Healing After You Had to Put Your Pet Dog or Cat Down
Healing After Putting Your Pet Down Takes Time...
Different people find different tips helpful for healing after they had to put their pet dogs or cats down, for health or other reasons.
These tips for healing are inspired by a reader who had to put his dog down. Saying good-bye to your beloved dog or cat is heartbreaking - and it’s even worse if you feel guilty about your pet’s death. I hope these tips help.
Before the tips, a quip:
“If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there,” says Pam Brown. “Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them.”
Even though your dog or cat is no longer here with you, your lives and souls are still entangled. For help healing from the heartache of pet loss, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss has helped many people overcome the pain of their cat’s death.
And, here are several ways to heal after putting your pet to sleep…
4 Tips for Healing After You Had to Put Your Pet Dog or Cat Down
Remember that it’s normal to feel guilty when your dog or cat dies. Whether your guilt is real or imagined, know that it is a normal grief reaction. Even the most “innocent” pet owners feel guilt over a pet’s death. For instance, I now cringe when I recall how angry I was at my beloved cat, Zoey, for scratching the basement door (I didn’t realize the door to her litter box was shut tight, and she couldn’t get in). That was over 12 years ago, and I still feel guilty!
Healing after you had to put your pet down often requires forgiving yourself.
Identify “real” guilt about your pet’s death. Real guilt may spring from your feelings that you neglected your dog or cat’s annual vaccinations, daily food intake, exercise habits, and “quality time” with you. If you’re struggling with real guilt, remember that you had reasons for doing what you did. The stress of money, work, kids, marriage, and daily life may have taken precedence over how you treated your pet. Maybe you didn’t make the best choices.
Healing after your pet’s death involves accepting that you wish you would’ve done things differently — and talking this through with your family, friends, or loved ones.
Remember what you did right — because you did a lot right! Your dog or cat loved you beyond all reason – so you must have done something right. How did you love and take care of your pet? Balance your real guilt with the real ways you loved your pet. You took good care of your dog or cat in many ways; don’t wave that away. Coping with pet loss grief isn’t just about mourning; it’s about cherishing the best parts of your life with your dog or cat.
Identify “imagined” guilt about the loss of your dog or cat. Not recognizing that your Yorkie, cockapoo, or Siamese cat was ill doesn’t mean that you weren’t paying attention or taking good care of him or her! This is imagined guilt. Animals can’t always communicate their physical health; pet owners can’t see inside their bodies and brains. If you’re dealing with imagined guilt because of your pet’s death, remember that sometimes illness or disease overcomes our dogs, cats, and other beloved pets…and there’s nothing we can do. This loss of control is a very painful — but real — part of life.
Articles About Healing After You Had to Put Your Pet Down
- 4 Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Pet Dies
- When Your Dog Dies – Help Healing From Pet Owners
- Spiritual Ways to Survive Pet Loss – Heaven, Prayers, Memorials
Related Articles:
- How to Trust Your Husband After an Affair – Steps to Healing
- How to Cope With Guilt After Your Cat or Dog Dies
- Recovering From Laser Eye Surgery? 5 Tips for Healing Fast
Category: Cats and Kitty Tips, Dogs & Doggy Care Tips, Grief & Recovery Tips, Mind & Soul, Pet Care Tips
I had to put my 6 year old dachshund down today. I loved him so much. He had be sick for a week. Just getting worse by the day. Started off thinking g it was a back problem. Then within day rapid weight loss total paralysis and bleeding from rectum. He had cancer and we never knew. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I feel so guilty. Like I let him down. He would just look at me confused. I tried everything but nothing worked and he was in pain. One side of me knows I did what was best for him. That was no way for him to live. The other side is selfish and wanted him here and feels guilty like I let him down. I will always miss my Chewy.
On Monday, my cat was put to sleep after 21 years together. I looked for answers as to why I feel so quilty about her being put to sleep. She started to go to the bathroom around the house, on the furniture, bed, etc, about a year ago. We eventually moved her litter box into our tv room so we could shut the doors to all of the other rooms. Her last visit to the vet she had hyperthyroidism which we gave her medicine. Just in the last two weeks she stopped eating all her food and would yowl during the night. She still was able to move around and seemed ok mentally. In the last year, I would get so upset and yell at her for using the house as her litter box and basically altering our lifestyles. We have not had company in over a year. My wife was very compassionate and understanding to our cat, I was the jerk. Now that our cat is gone, I realize that I was just awful to our cat in her final year. I never dealt with this before and it was easier to just get mad and yell at her. I now realize that she just wanted to be loved without conditions and I could not see that. I have cried now for three days. My heart is broke and our house feels empty. I thought I was a tough, mature 40 something year old. I guess what I am trying to say is that I loved my cat with all my heart but didn’t know how to cope with her issues. Anger is not the solution. Please love your pets everyday and show them compassion. They love you without conditions so love them back. I learned a valuable and painful lesson in being a pet owner and I vow to never let that happen again. Thank you all for your stories and allowing me to share mine. I LOVE YOU SMOKEE, you will be missed!!!
im still heartbroken after loosing by faithful dog jenny 5 years ago she was a rescue dog and my absolute world,we picked her from a dogs home she had been beaten starved and the finaly set on fire by her previouse owners it was love at fist site,however after 6 years she had a fit a week before xmas 2005 medication helped but on the 29 may 2006 my world fell apart she had a mild fit so i took the kids to school and dreaded what i would find when i got back home,suprizingly she ran across the floor with her silly dog smile,she then climbed onto her chair and had the biggest fit id ever seen i knew then it was the end we rushed her to the vets and she stayed in overnight,but the following morning we had the dreaded phone call she was finaly at peace ,we found out the previouse owners had beaten her so bad she had a problem with her brain,i had her cremated she sits by the bed the pain doesnt go away but i know she had a fab life with us i just wish i had more time with her. miss u every jen and always will xxx
I know how you all feel. I had to put down Prince friday night. After 13 years of loving the best little schnauzer in the world. He had a tumer on his right ear that bursted and wouldnt stop bleeding, I knew wouldnt make it thru surgery. I miss him so much it hurts. Love you my little buddy we will never forget you.
Hello Patti,I feel so sad for you, and will probably have the same feelings, but I want you to realize that your precious cat was doing what he wanted to do, and being where he or she wanted to be. That sounds so void and empty of feelings, but I am speaking from experience. I have a dog who I will lose soon that I have loved for 10yrs.6months.I want you try and remember your cat when he was playing, being cute and cuddly.That will take time, but it will come.Mourning is very healthy. I will not go into any details, but a Chaplin from the Viet Nam war explained to me about horrific deaths. He explained to me that death is death no matter how horrible,we all die the same, so your little kitty died that way.We all are so attached to our pets they love us without conditions.your cat was loved by you and would not want you to suffer. Please take care.Patt
Today, I had to put to sleep my beloved Ms. Blackie. I got her when I graduated from the University of Michigan in 1988. She was 23 years old. Unfortunately, for the past 4 years, she developed feline dementia, along with several health issues. Her world shrank to the den, where she felt the most secure, and where my lap was located, usually watching the t.v.
Words cannot express how empty the house is without her. I had the luck of having her as my pet for 1/2 of my 46 years on this planet. When I got home and went upstairs to the den, I could have almost sworn I heard her familiar meow, but know that it was all in my head. I miss her more than words can say. She was my best friend in the world.
I know in time I will adopt a new friend, but for now, I just want to try and get pass Ms. B.’s death. She was part of my life for so long, that I just can’t imagine life without her. My heart goes out to all who go through this. Believe me, if you ever want to see what makes a 6’4 man cry, take away his friend of 23 years. Hell, I didn’t know I could even GET this upset.
Thanks for the outlet to express my feelings.
So this is just an update on my cats, Roo’s blood results, I spoke to the vet the other day. He said, that the results came though as that Roo didn’t have toxoplasmosis, but he said there was still a chance she did, she just didnt have enough antibodies in her blood, for it to show up. But then I started thinking did I do the wrong thing, having her put to sleep, but the vet did reassure me, that I did do the right thing, as she would of only of kept getting worse, there was no improvement in her health at all. He suggested perhaps having another cat after Christmas, which we might do, not sure yet, we dont want to feel like were just replacing her. Nor do we want to go through this horrible experience ever again, so im still in to minds. But he thinks after Christmas would be a good idea, because he thinks, we could give another kitten/cat a brilliant home. So we will have to just see. I miss and love you every day my little Roo Roo <3 xxx
My heart is breaking. My baby boy of almost nine years had to be euthanized on the 8.12.11. He had been sick for many weeks and just wasn’t getting any better. He had always up until recently been a healthy, happy, active cat. But out of the blue he started showing signs of illness – lethargy, lack of appetite, weight loss, etc. After taking him to the vets test results showed that he had a massive infection somewhere in his body. They couldn’t pinpoint exactly where the infection was. They kept him at the surgery for two days and gave him antibiotics (his second lot) and monitored his situation. He didn’t get better. I brought him home and hoped for the best. He became even thinner and developed large sores on his back. He barely ate so I resorted to giving him pureed baby food (chicken with veges, etc). I also had to give him water as he wasn’t drinking enough. I also noticed that his left eye was red and the pupil was cloudy (wasn’t due to cataracts). Basically the infection/illness was ravaging his body. I loved him so much that I kept hoping and praying that he would get well. I just didn’t want to think about having him put to sleep. He was the love of my life and letting him go was unbearable. Then a few nights ago he let out a wail, it was awful, he must have been in pain. I knew what I had to do and it broke my heart. I told him all day that I loved him. I kissed him and cuddled him and watched over him. I cried. The next day I called the vets and made an appointment that I never wanted to make. I took my baby to the vets and after much agonising and crying I made the decision. I still don’t know if I did the right thing. I have been crying, soul searching and questioning my decision for the last four days. I miss him so much that it feels like my spirit is slowly dying. I feel like crawling into a corner and never coming out again. The pain is almost unbearable. Every morning I get out of bed and remember that he is gone. I miss him so much. I have been sleeping a lot more than usual (or just laying down) on my bed thinking about him. I can’t believe he is gone. I can’t believe I let him go. But he was so sick and so weak. Seeing him lose so much weight was horrible. I had ALWAYS made sure that he had plenty of food to eat, no matter what. And he always had a big appetite. He was so beautiful. A big, fluffy B&W cat. He had such a beautiful nature too. He was gentle and tolerant and mellow. He was my baby and I will NEVER forget him. I love you baby boy and miss you xxx.
I am so sorry for all your lost loved little babies it breaks my heart and I have cried through reading every one of your stories of your beloved little ones.
I hope you don’t mind but I have to cut my story in 2 halves to fit it on this blog but I really needed to tell you my story.
I lost my sweet little baby girl Pepsi 8 1/2-years-old Dachshund cross Jack Russell.
I rescued her from a pet shop she was so thin small and frail and sick my mom diffident even think she would see her first birthday but I just loved her I took her to work with me every day for the first 3 months and she pulled through.
She had such a kind heart and she was so clever she knew so much its like she was a human, we spent every possible moment together I shared every meal with her she slept on our bed we walked every day, I loved bathing and brushing her, she was always so happy she wagged her tail all the time its like she was so grateful for life she was my little shadow the best friend I’ve ever had my baby I miss her so much its unbearable.
The worst part is I watched her die as my husband and I where going to take her for a walk she ran out the garage it happened right out side my own house she ran off to smell a bush I saw the car coming and called to her to come it was not even going fast she was such an obedient dog she just hesitated for a second but the timing was so bad, she stepped right in-front of the Large vehicle I could not believe my eyes as to what was happening one second my sweet baby was coming to me with the sweetest look on her face as she loved her walkies. and the next second the car wheels went over her she was crushed her head was crushed and there where pools of blood my husband knew she was gone but you know you believe against all odds its cant be true and it will be ok, we rushed her to the vet but she had already she passed away it was so sudden my heart felt like it had been ripped and crushed in to a million pieces like life no longer had meaning, she only had half her life and I was to blame for it ending I was supposed to protect her.
It’s so empty and lonely without her and sometimes I think I hear her it’s so heartbreaking I cry all the time, I Loved her with all I had to Love.
What I can advise if you have the money is to see a psychologist as I am doing so the trauma for me is just too much for me to bear, they can really help you see things in a more positive light even when it seems like there is only blackness and emptiness.
Something the psychologist said to me has helped me cope a little, she said it is better to have true moments of Joy and happiness with something you really Love even if it’s not as long as you had hoped or it turned out so tragically.
than to never have Loved so deeply or felt such happiness and Joy at all.
They are a gift sent to us to let us know how much we truly are able to Love.
D.
I had to put my cat Angel to sleep last sunday.It was the worst day ever.We had her for 12 wonderful years.I feel so lost without her.I am really feeling depressed and don’t
know how to deal with all the emotions.She used to come to the door when I left for
work in the morning and want me to pet her.She was just so special to me,but I know
she is not in pain anymore, I am,though.
Kim Schubert
Yesterday I had to have my cat put to sleep, I feel very sad, I’ve been crying a lot and feeling guilty.
wish thing would just start getting easier.
I got her when she was about 8 weeks old, we now know she was born with Toxoplasmosis. When Roo came ill about two and a half weeks ago, we took her to the vets straight away, at this point, it was already to late, she had lost her eye sight and had an inflammation on her left eye,and a very high temp. The vet was very unsure at first what could of caused this so quick because she was so young, only 18 months. We got medication, and was hoping that she would start getting better, all she did was sleep, she didn’t eat or drink much, a few days later we took her back again there had been an improvement in the eye inflammation,but her walking had gone wobbly like she was drunk, and occasionally her back legs would just go. she had two blood test, one tested for feline leukemia and kidney disease, the other for toxoplasmosis. the first test came back all clear, and I really thought she was going to be okay. Over the next few days she got a lot worse and she couldn’t move, use the toilet, her eye sight was no better so we took her to the vets before the toxoplasmosis results came back, I forgot to mention that once the first blood reults came back the vet was 95% sure it was toxoplasmosis, so we started to use medication. If was to late for the medication to work, the disease had done to much damage and she would keep getting worse daily. So we decided to have her put to sleep, the vet agreed that that was the best decision to stop her suffering. I took her home with us.
The only problem is now, I feel like someone as ripped my heart out, like there is an empty space inside of me, I’m feeling guilt, because if I had caught it earlier, I might of prevented this all happening. I keep thinking did I give up on her to early. I think what also makes it worse for me, is that I think I could just about cope if she was an older cat, but it makes me feel worse knowing she was only 18months old, she had her whole life a head of her, If you know what I mean. Also I have a 19month old daughter, I was told she would just forget about Roo, but today she was walking around looking for Roo, shouting ‘Roo Roo’ I just don’t know what to say to her.
Hi All,
I am sill crying five weeks since I had to put my beautiful black cat to sleep. I loved him more than anything else. I cannot articulate how I feel. He will be in my heart forever.
Hi,
This page has been THE only one I found that has encouraged me to even write about my experience. I sit and cry all day and think of my little Peanut. He was 13 years old this past August when out of nowhere he had a bunch of seizure clusters one weekend. We took him to the vet, then to a hospital and they believed he had a brain tumor, which was causing the seizures. I opted not to have an MRI because at his age, they told me he may not withstand the sedation and that even if it was confirmed, they wouldn’t recommend surgery. I insisted on taking him home and caring for him with medication and to my (and their) surprise (which after reading online about seizures, I’m not sure why they seem to know so little about them), Peanut recovered and was the healthy 13 year old he had once been. He definitely seemed more tired than he use to be and didn’t bark quite as much but no seizures for 3 months! The vet was very concerned about his liver panel tests and thought he also had Cushings (again, not confirmed because according to the vet, he would not be able to tolerate the meds for Cushings even if they confirmed it) so we lowered his prednisone. It was explained to us that the medication to treat and control the seizures would eventually cause liver disease so it was a matter of which poison to choose. Out of nowhere this past weekend, he started taking seizures again and we did what we could to comfort him. They were in clusters but seemed to be getting less severe, we gave valium rectally, etc. Monday night we took him to the vet, they didn’t tell us to increase the meds (the vet seemed ridiculously concerned about the liver tests), I asked for more valium and they didn’t have the same stuff that the hospital had so I said I would get more at the hospital (not thinking of what was to come). The only suggestion after my persistance was to start him on the Bromine, which they also didn’t have so we ordered it. Then Tuesday I was at work and my husband called to say he took a bad seizure and even with the rectum valium he was not coming out of it. My 5 year old was there and I had our only car at work. Normally I would not have the car and I would be out of work early on that particular day so I left work shortly after, thinking my husband was maybe exagerrating and that Peanut was just in the post-ictal phase of the seizure, which can last many hours. My husband anticipated that we would have to euthanize him and we needed a sitter to bring him to the animal hospital because we did not want our young child witnessing such a tragic loss. Our sitter did not come for at least 2 hours while we sat with our dog and hugged him as he shook, laid in agony and lost control of his bowels, etc. We bathed him so that he would not sit ashamed as he seemed to be after he had lost control. It seemed like that was the only thing the poor little guy was aware of. We drove to the hospital and they took him right away. We waited and kept peeking in at Peanut until the doctor came in to say that she thought he suffered brain damage and that the only thing they could do is put him on a valium drip overnight but that there was no way to know if that would help him at all because there appeared to be brain damage. I asked if we had gotten him there sooner if they could have done something and she said she didn’t think it would have made much difference, although I’m sure she said that for my sake more than reality because I could barely contain my emotions as it was. She brought Peanut into us and said she would leave us to make a decision…a decision of what I still do not know because they appeared to have already made it. So I hugged him and cried hysterically and my husband was afraid if we left him overnight that he may die by himself in the hospital. We made the worst decision in our lives to euthanize and kill our dog. I’m crying just writing this because I feel such guilt and regret for it all. My husband had suggested we ask them to do the valium for a couple of hours and we would go get a coffee and come back but I didn’t want to do that. I think I was so caught up in the emotion and crying (which I’m usually in complete control) that I let him down. The vet had said they usually do the drip for 24 hours so I don’t know if a couple of hours would have helped but I feel like on every level I have let him down. I had the car on a day I normally wouldn’t, I was at work later than I would have been, I had chosen to wait to buy more valium so maybe the extra dose could have taken him out of the seizure. I also should have increased his prednisone on my own and I can’t for the life of me figure out why I didn’t because I usually take things into my own hands. In addition to feeling guilty, I have such anger toward the vets- both of them. The regular vet we go to who I want to call and say “how is his liver now” because that seemed to be all she either learned about in school or cared about and to the vet at the hospital who didn’t try anything to help him. I know I can’t blame everyone but I just feel so bad. I held my little guy in my arms as they sedated him and felt his heart take its last beat. It’s been 1.5 days and I can’t stop crying. I look at his leash and I cry, I look outside in the yard and I cry. Everything reminds me of him and my poor son just keeps saying “you can give me hugs instead of Peanut” because he desperately is trying to take my sadness away and so I feel guilty about that even. Thank you for having this site and allowing me to spill my emotions. I actually feel somewhat better after writing this. Thank you
laurie,thankyou for your kind words,tanya and i are devistated and lonely ,our house just isnt the same,time seems to go by so slowly now ,we pledged to never bring another pet in our lives but that lasted about 6 days,it is not like us to not love or not be loved by another pet,healer is the name of our new companion and we believe hanky would have wanted it this way,though it has not been very long since hank has been gone we believe this is our way of healing and to honor hank with all that he taught us,it is unbelievable just what everything the little guy had done for us,hank gave and recieved more love in 5 1/2 years than i could give in my lifetime,thanks again your pet loving freinds from nebraska
Dear Kevin,
I am so sorry to hear how you’re coping with grief and guilty after euthanizing your beloved dog…it is so heartbreaking. He was young, and it happened so fast. It’s just so difficult to deal with.
Healing after pet loss is different for everyone, especially when we feel guilty for not acting sooner. I think it’s normal to go through a period of mourning – and some people have more extreme grief reactions to their pet’s death than others. There is no set number of days that you’ll need to heal…but if you don’t start to recover after a week, you might want to seek professional help.
Sometimes our pet’s death uncovers other, older feelings of sadness, anger, or disappointment that haven’t healed. If this is the case, then it’s good to get help untangling the emotions.
Let yourself grieve. If your feelings are just as painful and intense in a week or so, then think about a grief support group or counselor.
Some cities and communities have pet loss support groups – and of course there are always online ones! It is really helpful to share your story of heartbreak with others, and let their stories heal you.
I hope this helps, and wish you all the best. Let me know how you’re doing.
In sympathy,
Laurie
we just lost our very overly loved “hanky” ,hank was 5 1/2 yearold doxie and did everything with us,i wish i would have taken him a day earlier to the vet,his condition was grave,we didnt even say goodbye to him before the euthinisation, we could not hold the emotions back of the thought of losing him and figured he would react to it,now my guilt,anger basically all emotions have run rampant, the surgeon emailed us trying to comfort us that the decision we made was the correct on which was very nice but are haunted by this ,trying to recover from this has been the hardest task ,i feel horrible,cant work,concentate,cry uncontrollably,this dog was our world. is professional help needed? lost in nebraska
Dear Shannon,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dog Kettle, but am glad to know she is no longer in pain. She’s probably being an even bigger, happier, more lovable goofball in doggy heaven!
Here’s an article about animals mourning – there may be some useful tips for your other dog, Kodak:
How to Help Your Dog or Cat After Their Best Friend Dies
I hope the article helps, and wish you all the best.
Blessings and sympathies,
Laurie
I rescued Kettle from a puppy mill when she was 8yrs old. Even got her spayed at age 8. She has been the biggest, lovable, goofball I have ever had. No one ever worked with her when she was little but she knew when feeding time and medicine time was. A week ago she was diagnosed with synovial cell sarcoma and in June it was discovered she had 4 spurs on her spine. She started with a limp; however, Tuesday night she couldn’t sleep at all. She was restless, in pain, couldn’t climb the simple stairs to the porch and couldn’t put her foot down. Wed I drove her to work to say goodbye to her friends, took her to the groomer for a bath, took her to McDonalds for nuggets and later that afternoon to the vet to be euthanized. She just turned 11 last week. Her canine friend Kodak, who is 10, is grieving immensely. What can I do to help her? Kodak has had cancer for 7 yrs and I never thought Kettle would die first. Heartbroken over our loss and my baby Kodak’s grief.
Dear April,
I just want to say I’m sorry you lost your cat, and I hope you don’t feel so guilty over her death.
Thanks for sharing your story here — I hope it helped you. I know it helps other pet owners deal with their own guilt, to see they’re not alone.
In sympathy,
Laurie
Thanks Laurie for your thoughtful words. Time will heal and honoring kitty in my heart will help. Taking care of my other cat princess and giving her lots of love. She’s 18 and has kidney problems, but is doing well with herbal medicine and seems to be happy.
Peace & Light
Michael,
This was what I was afraid of, because I have had friends with diabetic cats before and once there is kidney failure it’s an uphill battle. We decided to end her suffering…but I am having a really hard time with this. I know that the kidney damage was already done and it wasn’t just us leaving for the weekend. Like you, it’s been a busy time of year, with family to visit for the holidays, shopping, etc. I tried to give her as much love and have tried for 5 years to treat her diabetes as best I could…but sometimes I just couldn’t afford another glucose curve, or could only afford the curve and not the kidney function tests. I am beating myself up today over the things I didn’t do, and just hope that she wasn’t in too much pain for very long. I know that with a diabetic cat, 4-5 years is a lot of extra life, I just miss her so much and wish I could go back a few months and get that extra curve done, or would’ve taken her in sooner to have her weight loss checked out. 
She always seemed okay though…she purred, slept near me, had energy, was eating and drinking normally, and wasn’t any different. 
I’m mostly feeling guilty for leaving her alone this weekend…I usually try to have a friend stop in and give her shots, but I felt bad for doing it so many times, and thought for just a couple of days it would be okay…it always has been before. But I know how picky Echo was with water lately…it had to be clean and cold or she didn’t want to drink it. Who leaves a diabetic cat with water that she won’t drink? The vet said that I didn’t do anything that caused the kidney failure, but I can’t help feeling that by leaving her alone, she probably didn’t drink, which made her dehydrated, and caused the failure to flare up sooner than it might have. I guess I know in my heart that this guilt isn’t doing me any good…my little girl would’ve passed most likely soon anyway, and it’s better that I ended her suffering before it got any worse. It’s just really, really hard. She was so soft and sweet and she loved everyone, and everyone loved her, even people who didn’t like cats. She had the cutest meow…she sounded like a smoker…it was sort of raspy. 
And this last summer, she had taken to enjoying the patio in our back yard. She would come out and lay in the sun while we grilled or played with our dog. She usually didn’t like it outside, but she liked our back patio. She was so cute…even at 16, she still looked like a kitten. I don’t know why, but it was like her face never aged beyond the age of 6 months. 
I miss her kneading my legs as she got comfy in my lap, and I miss her soft little purr next to me while we both fell asleep. 
I just read your post and it really touched me. I lost my cat (a grey tabby) of 16 years, Echo, last night. She also had kidney failure, like your cat. Also, like your cat, she seemed fine (although she’s been diabetic for 4.5 years, so we’ve been treating that, as best we could), but I did notice she was losing some weight, even though she was eating a lot. We went away for the weekend and when we got home, she was lethargic and could barely walk around. She meowed a couple of times when we walked in the door, but it was very faint and forced. We took her to the emergency vet and discovered she had kidney failure and was in ketoacidosis.
Anyway, here I go rambling…such a hard day.
Dear Kathleen,
I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your cat Mushy, and that you feel guilt over his death. That’s so heartbreaking…and I wish I knew what to say to help you cope with your grief and sadness.
My condolences,
Laurie
Dearest Animal Lovers,
I’m feeling heartbroken today as I mourn my loving cat Mushy.
He had a seizure Saturday night and I brought him to an animal hospital for observation. Sunday morning he had another seizure and they put him on valium and other meds. The doctor said he wanted to keep him another night and monitor his progress. He passed on Monday.
He was 15 and a healthy cat that had no signs of medical issues.
I brought him to the doctor twice a year and gave him all the love I have. I went to visit him Sunday afternoon and stayed with him for 1/2 hour and told him I loved him and gave him massage, spoke softly to him and told him I would see him tomorrow. He recognized my voice and seemed to be Ok. I don’t know what happened. The blood work came back normal and doctor said that his blood pressure was a little high and most likely he had a blood clot to the brain.
I wish i could’ve been there when he passed and he wasn’t alone and scared.
I know life is temporary but it still hurts. I’m sending love to the stars for all.
Dear Michael,
I’m so sorry to hear about your cat’s death, but I’m glad you’re trying to honor her. She sounds like an amazing cat, and I’m happy to keep her alive in spirit here!
The best way to keep her memory and spirit alive is to keep remembering her with love and warm memories — not guilt or lack of forgiveness for your decisions or actions.
You did the best you could when she was alive — you did everything you could to prolong her life and keep her as healthy and happy as possible.
She knew how much you love her. I don’t think cats experience time the same way we do. I don’t think they can distinguish from one week to the next, which means I don’t think she would’ve noticed that you didn’t cuddle or love her up in that last week.
Her life was 17 years of hugs, songs, cuddles, and warm naps with you around! The last week is nothing, compared to her life of love. She knew how much you cared for her, and nothing can change that. Not even the last week…..and not even her death.
I hope you keep remembering her with pure love and joy, and keep her memory alive by telling all your other beloved pets about her.
In sympathy,
Laurie
Thank you for the kind words. Me and my wife actually have 3 cats (was 4) and a dog, all rescue. Our Dog (Wondermutt) is 13, Oz is 3 , Spike is 2 almost 3 (yes both named after buffy the show) and Takako is 12. Taki was with BG her whole life, but I think in the way cats do things, BG let them know. I wish she had let us know, but that is the way BG is. Me and my wife really feel that when we (especially me) werent around, she rested and felt her pain, and then rallied when we were around, not only so we didnt worry, but so she could be with us as much as possible. Im not sure if Cats can make that kind of intuitive leap, but it sure feels that way to me now. It still hurts, and we still cry. Being in a studio apartment no matter where we are or what we are doing we feel the loss,looking at our printer without her sleeping on it seems so odd. But the thoughts that come into my head are less and less that day at the vet, and more and more her getting between me and my computer, yelling at me if I wasnt paying enough attention to her and waiting for me to roll over into the fetal position when I slept to crawl under the covers and sleep between my knees and my chest. I love that cat and I know from time to time I will get teary eyed, but I realized that cat spent her whole life trying to make people happy, and she would never want to be the object of any kind of sadness. I try to honor her by continuing to live my life, and taking care of our other three cats, since she isnt here to do it anymore. Our only hope is Taki learned as much as she could from BG and will soon take the reigns. When that happens our house will become a 4 cat household again, we already decided its the right thing to do since we have the money and so many cats need a home. I want to try and find another calico with her personality. I will never name another cat BG, and noone can take her place but I know somewhere out there is a runt in a litter people think wont live past 2 weeks looking to give me 17 good years.
OH, you are so not alone in this. You do not need help, as time, and ONLY time, will help you,unfortunately. It is painful as I know, but all you can do is cry to get the “ya ya’s” out and deal with it…..no,you did not “ramble on”, you got yr feelings out which you need to do. There is a site which is a chatline for people who have lost their pets……www.petloss.com I found it very helpful. If it seems too busy, just get in there and babble on, someone will see you are hurting and will help you…..it helped me. this is the place for you now, take a look. in the meantime,you greatly took care of an animal that was on this earth,and this cat deserved you…I hope in time another cat will be so lucky to have you.
Yesterday my 17 year old cat had to be put to sleep due to kidney failure. She was my wifes cat for all 17 of those years, and I hadnt had a cat before my wife moved in with her, and her sister.
Her name was BG, short for baby grey, but I used to call her “Beege” still cant remember how that started, but it did, and it stuck. My wife and friends even started calling her that, and I think we had people in our lives who didnt even know her real name and thought it was Beege.
Despite her age, this cat was amazing. She acted like a kitten, ran around like one, and loved like one. From the second I brought her into my home she was mine, and vice versa. She followed me everywhere, yelled at the door when I left and slept next to me on the couch whenever me and my wife watched TV. She would curl up with me under the covers, I simply loved her.
As her age started to show her vet visits became a little more regular, and at one a little while ago the vet told us the levels in her kidneys werent good. We did what we could, switched to a special diet, vitamins, what we could. The vet told us we were buying time, but that it was ok. A few weeks ago we were tasked with giving her IV fluids. This was our choice, the vet said at her levels people didnt usually start this treatment, but if we did it would help her alot. BG wasnt one for being held down, shaved, bathed, needled, really anything a human ever does to or for a cat aside from being fed. If she had to go to the bathroom but couldnt get to it, if you lifted her into the litter she would step out, stare at you until you left and then get in it herself. Needless to say, she didnt take to the IV well. Me and my wife were supposed to do it every 2-3 days, but she wrestled so much and got away so much some of the treatments required me re-entering the needle 5+ times, and I was hurting her and I didnt like it. We decided that we would do it on a case by case basis. If we saw her drinking alot, or kind of lethargic,we would IV her. I mean, the cat was healthier then could be, and the vet said it was optional at this stage, so we treated it as such. I mean, why extend her life if only do so something she hated so often.
Well, like a bat out of heck, her quality of life dropped. Over two days she lost over a fifth of her body weight (she only weighed 5 lbs to begin with, she was the runt, but she was our runt)she wouldnt eat drink or go to the litter. At first we thought she hurt her hip because of how she walked when she wasnt declining walking. So we put her to bed rest, put a pee pad down next to her, with food and water to minimize her movement. We let her be because every time we did something to help her like feed her or bring her to her litter, she seemed mad, so we figured like a human with an injury she wanted rest and to be left alone. So we did, for a little over a day. We then realized how bad it was getting, and what was coming became clear. She didnt purr when I held her, didnt recognize getting pet. It was bad. She peed on me while sitting on my lap, and that just isnt her. So we brought her knowing what was going to happen.
The days leading up to her passing were very busy. My wifes birthday always floats around Thanksgiving, and we always throw her a party. Thanksgiving had just happened, and I work in retail so the week was bad, I probably worked 60 hours or so. Then black friday, and on saturday our nephew turned 2 and our uncle on the other side turned 80, and we were gone all day at parties, then her party, and we went out the day after that. It was when our friends finally cleared out we noticed her hip (which turned out to just be loss of muscle and the inability to support herself).
There are a few things I just cant forgive myself for. Obviously the IV, the vet said it wouldnt have done anything for her, with that abrupt drop in her health, nothing would have saved her. He said we did everything we could as long as we were bringing her to him, and we shouldnt feel like it was our fault. But I do. I cant stop wondering if I had buckled down and just forced the IV every other day and sucked it up would she have lived another year or so, or would her last days have been better?
Did i screw up by letting her linger? Had I not dismissed it was a hip injury would we have let her go sooner, and eased her suffering? Maybe our last memories wouldnt have been of our cat who was totally gone mentally, but of our beloved crazy BG.
Did our neglect that week lead to her death? This is the big one. I know we treat our pets like gold. I wont right a book about it, but that is not something I feel guilt over. We love them, and they know it, end of story.
I was out so much for work, as was my wife. Between the holiday and her birthday, we didnt see her much, and she slept alone alot (we have 3 other cats, so not totally alone) and when I was home I was either cooking, sleeping, or other chores.
Is it possible she thought we gave up on her? Everyday I came home I picked her up and spent time with her, I really did love that cat. But the week leading to her passing, I cant remember if I did or not. I cant remember the last time she sat with me on the couch, or slept on my chest or stood between me and my computer and demanded time. I used to sing to her all the time, and I just cant remember if I did that week. We spent so much time with our friends and family that I dont remember seeing her. And then BOOM, she was gone. To us it seemed out of nowhere, she really showed no signs prior to those two days. Did she think we gave up on her? Or was it just her time? I also had a bunch of stuff on my desk that isnt usually there, and she made a bad jump and fell off the side. And I cant stop thinking that if I didnt leave it there, and she didnt fall, maybe she would be ok. Maybe her hip injury was to much for her and she gave up.
Yesterday I rushed home from work, I left early so my wife didnt have to go alone ( at this point we were still half hopeful it was a hip injury and an extended hospital visit would fix her up new) to the vet. My wife said all day she stayed in the same spot (she slept by my head the night before, something she hasnt done in a while, and I didnt even put her there, she went there herself) and wouldnt let my wife touch her. I thought it was weird because the night before and the morning when I left for work she seemed totally fine, I was really hopeful she was recovering and pulling through. Then i realized, she was mustering strength whenever i wasnt around so she could be “normal” when i was. Either to be with me, or to spare me the pain i felt seeing her like that. Cats are so intuitive, you cant ever know. She wouldnt let my wife touch her, but I picked her up and she nestled into my arms, but wouldnt look at me. She didnt enjoy getting pet, she just laid there. And she wasnt purring, not even for me. Right then I knew, in fact I hope she was just going to die right there in my arms, and get spared a cold vets table. I think the fighting spirit that got her to 17 just wouldnt allow her to just go. We got her cat carry, and she walked right into it, looked at us one last time and laid down, almost relieved. To give some perspective, in the past getting that cat into a carrier was difficult. She had this way of hooking her back legs on the outside so you couldnt get her in, she would claw back pedal and squirm. If we had an appointment at 4, we would start getting her in the carrier at 3, and the vet is only 10 minutes away. When she walked into that carrier, we knew, and it blew us away. We got her there, and everyone knew, the Vets bedside manner was amazing and he walked us through it. She just laid there, I dont even think she knew we were there, or she was even there.
It killed me, I felt like I didnt get to say goodbye. The vet told us with the kidneys failing, her body was poisoning itself and it was probably causing her to hallucinate. I wanted so badly to detox her so I could say goodbye, but it felt to selfish, because the hallucinating was probably stopping her pain.
I just wish I knew what her last real memory of us was. I just hope to God it wasnt sitting upstairs asleep alone while me and my wife were out to dinner.
I know we did the right thing in putting her to sleep. With every step we took it became more clear. She didnt fight the vet at all, not for the shaving, the alcohol rub, or the needle. The BG i know doesnt let anyone do anything to her, she chooses everything she does. So I knew. I held her while they did it, and put my hand on her chest and felt her heartbeat stop. I saw her die. I wrapped her up brought her home, dug a hole and buried her under a lilac tree in her favorite blanket.
But all I can remember is that crazed slipping look in her eye. The last time I remember holding her is when she was already dead, and I cant stop thinking about her laying there cold and in the ground. Its november, and I actually found myself feeling guilty because it was cold outside, and she was out there.
Was staying with her while she passed the wrong thing? Was burying her myself wrong, or was it the perfect way to honor the one I loved so much?
I feel like I cant remember her the right way, all i can conjure is her dying, and me burying her. And its killing me. I miss her so much, and when I came home today and she wasnt there, I lost it. saying hi to her took precedent over everything when i walk in the door, and I dont know what to do when I come home now. I sat on the couch last night, the last place I held her before I left, and I just couldnt sit there. My wife woke up last night after dreaming about her, and forgot she had died for just a split second, and had to relive everything all over again.
I havent slept or eaten in like two days, because when I try its all I think about. Im not sure what to do, or how to stop this, will it pass? Or should I actually consider seeing someone? Ive never been this devastated over a death before, not even a human one. I know that sounds horrible, but its true.
At this point, we are second guessing everything we do. Even the fourth cat we adopted who we love, but is kind of a bully and didnt make this last year any easier on her.
Is this grief normal? Or should we get help of some kind? ive rambled long enough so ill just stop now. I apologize for the length of this, but thank you for providing people with a place to do this
My lovely cat Cleopatra Scamperelli had to be put to sleep last week- she was 22 years old and until August fit and happy.
I know she was an old lady but I really miss her and feel guilty.
Why did I not notice sooner she was going down hill- would she have got better if I had taken her to the vet sooner?- I know the answer is no but it does not help me feel better.
I miss her so much and the house is empty without her heartbeat.
I have planted snowdrops on her grave in the garden where the sun comes up first thing in the morning and where she used to sit in the sun and watch the birds.
I miss you Scampi- we wont forget you.
My sweet 11 year old beagle died one week ago. She had a tumor rupture on her liver. We did surgery and they suspected liver cancer. I decided to have them go ahead and remove the liver masses (after all she had been a happy and healthy dog prior to this) and then we’d enjoy whatever time remained of her life. Unfortunately, after a week of holding out hope that she’d make a recovery, it became clear that it wasn’t going to happen and we had her put to sleep with my husband and I lovingly holding her as she passed. We found out later (when the report finally came in) that she had the “bad” liver cancer and there was nothing more they could have done. They think her recovery didn’t go well because the cancer was further along than they had initially thought. I feel such horrible guilt now. I put her through surgery and the pain of recovery for nothing. I also remember back in July I’d taken her in for a dental cleaning and they had mentioned that her liver enzymes were high. I’d asked what that meant and they’d said that would require a separate follow up appointment. I forgot about it. What caring owner does that?!! If I’d taken her in maybe we’d have caught it early enough and she’d still be here. I also feel bad for not feeding her an organic diet until late in her life, and I so regret not giving her more time and attention as I wish I had. Any thoughts would be appreciated as I feel quite awful and miss her so much. Thank you.
Thank you Laurie!
Dear Patti,
I’m so sorry to hear about Oscar — at least it happened fast. Poor kitty, he probably never knew what hit him
It takes time to get horrible images like that out of your head. It also takes self-discipline, and a bit of psychology. Psychologists say, “What you resist, persists.” So, the more you try to get the image of Oscar out of your head, the more it’ll remain.
Instead of trying not to remember what you saw, try replacing that image with the Oscar you knew and loved. Keep a photo handy, or a series of images in your head of Oscar playing, sleeping, eating, and cuddling with you. Whenever you think of the horrible image, just start thinking of your good memories of Oscar.
I know how hard it is — getting over the guilt and heartache of pet loss is a long, sad process.
In sympathy,
Laurie
Hello,
My little Oscar kitty was hit by a car yesterday and apparently died instantly. The man who hit him was kind enough to call, my phone was on his collar.
I feel devistated and wonder why I let him spend so much time outside. My other cats stay inside, but he always wanted to be out. I should have known this would happen!!!!! My kitties are my world and get tons of attention, so I know he knew he was very well loved.
One of my issues is that my last site of him was from the accident, not to be gross, but the vehicle hit him in the head so it was not pretty. Even today at the funeral home (he’s being cremated) I saw a bit of it again. How do I get this horrible image out of my head so I can remember my sweet little boy?
Patti