your choice. What legacy would THEY want to leave if they had a choice? They don’t have any say in it…but you do.
I hope this helps, and wish you and your husband all the best.
Blessings,
Laurie
Carol, I’m so sorry I missed your comment! Usually I respond much sooner than this; I’m not sure how I let you slip by me….
And, I’m SO sorry to hear about your foxes. What a heartbreaking thing to happen, and I can just FEEL how guilty, sad, and self-recriminating you feel.
You have to remember that you made the best decision you could at the time. Sure, hindsight is 20/20 and it’s easy to look back and kick yourself for not seeing different or better solutions….but you have to release yourself from that perspective.
You did the best thing you could at the time.
You made the best decision you could.
Keep telling yourself that, Carol. When your thoughts start getting self-critical and negative — when you start flagellating yourself for the only decision you could have made — I want you to tell yourself that you did the best you could.
I think it’s also important to accept your feelings, and maybe even accept that you’ll always live with your guilt and regret. But there’s a difference between having a streak of regret, and beating yourself up.
Stop beating yourself up. You protected your foxes for as long as you could, and then you did what you thought was right. Your beloved pets aren’t suffering, and they aren’t in pain…they’re free from this world!
And, who knows what you may have saved them from…seriously, sometimes the hell we’re in is better than the hell we’ve been spared! We just don’t know what we’ve been spared.
I hope you’re feeling better these days, and hope you come back and let me know how you are…
Blessings,
Laurie
Laurie… My husband and I are both overwhelmed guilt over not replacing or repairing our dog Sophie’s extended rope. There were 3-4 times that she had broke loose, but came home immediately. Not this time. She chased a car and was killed instantly (hopefully, the vet was right and she didn’t suffer). Earlier that morning I had told my husband to put Sophie out on her rope while I fed all of my 12 rescued cats breakfast. I don’t know what possessed me to have her put outside, plus knowing that she had broke away from her rope before. She was such a free spirit and loved to run as it was. She was a rescue dog that was abandoned on our country road eight months ago and she was only 2 years old. It’s just breaking our hearts over what could have been prevented and we have been crying for three days, anguishing over what we should have done differently. I didn’t get to greet her that morning, nor did she have her breakfast. I just can’t get all of the details out of my mind.
It doesn’t help that we made the decision to have our 15-year-old dog, Tater, put to sleep six months ago. I don’t know if he was suffering from his arthritic legs, but he was having problems walking, even though he was on meds. He couldn’t get up to go outside to do his business, so I carried him everywhere, even upstairs to bed. Tater and Sophie were the best of friends until Tater’s life ended.
Now we feel like our world is caving in. My husband thinks that we should quit talking about her because all we do is cry. I told him that I need to cry to get over the guilt and the loss. Am I right?
Thank you so much for your input… Lori
Laurie,
I need your help in helping me cope a little better with having to have my two fennec foxes put to sleep.. I had a fennec fox that was almost 5 years old and 1 that was almost 4 years old.. They were and still are the loves of my life.. Where I live they are not legal.. They did not interact with anyone other than my family and they were seldom seen, they had their own room and they were so loved and secure here.. They tend to be very high strung animals.. My son and his ex girlfriend got into a fight and she called animal control on me and my babies.. They came twice in one day and I managed to excape both visits, but later that evening I took them down to my vets to stay over night.. Trying to think about what would be best for them now that animal control had been tipped off that I had them, the next day I went to my vets and I could see how scared and confused they were, and not knowing if and when I could bring them home, and them being very skiddish and not adapting well to new surroundings I decided to have the put to sleep.. If animal control would have gotten hold of them, they would not have loved them right to the last minute of their lives.. Since that decision almost 6 weeks ago, I have been in living hell.. Looking back on the situtation, I could have taken them to my neighbors house and then moved them to my daughters, but they would not have been home with me and their life style would have changed considerably.. They would have been caged and alone more than half of the day, where as they worked with me at home for 4 10 hours shifts a week and then 5 to 6 hours on the other 3 nights.. They were out of their cages more than they were in them.. Like I said earlier, they had their own room, my office and ran free about 16 hours a day..That would have changed along with the fear of not being home with the usual smells and sounds.. I took all of their ways of their life then and how it was going to be into consideration, and at the time I thought that I was making the best decision for their well being.. The guilt and disapointment that I feel in myself is eating me alive.. I should have done something different is all that I can think.. How can I ever forgive myself and more importantly, how can I ever hope to have them waiting for me, and to be with them at the Rainbow Bridge, after what I did to them.. They were my buddies and co-workers and they trusted me.. How can a person ever know that their babies forgive them or not?? I need some help on this please!!!! I miss my babies so so much
Thank you,
Carol
Laurie, Thank you for being so kind and supportive. What a lovely heart you have. You really have helped me to feel better. Your words were like a hug.
Thank you for that.
love,
Loo
Dear Loo,
Thank you for sharing your story — and I’m sorry that you’re going through these feelings of guilt. It’s so sad.
Hold on to the fact that YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD. Hindsight is always 20/20, which means we can always look back and see how we could’ve done things better. But, we have to forgive ourselves and accept that we did the best we could at the time.
The choice is yours: you can hold on to guilt, remorse, and pain….or you can cherish your beloved pet the way he was in your dream: happy, content, lively, and healthy. You can lift your own burden! Living in guilt and remorse doesn’t help anything, and it certainly can’t help your lost animal.
He’s in a better place, he’s not in pain, he’s healthy and happy. He’s forever the way he was in your dream….and that’s far better than being in pain here on earth.
Take care,
Laurie
Hi, I am suffering from so much guilt. It has been tormenting me for months. All of the “If only I had…”‘s in my mind. I just want to rewind time and do it all over again. Spend so much more time. I felt I pushed him away near the end and ignored him, perhaps because I knew what was coming. I knew we were going to put him down. So I think, looking back I started holding him at arm’s length in my mind. We wanted him to go a peaceful way and we didn’t want him to get so bad that he was suffering greatly. So we decided to let him go while he was still somewhat ok. Still in lots of pain though with his arthritis. =( What a horrible thing to have had happen, to push him away, I don’t know how it happened. Perhaps too much death in my family, I knew what was coming and I shut down and pushed him away. The guilt is just awful.
I just want to go and massage his little legs and love him up. And I can’t. He came to me in a dream the night he died and he was young, healthy, no arthritis and he was so happy and content. What a gift!! But still… the guilt tears my insides apart. I just want my little boo boo boy back.
Well, I can’t believe I wrote all that. I had originally just wanted to tell you that this article helped me. It really did.
Sorry to ramble so much.
Thanks again for what you said.
I hope it sinks in.
Awwwww, Kirk…I’m so sorry that you’re going through this regret, blame, and self-recrimination. I totally understand — my cat died more than 10 years ago, and I’m still beating myself up for getting mad at her for stuff.
Remember, you made the best decisions you could with the information you had at the time. You’re human, and hindsight is always 20-20. You gave your dog a wonderful life, and he loved you for it. Now, he’s resting and gone — and you need to grieve. Your pain will eventually lessen…and you’ll remember him with joy and peace.
My condolences,
Laurie
I rescued my dog at age 6 in 2006 and he was an amazing loyal friend. Unfortunately I had to put my much loved dog down yesterday. It turns out he had cancer in the kidneys but by the time he showed signs of pain on late Sunday afternoon it was to late. I am now trying to deal with the guilt of what if i knew sooner could i have changed his fate, wishing i spent more quality time with him in his last few days but instead i was working (as i had no idea his days were coming to an end), wishing i didnt get angry at him for digging the garden on his last day at home, wishing id let him sleep on the bed two nights before he got sick when he wanted to etc. There are currently so many things going through my head and I am trying to think of all the great things i did for him in his time with me rather than all the bad things but they are still there. However your article has helped and i thankyou for sharing it with us.
Kirk.
Dear Laurie,
Thank you so much for your response. The kids are removing “Louis’”
things from their home today.
I myself have been greatly affected by this tragedy.
It will be so hard to imagine their home without this wonderful dog.
Regards,
Julie
Julie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Coping with feelings of guilt makes mourning your dog’s death so much harder — and it can damage your family relationships, as you’re learning.
I’m afraid there’s not much you can do, other than to reassure your family members that they weren’t responsible. It was an accident, and your sister would never have deliberately neglected or harmed the dog.
It’s so sad, and it will take time for your daughter, son-in-law, and sister to heal. Your son-in-law may not be ready to talk about it now, but hopefully can open up to your daughter in a couple of weeks. Ignoring his feelings of loss, anger, and guilt won’t help him heal — but nobody can force him to talk! He may just need time and space to work through his grief.
I suggest giving your daughter and your sister some resources on dealing with a pet’s death — and dealing with the guilt of it. Keep telling them that it wasn’t their fault, it was a terrble accident, and they can’t get involved in blaming each other.
And, give them time to recuperate. It might take months or even years to be on good terms again…but unfortunately, that’s normal. Pet loss is a huge blow, and people take it really hard. If other people are involved, it does complicate grief and relationships.
My condolences, Julie, and I hope your family heals soon from this loss.
Laurie
My daughter and son-in-law are so heart broken. Myself included.
I don’t know how to help them.
My sister has a large backyard and when we have been there their dog (5years old) loves it.
They left the dog there for the day and my sister decided to walk him. Within 1/2 hours the dog had breathing problems and 1/2 hour later the dog died on the way to the vet.
Such guilt as to not know the heat may have been responsible and to have it happen at my sisters house.
No one is talking to each other now. The loss has truly been devastating. How can they all get over the guilt of this wonderful dog dying. My daughters husband won’t talk about it.