Dealing With Guilt When You Caused Your Dog’s Death

If you accidentally hurt or killed your dog – or you decided to put your dog to sleep and regret it – you may be consumed with guilt and grief. Here’s help for dealing with guilt after you caused your dog’s death.

I accidentally killed my dog In Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die, Jon Katz addresses the difficult but necessary topic of saying goodbye to a beloved pet. Accidentally killing your dog is an extremely painful experience, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Jon draws on personal experiences, stories from fellow pet owners, and philosophical reflections to help pet owners grieve the loss of their dogs. He gently asks readers to consider if they gave their dogs good lives and if they used their best judgment in the end. In dealing with these issues, you will deal with guilt about your dog’s death, and let go of the pain.

The most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone. Read through the comments section below, and you’ll see that accidentally killing your dog was a tragic mistake that happens to more people than you realize.

These tips for dealing with guilt after you caused your dog’s death are inspired by a reader who shared his guilty feelings about putting his dog to sleep. Saying good-bye to your beloved dog is heartbreaking – and it’s even worse if you feel guilty about your pet’s death. I hope these tips help.

Dealing With Guilt After Causing Your Dog’s Death

Some people accidentally kill their dog by accidentally leaving them in harm’s way. The most important thing to remember is that you did NOT purposely cause your pet’s death. Dealing with guilt may be a bit lighter if you know you would’ve acted differently if you had the chance. If your actions led to your pet’s death, you have to keep reminding yourself that you did not deliberately harm your dog. It was an accident, and you would have done things differently if you had know what would happen.

Dealing With Guilt When You Caused Your Dog’s Death

Dealing With Guilt When You Caused Your Dog’s Death

If you’re struggling with grief and guilty feelings because of the circumstances surrounding your dog’s death, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss. I interviewed veterinarians, grief counselors, and pet experts for the best ways to survive the death of a beloved dog, and I included stories from real pet owners who coped with guilt and grief in sometimes surprising ways.

Identify “imagined” guilt about your dog’s death

Not recognizing that your Yorkie, Doberman, or terrier was ill doesn’t mean that you weren’t paying attention or taking good care of him or her! This is imagined guilt. Animals can’t always communicate their physical health; pet owners can’t see inside their bodies and brains.

Another type of “imagined” guilt is if you’ve accidentally caused your pet’s death by letting him out, keeping him in, or losing track of his whereabouts. If you did not deliberately set out to harm your pet, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. I know this is easier said than done – and it takes effort to forgive yourself.

If you’re dealing with imagined guilt because of your dog’s death, remember that sometimes illness or disease overcomes our dogs and other beloved pets…and there’s nothing we can do. This loss of control is a very painful — but real — part of life.

I recently wrote How to Forgive Yourself for Not Protecting Your Dog, to help you deal with the guilt you feel. Please take a moment to read it — it’s the comments on this article that inspired me to write it.

Remember that it’s normal to feel guilty when your dog dies

Whether your guilt is real or imagined, know that it is a normal grief reaction. Even the most “innocent” pet owners feel guilt over a pet’s death. For instance, I now cringe when I recall how angry I was at my beloved cat, Zoey, for scratching the basement door (I didn’t realize the door to her litter box was shut tight, and she couldn’t get in). That was over 12 years ago, and I still feel guilty! Healing after you had to put your pet down often requires forgiving yourself.

dealing with guilt after dog deathGoodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet is the number one bestselling book on pet loss and grief on Amazon. I love the book because it offers both heartwarming stories and practical guidance on grieving the loss of a pet. It’ll help you deal with guilt when you caused your pet’s death.

Identify “real” guilt about accidentally killing your dog

Real guilt may spring from your feelings that you neglected your dog annual vaccinations, daily food intake, exercise habits, and “quality time” with you. If you’re struggling with real guilt, remember that you had reasons for doing what you did. The stress of money, work, kids, marriage, and daily life may have taken precedence over how you treated your pet. Maybe you didn’t make the best choices.

Healing after your pet’s death involves accepting that you wish you would’ve done things differently — and talking this through with your family, friends, or loved ones.

Remember what you did right — because you did a lot right

guilty feelings killed my dog

Dealing With Guilt When You Caused Your Dog’s Death

Your dog loved you beyond all reason – so you must have done something right. How did you love and take care of your pet? Balance your real guilt with the real ways you loved your pet. You took good care of your dog in many ways; don’t wave that away.

Dealing with guilt when you caused your dog’s death isn’t just about grieving; it’s about cherishing the best parts of your life with your dog. If you feel like you’ll never be happy again, read Can’t Live Without Your Dog? How to Survive Your Pet’s Death.

Do you feel like you caused your dog’s death? I encourage you to share your experience below. Talking and writing about it is healthier than ignoring it, and can help you process your grief. I can’t offer advice on what to do about accidentally killing your dog, but it may help you to share what happened. Sometimes writing brings clarity and insight.

You may find How to Forgive Yourself for Not Protecting Your Dog helpful, especially if you feel like you’ll never experience the peace of self-forgiveness.

May you forgive yourself after your dog’s death. Know that your dog has forgiven you, and your dog knows it was an accident! You would never have hurt your dog if you knew what was going to happen. Your dog is free and happy now, and resting in peace. May God give you peace, heal your soul, and help you open your heart to love another dog.

“If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there,” says Pam Brown. “Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them.”

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129 Responses

  1. Sad says:

    I’ve had my cat for 18 years, most of my life. She’s always been an indoor/outdoor cat and although I could tell she was old and moving slower, and deaf, I still kept letting her outside. She only ever wanted to lay on the grass right by the front door and I felt like it was cruel to limit her to inside bc she loved to go outside and sleep. Last weekend she went outside and the neighbors dog, who is NEVER outside his fence just happened to be out somehow and he killed her. I didn’t see it happen but it was so horrific to find her like that when I knew she couldn’t defend herself or hear anything coming. I really wanted her to have a peaceful death and it hurts my heart so much that if I had just not let her out at that moment she would still be fine (she was very sassy and active despite her old age). I’m having a hard time coping and I miss her so much. I feel so responsible as most people would have kept such an old kitty inside for safety. It’s so tough and painful. I just want to tell her I’m sorry

  2. Laurie says:

    Dear Anne,

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain and guilt you must be feeling.

    Know that you did all you could….and know that your beloved Murphy knows how much you love her! She doesn’t have a shred of regret, judgement, or sadness about how she died. She knows that the end of her life happened exactly as it was supposed to happen.

    That’s the beautiful, amazing thing about dogs. They know that life unfolds – and ends – exactly the way it’s meant to.

    Grieve your loss. Express your pain, and let your heart heal.

  3. Anne says:

    My beautiful dog Murphy died a few days ago. She was the best, so much fun and filled with energy and joy until just a few months ago. She was 13 1/2 years old. I know we gave her a great life, but I feel so horrible that a few times over the last few weeks as her health was declining, I sometimes thought it would be easier after she died. Overall, I know that my husband, son, and I did a lot of the extra care that a senior dog needs, but sometimes caring for her was frustrating, because I couldn’t make her comfortable. On the night that she died, I knew she was dying and I sat on the floor and petted her while she was breathing erratically for a few hours. She hated the vet and I didn’t want her to have the stress of the drive to the vet and to be in that sterile room when she died, so we kept her home. After 2-3 hours, my husband took over. Before I left her, I kissed her, whispered to her to let go and that it was OK to say goodbye and then I went to bed. She died a few hours later. I am so glad that she isn’t in pain anymore, but I am so angry with myself that I didn’t stay with her when she died. I feel like I let her down. She was an incredible member of our family and I miss her so much.

  4. Laurie says:

    I’m so sorry about your dog’s death. Thank you for being here, and sharing your story. No words can express the depth of pain and guilt of losing a dog because of an accident or a mistake…and I just want you to know you’re not alone.

    In sympathy,

  5. Liz says:

    We lost our dog Ted this past Thursday, he would have been 2 in January. He was a lab poodle mix, rescued from the south. My brother was walking him as usual during lunchtime. Ted had a thin body which made it hard to fit a harness on him. We found harness that seemed to fit him well, and worked for a few weeks with no issues. That day Ted stopped, my brother tugged on his leash, Ted backed up and slipped out of his harness. He ran and thought my brother was playing with him. My father was there as well. I came home to search, but within 45 mins I received the call from our vet. He was hit by a camper on the road round the corner. The people stopped and took him into the vets office. They tried to keep him alive, but it was too late. The guilt is overwhelming. I keep thinking we should have trained him better not to run. He was always getting into mischief, but was a kindhearted boy. I’m lost and angry, but not at anyone but myself.

  6. Kolby Larsen says:

    My puppy Shepard moved on. October 30 2015 he was only 4 months old he was with me all the time on walks, at the park He slept on my lap at night and woke up with me. i put him outside quite a bit becuase he loved to run around i usually had him tied up. But somdays i would let him go out off the leash he would always run to the neighbors yard there was a dog over there in a cage. he would always run right back to the house never into the street. But one morning i saw him out in the neighbors yard and after a bit of chasing we would run back to the house but one day he didnt .He saw another dog and ran after it the first car stopped but the second car hit him. I miss him so much and feel guilty because he was so young. Ive never loved anybody like that dog though i only had him 2 months. Everyday i honestly just feel like im counting down the days to when ill see him again i hope i can stop thinking this way i just feel so much pain and guilt

  7. Laurie says:

    I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience, and for being so honest about your feelings. May you find forgiveness and freedom from the guilt you feel about your dog’s death.

    Your beloved dog is resting in peace and watching over you with love and compassion. Your spirit will forever be intertwined with your dog’s spirit — and there is no place for self-hatred, regret, or guilt. Allow your dog’s love and forgiveness to wash over you, and to help you see your life with fresh eyes.

    Bow your head, quieten your mind, and receive the grace and love only God can offer. There is no condemnation here, only forgiveness and healing.

  8. Diane says:

    My baby Taylor was 8 1/2 years old. She was a beautiful pit terrier with the most beautiful blue eyes and she loved me so much. She was always right next to me. I had to put her down last Monday and it’s all my fault. She developed lung cancer. I smoke and never thought a thing about how it was affecting her. I feel so awful, so guilty. She was my best friend and I killed her. I can’t stop crying. I had a choice. She didn’t. She was pure love and I killed her. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself. She didn’t deserve that. She was loyal, faithful and loving and now she’s gone because of me. Because of ME! God please help me get through this.

  9. john aita says:

    our sienna had a growth removed from her leg….it turned out to be cancerous but not the metastisizing kind. our options were to let it grow back and try to remove it again in a year, then having her leg amputated if it didnt work…OR…have radiation on her leg to prevent the recurrence. she was in the hospital for 8 days of radiation, was set to come home and on the last night there she had some issues….i took her home and was planning to take her to the family vet the next morning. ( the oncologist was a specialist referred by our vet) and then she quickly sickened that night and died on the way to the emergency room. Horrible !!! The thing is, i had a bad feeling about the oncologist, but they kept telling me she was responding well, blah blah blah. i feel like i cheated my best friend out of years of her life ..i should have done things differently…we should be planning our fall weekends and im holding her ashes instead. I feel like a worthless piece of sh*t.

  10. An says:

    I’m very glad I’ve found this article on dealing with guilt after your dog’s death and comments. It has been less than a day that our princess died. I gave her pork scapula, thinking that because she is small maltese with tiny mouth, she would end up eating only flesh and cartilage (now of course realize how stupid that is). We went around hour to closest good vet with x-ray after I found her very inactive with dried blood under her tail in the morning.
    The doctor said it could be infection but I knew it was the bone. And it was. X-ray showed that her intestine was filled with bone pieces she ate. They said that she cannot have an operation today so after few hours we will take her home and she’ll be operated tomorrow. That moment I was happy. She will be back and okay. Of course when we came back several hours later we heard only bad news. She was still bleeding, shaking and in a lot of pain. We could put her into sleep or let her die suffering anyway…

    It’s all my fault. She had only a little more than a year and I’ve killed her with my stupidity. I want to take it back so badly I miss her and I still kind of expect her to come to me and lie by mi side as she used to. I’m angry and sad…and I feel like one of the worst people in the world…how could I hurt her…how could I kill her…

  11. Erinupnorth says:

    I lost our mini schnauzer last month. He was 4 years old and an absolute champion at life. After proofing our life and yard to contain him….he got the better of us and in his true free sprit style began to roam. We contained him and found any fence weaknesses through the first 4 years!! Mid September –As my husband was out of town and my young child asleep I froze. Shit, he’s not in the yard (we’d spent 4 years katmai proofing) Didn’t go out and look for him for fear of leaving my young child at home, and since K had always been found or returned the times he exploered I tried not to worry. I didn’t sleep that night and at 6 am i woke up my son to go look. We found him. Dead and stiff near a main road. Awful. Still processing the image,. Loved that dog so much, still struggling in my daily life.

  12. So Sad says:

    I lost my new puppy yesterday die to an accident and I’ve never felt the way I feel now. We’ve had her 5 days and in those few days she was the most incredible dog I’ve ever had. She listened to everything I said like she actually understood me. I was planning on working with her to be a therapy dog because she was so great.
    I was at work when my boyfriend decoded to let her and our older dog outside while he did some work around the house. She eneed up drowning in our pool. I had talked to him on the phone while at work and he had mentioned he was going to do that and see how it went. I feel so guilty that it didn’t even occur to think that was a bad idea. She was only 4.5 months old and should have been supervised. I know I’ve only had her a very short time but the guilt of not allowing her more time in life is killing me.

  13. Jan says:

    I stopped on a trip over a local mountain pass to make lunch in my small motorhome Saturday. I had pulled up a forest service road about 1/3 mile. When I was washing the dishes I thought it was safe to let my 3 year old dog out briefly before we drove on. My old dog was content to stay put.

    He must have chased something across the hwy. I think he died coming back when I whistled from the look of the injuries. The fellow who hit him said he “came out of nowhere” I made a huge error in judgement, he was normally car savvy, but he was a young, enthusiastic boy, I should have known better. I’m grief stricken.

  14. Shawna says:

    Yesterday, our sweet boxer puppy, Molly was hit by a car and killed instantly. We have a 4 year old boxer as well. They are both pretty obedient and we opened the gate the let them out and load them in the car. Poor Molly saw a squirrel in the neighbors yard and before we even knew what happened, she darted into the street and was hit and killed instantly by a driver who ran a stop sign. He didn’t even see her. The worst part was that I watched the whole thing happen and there was nothing I could do. Within a couple seconds, she was gone. We buried her in the back yard in a spot where she used to lay and sunbathe. Our other boxer Max is torn up. He keeps sniffing around trying to find her and it is heartbreaking. I feel guilty that I wasn’t holding her or looking for cars before I opened the gate. I should have known better that puppies are unpredictable and I shouldn’t have assumed that she knew better. I feel absolutely terrible, especially because she was still a puppy and had so much life ahead of her. I can’t stop seeing the flashbacks and graphic images of her getting hit and dying before my eyes. I don’t know if I will ever be the same.

  15. Dawn says:

    Hi mya,

    Your story brought shivers all over me you poor poor thing I know exactly how you feel and that’s not an over estimation I truly do, I lost my beautiful puppy simba 2.5 years not such a puppy but just stayed as one on the 18th July 3 months ago to exactly the same horrific condition I tried to copy my post to you but it wouldn’t work scroll down to the 18th July my names dawn and my dog was simba. This condition is so so rare and our vets who had been a vet for 27 years had never come across it or other opinions I gor from other vets had not experienced this either it’s horrendous apparently they would not have suffered with doesn’t really help I know but it’s something apparently they would have felt drunk like and a bit Woosey but to loose to dogs too you poor poor thing. I started a campaign in the UK to raise awareness and no one knew about this I did a poster and shared on Facebook and put it up in vets and it’s made a difference I also visited dog hydro centres to put the poster up and raise awareness. If you like I could forward you simbas poster and you could have a look and perhaps do something similar or add your story to mine people don’t know about this so the one thing you could do for them is spread awareness I know you are quite young so I will give you my email address and if you like perhaps email me from yours or your parents email and I can send you the poster, it might make you feel a bit better to feel like you are doing something it did me, I still miss simba everyday but I know it’s not my thought or yours it’s a horrible tradgidy and if vets don’t know how would we know but I know if I had read something I would have acted differently like others will now after reading simbas poster. Also if you look up dry drowning in the Internet you will see other people in our position so even though it’s rare it does happen. Best wishes and be kind to yourself it is not your thought x

  16. seavila says:

    my cat just died today and i feel like its my fault, well its completely my fault see i live in mexico and in a duplex kind of house our kitchen sink is downstairs on the patio where our sheppard lives well the cat got in some spilt honey and i had to bath him, i went inside for a second and our sheppard had him i tried to pry him away but my cat bit me accidentally and i dropped him and then the dog got hima nd started shaking him i just froze i was horrified, my hand was bleeding profusely but i just couldnt stop watching the dog and cat fought then i heard crunching sounds i knew it was over finally the dog let him go i went back out cautiously and tied up the dog and wrapped the cat in a towel he was breathing hard and when i sat him down i realized the dmage his back and neck were broke and he was pooping on himself i feel so bad i should have saved him but i was scared of the dog i was worried id get hurt and i just watched him get killed im a weak sorry b**ch i keep thinking god will punish me for this cats death and now im considering getting rid of the dog im just not comfortable around him now its not his fault i know i shouldnt have left him there by himselfpobresito theres no vet hospital here or a vet in general i had to just let him die i feel like sh*t like a piece of trash ill never forgive myself

  17. mya says:

    Friday, both of my yorkies passed away within minutes of each other. I only recently figured out what the cause was, and that it was my fault. They died due to me giving them too much water, causing them to over hydrate and develop hyponatremia. I had gave both of them a large water bowl to share because I wouldn’t be home for a few days and didn’t want my dad to have to worry about it. After a little while of them drinking some of the water, I looked in the bowl to find all of it gone. This want new to me, they usually could drink all of the water in their smaller bowls. I let my 2 year old yorkie roam around outside while I watched his son, a yorkie only a few months old, to make sure he used the restroom before going inside of the house. After a little bit, I noticed he started drooling and then he began throwing up a lot, stuff even started coming out of his nose. I took him to my dad and he told me he just probably got sick from eating something from the grass, so I let both of my dogs inside while I went to take a shower. While in the shower, the younger one started whining and yelling so I instantly got out and went to him only to see that nothing was wrong with him after putting pressure on his paws and legs, but he would whimper if I touched his side. I called my mom and asked her what to do and she said just to let him rest for a little bit and make sure to keep an eye on him, so I lied him on my bed and did the same. After a while, he started trying to get up, and it looked as if he was banging his head on the mattress. I ran down to my dads room, crying because I didn’t know what was wrong. I tried to make him stand up but he wouldn’t, he’d only lie back down on his side. I went outside to call my mom and tell her what was going on and she told me she didn’t know what to do. I ran back inside, squatting on my dads floor as the dog began panting and curling up into a ball. My dad told me that he was going to die and there wasn’t much we could do for him now. He started twitching, making random noises as his body started shaking and that’s when I figured out he was having a seizure. A few minutes later, he passed away and we went outside to bury him. I went back inside to change because I had a game that night, and when I went back outside, my dad told me to go check on the older dog because he was whimpering like something was hurting him. I went around the front of my house and saw him at the road, but when I called his name he wouldn’t come to me. I walked out to him and he began following me, but would start wobbling and fall over. I picked him up and carried him the rest of the way, but when I set him back down he wasn’t able to stand up. Soon, the same thing that happened to the younger dog started happening to him. If I could take back giving them such a large amount of water and educating myself more about the subject, I definitely would. I had both dogs since the time they were born, and only being 15 makes the subject more traumatic and heartbreaking for me. Right now, I don’t plan on getting another dog because it won’t be the same. But I’m trying my best to get over the guilt.

  18. Sarah says:

    I just had my dog die a couple days ago and am struggling so hard with guilt. He had health issues in the past where we rushed him in to the vet and this time around I thought it was the same thing and could handle it from home as we had been through it so many times. Little did I know that I would come home from work and find him laying there dead…I can not get over the immense amount of guilt I have for not taking him in this ONE time. It happened so suddenly. I knew he was sick but I didn’t think he was DEATHLY ill. Now I feel like I neglected to provide the care he needed and let him down. I cried so hard for the past 3 days and feel this sadness weighing heavy in my heart. I know he is resting in peace now, but clearly he was sicker than I thought and for the past week I feel like he may have suffered without me even realizing it. As he laid there wondering why I wasn’t helping him for once, because I thought he would be ok this time! This is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced in my life.

  19. Pixies mom says:

    My girl was only 7 she had gotten sick we don’t know what from ,the vet told us it was a slipped disk in her back ,she was in so much pain everyday but she fought so hard ,she was my world and my motivation to get through each day ,well one day I begged for my mother to take her to the vet so we did ,they gave her a shot for nausea and sent us home that night my girl died in her sleep ,the shot was to much I guess, how could a vet not know this ,I trusted them to help my baby and because I wanted her to be ok and decided to take her she died, this happened on April 3rd and I can’t express how guilty I feel for taking her to that place . just wanted to vent because I don’t have anyone to really talk to that understands the amount of strength and happiness that a dog brings into life.

  20. Eileen says:

    My pug Teddy died on Sunday. He was 9 and had lost his eyesight 2 years ago but he adapted well and was a happy and healthy pug. We purchased a halo for him so he would navigate around the house fairly well and lived a good life. Our other pug Sophie adored him.
    On Sunday, he injured his leg and we decided we didn’t want to wait until Monday to bring him to our vet’s office. There is a vet’s office in the next town which is an ER vet, open 24 hours, state of the art and a beautiful facility. Teddy had undergone an MRI there a few years ago so I felt comfortable taking him there.
    My husband and I drove him to the ER vet and they took us in immediately as they were not very busy. He was panting, which he often did when at the vet, as he was stressed. Instead of examining him in the room with us, they brought him in the back. The vet came back in a bit and said nothing was broken and we could take him home that day. I asked to see him and they said in a little while, they were giving him some oxygen as he was stressed. I accepted this instead of insisting that being with me would lower his stress level. The vet let me know they were gathering 2 meds for him and then we could bring him home in a bit.
    We waited and waited and then the vet came back in and told us that Teddy’s tongue had turned blue and his temp had soared to almost 107 degrees and they had intubated him and were working to cool him down. Again I asked to see him and was told that he was sedated and wouldn’t know I was there. I was panicked but I trusted he was in a good place, one where people bring their pets for emergencies.
    Finally they came back and said I could come back to see him…as we were walking through the door we saw 2 people performed strenuous CPR on my dog and the vet told us to wait outside the door. She then came back and said his heart has stopped, should we continue CPR and we told them no….knowing he had a leg injury, probably from a disc issue and seeing the almost violent CPR, I didn’t know what damage that would have caused. We said “let him go.”
    I went in finally and saw my dog. The dog they carried away from me with his tail up, trusting, happy….now lying on a gurney, soaking wet, intubated, covered in tubes and wires. I held him for a long time and told him how sorry I was.
    I can’t get past wondering what his final moments were like. How does a dog overheat in an ER vet’s office? How long did he suffer before they noticed his distress? How afraid he must have been…hearing all those other dogs barking and in pain, being blind and in a strange place, slowing overheating.
    I’m just tortured by what happened to my baby and the excuse of “pugs can easily overheat” just doesn’t cut it for me. I’ve owned pugs all my life and yes, they pant and yes they get stressed at the vet but I’ve never had a dog die from the stress of a vet visit.
    Nothing will bring him back but I am just tortured with thoughts of what his final hour was like. All the “what ifs”.
    He was the sweetest most gentle boy and he deserved so much better. I failed him and I can’t get past it.

  21. Kevin says:

    My dog of 1.5 years, Waffles, was hit by a car a couple months ago. He was my boy and I grieved and grieved then recently decided to get another dog. I got Dozer. I had him not even 2 weeks and tonight he ran under my truck tire. I yelled at him to stay away from the truck rather than picking him up since he didn’t know better. I just want a dog so badly. I don’t understand why I can never catch a break. I feel so horrible

  22. worst human on earth says:

    My puppy is dieing rigjt now from meth exposure. :'( I want it to be me instead of him ..i feel so incredibly horrible i dont know what to do..trying to keep him comfortable but it just hurts so bad to see him breathing fast like that and there is absolutely nothing i can do to dake it back or gix him

  23. Gia says:

    Steph it is good that you are able to give love to a new pet – with Mutt’s approval and encouragement. I too have opened my heart to a young black kitten, in honor of my beloved Prada who will forever be in my heart until I reunite with her again. Hug our pets and enjoy every moment they gift us with their presence.

  24. kate says:

    My beautiful chihuahua, Wilbur, died last week, in my arms. I can’t stop thinking that I killed him. Yes, by accident, but nonetheless. He was old – we don’t know exactly how old because he was a rescue. He had several bouts of pancreatitis, had seizures throughout his life, but on this day, I saw him falter. I saw him stagger. I overreacted and ran to pick him up as he fell and as my hand made contact with his tiny body, I knew it wasn’t quite placed right and as I lifted him to run to the couch to sit with him, I felt his body go limp and his head fell back – I think violently. I think I broke his neck. By the time I got the the couch and sat, he lay back in my arms and let out a long woeful sigh and threw his head back. And he was gone. Within five minutes I was with him at the vets two blocks away. The doctor took him in the back and 5 minutes later cam back to tell me he was gone and asked what happened. I tried to describe the events – that I saw his back legs collapse – and that I knew something was horribly wrong this time and that I scooped him up to carry him to the couch.

    In the days following, I played the scene over and over in my head. I can’t help but think I jerked him too hard when I picked him up to run to the couch. After five days I was finally able to speak to the vet again in person and begged him to tell me if my dog’s neck was broken and if I had killed him. He said no, and that he felt it must have been a major seizure or stroke. But this is the kindest doctor you could ever meet and I can’t help but feel that he couldn’t bring himself to tell me that I had killed him by accident. I can’t believe that by overreacting I may have killed my dog and that it might have just been a simple seizure and that he would have recovered and lived longer. I can’t help but feel that when his gaze met mine but in my arms, and when he made his last plaintive sound, he wondered why I would hurt him so and take his life. So tired, so sad. Don’t know how to go on. It’s one thing to lose your best friend but another thing entirely to live with the guilt of having killed him.

  25. Steph says:

    I left my story here about 4 or so months ago, and thought I’d come back for an update. I’d also like to thank Barbara for the reply. My oldest daughter and I have had a couple dreams where Mudd visits us. I had one on her bday in fact, I was taking pics of some amazing storm clouds with my phone and saw him running towards me in the bottom right of the screen. I dropped my phone to run to him but he wasn’t there,looking thru my phone screen again he was there, I came to the bittersweet realization that he was there just not in physical form. My daughter was touched and felt it was his way of saying happy bday. Its heartbreaking to see how many others carry guilt like me and hopefully we will one day learn to forgive ourselves. I’m not sure if I mentioned the 8 mo pit mix we tried to take for a friend who couldn’t keep him, but had to rehome due to food aggression towards our kids, I was also unable to bond w/ him bcuz I felt like I was betraying Mudd. Now for a positive update. About 6 wks ago I had a random dream about a small brownish dog cuddling in my lap, that all I could remember when I woke and my husband and I had a laugh about it becuz I’m not a small dog person, but I felt happy in my dream. 2 weeks later my daughter calls from school and asks me to talk to her art teacher. She was going out of town for the weekend and needed someone to petsit a dog she was fostering, she said it was a small fluffy white dog, tho she hadn’t seen him yet. We said ok knowing it was just 2 days and our girls would have fun. Met with her at the school along with dogs prev owner…it wasn’t white at all…it was a light brown, small terrier mix. The woman rehoming him explained he was her grandmother’s dog but she passed away unexpectedly and she couldn’t keep him. He’s been with us since. The girls adore him, he’s so smart and well behaved… and loves to sleep on my tummy. What’s best is, I don’t feel guilt with him, maybe becuz we both needed each other. We both lost our other halves and perhaps find solace in sharing that in common. I do feel he was meant to be with us and maybe my dream was trying to let me know what was to come and that it was ok. One day the same will happen to you all, when the time is right, and just like me you’ll know when that time comes. I won’t let Bootsie down, not just for us, but for his prev mom who would want nothing but the best for him

  26. Lulu says:

    Hello lowlife person, What a tragic little story. I’m so sorry for your sad loss.

    I often feel that a dog holds a mirror up to who we really are. Dog is god – spelt backwards. Of course are not a bad person. You have great passion (that was apparent when you poured love and dedication into your dog) but your passion can also be your enemy. You owe to yourself and you lovely dog – to make certain you control and nurture your passion. If you had no passion – or shall we say ‘fire’ or ‘intensity’, then you might never had the drive to nurture your little poodle to health in the first place.

    You lost control towards the end only because you were tired. Also frustrated because the dog wasn’t working with you at that time for the best outcome – that both of you have a good night’s rest. So you lost your tempter and struck out. In his weak state it was the final blow.
    The good thing is that actually put your dog out of misery very quickly. Saved him from a lingering death. Although, this is not how you wanted him to die! Try and draw strength and comfort from the fact that the last part is not the whole part – just a tiny, tiny slice of your dogs life. Hold on to the good things. Your kindness and love gave him the zest to race along the beach like a puppy. But for you he wouldn’t have done this. You gave him love, hope, strength, happiness, company, nurture, and friendship.
    Your poodle loved you and still does. You have an unbroken bond for ever. But you need to learn and grow. If you do not work on yourself a little to keep your passion in check it will be a lost opportunity, but if you do, then you will grow more into the angel you really are, your little dog will have given you an even great gift then your realise. God Bless

  27. Lowlife person says:

    I truly caused the death of my precious little poodle. I rescued him from the pound almost 2 years ago. He was probally 13-14 years old. Hearing and sight mostly gone with only a few teeth. He also had kennel cough. I nursed him back to his best health he could have and he enjoyed life. The summer before last he was running on the beach like a puppy. The past few months his site went completely and he would often be restless. He had a seizure while taking a walk a few weeks ago that lasted about 5 minutes, but he fully recovered by the next day. He always would take a while to settle down at night, Put him in bed and he would want to get down, wonder around baging into to things until he got tired. On his last night , I had him in our guest room so I could sleep. He started to bark , so I got up and brought him back to the bedroom and lied down with him on the blanket. He shortly started to get up. I put him in bed with my and he was still ansy, and in my frustration I hit/ spanked him hard, which only made him worse. He was sweet and innocent and did not know what he did wrong! I then was more frustrated and tossed him off the bed. He hit the floor and started to have a seizure. I picked him and placed him on a blanket on the bed. It lasted about 10 minutes. After it stopped I picked him and was holding him. after a few minutes he stopped breathing and left me.
    I know I am truly a monster. I cannot and do not deserve to forgive myself. I am not suicidal , but cannot live myself. Everyone talks about how I rescued him and gave him a happy last all most 2 years of life, but that is all wiped out by what I did. I assure you, you cannot say anything that would make me feel any worse.

  28. Trina says:

    Our first dog, Brandee, died while my husband was deployed. He was due home in only a few more months. She was only 4 years old, and died of kidney failure. I took her to the vet when after she threw up several times and lost her appetite. She was in the ICU for ten days on fluids at the best Veterinary Medical Center in our state, however, the cause of her death is unknown. This was over a year ago, and the tears and pain of her death never go away. I feel so guilty. It started when she ate about a 6×6 inch piece of rhubarb crunch dessert unattended. She eventually threw it up in the evening and our vet claims this was not the cause of death. I am skeptical, and believe the sugar and fat in the desert could have caused pancreatitis and then kidney failure. There are no toxins, rat poison, antifreeze or medications in our house. I do not believe it was acute kidney failure, but possibly acute on a chronic condition in which the dessert and throwing up was a trigger. The vet thought it was leptospirosis, but the test came back negative. We did have two mice in the basement, which I removed with live traps and transplanted them in the woods! I don’t believe in killing innocent mice :-)
    Three weeks prior to her kidney failure, she was treated at her local vet for a UTI. At the same time, she received her annual round of vaccinations. I wonder if the stress of the vaccines was too much for her kidneys to process while trying to fight a bladder and/or kidney infection. She had three UTIs in her short life, and our vet said it was due to a possibly shorter than normal urethra. I still wonder if she had scar tissue in either her ureters or urethra from a spay surgery at only 8 weeks old and 8 pounds! (She was from a rescue organization). I regret not doing an autopsy.
    Three days after she ate the dessert, I took her to the vet because she lost her appetite. During those three days I was home with her, and she just seemed tired and threw up a few times. She was still eating and drinking water though. I thought maybe I fed her too soon after she threw up the dessert initially. I was so wrong. I regret not taking her sooner.
    She was everything to me and my husband. When her lungs began filling with fluid due to either the toxins building up in her blood or leptospirosis, we decided to let her cross the rainbow bridge. She would have died in the night in the oxygen chamber cold and alone. The one regret I don’t have is being with her in the end. I curled up with her on the floor and held her body close to mine. My husband was skyping and watched silently as the vet administered the dose of goodbye serum. I wanted to go with her.
    After she died, I felt like a failure of a dog owner. I prayed that God or whoever would help me notice signs of illness in the next pet or loved one before it’s too late. I guess my prayers were answered, (and I’m not very religious), because the next rescue dog we adopted saved me, and I saved him. I adopted Fletcher at the humane society when he was a year old. We had an instant bond. He passed his first vet check, but a few months later he started coughing while running. I took him to the vet a few times, and they thought maybe it was allergies. The third time, my vet noticed a very faint heart murmur. We were going to schedule an echocardiogram, but delayed when his cough seemed to go away with a round of antihistamine for allergies. We would check his heart murmur again in 3 months. Before that time came, he chewed my inhaler when my husband left our bedroom door open one night. I came home from my night shift and found it on the floor and Fletcher seemed hyper and I called the vet and rush him in. He was fine, and it left his system quickly, but his increased heart rate helped them hear his murmur much better. We scheduled the echocardiogram that day and found he had a PDA. We went for surgery the next week, and then our vet discovered it was not a PDA, but an extremely rare genetic heart defect that would cause heart failure in a matter of months. He was born with hundreds of abnormal arteries around his heart, and blood was not flowing as it should- causing his hear to work overtime. He has since been successfully treated and his surgery is the first of its kind in the US! It will be published in a medical journal this year. Since then, we have trained him not to get into anything in our house, and he is an amazing dog.

  29. Frida says:

    I feel so guilty. Because of me my cat is dead. I don’t know how to go on, and I cannot understand how I did not see how sick my beloved 4 year old cat was.
    I keep going over what happened again and again. Last Wednesday at 1 pm he suddenly acted a little strange. He seemed stressed and shaky. I thought it was because of a series of things: me using a hairdryer, moving his food to another place for shorter periods because our 8 months old son recently began crawling, the noise outside because of replacing the old pavement.
    I stroke his fur and tried to calm him. I thought he needed some time for himself so I let him rest. When I went to bed that night he was lying in our bed, still seeming different and stresset. But I was tired, I had been out with our 3 year old son that evening and our baby son still wakes us up to 5 times every night so I didn’t focus on my cat not being alright. I just focused on my own needs and went to sleep.
    The next morning my husband got up early with our baby, and he emptied the litter boxes. I was so tired and didn’t get up until 7.30 am. We were in a hurry and my husband took the boys and brought the older one to daycare. I was alone for about 35 minutes. I don’t remember looking after my cat. Instead I did the laundry and other household duties. My husband came home and our baby woke up just as always. We made the completely wrong observation and thought our cat was doing better since he didn’t complain, he rested but could walk and he even drank water. My husband went to school and I would keep an eye on our cat. He seemed tired but he moved from one resting spot to another. He drank though he didn’t eat. He went to the litter box several times, but I never checked if he passed anything. I just focused on our little boy and his needs. At noon our cat threw up and I cleaned it up and just thought that cats throw up all the time.
    At 3 pm I went to pick up the older son. We came home 1 hour later and I made dinner. Our cat didn’t seem well but he acted like earlier the same day. My husband came home at 6.30 pm and we put the boys to bed. I noticed that our cat had thrown up more, and my husband noticed that he was not too well. He thought about visiting the vet next day. I had also thought about going to the vet, but I just couldn’t find the strength to take the walk there with our baby and our 8 kg cat, which I thought would become even more stressed.
    I really wish I just had called the vet! At 8 pm our cat screamed twice and then he died in my arms.
    The autopsy showed enlarged bladder and kidney failure. If I just had checked and looked after my cat I would have realised he was sick and needed immediate treatment. But I didn’t and now he is gone.
    We took our other cat to the vet as soon as possible, scared that maybe she was also sick since they had lived under the same conditions. She was perfectly healthy. Even though that was a relief I can’t stop blaming myself for what my misjudgement did to our special baby. I am so sorry and I hope my beloved cat can forgive me.

  30. Kevin says:

    I feel so guilty for my dog, my baby boy Juniors death. He was a nine month old chihuahua. He got parvo.I paid $260.00 for medicine and other supplies to treat him at home. After a couple of days he looked like he was getting better I was so excited!! Thinking my little boy was gonna make it. I left for work and that whole I just couldn’t wait to get home to see him. So when I got home he didn’t look the same as he did when I left and was breathing weird. Then I kinda new he wasn’t gonna make it. But I also thought he just needed a good night’s sleep. I woke up the next morning around six looked down at his grate next to my bed he was still alive just laying there and stareing at me. Like he knew that he had a little bit of time with me left. I didn’t even think pick him up or hold him one last time. I just fell back asleep. Few hours later I woke up again then got his fluids ready to inject in him grabbed his medicine tablets walked over to his grate and he had already passed. I immediately called his vet and they said bring him in to see if they could anything but they couldn’t. So I brought him home and buried him. I feel so guilty for not as much as I could and not holding for that last time but the main thing I feel guilty for is not getting his vaccines in the first place. I had him almost seven months. I always planned on doing it but I kept it off for some stupid reason my mom even kept telling me but I didn’t. If I did he would be sleeping right next to me right or running all over the house like the crazy puppy he was right now. I miss him so much my heart is broken and I can’t even eat sometimes, I cry everyday and look at his pictures every day. I really miss taking him cruising he would always sit in my lap and stick his head out the window . I miss everything about him, his big ears, his cute little face, him chasing his tail, running around the entire house, making messes , i miss him sleeping next to me and hearing his little heart beat, I miss him barking and growling when we used play with him. I especially miss when he was always the first one to welcome me home from a long day work. I just hope he forgives me and knows I loved him and tried to give him the best life I could. I think about and miss him eveyday. R.I.P. Junior. I hope we will meet again and I am so sorry for neglecting his vaccines.

  31. christine says:

    Dear Gia,
    I know what that feels like. Knowing your pet struggled while you are in close proximity and you didn’t notice… It is the most awful feeling in the world. Sending you light and love. It was an accident, it was not something you did on purpose. This is what I have to tell myself every day and it does get better… I promise… Thank you Laurie for this awesome place that allows people to unburden their souls…

  32. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how difficult it is when you’re dealing with guilty feelings caused by your dog or cat’s death. It’s devastating to think that your actions led to your pet’s death…but you have to keep reminding yourself that it was an accident.

    You never would have hurt your pet on purpose. My prayer is that you forgive yourself for the accident, and that you are able to move forward with a lighter heart. May you find freedom and self-forgiveness, and start to remember your pet with joy and peace.


  33. Gia says:

    My dear cat Prada died tragically at home yesterday afternoon. She climbed into the dryer, without seeing her inside I loaded the dryer with freshly washed laundry and turned it on. She died a slow painful death whilst I went about my household errands in the house without any clue that my baby was suffering in the laundry room. When I went to retrieve the dried clothes several hours later I got the shock of my life, I am still in shock and in so much pain, how could I have not known that my spiritual friend was crying out for help? I have let her down so badly.

  34. Tami says:

    We lost our Taz just a few days ago. 9/26/15 I had to make the decision to have Taz put to sleep.
    Taz is a shih tzu , he would have been 17 yrs old this coming Feb. I feel like i failed him even though everyone tells me i did the right thing. My heart is broken all i do is cry. This little fur baby was such a huge part of my life i just don’t know what to do. I feel so lost and lonely. My house no longer feels like a home, i hate being at work. There are so many things i wish i could change. I’m sorry for the times i got upset for him barking or the times i was awaken to assist him on or off the bed. I could go on with regrets for hours i’m sure of it. I hope one day this pain i feel inside fades some. Never forgotten and always loved…….

  35. The grief is overwhelming says:

    We lost our darling baby George on Labor Day and I still can’t process or accept his passing. I feel so much guilt. After a series of unexplained ailments (seizures we medicated him for successfully, a necrotic tongue with partial glossectomy) my sweet baby passed away at 4am in my arms as I banged on the door to the emergency vet clinic. He had been at the vet earlier that week due to not eating. The vet assured me after examination there couldn’t have been an intestinal blockage because he wasn’t in any pain. They sent me home with an appetite stimulant and told me to return the following day if there was no improvement. He regained his appetite shortly thereafter and was fine for 3 days until he stopped eating again. We agreed to take him into the vet the next morning if things didn’t improve, but he died in the middle of night. I can’t stop myself from feeling like this was my fault. He was only 9 years old. I adopted him from a shelter at 4mo and raised and cared for this wonderful friend every day of his life. I’m so heartbroken I can’t eat or sleep. I miss him every day, especially at times I was used to giving him his medicine or running out of bed to take him for a walk. I am devastated and the pain just wont go away.

  36. David G. says:

    My Mini-Dachshund, Roman, was a strong, sharp little man. He gave me the best 8 years of my life. I feel guilty because I couldn’t save him in his time of need. He had liver complications/failure and we had to give him full-spectrum antibiotics that would already tax his liver and upset his stomach. I had to feed him with a baby syringe. I’m not sure why this had to happen to him and I want to blame myself. I feel like I’ve been punished for whatever reasons but I don’t think Roman blames me for anything. I gave him the best life a dog could have. He passed away as peacefully as he could — in his chair, elevated, with his Daddy by his side. Now Sheriff Roman rests out back under the old pine tree where he can get plenty of sun. He’s always half way between home and adventure!

  37. janie says:

    Thank for everyone’s comments. Today my dog was hit by a car. I bottle fed him from a pup .if I would of fixed the fence high enough so he wouldn’t of jumped . In reading all comments i feel im not alone . I hope Melo forgives me.

  38. Judy says:

    I have been holding on to the guilt that I killed my cat for weeks now.
    My husband and friends all tell me I shouldn’t blame myself, but I don’t see how I can’t.
    My cat was with me for 18 years (almost ½ my life) we went through everything together, and in the end I let her down, I didn’t take care of her like I should have, I let her down and I’ll never forgive myself. I didn’t realize her kidneys were slowing down, I should have. The signs were all there, she was eating less, drinking more water and sleeping often. I wanted to take her to the vet, but I let me husband convince me that it was just old age, even though I knew in my heart something was wrong. But she just got her blood work 3 months ago and got a clean bill of health and I just lost my job and money is tight and I didn’t want to spend another $350 that her blood work would cost, so I let myself believe she was fine. If that wasn’t enough guilt, my dog brought fleas into the house, so I did what I always do; I gave all my pets (dog and both cats) flea meds. I didn’t realize what it would do to a pet that had kidney issues. My girl went into complete renal failure, I rushed her to the vet –it was too late. The vet tried to do all she could, even tried to flush her kidneys out, but while she was doing that my cat had a seizure. I was called and told that if she continued, she could have another seizure and be brain dead, or die on the operating table. I made the hard decision to let her go. It wasn’t like people say. She wasn’t ready to go, she kept trying to fight, she kept trying to get up and leave with me. She kept growling and hissing and fighting. My girl was a fighter, she was strong. She could have lived to 20 or older. But in the end I failed her. In the end I cause her death, and I caused myself a lifetime of guilt. I miss her ever day and I will never forgive myself.

  39. Amy says:

    I am really guilty of my dog’s death. She is almost 15 years old. She finally got home from northern California after a year cared by my nephew because I had to travel to the east coast. He loves her very much and pampered her, gave her 5-star treatments despite her problems. Within a year, she lost her ability to bark, she was weak on both of her back legs. She couldn’t really respond to our callings but she was still a fighter – she drank lots of water (she loved drinking water since young) and tried to walk despite her weakness.

    After I took over her care, I felt she was doing better. I let off my guard and started planning to do errands. I had many things in my mind. Three days ago, I had a bad fight with my husband and I soon decided to go out to buy things I had in mind. For revenge or for what? I must be possessed by devil because I didn’t even remember to bring her in from outside. She had just been doing better since she could walk on her own in and out of the house these days. Somehow my mind was blocked… I didn’t return home soon enough to rescue her because she collapsed in the middle of the day under the heat. I came home only to find her body. I cried and screamed. I am a baster. How can I do things like that? What kind of owner am I to my girl? She must have been waiting for me to rescue her. But I never.

    I felt like a dog killer. I caused her to die. Even though she was old, she didn’t have to die under the sun. I am afraid of myself now. I don’t know who I am any more. How can I let it happen? I am crying all day long. I ask my son to pray for me because I really felt bad about what happened. I bathe her clean, I invented cushions so she won’t hurt her butt when she felt down, I did a lot of things for her, but at the end, I caused her to die. Why did I ever let it happen? I will go seek for a counselor tomorrow Monday. I don’t think I could ever ask God to forgive me. I used to be so proud of myself doing things the right and correct way. And, now I am the worst in my own eyes. I think that God has to use this death to teach me to let go of my arrogance and pride I have. But it really really hurts. It hurts to think her owner ignored her at the end of her life.

    One of my nephews told me that he dreamt about her two weeks ago before her death that she’s saying goodbye to him and indicating her time will be up in two weeks and she asked him, “why am I still here?” I couldn’t believe it to be true but I would thank God if that is true for her.

    God, please forgive me. I am an unfit owner. I am afraid of taking care of my other two dogs. I am afraid of taking care of anything or anyone…

  40. Joe says:

    I did nothing wrong.. I loved my pet and it killed him!! My bestfriend died in my arms last night trying to find a place to give him medicine because he was poisened. He was a husky and loved to play and loved exercise. I gave him plenty of both love.. play.. exercise.. anything he needed.. He was my only friend that made my life livable. How can you cope with seeing your pet dog in agony for hours and then dies from an injection which was only part of the cure he needed and the pharmacy didnt have the rest!!.. and then you have to burry him. He was poisened because i like to let him go to play and spread his legs. I knew it was wrong and he was stubborn and I knew he ate anything he found. I just believed that dogs can withstand anything. that they had stronger stomachs!!.. but they dont.. so be careful what he eats!!.. train your dogs well.. it could kill him!! never do what you think is fun but what you think is best are some of the lessons learned… he was only 10 month… but i lived with him the best 10 month of my life!!.. the fun will never be forgotten and i wish i could take him swiming one more time!!.. i punished him that day in a dark room!!.. i feel terrible for every second I ever put him in time out!!.. so be careful what you do to your friends you might live to regret it!!..

  41. Mike Harmon says:

    While visiting my family’s ranch in Texas last week, I ran over and killed my sweet, beautiful Jack Russell Samantha. I was totally at fault, not imagined fault but actual fault. If Sam was a person, I would be guilty of vehicular homicide. After going for a drive, we were entering the ranch entrance along a long and sloping road. Sam was barking out an open window and I thought she had spotted a jack rabbit. I opened the driver’s side door and she bounded over my lap to the ground. I shut the door and thought I would give her some exercise and let her run the rest of the way home. I accelerated away and looked in the rear view mirror to see if she was following only to see her lying in the road. She could not bear for me to leave her and obviously darted after the car and went under the bottom. I ran back to her and held her in my arms; her hear beat twice and then she was dead. That was three days ago and I have not slept or eaten since. The guilt in a huge black hole. I keep seeing it over and over again like some obscene closed-loop movie. Since I brought her home as a puppy, we were inseparable. I only left her home when I was going shopping and it was too hot to leave her in the car. She was so sweet and loving. I look at her picture and pray for her forgiveness. I hope someday I can forgive myself.

  42. Sue says:

    Our family dog that I grew up with died last night, I feel so much regret on what I could’ve done better, I just feel like I didn’t pay enough attention to her because of school and work and if I tried harder she would’ve lived much longer. I feel like I was too selfish…Only if I could go back…Not ready to say goodbye, I’m gonna miss her so much…

  43. Faye says:

    Barbara….I just read your post about your beloved cat and tears are streaming down my face. I pray that after your writing you were able to find your sweet girl. My situation is almost exactly the same and I am now consumed with guilt for taking my precious boy to my daughter’s home for a stay while we were on vacation. He too is a nervous, skittish cat and I should have known that something bad might come about. The stress of being in a strange environment for 2 to 3 days before he bolted must have caused untold stress and suffering for him. I too searched the country area around my daughter’s home and am so worried that he was too unfamiliar with the area to ever find his way back. The worry about what might have been his fate is almost suffocating me and I worry that the hole in my heart will never be able to heal. I feel that peace will never return to me. This is made worst by my family who are not able to understand my grief or the bond that Bradley and I shared.

  44. Annie says:

    My hedgehog died today and it was all because of my stupid forgetfulness. I cannot believe my actions cost my baby her life. I clean my hedgehogs cage every other week or so and last time I cleaned it my girl wandered off and my horrible brain thought that I had already put her back in the cage. When everything was set back up my hedgehog ended up trapped so that she could not get out from the cabinet she was hiding behind. The next night was after my first day of school and I was tired and flustered so I decided not o take her out to play like usual. Instead I just filled her bowl and went to bed. It wasn’t until the next night, 48 hours later, that I found her. And she was still alive. Relieved I gave her a bit of water and hurried to warm her up. she seemed to be getting better but still wouldn’t walk. I kept at this for a few hours, but things only got worse. When I gave her more water she threw up and her body was limp. I alerted my mom and we were on our way to an animal hospital (this was at 300am) when she past away. I can’t believe I let my darling girl die of dehydration. I can never forgive myself. Still, reading all these stories has been helpful in making me feel less alone and less idiotic. Thanks Guys

  45. Dawn says:

    Jennie, the day to day things are the worse, when you expect them and they don’t happen (simba use to sleep at the bottom of the bed and the amount of times I’d kick off the second pillow in the night and then wake up with the heavyness off something on my feet to realise it’s just a pillow !kills me all over again) or him at the window waiting when I come in, 7 wks on I don’t now look at the window expecting you do get use to it even though you don’t get over it.

  46. Jennie says:

    Dawn your post does help. Makes me feel I’m not alone and I can get through this. Saw her food this morning when I left for work. I always would feed her as she would walk between my legs when I made my coffee. Was expecting that to happen and it didn’t so I broke down in tears and a few more times today. I just have to take it one day at a time. I know we gave her a great life and I truly think she didn’t suffer. That’s all I can ask for.

  47. Dawn says:

    I’m so sorry Jennie I re- read my message it isn’t helpful at all i suppose it just takes time. And your little cat couldn’t have been more loved like my little simba. I’m starting rspca volunteering soon and some poor mites will never ever experience a quarter of the love with felt and gave to our little pets xx

  48. Dawn says:

    Hi jennie, poor u and ur family so sad, I like you am trying to move on I lost my baby dog simba at 2.5 years to water intoxification on July the 18th, something I didn’t really understand until now. The hardest thing for me too is to be able to move on from that robbed feeling too because of his age like your little cat you sort of commit to a loving pet knowing that’s it’s not forever you will be saying good bye but not at 2.5 or 1 years like our pets that’s been the hardest thing for me, I can’t offer you any words of wisdom I’m still well just coping if that what u call it everyday! I can’t even really look at beautiful pics of him at the moment without breaking down, I just wanted to give my support and tell you I know how you feel which is bloody crap! It’s so very unfair. I had just been near the end of a bitter bullying case from my manager at work and my last day of garden leave was the 20th July which I had in big letters “free ” in my calendar so for simba to die on the 18th It felt like a spiteful I was looking forward to being more upbeat and enjoying my life with my lovely dog. Life is just spiteful at times I have nothing to say but big hugs and its crap I understand that x

  49. christine says:

    thank you Laurie…

  50. Jennie says:

    All of these comments are helping me so much. Thanks everyone for sharing. Today our family is mourning the death of our one year old cat Ivee. Today is also my youngest daughters 4th birthday. We got Ivee last year on my daughters birthday. How cruel I keep thinking to myself. We get her and lose her the same day a year apart. She was the best cat. I had several cats growing up but Ivee was so awesome. She would tolerate all of us loving on her even though she hated it. My husband was running late to meet up with a friend to play tennis. About 45 minutes later my 8 year old daughter when looking outside for Ivee (she was an indoor/outdoor cat). When my daughter came back in she could barely speak and then finally said the garage shut on Ivee. I screamed and ran out and opened the garage. Her body was crushed right at the rib cage. And I mean crushed flat. Her eyes were open and she was dead. My husband thinks she was laying there as she liked to do and she just never got out the way. Her head was so small the sensor didn’t sense she was there. I hope she didn’t suffer. I have cried all day. Devestated. I feel like I have lost a child. Not sure how to move on. I keep seeing her little body lay there and the tears just start coming. How did this happen??? And why??? I feel robbed of many years i should have had and I know no other cat will compare to her. I just want to not hurt anymore.

  51. Marcene says:

    I am deeply sorry for those who have lost their beloved furry family members. I too feel your pain and sadness, and thank you for the opportunity to share my story. My two little darlings, which we’ve loved and cherished for 14 1/2 years, recently fell ill and had to be put down. I can’t help but feel terrible that it was something that we did that caused Zoe and Kia to become so sick at the same time. They were sisters who did everything together, right down to living with kidney disease this last year. I’ve been obsessing over whether it was a new, protein-rich treat that we had been giving them that caused their renal failure, or the installation of a new water softener 6 weeks ago that played a role in excelerating their failing health. Neither I nor the vets know….what I do know is that it has been a difficult last 6 days until I found this website and read Laurie’s comments.
    Laurie, I want to thank you. The morning you posted your comments on September 2 was only 20 minutes after we would have said our goodbyes to Zoe and Kia. Although they were meant for someone else, reading your kind and gracious comments last night also helped fill my heart with comfort.
    To those who have lost their furry friends, remember you are good people with a lot of love to give. Although the sadness is difficult to bear right now, the world is truly a brighter place when we connect with and love our animals the way we do.

  52. Holy says:

    I am crying.. painful, sorrowful tears for you and for me. I think I know exactly how you feel. I Just need to amplify my pain, my guilt, my sorrow, 100 times more to feel your pain, sorrow and guilt. I loss my Cotton out of forgetfulness I forgot to open the door to let him back in the house after his usual morning frolicking in front of the house (my house is the last house on a dead end street). He wandered away and got hit by a car. I can imagine how painful you may be feeling. I should tell you that it was an accident. you didn’t mean it. but I know, you would not accept it. The guilt is just too big for any thought of forgiveness to enter. I just want you to know that I am crying for you and for me. The tears will not stop. I just hope as time passes the pain will be lessened thought I doubt the pain will ever go away. HUGS!!!

  53. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. The pain of losing your dog is worse when you feel guilty about causing your dog’s death. It feels unbearable and heavy, like a heavy dark burden on your soul.

    May you find healing and comfort as you think of your dog resting in peace. Your dog loved you deeply and unconditionally, and knows that you would never do anything to purposely cause pain! Your dog knows how terrible and guilty you feel, and wants you to be free of the burden.

    Your dog loves you, no matter what happened. The last thing your dog wants is you to be burdened by the pain of guilt and grief! May you be free of the pain, and may your heart and soul heal. May you find strength and courage to move forward, and open your heart to love again.

    You are forgiven. Now, to honor your dog’s life, you must forgive yourself.

    In sympathy,

  54. christine says:

    I need to unburden my soul. I killed my dog. It was an accident, but I was solely responsible. I found this website when I went back to my studio this afternoon to wail and scream and cry without scaring my children. I had gone home at lunch yesterday deeply absorbed in a difficult problem at work. I grabbed something to eat and ran back out. Angus was at the door begging to go with my. Okay I nodded and he bounded off and into the car. I got back to my studio and I forgot to open the passenger door.
    The horror that met me when I went to go home will be a scar on my heart I will never forget. He was still breathing. I pulled him out and started pouring buckets of water on him while I frantically was calling my husband and screaming that Angus needed help. He drove like a maniac to the vet’s office while I was in the backset with a huge bucket of water dousing him and an ice pack on his head. Things were 50/50 at about midnight. I awoke at 5 am the same time the seizures started. I heard the chimes next door at 7:15. There was no wind, I knew he was gone and I started to cry. At 7:30 my vet who is a friend called, I was expecting it.
    The story I told my vet and my family is that I had come home for lunch and Angus had snuck in when I headed back but I didn’t know he was there. They all believe me because it had happened before. He hated to be alone and would run out and sneak in the car when we were leaving. But I did know he got it. I killed him. Judge me. Hate me. I deserve it.

  55. Linda says:

    I lost my Yorkie almost two weeks ago and I am totally devastated. He was on a pillow on my husband’s lap in the car and he was pressed against the car window. I didn’t know he was in that position and for a really stupid reason, I opened the car door and he flew out and fell to the concrete. He didn’t have a chance even though we rushed him to two vets and they tried to save him. I have had a day or two when I feel like I can function but most of my days and nights are filled with thoughts of him and how desperately sad I am. I cannot get the picture of his eyes looking at us stunned at what happened. I never realized you could miss a precious little life as much as I miss him and if I could take that day back, I would. I I feel responsible for his death because if I had not opened that door, he would still be here today. He was the love of my life for 10 years and my life will never be the same without him. I have heard that time heals the wounds and the crying stops but I know the heartache will never end. I loved that dog more than I love life and even though I think he knew it, it doesn’t help with the heartache. I have heard the comments about what a great life I gave him but none of that matters when he is not with you.

  56. Shannon says:

    Our puppy Katie died last night because of our negligence. I feel sick and desperate and guilty. Today is Sunday, we only got her on Friday so we only had her 1 day. I have 3 other adult dogs a gentle but clumsy Collie and 2 maltese one of which is sometimes a little unpredictable. When we brought Katie home she was so sweet. We held her on our lap and allowed the other doggies to sniff her. Her tail was wagging and she licked their faces. For the day and a bit that we had her she was always with the other doggies. My Collie in particular was very protective of her and even nudged her little head back onto the couch where she was sleeping. Yesterday afternoon I had to fetch my husband and go to the shops. I put her in our bedroom and closed the door to keep her safe. I dropped my husband off before going to the shops and when I got home he said that she had been really distressed in the room. The rest of the day she was with the other dogs and seemed happy. It was my father in laws birthday last night and we were getting ready for dinner. She found herself separated from the other doggies and started wailing. We made the decision not to separate her into room again and distress her. We were only out for 2 hours. When we came home we found her laid out on the couch dead. She wasn’t big enough to climb onto the couch so we suspect that our Collie Murray picked her up and laid her out and licked her clean. I feel so bad because I asked the breeder if I could get her this weekend instead of next because my husband took leave for tomorrow and Tuesday to be with her. If I had taken her next weekend instead of this she would still be alive. We should have separated her. Her neck was broken. We don’t know if one of our dogs grabbed her and show her or whether she got entwined under their feet or whether she ran into something. My husband took her little body to the vet who told him that we should have known to never never leave a puppy alone. We were so so stupid! In her short little life she had been to vets for vaccines and microchips and then taken away from her litter mates. I was her mom. She was so tiny and fragile I should have made the choice to protect her or stay home. I have never seen my husband so in love as he looked when we brought her home. He is devastated too and I want to help him, but I don’t know how. Murray keeps looking for her and was so depressed last night. I feel weird towards my unpredictable maltese, but I don’t know that she did anything there were no marks or blood on Katie’s body. Perhaps I didn’t feed her properly and she became dehydrated or hyperglycaemic and slipped into a coma. I don’t know. I wish I could turn back time and do everything differently.

  57. Candy says:

    My sister lost her Yorkie a couple months ago after 15 years, the last couple years she really had to take special care of him, nurtured him and kept him comfortable with special food, etc. Ofcourse she was extremely sad and grief-stricken as is usual when we lose a pet. When she got his ashes back from the vet her and her husband decided to get another puppy to love. They opted to get a smaller teacup yorkie. It seemed to be really helping her as she was able to give love again to another fur baby. She took it everywhere with her and was getting close very fast. Yesterday her husband was coming down from his ladder and accidentally stepped on him and crushed him. They are traumatized beyond belief and I don’t know if they can get over not only the death of 2 dogs so close but the guilt of the young puppy’s accidental death. It was a terrible accident, I have never seen my sister so devastated & I know they feel guilty. I wish I could help both of them, I want to say the right things, so far I just listened, told her I loved her and that it was a total accident.

  58. Alexa says:

    My dog just passed away today. We adopted her from a shelter about a month after my 14 year old collie passed away. When we first adopted her she was so happy and friendly but then she started getting terrible seizures every month. She is medicated for them but the medications didn’t always work. She started to shut out everyone and hide. After her last seizure she was covered in feces and I took her to a dog place to get a bath she was not the same after that. We took her to the vet because she was throwing up and stopped eating but she was drinking a lot. He said she had an infection and might have the dog flu and prescribed her antibiotics. She took antibiotics for a week but just got worse. She was barking today and I have her water and comforted her for a bit then left. Then she started barking again and when I have her water she ignored it and went under the kitchen table… Breathing heavily like she had been for the past week. A few hours later my mom got home from work and tried to get her attention. That’s when we realized she was dead. Her face was in a pool of her own blood. Had I known it was the end I would’ve stayed with her. I feel like there was something I could have done. How did I not notice she wasn’t breathing anymore? I miss my beautiful baby and I’m so sorry. Had I just given her a bath in our house bathtub she might still be here with me.

  59. Delinda says:

    I’m deeply ashamed and feel very very guilty and devastated, i’m a smoker still smoke and i truly feel i caused the death of my baby girl Foxy she was the my best fried my everything i found her running in the middle of the street and had her for 7 glorious years…she starting having breathing issues and wheezing and one day she could not breath on her own so good i took her to the vet immediately and she she did not last day she passed. The vet could not give us definitive answer to why she passed just that she developed a mast on her lungs that was aggressive. i totally lost it been crying and grieving for 2 years…in my heart i know i caused her death…the toll that this has done to me has been devastated i feel so ashamed and guilty and cry all the time not only do i missed my best friend i cause her death.

    I feel i do not deserve any happiness or joy i pushed all my friends away i know i need to see a counselor in the meantime i live with this pain all the time i’m not truly living…i barely get through life i want Foxy to forgive me but above all i want to see her again my life is barely worth living…

  60. Dawn says:

    Honestly try not to stress ignore any ill comments everyone makes mistakes and fortunately u are able to learn from it without loosing your precious dog many people like myself and others learn but can’t change anything social media is pathetic u don’t see the two sides of a story “infact u thought u was doing the right thing” people that react shld have learnt this by now. You didn’t cause your dog any stress stop feeling guilty and give ur dog a big hug, just pay the fine or whatever u need to do and move on. There r people who just wldnt have cared about their dog so I suppose in the law they can’t single u out as just not thinking, but don’t feel ashamed just move on from it as a lucky error of judgement. Take care x chin up

  61. Guilty and Blessed says:

    For the last 7 days I have been cycling between feeling extremely blessed, ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty. Last month my husband and I moved to a new house. Both our children returned to college at the same time. Our dog was disoriented and became very anxious every time we left the house. Last Saturday I needed to go up to the drug store to fill a prescription. Baby followed me out to the car wanting to go. I felt sorry for her because she has to stay home lonely in an unfamiliar house all week while we work, so I let her go with me. It was approximately 80 degrees outside. I left her in my car for about 15 minutes while I went into the drug store. I did leave the windows and the cracked and she had a plastic dish with some water, but the car still got extremely hot during that time. When I came out the local police were standing there and arrested me for animal endangerment. The temp inside my car had reached 107 in 15 minutes. I had no idea that could happen so quickly. I have light colored car with a light interior, but I live in Tennessee and it is hot here. I’m blessed that Baby is fine. I took her straight to the vet and they confirmed that she suffered no ill effects. I just feel so guilty and embarrassed that I used such poor judgement. I’m an educated person — don’t know what I was thinking!!! I love her and would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. A person in the parking lot videoed me being arrested and posted it on social media. I have to go to court next week. I have never even had a traffic ticket ever in my life. I can eat or sleep. Baby has comforted me all week because can tell I’m distraught. I just keep trying to focus on the fact that I’m one of the lucky ones because my Baby is still with me.

  62. Lianne says:

    Today is Monday. Our precious, little dog Princess died two days ago on Saturday. I, like, many others feel so much guilt for her untimely death. I’ve been reading everyone’s stories and the comments left by other readers, and it’s helping me so much through this trying time. I thank all of you for sharing your personal stories and for the comforting words in response to these heartfelt stories. I would like to share my story because I think it will help me grieve to write about it.
    Princess was a 3/4 Pomeranian and 1/4 Fox terrier. A lot of people said she looked like a little fox. She was adorable and the dog groomers would fight over who would get to cut her hair. The vet techs would ask to keep her and take her home because she was such a sweetie. I’ve had several dogs throughout my life, and I loved them all dearly, but Princess was different. She was like a sweet little baby. All she wanted to do was love you and follow you around and cuddle with you. She was such a good, little girl. I could go on and on.
    I feel so much guilt about her last month of life. My husband, daughter and I took a long 3-wk trip to tour colleges for my daughter. We left Princess with my mother-in-law. A week into our trip, my mother-in-law texted me that Princess seemed ill for the last couple of days, and she wanted to take her to the vet. The vet said she had an infection and gave her some fluids and antibiotics. My MIL said she seemed much better after that. 2 weeks later on Monday 7/27 we returned home and picked up Princess from my MIL’s home that evening. Princess didn’t seem like herself. Her right eye began to swell, and after a day or two, it had swollen shut. The next day, it looked better and after a couple of days, she seemed better. On Friday or Saturday, my daughter said she wanted Princess to see the vet because she seemed sick and cried when my daughter tried to pick her up. I notoced by Monday that she hadn’t eaten for at least a few days so on Monday (a week after we returned from our trip), I called the vet and made an appt for that same afternoon. The vet did xrays, bloodwork, etc. I received a call from the vet 2 days later early Wednesday morning, and they asked me to bring her in right away for surgery. They said she had pyometra. She had surgery that day and said she would stay overnight. The next day, they said I could take her home. I asked how she was, they said she wasn’t eating and was under their care. I asked if they thought it was a good idea to leave her. They said maybe it was. On Friday, they said she was good to go home. I pocked her up Friday after work. We got home around 6:15 PM Friday. She was quiet, but I thought it was normal since she had just undergone surgery 2 days prior. The vet had given me antibiotics and muscle relaxers to give her beginning that night. They said she still wasn’t eating but thought she would eat for me. I tried to give her antibiotic, but she wouldn’t eat or open her mouth. I didn’t want to force her so figured I’d try again later. In the meantime, my daughter comes home later that night with her bf and spends a few minutes with her but decides to leave her alone because it was obvious Princess didn’t want to be bothered. She wasn’t feeling well. We had to wake up early the next day so went to bed early. I forgot to give Princess the antibiotic and muscle relaxer! The next morning (Saturday) about 6:15 AM, my daughter woke up and screamed that Princess was dead and started bawling. Poor Princess! She wasn’t supposed to have died!
    I feel guilty:
    1) that we took that long trip because I believe that my daughter and I would have caught her infection sooner and taken care of her illness more promptly.
    2) that we had spent so little time with her during her last 5 weeks or so of life because of that stupid trip.
    3) that I waited a week after we returned from our trip to take her to the vet.
    4) that I didn’t want to take time off from work when she wasn’t feeling well because I had already taken off 3 weeks from work for that stupid trip and didn’t want to take more time off.
    5) that I didn’t give her the antibiotic. Could that have caused her death?
    6) that I didn’t give her the muscle relaxer. Dying from pyometra is supposed to be particularly painful. Would that medicine have dulled the pain? I think it would have. She died in pain because I didn’t give her that 1/3 tablet of Rimadyl!
    7) that I didn’t stay up with her that night and watch over her. I might have known she was dying and maybe could’ve taken her to the emergency clinic
    8) that I didn’t think her heavy breathing was a sign of pain and that maybe she was dying.
    9) that she died in the middle of the night by herself
    10) that I didn’t spend more time with her after she came home from the vet on Friday night.
    I am angry:
    1) at the vet for doing a crappy job with the surgery
    2) at the vet for giving me a false sense of relief that she would be just fine. We even scheduled her follow up visit to have her stitches removed in 2 weeks. If they had told me she could die that night, I would’ve stayed up with her. They made me think she was fine and just needed rest, fluids and meds.
    3) at the vet for letting me take her home if she wasn’t ready
    4) at my job for making me feel obligated to be at work…even though I could’ve taken time off if I really needed to. There’s just a lot of pressure there at work.
    5) at my MIL for not taking her back to the vet and letting Princess rain sick the whole time we were gone.
    6) at myself for letting her die and not making the right decisions
    My daughter had princess since she was 6 years old…a little over 10 years. She hit the nail on the head when she said, “I knew Princess would die, but she wasn’t supposed to die now – not after this surgery. She was SUPPOSED to get better. The vet sucks!”
    There’s so much more I want to say, but I don’t want to take up all of everyone’s time. We just miss Process so much and don’t know how we can get over the loss. She was such a sweet dog, and I didn’t care for her like I should have…when it really mattered. ..when she was sick and really needed us. Princess was sideways there for me whether it was to kill a bug for me (I hate bugs), or to console me. You see, I’m the type of person that wants to give and receive affection
    My husband and my daughter are not. I sometimes feel alone, and the only one in the home that always showed me she loved me and let me hug her was Princess. I’m so lonely without her. I miss her so much. Sometimes I want to die just to be with her. My daughter will be going off to college soon, and I will then feel so alone. My succor said I could never have kids. My daughter was a miracle, and we tried everything to have more kids but couldn’t get pregnant. Princess was my baby. I love her and miss her so much. I’ve been scoring the Internet these past few days for something to help ease the pain. So far this website has helped me more than any other. The vet’s office says her ashes will be ready to be picked up tomorrow (Tuesday). The vet hasn’t called me. Saturday when we went into the vet’s office to drop off Princess’ body, the vet was with amother patient. That same afternoon we went back to pick out an urn just before closing, and the vet didn’t come out to give her condolences. When I go into the vet’s office to pick up Princess’ ashes, I don’t know how I’ll react when I see the vet. Will I scream at her? Will I be able to hold back my anger?
    Was it the vet’s fault or mine? Why did she die? Is Princess in Heaven? Does she know how much we love her? She spent her last moments in so much pain and last days in a cage in the vet’s office. Did she know we were only trying to help her to get better. We leave her with someone for 3 weeks, then a week after we pick her up she’s in and out of the vet’s office. Does she know we didn’t do it because we stopped loving her? Did she feel abandoned? Did not giving Princess that 1/2 tablet of Baytril case her death? Can she see us now? Does she know that we are mourning over our loss because we love and miss her so much? I have so much guilt, so much sadness, so much anger, so many questions.

  63. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Chenel,

    Sometimes adopting a new dog helps people heal after losing their dogs, and sometimes a new dog just makes things worse. Just today, a woman commented on my article about rehoming a dog – she adopted a dog after hers died, and had to give the dog back to the humane society because it made her too sad.

    I’ve almost always lived with dogs and/or cats in my home. They never replace each other, for they’re so different and special! The only constant is their unconditional love, their vulnerability, their purity of spirit and soul. I’ve never fully gotten over any of the dogs and cat’s I’ve loved and lost….I’ve just learned to live with a little prickle of pain in my heart when I think of my lost animals.

    Grief never fully goes away. The shadow of the creatures we’ve lost – both human and animal – always remains in our hearts. That’s what gives our souls depth, compassion, and meaning. The key is to learn how to live with grief in healthy ways.

    It might be good for you to pack up your dog’s stuff, so you aren’t constantly reminded of his absence. You don’t need to give his stuff away; just pack it in a box and put it in a special place. You can decide what to do about it later.

    Adopting another dog shouldn’t be an attempt to replace Rosco – and I can tell from your comments that you know that you could never replace your dog! If you decide to adopt a dog, it should be for healthy reasons – such as wanting to give a dog a home, wanting to share the love you have in your heart with a dog, and feeling like you’re emotionally and physically able to take care of a dog.

    Find the humane society or Adopt a Dog websites in your area. Read through the doggy profiles, just to learn about the dogs who need homes. Take your time. You might even visit an SPCA or other dog shelter, and be around dogs. Take note of how you feel. Your body, heart, and soul will tell you if you should get another dog.

    Talk to the staff at the humane society or shelter. They may be able to help you decide if it’s too soon to adopt a dog.

    And, remember that your new dog could never, ever replace Rosco. Your new dog will have a whole new set of personality traits and habits. Some will make you laugh, and others will annoy you!

    Let me know what you decide about adoption. Take your time.


  64. Dawn says:

    Hi chenel,

    I lost my beloved dog simba 3.5 weeks ago and I have been in such a state blaming myself hating myself – I still am at times some days are harder than others. We just got two puppies at the weekend the same breed as our dear simba, a lot of people said not to get the same breed but we loved simbas temperament his soft coat and how pretty he was so we want that again. Like you we dont have children simba was our child we loved taking him on holidays he was only 2.5 and it was a very rare accident I am slowly starting not to blame myself I never knew of water intoxication nor does anyone else but I still felt I should as I was hes mum. I have boxed up simbas beds he had 4 and when I’m strong enough I will take them to the animal shelter but keep his favourite blanket his m and m one for the boys which I see as he’s brother from another mother. I have started a campaign to help over owners to have awareness of this condition – I do hate being the one who carries the message but it’s not going to bring my simba back to me no matter how much I wish and pray. I try to remember all the fun days. I felt really guilty Saturday getting the pups we have called Oscar and teddy I use to call simba my baby bear so it fitted nice. Yesterday was a bad day today was a good day I still miss him every minute but the pups need me now and they deserve the life we gave simba he was treated like a king. At the moment it’s hard to have the bond as they r puppies but one day I hope to have that bond again. Also our whole life was about our dog walks ect so I do think it’s the right thing to do for us. I was randomly cuddling dogs I need someone to really love and need me it’s a different love to my boyfriend. But I have a purpose back so for me it’s the right decision, it’s helping me with the grief and understanding of it all. Your dog like mine isn’t coming back, u don’t have to donate his things like I am but it feels to me like he’s helping and he was so kind. I would say consider getting another dog- why be lonely when u can be fulfilled with love and companionship and vice versa give that to another dog. U cld get a dog from a shelter I felt better at first doing that as I’m helping but we do want children in the nxt couple of years so it’s important for us to know history and train them how we want. U need to decide urself but I bet your dog wld want you to be happy.

    Take care xxx

  65. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Crystal,

    I’m so sorry for you and your family. What a horrible, sad accident for your puppy and daughter, and everyone. It’s so painful to have to deal with guilt about causing a dog’s death.

    It might be wise to talk to a counselor about how to deal with the guilt and pain. It’s important for your daughter to know that it was an accident, and it’s important for her to work through her feelings. She needs to feel accepted and forgiven, so she can accept and forgive herself. You all need to grieve as a family. I don’t have any easy answers for how this should happen, which is why I think talking to a grief counselor might be a good idea.

    I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers. I pray for healing, comfort, and peace. May you all know the gift of forgiveness and acceptance, and be able to let go of the terrible feelings of grief and pain. May you know deep in your heart that your puppy isn’t feeling any pain, and is happily swimming and romping in puppy heaven.

    In sympathy,

  66. Chenel says:

    Hey everyone, I want to know if any of you who lost your dog decided to get another pet afterwards. I posted back in July after I lost my dog Rosco while I was in the hospital sick. I still miss him dearly but instead of getting better it seem like my sadness is getting worse with time. I can’t have kids so I feel like I lost a child. I feel so guilty that I didn’t treat him better. I want to be able to move on and people keep telling me that getting a new dog will help me get over grieving. I was wondering if that is true. I really miss my dog but I don’t want to forget him and replace him with another dog just because I am lonely. I also don’t know what to do with his stuff. I have a hard time letting things go and right now I can’t get rid of any of my dogs things. Please help. I need advise.

  67. Crystal says:

    Please help.. Before I went to work, we bought a pool for my 5 year old daughter and her two puppies and the mom ad dad dog of our puppies (they mated and had puppies 9 weeks ago) we only have two puppies left we decided to keep.. The were sisters. Well I went to work, my husband was watching the dogs and my daughter swim in their small plastic pool.. He used the restroom… When he came back one of the puppies was dead… My daughter was hiding behind a tree… She said she tried teaching the puppy to swim underwater… She had a nervous breakdown and all of us have been crying all night. She cried herself to sleep… And my husband and I are still up at 2 am crying… The mom and dad and sister pup are all depressed and sad… We don’t know what to do… This just happened. I rushed home from work when I found out. We’ve been praying all night… But nothing seems to make us feel better… I don’t know what to say to my 5 year old except that God wanted her puppy Ana… Please someone help…

  68. Stefanie says:

    Thank you so much Dawn and I am so sorry about Simba. We love them so much and our hearts break when they die. I hope you feel better soon and I think it is amazing what you are doing in Simba’s honor! I am going to look at the poster now. Please be gentle with yourself too…. This is hard and we are all here to help each other.

  69. shweta says:

    it was my cute and little baby…passed away today at morning.he was german having 22 nails.i remember that day when it came to my house.that time he was only 26days.i had no experience for how to care.when it came to me he was vomiting a me and my famil cried a lot.because we can not see him in such a manner.but we had a talk with doctor and did he was abdolutely fine…the happiest moment of my life.i used to play with him.he was very cute and obedient.he loves to play with some amount of water.he always cut my slippers with his teeth.whenever i got depressed ,i do not know how he could understand all the emotions of mine and used to lick my cheeks.he used to play with my fingers,bamboo,tooth brush,ball,newspaper and bottle and jumps a lot on me.he was having black long nails through which he walks with a tick-tick sound so we can get a idea that where he is.he loves papaya and ice creme.and also likes cute of you leone.but after some months he caught by a fungal much itching problem with him.we treated him a lot with a best doctor.but the fungal is so hateful and irritating after three and half year we decided to heel him by injecting a poison in his body so that he can give up his breath without any it was too difficult for us.because the situation had become very worst and he was tolerating do much pain specially in his i can never ever forget today.i love you so much leone.we did it for you so that you can overcome from your pain.i missing you so much baby.surely you are looking us from heaven.there you will be comfortable and happy.if there is any wrong with you then please forgive us…we love you a lot and always stay in our memory.we clicked so many pictures with are my first child and make me feel like made my life complete…..bye

  70. Dawn says:

    Poor you stefanie, I feel for you and everyone on the site it’s not any of our thoughts we all adored our pets so much, it’s so hard they become your best friend. I’m still struggling badly with the loss of my simba it will be 3 weeks on Saturday, I have his ashes back now and that has made it sink in a bit more as I still felt like it all wasn’t true. I am finding it very hard to move on I have made a poster and put it in lots of vet surgeries if any one wants to take a look it’s on Facebook search companion care vets romford. And if anyone can please share. It won’t bring him back but I feel I’m doing something. I’m also making a photo book and trying to remember all the good times. try to remember the times he wasn’t anxious on his own but with u where he liked to be, don’t blame yourself he cldnt be with you 24,7 and you tried everything. Lots of Hugs dawn xx

  71. Stefanie says:

    I don’t know where to begin except to say that my beloved Big MAK is dead because of actons I took that I thought would protect him and instead killed him. He was a precious deerhead chihuahua and suffered crippling separation and noise related anxiety. This was a situation that affected him his entire life — of 12 years. When he was with me or the family, he was quite perfect and only when we left him or there were loud noises did he melt down. We searched and searched for every way to assist him from behavioral therapy, chinese herbs, exercise, socializing to medications for firework noise and crate training for the separation anxiety. The anxiety was so distressing for him that he would try to chew his way out of wire crates and just last week chewed through industrial grade plastic on a crate, which left his little mouth bleeding. He has tried to jump out of the second story windows in our home and actually jumped over the balcony (thankfully there is a landing just a few feet down) in his panic. I attended training for myself and our family attended the sessions with animal behviorist because we genuinely felt the pain that MAK lived in when he was alone. It finally came down to trying to protect him from himself and on Sunday night we crated him so that we could attend a meeting, only 2 hours long, Upon our return I found him dead in his crate. He had vomited and aspirated some food that must’ve been left in his tummy from an earlier meal. He was still warm and had only been dead a few minutes. Oh how he tried to hang on I am sure and not understanding why we were not here to help him, he just could not bear the pain any longer. I am a nurse of 30 years and the moment I saw him in the crate I knew he was dead. This guilt is truly the most overwhelming I’ve ever felt because it is not so much his death that is difficult — it is his suffering, that albeit inadvertently, I caused. I have been a burn and trauma nurse my entire career and have spent a lot of time volunteering after disasters — dealing with death has been part of my practice for 30 years. But this is different. I have read through all of the posts on this site and cried for each loss. Thank you all for writing about your beautiful beings and sharing the stories because I truly do not know any other way to get through such an agonizing thing. My faith and family are quite strong and with yoru stories there can begin some healing. Sincerely, Stefanie

  72. Elissa says:

    My heart goes out to you. That’s an awful thing to happen. Just awful.

    I left a comment here in July about guilt due to my Charlie slipping out of his collar and getting hit by a car. I’m writing just to tell you my experience after about ten days — it may give you some hope that you’ll find your way with this. For me, just letting the bad feelings happen, even though I so wanted some shortcut around them, was the first part. Then I found the things below helpful.

    What I struggled with was that I saw the collar was loose the day before but it didn’t hit me that it was dangerous. If I had, like if you had realized your pups were in the car, I would have done something. It sounded hollow to me at first but now, I’m getting to accepting that we can’t be perfect. I’m actually not much of a perfectionist but I try to take care of the important stuff. Even with the important stuff, though, we sometimes miss things.

    Another thing that I found helpful was to think of other things that played in. In your case, no one ran out to the car to get something or had to run to the store or whatever that would have prevented your tragedy. To me, that’s meaningful because it shows that chancy-ness of things. It’s not a straight line from what you did to your dogs’ death. Keeping those things in mind helped me because it shows that we just have to accept very very bad turns sometimes. We’ve all “lucked out” at times — had near misses (even if we didn’t realize it) with our dogs or kids or getting hit by a bus. We don’t claim those lucky breaks as our doing so there’s no reason to take all of the weight of terrible breaks on ourselves.

    Also, you gave your dogs a great life, it sounds like. That’s worth a LOT. Most dogs don’t get that. I wrote my Charlie a letter apologizing. It helped. And I am putting together a book of pictures and other stuff because I know the grief will be here for a long time and I want everything in one place.

    Take it slow, take care of yourself.

  73. Regretof my life says:

    My baby girl passed away tragically while I was out of town 2 mos ago. I just can’t seem to get past it. She went to her usual pet sitter who was also a friend. The pet sitter had left her in the care of a significant other who turned out to be careless and didn’t close the gate. My poor furry baby was in an unfamiliar yard with a stranger and she ran out of that yard. I came back on the next flight I could after getting the news she got out and a 3 day nearly 24 hour a day search ensued until getting that dreadful call from a shelter that some courteous stranger took the time to call animal control (noticing my baby had a collar and probably belonged to someone) after seeing her lifeless mangled body on the side of the road. Even as I type I cry that I couldn’t find my baby in time. That I wasn’t there. That I failed. That she was murdered scared and alone. That I trusted the wrong people. I will regret what was supposed to be the vacation of a lifetime for the rest of my life.
    What’s worse is I had such a vivid dream during her time missing that this is how the search/her life was going to end… Being murdered by getting run over – That dream so vivid, the picture of her lifeless body imprinted in my mind every time I close my eyes it’s all I see is how her last moments were, the sound of the car, the hearing of her last breath all in a dream… turned out to be true and so real. *tears*

  74. Guilt-ridden Mom says:

    I accidentally killed both our family dogs this Saturday, July 25. One was a six year old boxer that my husband bought as a puppy when we were dating and one was a ten year old ridgeback Pitt mix that I adopted from a rescue before I met my husband. We have four children, two five year olds, a three year old and a four month old. For the past three weeks the four month old has been up three times a night so I’ve been running on less then four hours is sleep. My husband works long hours and Saturdays so he wasn’t with us that Saturday. I was supposed to take my kids to my parents’ house to swim. My friend’s two year old wanted to ride with us, so I had five small children with me. I loaded the dogs up into the back of my suburban because the weekends are our time to spend with them and I didn’t want them to have to stay at my house alone while we had family time. I was so focused on getting all the kids into my parents house, especially the two year old that wasn’t mine…I completely forgot my dogs in the back of the car. An hour later my husband, who had shown up about 15 minutes after us came running up to me asking me if I left the dogs in the car. I was nursing my baby and I ran outside with him still in my arms. I saw my husband and my brother open my car and take our dogs out. The poor Boxer, Bailey, who was 80 pounds was dead. She was the sweetest big dumb dog. My girls use to use her as a pillow when they watched TV. And my baby. My Tess. She was still alive. Someone took my baby out of my arms because I collapsed next to Tess and sobbed and sobbed that I was sorry. We rushed her to the vet. Given how long she was in the car they gave her a 20 percent chance of survival and advised that I say my goodbyes. She blinked at me and I held her and just kept apologizing. I couldn’t stay with her because I am still nursing and had to take care of my children. Tess died at midnight that night. Her heart gave out. I can’t believe I killed my babies. Bailey never hurt anyone. And Tess, I had her before I ever met my husband or became a mom. She was my best friend. I adopted her when she was 9 months old and she tested positive for Parvo 24 hours later. The vet have her a 30 percent chance of survival snd she made it. over the last ten years I had to bring her to the vet four different times where she hurt herself and each time the vet would tell me Tess was lucky she had me. She and I would run four miles a day together. She used to sleep in my bed. She was an escape artist too. She also had a penchant for stealing our dinner off our table. She was so smart. She had been through so much to die such a horrible death. And she trusted me. They both trusted me. It was my job to protect them and keep them safe and I killed them. Everyone keeps telling me that they were just dogs and thank goodness it wasnt the children because I have my plate so full (I also work full time). I know that dogs are not people. I get that. But Bailey and Tess were our family too. Telling the girls was awful. My middle child cried and cried and they keep asking me when the dogs are coming back. I have to drive that car to and from work and to and from daycare and every time I get in it, I just stare in the rear view mirror at the back and think, how could I not see them? How did I forget about them? I am deeply ashamed of myself. They did not deserve to die like that.

  75. Bethani says:

    My sweet baby, Cash, passed away on Friday, July 24, 2015. He was half beagle, half pug, so a puggle. He was a huge cuddler and was always there for me no matter what. He was the best, most loyal and loving friend I have ever had. I am having a very hard time learning how to be okay. Every day I wake up without him and it’s like a new punch in the stomach. Every time I let our other dog, Ace, outside it is like another punch in the stomach. I pray that atleast a small part of Cash will live on through Ace, as Cash was already around when Ace was only a puppy. My family went on a weekend trip to the mountains, and my mother always watched Cash for me. He stayed with her for over a year when I went to my first year of college. I sent Cash to my moms, and Ace to my sisters as they are a lot to handle when they are together. Cash was the one I wasn’t worried about, because he was at my moms. We left for the mountains on Thursday, and Friday night was when I got the call from my mom. She was crying when I answered the phone so immediately I knew something was very wrong. When I heard her say that he was dead, it felt like all the air in my stomach got sucked out and i couldn’t breathe. I’ve never felt a hurt like that before. My mom had hooked him to a teatherball pole in the back yard. She even put up a pop up pavilion tent so that his water would be in the shade. He has been tethered to a tree or pole several times before, so I wasn’t too worried. However, it is dead of summer and Cash wrapped his lead around the pole too many times so he couldn’t reach the water. When my mom got home from work that day he was dead. She is racked with guilt and is probably afraid I hate her. I don’t. I hate myself for not having his shots up to date so that he could be boarded. I hate myself for not telling her to just put him in his bed in her basement while she was at work. I hate myself for going on that vacation to the mountains. I know she loved Cash. I just don’t know what to do to be okay. I had him cremated, and he will have a whole mantle dedicated to him. It will be one week since his death tomorrow and it isn’t getting any easier. I have faith that one day it will no longer hurt as time goes on, but this scares me too because I don’t want to forget him. I feel like when the hurt is no longer in my heart it means I have gotten over him. My mom kept him wrapped up in the freezer so I was able to hold him again before I dropped him off for the cremation. That was the hardest thing i’ve ever done. Thinking of how strangers may be not handling his body with care as they take him to the fire is misery. They told me it takes up to two weeks to get the ashes back so now all I think about is if he is somewhere rotting while they wait to cremate him. I’m just living in pure misery. I do believe in God, and I believe he is all powerful and can do anything so when I pray I ask him to help me be okay and to tell Cash I am sorry and I love him. The only thing right now that gives me any peace is the thought of him being in Heaven. I have searched and can’t find any scripture that says wether dogs go to heaven or not, but it does speak of animals being in Heaven. It also says that God will provide everything we need to be completely and blissfully happy. Today I feel like I will need my Cash to be that happy. Please pray for me. and pray for my mom because I know she is hurting too.

  76. Yvonne says:

    Hi, I have the guilt with me too for having my cat on a leash with harness. I tried many many different ways of tying my kittens up to have room to roam and not get tangled. We had to go away for something important. I ended up being so exhausted of finding ways to keep them safe, that I forgot a vital detail. Make sure they can’t climb up high. This is what happened to one of my kittens. He climbed up high and got tangled and ended up hanging himself. While in airport, we got the call from a relative who among others would look after them. It’s a huge shock and oh so hard to accept.

  77. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. The guilt of being part of a dog’s death is a terrible burden to bear. I can’t imagine how guilty and sad you must feel. You will always remember your beloved dog – and your beloved dog will never forget how much you love and care you offered.

    The one consolation is that your dog is now resting in peace. No pain, no suffering – and perhaps even frolicking with other dogs and enjoying the best treats ever! Your dog’s death is one small part of the life you had together. It’s the worst, most painful part. But your time with your dog was so full of other amazing adventures, laughs, cuddles, and moments of connection.

    Your dog is resting in peace, and wanting you to be free of the guilt and grief you feel. My prayer is that you find forgiveness in your heart. Forgive yourself. If you had known what was going to happen, you would have changed everything! You did not deliberately cause your dog’s death.

    Hold on to that when the feelings of guilt and grief threaten to overwhelm you: you did not deliberately cause your dog’s death, and you would have done everything possible to change what happened.

    You’re in my thoughts and prayers. May healing, freedom, and peace be yours.

    In sympathy,

  78. Feeling like a monster says:

    My dog Bear peed in my room. He had been doing so well with that lately. I was so mad at him that I spanked him and when I went to pick him up to put him in his cage, he slipped out of my hands and hit the hardwood floor head first. He just laid there panting with his tounge sticking out of his mouth. We rushed him to the vet and I just looked into his eyes praying for the best. When we got there, he had fluid in his brain and they thought he might have punctured a lung from a cracked rib. What’s worse is that I couldn’t afford the treatment to try to save him so we had to opt for euthanasia. The doctor said even with treatment the chances were slim but still I feel so helpless. When they bought him in the room for us to say goodbye, he ended up dying in my arms my eyes locked to his. I am heartbroken and so ashamed. I should never have hit him. All he ever did was love me and I killed him. I was so consumed by anger that I caused the death of my sweet bear bear.I tried to catch him and I replay that moment over and over. I will live with this regret for the rest of my life. I hope he knows how sorry I am and that I never meant to hurt him. I pray that he knows he was much loved and adored and I will miss him forever. I hope he can forgive me so that I might forgive myself. I am so sorry bear please forgive me

  79. Janemary says:

    Terry – You were made a victim in this, and I am loathe to ever use that word, but there it is. You were set up. You were with your beloved in spirit and heart. I doubt she would not have wanted you to witness this. When we go to professionals, there is a reason for doing so. It is because we believe things are beyond our capacity. We expect the professionals to help us have clarity in decision-making, especially when we are overcome with fear and despair. You were, in fact, there for your beloved dog at the end.

  80. Janemary says:

    I chose to risk more rapid deterioration of my dog due to selfishness. Her rapid decline is directly attributable to selfishness and denial. That’s all there is to it. Regardless of all the care given, the final analysis is that death was the result of selfishness and denial, but mostly selfishness.

  81. Terry says:

    Please help. My dog 14 died suddenly of kidney failure on Wednesday. My vet I knew for 14 years was out of town.. The substitute vet told me her viens collapsed and that the injection could be difficult , stress my dog, be traumatic. He said he was sparing me. To put her down.. She was dying, I was in a haze it all happened so fast,, I was thinking right.
    I said ok, I’ll wait in the other room. I hate myself, I know now I could have been there..
    After, he said it went easy and oeaceful. I missed her passing.. She did not get to see my face , the last vision of me on this earth.. I’m sobbing my guilt is killing me.
    I can’t stop seeing her lying there , looking for me..I know they can smell very well, I’m sure she sensed I was near, but not with her,,
    I can’t sleep or stop crying..
    Please , any one can relate or help me…
    I’m a mess. Loved her so, can’t believe I listened to a stranger…he scared was fear…but now I missed her passing…
    Please help..

  82. Rick Cosci says:

    Annelize, I am truly sorry for your loss of Jacky. It is so hard to lose a beloved dog. I lost my girl Tiffany on April 17 and I posted here sometime later when I found this site. I really thank you for your “summary” of many of the helpful thoughts you have found here on this site and I imagine in other places as well. I am going to print it out and read it every day, like you. Your words really do point us in the direction of healing, the love we have for our pets, ourselves and the other folks in our life. It has been 13 weeks today, and it is just starting to get easier for me to start living again. My guilt and grief had been dominating almost all my thoughts every day as I wrestle with the “why’s and if only ” , over and over again. I have had to allow myself to grieve and wonder how long it will last. I miss my Tiffy every day. Now that I am coming to terms with the fact of her passing, she is gone, and it is futile to think about what I should have done, it cannot be changed, when I think of her…..instead of going over the last day….I try to think of a good day we had, and there were many….that makes me happy to think of those times, I was so lucky to have those times with such a wonderful companion. I look forward to being together in Heaven someday, that is my fondest hope and prayer. Until then, she is with me in Spirit, in the memories of my heart, where the love is. I also started attending a pet-loss support group and that is helpful, it really helps to be able to express these feelings with others who have gone through something similar……………..thanks again and be strong, all of you out there, your dog (or other pet) would want it that way, and be happy too, when you can………….xoxoxoxo

  83. Dawn says:

    I am so sorry Elissa I feel your pain it’s been nearly a week since my baby simba died and he was 2.5 I have just got home from work (I live in the uk) and I just wish it was Monday tomorrow the weekend is going to be unbearable the pain the guilt the missing him it’s horendous. Especially as myself and my bf are at different stages in the grief process I’m finding that so hard. I think what you have said is so true though thank you for those words x

  84. Elissa says:

    Thoughts and prayers to everyone struggling. We put my dog Charlie to sleep on Wednesday. The previous Thursday, when he was out for his walk with his dog walker, he slipped out of his collar, ran into the street and got hit by a car. He had very severe lung contusions but no other injuries. The vets did everything they could at the hospital and he fought so hard but ultimately, they thought the injuries were too severe to recover from.

    Here’s the guilt part. The Wednesday before it happened, I came home from work early and took him up to the park. On our way there, I saw that his collar seemed loose. I remember just sort of seeing it. I did not make the connection that I should tighten it — if I had had that thought, I would have. I just noticed it and we went to the park, came back, everything was fine. I feel so guilty. I’m so mad at myself for not making that connection to tighten his collar. I want him back for me and I want his life back for him. Happiest sweetest most fun and smart dog. He was only 2.

    I found something on a vet website that I’ve found helpful. Pasting it below:

    Do not focus on only one event that led to your pet’s death. Instead, think of those events as a puzzle for which your part was one piece. For example, suppose you let your dog out in the yard and she got outside of the fence and was hit by a car. You might think “If only I wouldn’t have let her out when I didn’t have time to be outside with her.” Perhaps you play that over and over in your mind and have convinced yourself that you are totally to blame for what happened. Try breaking the events down so you have a better understanding of your role. For example, did you have control over something attracting your dog’s attention so that she wanted outside of the fence? Did you have control over the fact that just at the time when she was out a car was coming? Or, that the person driving the car did not see her in time or was unable to avoid hitting her? Did you have any control over the extent of her injuries? You can apply this type of thinking to any situation where an accident was involved and hopefully you will begin to see that many events occurred that led to your pet’s death.

  85. Alysia says:

    I ran over a stray dog lying on the road. It was lying in the middle of the road just right where cars are going downhill. I could not stop on time immediately when I saw it lying there and ran over it. I am so sorry…. I wish I could turn back time

  86. Jason says:

    24 hours ago I ran my beautiful, loyal 3 year old German Shepherd dog to death. She lived for trail running and was, as usual, madly excited for yesterday morning’s run. We went out on an 8 mile trail run near our home that she had done many times before. A few miles in I could see that she was more tired than usual but I was determined to do the run and thought she could tough it out. By the time I realized she was having real trouble, we were several miles from the trailhead with no phone and no one else around and no water. I considered the options and felt the best thing was to keep pushing her to keep moving . I didn’t want to leave her alone that far from the trailhead, fearing that she would get lost if she got up and tried to move. So I pushed her, harshly at times, until she finally collapsed a mile from the trailhead. I knew at this point that she was in real trouble. I tried to carry her but this scared her and she tried to bite me. So I had to leave her and run home. I pushed a bike trailer back up to where she was. I tried to give her some water that I had brought but she couldn’t take it. She was having bloody diarrhea. I loaded her into the bike trailer and pushed her back home, trying to get some water into her mouth on the way. Before I could get home she started convulsing and then died. I tried CPR but to no avail.
    My heart just aches for her. She loved and trusted me, but I didn’t listen to her when she was trying to tell me something was wrong. We were also running essentially in wilderness with no contingency plan for something like this. My God, I am so sorry, Rani, I am so sorry…

  87. samantha says:

    Two months in an the loss of my gorgeous girl a little griffon dog is still haunting me. My partner ran her over and I watch the whole thing as he pulled away from the curb and ran over her in slow motion, she wsa dying on the side of the road for about 10 minutes…… I emigrated 5 years ago and life has not been esy I have felt isolated and she was my best friend my life..and we killed her, I didn’t have her on the lead, everything is so much quieter and sadder now and it’s more then i can bare oh my goodness not sure if I can go on in this life without darling Grace! so sad

  88. Jay D says:

    So nice that you have this site to allow people to freely and anonymously vent their grief.

    I had my cocker spaniel for about 10 years. He was a soulmate to me. His unfortunate death occurred about 11 years ago after I fell asleep in a chair outside with him by my side. While I slept, he roamed off and got hit by a car. Picking him up off the pavement while he was convulsing was one of the most traumatic moments of my life. I brought him to the vet at the time and had to put him down. I can’t help but think of that every time I drive past the location where he was hit, which is daily. I feel incredible guilt to this day for falling asleep in that chair.

    I guess this unfortunate incident is reignited by the fact that I just got a new cocker spaniel puppy that looks and acts incredibly like my former one. He brings me much joy but does bring back the painful memories of the incident mentioned above. I guess that’s why it is fresh in my mind. Hopefully venting the grief here can help get it off of my mind. Thanks for letting me share my story.

  89. Annelize Cloete says:

    I posted on this site on 1 June 2015. My loving doggie Jacky died on 29 May 2015 due to a puff adder bite. She was in ICU for the whole night but died the next morning. I was so devastated and filled with horror and guilt because I didn’t save her. I didn’t go into the bush and try to get the snake away. I panicked. The first 3 weeks was the worst. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to live. I kept on hating myself for killing my 6 year old friend. Because she wasn’t an ordinary dog. She was my best, best friend. She was my everything. She even talked to me – with barks. Then I started reading all the other posts here and realised I wasn’t alone. With all the advice and information on this site, I build myself a paragraph and rephrase it over and over. “We know we would never deliberately do anything to hurt our pets, accept that it was your dog’s time to go, accidents do happen and our pets would forgive us for letting them have their freedom and these are the risks we take, we must create a new place for them in our hearts with no pain or sadness, you are not a bad pet owner, you are a loving pet owner who made decisions based on love, so you made a mistake and wish to God you could turn back time but the reality of life is it only goes in one direction. You need to know that the couple of years you had with your pet were probably the best of his little life. With anything we do there always is some risk involved. We cannot see into the future and know what is going to happen. Most pets enjoy running, jumping and nature and need these experience to maintain good physical and mental health. Accidents do happen even when we are trying to be the best guardians possible for our pets. We are human beings with frailties and faults. We make mistakes. We are basically good people.To hurt ourselves with the terrible pain of guilt is to do disservice to the love we felt for our pets. We need to forgive ourselves. Let the guilt go. Remember what you did right because you did a lot right.” So I keep on reading this whole paragraph every day and it makes sense but it does not take the hurt and pain away, only the guilt. My wish for everyone on this site is that with time the pain will ease and the guilt will go away. Stay strong. xxxx

  90. Heartbroken says:

    My sweet English Bulldog Winnie Pickles passed away Saturday July 18th. My little pig as I would call her loved to push our back door open and go lay in the sun. I always double check to make sure she was inside before we would leave the house but this past Saturday We werew in a rush and forgot to double check. She went out and I did not know. When we returned home 4 hours later she was by our back door and unresponsive. I feel so terribly bad that I did not triple check for my baby. She suffered because I was in a rush to get somewhere. I will never ever forgive myself I am so heartbroken and so incredibly sad.

  91. Jerry Tenorio says:

    I lost my baby cat also, She was my companion through 16-1/2 years. We had so many hard times, and happy times too. I felt exactly as you do, but dont hurt anymore, you will be with your baby someday in heaven. Heaven is a real place, not a fiction. Ask God to give your dog a place to wait for you, and he will. Have happy thoughts, and remember that you will have a great reunion with your pet.

  92. Dawn says:

    I’ve just lost my darling precious amazing little boy Saturday 18th July at 9.00. I am devastated completely heartbroken he was only 2 and a half he’s life completely cut short I feel he’s been snatched away and I keep going over and over how things could be different and he’s death prevented, you see he wasn’t ill he was so fit healthy and happy.

    I feel so much guilt, I feel like I’ve killed him and completely let him down.

    Simba was a patterdale/fox terrier little dog the most amazing, caring loving dog, he loved me and I completely adored him, he was t just a dog he was my best friend he helped me through really dark days, he was the most well tempered affectionate dog you could imagine and I knew one day we would be parted but not like this not so so soon.

    I spoilt simba like he was my child he got everything he wanted, I protected him from the world but I know now I didn’t.

    You see simba adored swimming absoloutley loved it and was a fantastic little swimmer, I was careful to keep him on a long lead or small contained areas, my only ever thought really was to be careful the water wasn’t muddy or too deep or only let him go where I would be ready to go in and get him if an issue ever occurred. He was very obsessed with swimming he would almost smell water and scream and cry to he was allowed a paddle or a short swim, he would only really have a splash about for maximum ever 20 minutes most times much shorter 5, 10, 15, afterwards he would shake and cry to go back in he loved it so much I thought it was excitement he wasn’t cold and would get dried off. The only thing was he would wee a lot and have some diaroeah but a few minutes later he would be running around barking for you to throw he’s ball. My self and my partner took him to cornwall last week we always went on holiday in the uk now we would never have put him in a kennel or really left him with anyone I felt no one could be really trusted in his care as much as we would, we had the most amazing time for the week simba paddled in the sea and shared our cream teas and ate sausages and fish, we joked how we must all diet when we got home and told him you as we’ll mate even though he was the most fit and had a great little physic. We drove home Friday night. Saturday my partner and I went to tescos to get a few bits and we spotted a swimming /paddling pool we thought my god he will love this, when we got home we set about getting it pumped up simba was watching and looking on excited with his ball, we realised there wasn’t a pump included so my boyfriend whom is asthmatic started blowing it up, we felt oh we can’t disappoint him he’s so excited, eventually we got the sides blown up and started to put the hoose in to fill it with water the hose was at the side not powering in just filling the pool when the pool was half an inch simba jumped in with his ball and started playing splashing around for the next 30 minutes or so the pool only reaching 3 inches max he jumped in ran around the garden pleading us to throw his ball in which we would do and he would retrieve we was with him the whole time Darran my boyfriend cooking the BBQ, we sat down to eat and simba got out he had a wee and a poo, then within minutes he wasn’t right he just looked sleepy and then sicked up some water, he kept passing water we hadn’t seen this before and was worried I grabbed him in my arms and we rushed to the emergency vets, in the 5 minute drive he worsened just wanting to sleep, I kept saying simba, walkies, sausages, where’s your ball, uncle jason, all the words he recognised to keep him a wake, we rushed in banging on all the consultant rooms as no one was around then I put him down he half collapsed the vet hearing our cries for help, the vet took him said he would put him on some oxygen, we had to wait outside, 20 frantic minutes passed and we was called in and told the most devasting blow of my entire life he was brain dead and there was nothing to be done. We cried and screamed begging for something to be done but nothing could he was only being kept alive by a hand oxygen pump. I cried I’m so sorry I’ve killed you, I love you,. Simba died of water intoxication he basically consumed too much water and the water had diluted his salt levels and cause him to seizure and die and when they resuscitated him he was brain dead. I can’t believe he is gone I keep blaming myself why didn’t I see this coming why didn’t I take more notice how many wees he had after he’d been swimming in the past, or the shaking which I’d assumed was pure excitement as he tried to always go back in. Why did we get the pool how I wished we hadn’t, would it had been ok for just 5 minutes or why didn’t I notice how much he was consuming when splashing in the water. I never knew of this danger and even the vet whom said he had never in 25 years of being a vet had ever experienced this as it’s so rare but none of this helps it doesn’t matter how much I ever did for him or cared for him I still feel like I’ve killed my dog and this will be with me forever. It doesn’t matter that no one knows of this danger vets don’t warn of this or there’s hardly anything on the internet I should have know as I’m his mum and I’ve let him down. Now all I have is a million memories and hundreds of pictures of our beautiful harmless baby.

  93. Jolene says:

    These stories are incredibly sad and break my heart, but I was searching for a place to share my grief. It is not my own dog that has passed away, but my best friends. Two days ago, I was driving to his house like I so often do, and when I was coming up his driveway his two dogs ran towards my car barking like always, then they always move. I slowed way down, but one of the dogs stopped suddenly in front of me while I glanced to see where the other dog way, and I ran him over. It was terrible. My friend saw the whole thing. He ran to check but he was gone. I completely lost it, I was crying and shaking so hard and I couldn’t breathe, I’ve never experienced anything so awful. He was so excited to see me coming that he got distracted, and I got distracted. I’m always so careful, I replay it over and over again and keep thinking “if only”.

    I know in my heart it was a complete accident, but I feel like I have failed, and my friend feels like he failed. We are both so protective of our dogs, and it’s my job to make sure my own dog is safe and that’s the care I take with other pets too. Just this one time…I know in my heart it was an accident, but the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I know what I took from him. A caring, funny, unconditionally loving companion. He doesn’t blame me and knows it was an accident, but he is hurting so bad from this loss and that makes me hurt even worse. The pain is unbearable, I don’t know what to do. I think about how dogs are such a big part of daily routine, and feel overwhelmingly guilty when I look at my own dog, because of what I did, my fondness for my friend’s dog, and how much my dog loved playing with him. I don’t know how to be there for my friend, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself, and I’m so scared that he will never forgive me. I’ve driven up the driveway hundreds of times and the same thing has always happened, except this one day. I replay it over and over again, and there’s nothing that could ever break my heart more than seeing my friend hold his buddy one last time and cry, and knowing that I’m the one who did it. I empathize with him, but I can’t imagine how bad he is hurting. This pain is unreal and all consuming right now, so much that I don’t know how I can live with it. I feel absolutely awful, and I’m so scared that he will always blame me, which at this point I feel like that’s what I deserve.

    I try and take some peace in knowing that he didn’t suffer, but why did this have to happen? I tell my friend that he gave that dog an amazing life for the short time that he was on this earth, and that he is a great owner and both his dogs are lucky to have had his love. His other dog is so depressed as well. I don’t know how it’s possible to feel any worse for what I’ve done. Reading these stories I see that it’s common to blame ourselves and feel so guilty, and I would do anything to take it all back just like everyone else here would.

  94. Lorraine Browning says:

    That is so sad. I do believe in reincarnation and if you want your pets back you will find them again and they will find you. I read about a woman who was looking for a cat just like the one she had which died, and she did she found an identical kitten being sold 9 months after the death of her cat and it was born with in a few hours of the death of her cat so she believes that this is her cat reincarnated as it sits in the same chair and acts just like her original cat. A lot of people do believe in reincarnation, I hope to start looking for a bichon that was born on the 14th July in a few weeks and this may be my maxy.

  95. Celeste says:

    It was a Saturday hot and dry. I was alone in the house with my nephew. He wanted to take his lizard out side to get some sun.
    I turned my back and I ended up falling asleep as soon as i got to my room. I woke up when I woke up I went outside to check on them because I always do .And i went outside when I called all of my animals and only my cat showed up. it was weird it was actually really weird and I walked around the yard bcause I thought I thought they didn’t hear me my cat was looking at the Abandon car in the backyard but I didn’t think anything of it at that time.
    I got in my car and I drove and I called them for about 35 minutes.
    When I got back because something was wrong and could feel it. I noticed the abandoned car doors were open, my sister came up to me and told me she had bad news she told me the dogs were dead and I ran thinking I could help them I could fix them but as soon as I saw their faces I dropped to the floor because I died and I literally lost it I lost balance and I couldn’t breathe couldn’t function they suffocated and died of heat stroke in that car within the hr. And I could have prevented it
    The day they died I died. I can’t bring them back and it’s hard I lost my best friends, the love of my life.
    a lot of people blame my nephew it was my fault he is Eight and just a little boy I think they thought they were going for a ride.
    If I could go back in time that wouldn’t have happened
    the messed up thing about it is the next day the guy that owned the car came to get his car and that’s worst part is that it could’ve been prevented and I would still have my dogs right now. And I hold myself accountable. I failed them.
    they were in my whole life when I lay down that night it’s not the same to me. yes I have my cat but it’s not the same as doggy love people tell me to get over it and they tell me to Move on and I cant really talk about it to anyone because nobody really understand I don’t feel like I can’t go on im heartbroken
    Waking up is hard, its hard trying to go on with daily life but the thing that hurts the most is that I don’t get to see them every day.
    I don’t get to hear their cute little weird barks or putter payers on the floor or see them run around the yard like psychopaths on a mission to protect their yard or chased the cat around yard or the trash man or the mailman. we bury them that day in our yard because it’s where they belong and that’s where they will always be. I couldn’t go to the burial but I gave them the last hugs and kisses they would ever receive from me again.
    Marlo and fluffy were a huge part of our family.
    I wish I would’ve told them I love them more and look them in their eyes but I’m hoping that they knew of my love for them.
    I haven’t gone out in the yard and they’re bowls and their toys are still out. their water bowl is still sitting there. as well as their kennel.
    they did everything together. they even passed together in the abandoned car floor. They were buried together.
    They were always together, I am praying to God that they are together in heaven.
    I’m pretty depressed But I thought I had to reach out from somewhere because I want some to know my story and learn from my mistakes . But I will always love and miss them beyond any way I can show it.

  96. Lorraine Browning says:

    My Dog Max, had a bad eye it was a little misty. I took my pet to the vets last October he had his yearly injection and the vet said that Bichons do loose their sight at about 12 years which was the age of my max which would explain why his eye was misty. Then in February my dogs eye got a lot worse so I took him back to the vet, the vet then said I will take him out back and clean his eye, When she returned she told us that she had injected into the pupil some antibiotic. I was horrified by this and could not believe this was right, over the next couple of days my poor max,s eye filled with blood I took him back to that vet and said what have you done to him, so sheI will take him out back to clean his eye up and injected him again in the eye. He then had both eyes went bad and I took him to Queen mothers animal hospital in potters bar. There he had to have both eyes removed. I then took him to another vet because he was not healing at all and this vet cleared one wound up but the other just kept on getting bad. My dog then died of meningitis which would have been caused by the bad eyes. I feel that this is entirely my fault if I had took him to a better vet and if I had treated his eye earlier when it first started to go misty but I did not I just thought his eye would get better but it did not and all the terrible pain my little max who was so gentle and loving and always wagging his tail all the pain my dog went through was mine and now he has lost his life because of me. I don’t deserve to have pets. I could not even look after my dog properly he trusted me.

  97. Jerry Tenorio says:

    DONT feel guilty at all. She should have told you the cat was sick. You tried everything to contact her.
    Yes, feeling bad because the cat passed on to heaven is normal, but you will see the cat some day in heaven.
    Everyone who loves an animal that passes on feels like they could have done more, but you did what God wanted you to do. He wants her with him, in the happiest place there is!
    Be happy for her!

  98. Angel says:

    I had adopted a cat from a family, and she was 9 years old. I was so in love with her, and she was the friendliest cat I’ve met! Well when we brought her home she wouldn’t eat much and the lady said that she never really ate a whole lot so I assumed it was normal. Well a few weeks later she would go days without eating and barely drink anything. I had talked to a vet assistant and they thought that since she was with that family from 6 weeks old to 9 years old that she may be depressed. I had lost the lady’s number because I did not save it, but I had her address in my phone still. So I was desperate to get ahold of her, so I could let her know and see if she would take her back so that she didn’t end up dying from starvation, so I sent her a letter to her house. She ended up coming to pick her up a day after she recieved my letter and wasn’t very happy with me, but I wanted what was best for angel. I just got a rude, hurtful text today saying that I out their family through so much hurt because they’ve been at the vet with her for a week and had to put her to sleep due to liver and kidney failure and how I was neglectful to her. I never thought that she was that bad. She had just started not eating a few days before my letter and I feel like such a terrible person because of this. I loved that cat so much and it kills me that she is blaming it on me and doesn’t see that I tried to get her to her as fast as I could. I didn’t want to just drive to her house which is 45 minutes away and her not be home. I just feel like such a bad person right now. I didn’t want anything to happen to her at all.

  99. Chenel says:

    Firstly, I want to thanks all of you for your responses. It has been very therapeutic to know other pet owners and animal lovers share an understanding of what I am going through. I lost my beloved Pomeranian Rosco 3days ago and he was only 4.5 years only. Most loving creature ever. Full over energy. When I walked through he dog he would get so excited he would start jumping and bouncing and barking. He was a skilled jumper. Never seen a little dog jump that high with joy and excitement. He loved toys and would race back in forth through house wrestling with his toys full of energy. He was never down or sad. Normally my routine is to leave him outdoors during day because of my long hours at work. I leave him plenty of water and food. There is a dog house for shade. However the other day I felt terrible Ill and I called into work. I laid around in bed. I didn’t feel like being bothered with my dog so I put him outdoors as usual. He looked so sad as I closed the door on him. because he knew I was still in house he was scratching at door to come in. I got upset with him and yelled at him for annoying me with begging to come back and yelled at him to stop barking. He eventually stopped. I laid around the house running fever until I eventually made the decision to go into hospital to be evaluated. I left him in back yard around 3pm with two bowls of water and extra food. It was a hot day as most summer days are in Texas but he always stays in shade and does ok outdoors. I went to the hospital and got caught up with my own illness. The next day I texted my neighbor to please go check on my dog for me because he often works from home. Unfortunately that day my neighbor had actually went into office and would not be home until 4 pm. When he got there to check on my dog he was found laying in grass with bleeding wound from some type of wild animal that attacked him. Something bit him on the side and he layed in ground helpless and bleeding all the while I was in hospital. I was so devastated to hear that my dog suffered at the expense of my poor planning. I rushed off to hospital without making proper plans for my dogs wellbeing. I assumed he would be ok because it is routine for me to leave him out door for most of the day. I also assumed being a dog he would be ok overnight until I get things in place for him he next day. Well my assumptions were wrong. He was attacked by something and had a horrific and undeserving death for such a kind and loving animal. I am still in hospital as I write this and it and truely superseded my illness. The pain I feel is so intense. Knowing that I was not able to be clearheaded enough to make better arrangements for my dog had affected me greatly. I can’t eat. Struggling to sleep. Crying uncontrollably. I know when I return home he will not be there waiting for me. My neighbor took care of arrangement for his body. I can’t have children and that was my child and I loved and spoiled him rotten. The loss is immense because I deeply loved that dog. I never realized the extent of the live I had for him until he died which is unfortunate. This is a difficult process to go through and the grieving is so intense. I just hope time will heal all the pain I feel at the moment. That’s for letting me share my thoughts and feeling. I will cherish all our fond memories. With love for Rosco!!!!

  100. Jim says:

    I have read most of the stories here and can relate. I am sorry for the greif you all have experienced i would like to tell my story about may beautiful proud German Shepherd Lexi. Me and my wife have 7 dogs so as you can guess we love animals. However i must say Lexi was a special princess. We usually rescue dogs or pick up strays, but lexi was our purebreed. We bought her 13 years ago when my daughter was 12. at two years old, she got chronic diareah and was losing alot of weight. The vet told me it was probably leukemia and i should put her down. My gut feeling was different so i spent one afternoon researching her symptoms on the internet. She had EPI a pancreatic diffiency. So for the last 11 years we treated her food with powder. About the last year hip displasia started taking its toll and my poor lexi struggled to get up and could hardly climb stairs. I gave her periodic hip shots for this, and a hip pill mixed in her food. I knew eventually a decision would have to be made when she could no longer walk. But we even looked into a buggy with wheels that could support her back legs. she was alert, had a good appetite and would wake me up almost every morning i overslept by licking my hand and pushing her head againts my hand for a head rub. The day before yesterday we got up and found large piles of clear mucous vomit around the house. She wouldnt eat either. We both figured she had a stomach flu or ate something that didnt agree with her so we cleaned up and went to work. When we came home she still wasn’t eating so we figured if she was still sick in the morning we would take her to the vet. I went to bed early bc i had taken some medicine and wasnt feeling good. And after an hour or so i noticed she was making loud belching type noises. At first i thought it was just gas but then it persisted to the point i woke my wife up and told her something wasnt right. She suggested we call the emergency vet number and seeif they could maybe meet us in. (We live way out in the country) i googled giving dogs tums and tried to give her one but her teeth were clamped down so tight i couldnt open her mouth so i squeezed one in between her teeth. We gave her water and she drank some and i went back to sleep. At 7 Oclock my wife noticed the noises had stopped and we got up and noticed her face was sunk in and she was barely breathing. I stroked her face and back and told her in a soft voice we were here. I called the emergency vet number and in tears asked them to call me back ( they never did call me back). Then she started struggling for air and at 7:18 she took her last breath. I am heartbroken and angry that i didnt listen to my wife and call the vet the night before. Who knows? Maybe they could have saved her. And even though her hips were bad maybe they could have prolonged her life another year. I feel that through her entire life I spoiled her and did my best but how could I have dropped the ball at the most crucial moment? I also feel guilty that she had to suffer all day Friday and friday night. I have my other dogs but i almost feel guilty spending time with them. I feel so empty inside and want to bring her back but I cant. Neither can I change my poor choice of not taking her in.

  101. Tin says:

    I was browsing through the web trying to find stuff that could ease the longing and guilt I’m feeling for the death of my lil buddy, Chip the Beagle. Last Friday I came home from work and saw my living room in complete disarray. Everything was cluttered and I immediately noticed considerable amount blood in the floor and furniture. Right away I checked who among my doggies got wounded and that’s when I noticed Chip was not among those who met me at the porch. I checked inside and was really devastated to see Chip lying dead. Apparently he was attacked by my bigger Dalmatian-lab Mackie. So many thoughts kept running on my mind. So much “I could have”. I feel so guilty that I let them stay together unaccompanied when what I usually do is to isolate the more aggressive one from the rest. I’m angry at my self that I was not able to protect Chip. I can’t stop crying since Friday. I haven’t talked to any of my family as well for I’m partly blaming them for leaving the house unattended. Im terribly missing my sweet lil Chip, and feeling really devastated with his loss.

  102. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Molly,

    Thank you for sharing your story – it’s a terrible thing, to be burdened with the guilt of a dog’s suffering and death. As you can see from the comments of other dog owners….there are no easy answers, and there is no immediate relief from the heaviness of the guilt and grief.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. Both you and your boyfriend must be feeling a whole lot of different emotions, and your relationship is being tested in a whole new way.

    It’s important to remember that if you and your boyfriend knew that Patches would die, you both would have taken her to the vet immediately. He thought Patches would heal, because the truth is that often dogs DO heal on their own! They’re survivors, and they’re strong. But there was something else wrong with Patches, and that took her life. Maybe there was internal bleeding.

    Maybe you need to take time to grieve both Patches’ death and the end of one stage of your relationship with your boyfriend. You now see him more realistically. He is a human, and he makes mistakes. He didn’t make the right decision, and it cost him his dog’s life. The most important thing is whether or not he learns from this mistake. If in the future he would do the same thing all over again, then maybe he’s not the man you want to be with. But if he is sincerely remorseful and learns from this, then he will be a better man in so many ways. He’ll be more thoughtful, caring, sensitive, and cautious.

    There is no way to know for sure if your boyfriend will grow into a better man because of this, which is why maybe it would be a good idea to take a couple weeks (or more) on your own. Maybe you need to be alone to grieve this, and to see your relationship more clearly.

    I don’t know what the best thing for you to do is, but a break won’t hurt a strong relationship.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Know that your beloved dog Patches is resting in peace, and is watching you and your boyfriend with joy and love. Her spirit will always be with you.

    In sympathy,

  103. Alyxandra Yatsko says:

    I just shared my story, but reading all of your stories here have really made me feel not so alone. I’m starting not to feel like a bad person, just a human as capable of mistakes as we all are. I feel less like I did when I first clicked on this site, which was neglectful and irresponsible, maybe even incompetent and unable to be trusted to care for a pet. Thank you all for your stories as heartbreaking as they are, I can feel this wound beginning to heal Maybe all of our pets are up in Heaven, romping around God’s feet and waiting for the day we’ll all come to meet them. I’d like to think that.

  104. Alyxandra Yatsko says:

    This forum alone has helped quite a bit. We just lost our VERY much beloved puppy last night, he was not even 6 months old. My fiancee (Andrue) just started a new job with demanding work hours a few days ago, so we arranged that our neighbor’s son would come over and check in on our little guy a couple times a day, let him out and give him food and water (we never allowed him outside on his own even, we were that protective… he was like a second child to us). Yesterday Andrue was asked to work from 8am to 2pm, but because it was ridiculously hot yesterday they asked him to come back at 6pm to work until 9pm once the hot part of the day was over. He came to pick me up from work and asked me if I’d like to come see where he is working, to which I said yes of course I did, not thinking anything could be amiss. Suffice to say we did not return home until late at night as we had to pick up our daughter from my in-laws’ house which was about 45 minutes out of the way. We arrived home to find our sweet baby dead, laying in a pile of laundry with half of a 2 liter bottle stuck on his muzzle. Andrue immediately felt the worst guilt of both of us, because little did I know that he had returned home for a short nap and to check on him so our neighbor’s son never came by. In his exhaustion (he does metal roofing and we live in central Arkansas) he must not have realized that our pup was out of water. It’s not unusual for the puppy to climb into our bathtub as it is a cool place for him to nap now and again, and in the middle of Andrue’s nap he heard him scratching at the bottom of the bathtub and didn’t realize he might need water, so he told him to hush and lay down. His alarm to come pick me up did not go off at the right time and he ran out of the house late, again not stopping to check his water. The poor little thing must have been trying to get some water, got into our garbage and got stuck, with nobody to help him.

    Now not only am I consumed by profound grief (my last dog, Lady, ran away last October and we never saw her again), but I feel helpless to console my partner who must feel an exponentially greater amount of guilt than me. I do feel guilt as well because everyone knows when you lose anyone you love, you’ll find a way to make it your fault. I do understand that these things happen and I know I’ll move past it one day, but right now my heart is ripped in two. I debated not coming to work this morning, I debated even staying in bed all day… or all weekend. There are so many painful factors; the fact that he was just a puppy, the fact that it could have been avoided, the fact that he died alone and probably scared. I’ll always wonder how long it took, if it was painful, and the thoughts can be incredibly overwhelming.

    The one thing I can do is console myself with the fact that he only got the best care, he was bathed weekly, fed twice a day at least, always had plenty of water (except this one time of course) and slept at the foot of our bed every night. He took rides with us whenever possible, was the perfect companion to my 2 year old daughter and never was temperamental.

    His name was Kelevra (Hebrew for “Bad Dog”), but he was the best dog I could have ever asked for. I know it will be a long time before I am ready to commit to another pet, but time heals all wounds, maybe not entirely but enough that we can move on with our lives. I just hope peace comes to me and my partner soon.

    Thank you for letting me share my story.

  105. Molly says:

    I am extremely distraught this morning over the loss of my boyfriend’s dog, Patches. My boyfriend was dog-sitting his neighbor’s dog (a lab/retriever mix-I think?) but a big dog, and it did not get along with Patches (a dachshund (sp?)) so the two were kept separate anytime my boyfriend dog-sat or the neighbor came to visit with the dog. Unfortunately, after feeding all the animals after he got home from work yesterday, he decided to mow the grass and forgot to crate the neighbor’s dog to keep him separate from Patches. Well, the neighbor’s dog viciously attacked Patches. When my boyfriend called me to tell me what happened, I rushed right over and Patches was just lying still and I could see several of the bites (deep gashes) and I suggested we take her to the vet. My boyfriend said no, that he thought Patches was too bad off and would not make it and he was also concerned about spending money at the vet when he didn’t think they would be able to do much for her (he can be kind of a cheapskate.) I told him I would help pay for at least an exam to assess whether Patches could be saved or not and my boyfriend refused the offer. And I told him that his neighbor would probably tend to the costs. My boyfriend cleaned the wounds but otherwise, just made Patches comfortable on her bed. I also offered to give Patches a 1/2 aspirin for pain and my boyfriend nixed that idea, too. By the next morning, she had moved near the couch, on the floor and was just sitting. I gave her a plate of water and she did lap that up, and my boyfriend thought this was a good sign she would get better. We went to work and my boyfriend said he would go home at lunch and check on her. He did and she had died between 9 and 1:00pm. I am sick over not insisting he take her to the vet to be assessed and to at least get pain meds to help with the pain she must have been in, or to have her put down. And I am totally guilt ridden about and I’m sure my boyfriend is also, and he has certainly cried and grieved the loss of his pet of 10 yrs. I just can’t get over that we didn’t rush her to a vet, irregardless of the cost. My friends tell me that I did the right thing to offer, but that my beau made the decision to not accept my financial help or take Patches to the vet himself. I feel badly she suffered for over twelve hours and I am angry at my boyfriend and upset with myself for either not taking her myself or really insisting he take her. I was very close with Patches and I am grieving the loss of this dear friend, and dealing with a mound of guilt. Any thoughts or suggestions on how to cope with something that can’t be undone would be a nice gesture. I could use a lift. Lastly, I see my boyfriend n a different light now (thinking he’s insensitive over all this) and not sure I want to be with him, so I need to either forgive him or walk away.

  106. Just a confession says:

    It is noticeable that a lot of people are blaming themselves for what happened to their beloved pets. Alas, i can’t offer any consolation, since i’ve lost 2 kittens for the past six months, one in the beginning of 2015 and another about a month ago. Obviously, this is not going to be a dog story, but i just want to join in with the people that do think that the deaths of their pets were preventable, because these are some of the most painful thoughts that one can live with. Actually, it can hardly be called ‘life’ anymore, knowing that the pet was trusting you for its needs, and you weren’t able to provide, for whatever reason. Indeed, it is terrible. The mental anguish one goes through never really goes away. And somehow, people always focus on the bad memories during their time with the pets, like, when they were angry at them or said something they now regret. Yes, that feeling and the images are with you all the time. And the irrevocability of it all is probably the worst part. You keep saying to yourself, if only i could’ve went 1 week before it all happened, when it could’ve been prevented, when you didn’t miss that vet appointment because you falsely thought that your pet is fine, just because it looks fine after a short treatment… I hope that you will find some way of coping with your guilt and the loss of your pet. Maybe our pets would have forgiven our negligence and shortcomings if they could.

  107. Rick Cosci says:

    Hi Laurie, thank you for hosting this site. It has been a big help for me in my time of grief and I see also for many others. It seems to help to know that others have gone through similar situations. Your support and that of others is much appreciated. It has been 9 weeks for me and I am still suffering, but I am working my way through with the help of Spirit, letting go of the pain, turning to God and friends.

  108. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Michelle,

    I’m so sorry for your loss. What a tragic accident, and a terrible thing for both you and Baxter. I wish I knew what to say to comfort you…but I know that all you want is your dog back. It’s devastating and heartbreaking, and I am so sorry you’re going through this.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, that you find a way through the grief and guilt. May you forgive yourself for this terrible accident — and may you somehow know that it was an accident. You would never have hurt Baxter, and you would have done anything you could to save his life. Know that he is resting in peace, and he loves you even more know than he ever did before!

    Your dog loves you more now, because he sees how much he meant to you. He sees how much you love him, and he wishes you could find peace and self-forgiveness. He forgives you, and he wants you to be happy again.

    In sympathy,

  109. Michelle says:

    I live in Las Vegas where recently temperatures have been around 120 degrees. I was going to take my beloved dog Baxter to the dog park 3 days ago. I work nights and had gotten home early that morning, I was tired, but I’ve been trying to spend more time with him. I went inside my house to grab his leash, lock up, turn the alarm on etc. I started calling for him and had completely forgotten I had already put him in the car. By the time I realized it I ran outside and he was already dead on my passenger floorboard. What’s heartbreaking is that he had scratched my driver’s side door trying to get out. I was hysterical. I was shaking him trying to wake him up. I was begging for him to wake up. I rescued him almost 8 years ago and he was my baby and the best dog ever. I drove to the pet cemetery with him in my car and collapsed on the floor of their lobby. They had to bring me a chair and water because I was so distraught I was hyperventilating. I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself. I really don’t. The guilt I feel is absolutely overwhelming. It’s almost unbearable.

  110. JR says:

    Hello Jasmine, so sorry for your loss.
    I broke out in tears reading your post because the same thing happened to me, i had a greyhound puppy, and for the stupid reason of not being able to figure out where to get the money from, i didn’t get her vaccinated either! Thinking the same as you, that what were the chances of her getting parvo? Now i hate myself because my Cookie is dead, Cookie was her name, she was only four months old when she died, i loved her to death!
    And now i do not know how to move forward, the guilt is unbearable, she was so cute and perfect and well behaved, she was sooo smart, she would fool my other two dogs into leaving their food unattended, and she would eat it all, and the dogs would look at each other like asking themselves, what just happened?
    She was crazy smart, and i miss her so much! I can not get over the fact that she would be alive if it wasn’t for my mistake, she had her whole life ahead of her, and i messed up, and my little baby paid with her life, all because of my stupidity!
    The pain inside is unbearable, i cry myself to sleep every night, i miss her so much, i did this to her, she depended on me, i was supposed to protect her and i failed her, and no matter how i look at it, she is dead because of me, and it is killing me inside.
    I love you Cookie and i hope you can forgive me, because i can not forgive myself. Goodbye my little baby!

  111. Barbara says:

    Hi Steph,

    I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet .. I have loved and lost different pets through the years and it’s heartbreaking each time it happens, particularly when you feel that you could and should have done more for your pet. We had a tuxedo kitty, before adopting two others from our local shelter. We lost Gustav to oral cancer in 2006. We tried everything we could think of to try and help him but in the end, letting him go was the best thing for him. Gustav was my husband’s cat, who lived with him in a small highrise apartment since he was a kitten, for many years before we met. My husband smoked in those days, and not knowing of the dangers of second-hand smoke for cats, we believe that this somehow contributed to the cancer, years later. Gustav was 14 years old when he passed.

    My husband eventually quit smoking for good, and through the years we have learned and gotten better at caring for our pets. When loss happens through tragedy or what we perceive as neglect, forgiveness is usually the last thing on our minds. If I could offer one piece of advice, it is to take your experience and learn from it so that the next time you make the decision to bring an animal into your family life, you make a promise to yourself and your new pet, to do everything in your power to love and protect them like they are your children. In essence there is really little difference between animals and the human children we choose to bring into our lives. Both need our love, guidance and protection. Talk to Nala and Mudd as if they were in front of you, and tell them how you feel. They will hear you. There is no pain or judgement in heaven, only love and understanding. Take care.

  112. Jasmine says:

    My husband and I just lost our 6 month old Great Pyrenees puppy yesterday. He had gotten into the trash and eaten a bunch of dirty diapers last Friday. We usually keep him in the laundry room when we leave and put up a baby gate. He had gotten tall enough to just hop over it but we didn’t know. The next day we had switched his food and he had thrown up a couple of times the next day. So we thought it was the diapers and food that might have upset his belly. He was still happy and hyper as usual. The next couple of days though he just started going downhill. Losing weight, not eating, lethargic, vomiting multiple times a day, foaming at the mouth and we thought the chemical gel in the diapers had gotten stuck in his GI tract or something and gotten him really sick. My husband and I have two young boys and one on the way and he works full time and I go to school full time so we’re very busy but we still tried to make time for Sammy. We made an appointment for him at the vet on Tuesday afternoon and he tested positive for Parvo. The vet said that they would need to hospitalize him and if not he would die from dehydration. The whole time we were at the vet he was weak and limp but still trying to wag his tail when we talked to him or pet him. It was extremely expensive but we paid for his treatment and the vet was positive that he’d recover so we weren’t worried either. We went home to bleach his room and his toys and crate so it’d be nice and clean for when he came home. The next morning I got a call around 8am and ignored it because the boys were still sleeping which was rare so I figured I’d get a few extra minutes of sleep too. When we woke up I decided to call the vet to check on my baby when she said it was her who tried to call earlier and that Sam had perked up yesterday once they got the IV in but she came in that morning and he had passed overnight. I just broke down and my husband had to continue the conversation. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it. He was only 6 months old and he was the happiest, silliest, big ole baby! We never got his puppy shots because we didn’t have the money. It was on our list but we figured the odds that something so serious would happen was so slim that it could wait. We still have no idea how he got it. I am devastated and feel guilty that my young boy died because we couldn’t figure out how to pay for his shots that could have saved his life. Money is replaceable but a beloved pet isn’t. I knew the risks and still didn’t do anything about it. He was too weak to walk and when they carried him out of the room I said “bye sambooka” and pet him on the head like I always did and he weakly wagged his tail for me. He would still be alive if we hadn’t just been good pet owners and gotten his shots like we knew we should’ve. I feel like I didn’t even have enough time to get to know him. He didn’t even make it to a year old. My son won’t get to grow up with him because of me. I keep telling myself that there was no way to know what would happen and if I could go back I would do it all differently. But I just keep seeing his cute little innocent face and him knowing I should be the one to love and protect him and I failed him. Because of me he suffered and his life was cut incredibly short.

  113. Barbara says:

    My story is slightly different in that we are not 100% certain that our cat has died, but I feel like she must have met with a horrible end as we haven’t found her anywhere. Jenny, our grey and white tabby girl took off into the woods next to our home at midday when we tried to put her in an outdoor pen to give her some outside time. She is an indoor cat and has not had much exposure to outside. She had an immediate and very bad reaction to the pen. She thrashed against the wire screen and before I could get a hold of her, she got out and took off. I have searched in the woods and surrounding areas, tree stumps, dense bush, old shacks and enclosures. Everywhere I thought she could hide. I have gone out every day a few times a day, every day since she left. I have placed used litter and the contents of our vacuum in areas close to home, hoping that the scent will draw her back home. I have left food out and a makeshift shelter with a blanket that she slept on, outside. As we have predators such as coyotes and fishers, I feel that she may have been grabbed by something as she wouldn’t have any awareness or experience with them. She must have felt absolutely terrified that first night and I feel absolutely horrible about this. I feel completely responsible for what has happened and therein lies the guilt. I should have known better than to try this with her as she is very shy and skittish. I don’t care about forgiveness, but want more than anything for her to still be alive. I pray that Jenny will return but at this point its been 10 days and I don’t have a good feeling that she will on her own. Thank you for reading.

  114. Cynthia says:

    Chris, Im so sorry for your loss. When Maya died I thought I would lose my mind, I wanted to die too, to be with her. But there’s a promise from God that one day we will see them again. One of my friends gave a beautiful poem name the Rainbow Bridge…that poem gave me hope and today I feel much better. I hope you feel better too. God bless and hugs…

  115. Chris L says:

    Hi Cynthia & Annelize. I understand how you are feeling. A week ago (June 2) we lost our beautiful 2 year old Heeler/Collie dog Rusty. I was mowing grass on our driveway; the dog was with me. When I got to the road I checked for oncoming vehicles and I’m sure I never saw any. There is a hill about a mile away, that’s as far as I could see. I started back to the garage, was going to leave the mower for my wife and take the dog to the back. I got about 50′ from the road and heard a yelp. Rusty was lying in the middle of the road, hit by a truck. I am sure I never saw it when I checked so it must have been speeding.
    I feel bad for not putting the dog in the house when I was working in front, even for a minute, as we could not get him to stop chasing cars so always watched closely or leashed him when we had him in front.
    Rusty was my retirement buddy, basically we were together from the moment I got up until I went to bed (he would sleep by my bed for a while, then go to his chair in the living room- yes we had 3 chairs- mine, my wife’s, and Rusty’s). He was very smart and if I wanted him to do something I could usually talk to him like a person instead of giving commands.
    I have never felt worse in my life and ended up on anti-depressants. I am starting to feel better now. I just found an article “Dealing with the Guilt” by Ginger-lyn Summer dated September 10, 1999 (http:/ which I think is very helpful.

  116. Tim says:

    I know what you are feeling with the intense grief and guilt. I too ran over my beautiful dog six months ago. Although I still think about him every day the intensity does wane.

  117. Renee says:

    I too feel consumed with guilt and agony over what I did to my dog. Thank you for your story. I think most of us have done things to our dogs in anger. It helps me to know that someone else understands what I’m experiencing.

  118. Renee says:

    The comments on this blog have been so helpful to me. Two days ago, I caused the death of our 13 year old basset hound, who was the sweetest dog you’d ever want to know. I bathed him and, like I always do, tied him to our truck in our driveway to dry off. If I leave him in the backyard to dry, he rolls around in the mud. My son called and we decided to go somewhere together. I commented to him and to my husband, “I’m going to shower the dog smell off of me and move Bruiser to the backyard before I go.” Then I proceeded to drive off with my poor sweet dog tied to the back of our truck. Finally, after almost a mile, someone caught up to me and told me my dog was dead behind me. Horrified, I carried him to the grass where he lifted his head. His injuries were profound (internal and external), but he never cried. I guess he was in shock; I have no idea how he was still alive. We had him euthanized at an emergency clinic while we held and comforted him. I cannot get the vision of that poor, sweet dog dragging behind my truck out of my head. I don’t imagine dogs have reasoning ability, but I can’t help wondering what he must have thought and how horrible the experience was for him. Thank you to all of you who have shared your stories; they have been helpful to me.

  119. Sarah says:

    I came home from work and I accidentally ran over one of my dogs. She was just a few months old. We own her parents and when we were burying her, her mom wouldn’t walk away from the box. She kept sniffing it and whining. When we were finished burying her, her mom wouldn’t walk away. She sat there and it made me feel so much worse. I understand that it isn’t my fault because it was an accident but I feel so horrible about it. I took a puppy away from her mom and I don’t know what to do. I feel like crap and I don’t know how to get over this.

  120. Carrie says:

    Carmen, I just found this website because I have been feeling so much guilt over my 8 yr old lab that died unexpectedly in August. Pretty close to the same situation as you, our dog we think had an adrenal tumor. It happened so fast. After reading your story I have tell you that I promise you 100% that you did everything you thought was right for Lilly. We all do what we think is the best at times like that. It’s something that we can’t control. You and I have played things over and over in our heads, but we need to play the parts where we DID do what any good parent would do by loving and caring faithfully for our girls. I am so glad I found this website and read your story, though heartbreaking like mine, it was nearly identical. Our dogs knew and still know how much we loved them and that they were happy and well taken care of. I know my girl is still with me as Lilly is with you. They still love us unconditionally. Please take comfort in that.

  121. James says:

    Two months ago, I was walking my 2 year old working cocker off the lead (like I always do) in the fields around our house. It was very cold, and George (my dog) went on some ice on a pond that he would usually swim in in the summer (not very big). I through a big stick from a distance and it created a small hole in the ice and George went after the stick and got stuck under the ice. I ran into the pond trying to break the ice, but it scared George and he swam the other way and I couldn’t reach him, so he drowned. We had to drain the pond the next day to retrieve him. We buried him the next day. I miss him so much and blame myself for throwing the stick – we used to play that game all the time. I’m so sad and feel like I have lost my shadow. He was by my side all day as I work from home. I miss him so much.

  122. jane gee says:

    Tamara. What you are going through is dreadful but i think it is completely normal to relapse after a period of time. I too am struggling exactly as you explained many months after a tragedy. Like you i go through the same feelings – “if only id spent more time playing with him, got him to the vet” etc etc. I think even if we had both been our idea of the Perfect Pet Owner we would still be giving ourselves a hard time for not doing enough. After you lose someone it is the missing of the opportunity to do all these things that makes the hole in our life feel so big. I imagine everyone on here wishes they could just go back- a few minutes, a few hours, whenever- in order to “do things differently”. Likely as not the outcome would have been the same but we cant help wondering, but that thought process will make you ill. Its hard but you have situation and try to find comfort from the memories of the time you had together. Think of all the positive interactions you had together- maybe the day you got him, the christmases he had….
    Im pretty sure, because you are even bothering to write about your trauma, that you were indeed brilliant pet owner. Your dog was lucky to have you and your family in his life. So many dogs are mistreated or neglected and never get the joy out of life i bet he got, so he was one of the lucky ones.
    We can kick ourselves forever on the “what ifs” and “if onlys”. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Not.
    I dont know if we will ever feel normal again after such a loss, i’d like to reassure you that time is a healer- you will not ever forget but it will not feel so sharp and distressing when you do think on it as time progresses.
    It might help to find an outlet for your grief. Personally i campaign for animal welfare- it gives me a purpose when i feel the dark thoughts of not feeling worthy of living.
    Finally, im sure you know this, your pet is at peace now. He is not in pain or suffering now. Im pretty sure he wouldnt have wanted you to go on feeling that way on his behalf now he has passed.
    with empathy. J

  123. Tamara says:

    I wrote on this page about 8 months ago after the passing of my 6 year old dog, Ziggy. After he passed I had to go on anti- depressants and I was starting to feel better, I was actually doing ok for awhile. Now the past few months I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it again. I still feel so guilty. I just keep thinking of the last night I had with him…he was laying on the floor next to the bed panting. I kept my hand on him the entire night. I kept falling in add out of sleep…I woke up around 6 in the morning and somehow drifted back to sleep…when I woke back up 15 minutes later I looked over and noticed he wasn’t panting. Then I realized he was dead. At that moment I knew I would never be able to forgive myself. I knew there was something wrong and I had a vet appointment for that day day but I SHOULD have called the emergency vet when he just laid there panting. I can’t get that morning out of my head…looking down at his lifeless body. It breaks my heart wondering if he was in a lot of pain because of his panting or if he was just hot. I know dogs pant for a variety of reasons. I feel so guilty because instead of rushing him to the vet I basically gambled with his life…I feel like I just let him die. It makes me feel like such a horrible person and I failed him. He was only 6 years old. I feel like while he was on the floor taking his last breaths he was wondering why I wasn’t helping him…I was sleeping. I really will never forgive myself. I just hope he knew that I loved him. Sometimes I took him for granted and now I wish more than anything I could just have some more time with him. He was such a good dog and he loved us. Now that he is gone I question whether I wss even a good owner to him. I took care of him and gave him attention but I feel like sometimes I was too distracted by life and didn’t give him all the attention a dog really needs. My husband and daughter gave him a lot of attention but I should have walked with him more, played with him more, fed him healthier food and most of all I should have paid better attention to his health. I should have brought him to vet for check ups a couple times per year but I didnt…maybe he had a disease or sickness that could have been helped with medication. Why didn’t I pay closer attention to my dogs health? Granted I didn’t realize how sick he was until the last night I had with him but still. It drives me crazy and it breaks my heart. I should have been a better owner. I just hope and pray that he was happy and knew I loved him.

  124. jane gee says:

    bbebe i am so sorry for your loss, you have lost a close companion and that is a gap that cant be filled by anyone or anything else. But your pet was suffering organ failure and if you hadnt have done what you did he would have endured far more pain and suffering. You spared him all that, so he was able to have an enjoyable life and not end it in a terrible way. I wish we could all go that way but hey! humans cant be put out of their misery (yet). You have nothing to feel guilty about but you are suffering grief- you’ve just had to say goodbye to someone who has been in your life for years. Dont matter that it wasnt a human (i have more animal friends than human ones, the grief on losing one is exactly the same). Grief takes time. Allow yourself to be sad and miss him, and, over time (yep time IS a healer) you will remember more of the good times you had together and less about the last few days. But it will be raw for a while. My sympathy.

  125. bbebe says:

    I decided to have my dog Moose put to sleep, he had liver, kidney & pancreas failure. I tried to save him & now I feel like I killed him. He was the first dog I ever had put to sleep. He was 14 years old, he was my everything, I feel lost without him & I wished I could be with him. I don’t know how to cope with this please help. Thanks.

  126. Steve says:

    Today we lost our puppy that was 10 weeks old. We only had him for four days and I am sick to myself for the accident that occurred because of me. He was across the room drinking water so I decided to take off my shoes. As I stepped out of my shoes and turned to go into the other room, the puppy ran under my feet and I stepped on the little guy. I tried to avoid him but stepped too hard. We knew that something was wrong immediately and rushed him to the emergency vet. My 10 year old daughter was there when it happened and we were both distraught, but really prayed that Scooby would be OK. Then, the vet came out and told us that he couldn’t be saved. He tried to be supportive and told us that this happens all too frequently and that accidents happen that we simply cannot avoid. My heart is broken and cannot believe how this could have happened.

    Nothing seems to be helping the enormous grief and sadness I am feeling right now. I have never harmed another living thing and cannot wrap my head around this. Our wonderful puppy Scooby was there one second and gone the next. I feel so terrible for the little guy and and wish it could all be different.

    I am so heartbroken and pray for the soul of our little pup.

  127. Jim Moriarty says:

    On September 19 at 2:45 p.m. I put my therapy dog to sleep that had valley fever, passing blood, either a cancerous legion between his heart and lungs or a valley fever wound, water on his lungs, difficulty eating, couldn’t go on walks anymore, extremely enlarged liver, he was in pain and I had made the mistake with his father of waiting until it was to late and he collapsed from heart failure. I promised J.b. I wouldn’t let that happen to him but I feel like it’s my fault and I should have given the medication a little more time to work. I looked at some pictures from the day he died and in some it’s obvious to me he didn’t feel good but in others he looked ok. I feel like I killed my baby boy. I just didn’t want him to suffer and now go through a daily process of beating myself up over the whole situation. I don’t think the veterinarian would have done the procedure if she didn’t think it was appropriate, I hope.I only pray God and J.b will forgive me. I truly believe all of GOD’S creation will see paradise (I don’t believe animals are in need of salvation are they?) I’m not sure where but I believe Paul wrote somewhere that on that appointed day of our dear Lord ALL of creation will praise and worship the Father through the King of kings and Lord of lords. Our creator is magnificent and wonderful and I thank him daily for the blessing of the animals that he has allowed into my life. Again, I pray God and J.b forgive me for all the mistakes that ultimately led to his dealth. Thank you for letting me share.

  128. Laurie says:

    Dear guilt and grief,

    My condolences on your dog’s death. It’s a terrible experience, to find your beloved dog gone. I believe you left for work that day because you sincerely thought that she would be fine. I would’ve gone to work, too. I would’ve expected to see more obvious signs of pain or suffering.

    I hope you are able to let go of the grief and guilt you feel. You couldn’t have known how sick your dog was, because you aren’t God! You thought she would be fine, that her body would heal itself — because 99% of the time, our dogs heal. If you had known what would happen, you would have taken her to the vet. I pray you can forgive yourself, and let the memories fade. Know that your dog is resting in peace, and that she doesn’t want you to suffer any more. She wants you to live in the moment, and remember her with joy, love and freedom.

    In sympathy,

  129. guilt and grief says:

    Today is Friday and my husband found our dog vomited sometime through the night on Wednesday. He let her outside that morning and he leaves the house before I do. Before I left for work she was laying on her side on our patio. She was often sick and then would get over it. But I knew something was wrong when I saw her on the patio because it was cold out and that was unlike her. She got up and came inside and vomited a little water. I hugged her and told her it was ok, I knew she didn’t feel well. But I felt like I had to go to work even though I should have stayed home or checked in at work and left right away. When I left she was curled up in her recliner. I came home 4 1/2 hours later and she was dead. She had went into the basement and was lying on her side and when I felt her I knew she was gone. I feel horribly guilty. I live about 2 miles from a university veterinary hospital and wish I would have come home right away after checking my email at work. Before I left her I looked for all these reasons to reassure myself that she was ok…We have two other small senior dogs at home and I get up through the night to take care of them. That is what makes me so angry…I didn’t make the effort when it really mattered and I feel so sorry she suffered while I was at work oblivious to her needing help. Now I am looking back to the days and night before and tormenting myself trying to remember every little thing trying to understand how I missed that she was in distress. Why couldn’t she have been panting or whining. I feel like such an idiot…alarms should have gone off when I saw her on the patio. What is wrong with me??? I should have been more present more in tune more thoughtful. I ask myself and try to remember what I was doing at work when she was in dire need of help. I am so sorry…I wish I could go back.

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