How to Cope With Your Pet’s Death – A Veterinarian’s Help
Coping With the Death of a Beloved Family Pet...Heartbreaking
Two veterinarians describe how they coped with their pet’s death – their experience may comfort you as you grieve your pet’s death.
Pet loss involves stages of mourning, just like losing a loved family member or friend. With pet death, however, you may also be coming to terms with your decision to put your pet to sleep.
“Death…is not more than passing from one room into another,” said Helen Keller. “But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room, I shall be able to see.”
Imagine that your beloved pet can see now, is healed now, and is happy and even waiting for you now….let that comfort you.
For help coping with pet loss, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss.
How to Cope With Your Pet’s Death – Help From Veterinarians
The following stories about pet loss are from veterinarians who know what you’re going through.
A Veterinarian Shares How He Coped When His Dog Died
I remember losing our family German Shepherd as a 11 year old. I was devastated and it really was like losing a family member. The loss of a pet should not be taken lightly and it is not something most people get over quickly or easily – although many may think there is a social stigma not to grieve for animals as we do for humans. The fact is that the bond that is formed between people and their pets is in many cases even stronger than some of the bonds between people. Since losing our German Shepherd, I have lost two cats also – one was an elderly girl that had to be put down due to deteriorating health, whilst the other a couple of years later was sadly run over.
Each pet loss had a different effect on me, depending on the bond I had shared with each animal. I was particularly saddened by the death of our German Shepherd because I had grown up with her and because she had always been very close to me in my childhood. ~ From Veterinarian Mark Edwards
An important way to cope with pet death is to focus on you pet’s life rather than the death (regardless of the circumstances in which they died). As for humans, grief is a five step process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally the last stage – acceptance. Once you accept your pet’s death, it is not unreasonable to consider getting a new pet. This is definitely not something you should feel guilty about.
Getting your pet cremated can be a good way to remember him or her. You can chose to have their ashes given back to you in a wooden casket or an urn and can even have a picture and plaque put on this. Do give yourself plenty of time for the grieving process; you may even want to take time off work. You may be surprised how much the death of your animal affects you when it does finally happen.
If you feel guilty about pet loss, you might find 4 Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Dog or Cat Dies helpful.
A Veterinarian Describes Losing Her Pets Through Euthanasia
I’ve lost five dogs over the years; the last dog I lost was in April 2007. None died naturally, I had to euthanize them, and all but one had cancer. The other was euthanized as the result of a bad fall and was only 4 ½ years old.
I’m still sad, particularly about my “very best dog of all time.” She was euthanized 6 years ago, and I still miss her. We did everything together: she came to work with me, we camped together, and I haven’t had a dog like her since. Coping with grief because of your dog’s death takes time. Losing a pet is like losing a family member. You always feel a degree of sadness, but after a while it doesn’t hurt so much.
Some people like to get a new pet straight away because the loss of the old pet leaves such a hole. If you’ve always had a dog around the house, and then all of a sudden there isn’t one that can exacerbate the great sense of loss. In that case, a new pet can give you something to love and hug while you grieve the loss of the old pet. However, people need to be very careful not to compare the new pet to the old pet, as it will never measure up. ~ Veterinarian Rosie Brown.
Should you get another pet to help you cope with your pet’s death? If you have to put your cat or dog to sleep, it’s normal to go through the normal stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, guilt… I think denial and guilt are the two biggies when you have to say good-bye to your dog or cat. Many people feel guilt about choosing to “kill” their pet but it’s not like that at all. If it comes to euthanasia, then you and your vet are at the point where your pet’s quality of life will not be good, there’s nothing that can be done to make it better. You’re actually doing them a great kindness to end their suffering.
After your dog or cat has been put to sleep, be very kind to yourself and allow yourself to cope with your pet’s death by grieving. Take as long as you need to. Surround yourself with friends and family who understand what your pet meant to you, and who will listen to you and support you. The worst thing you can hear is “it’s only a dog, you can get another one”. Avoid people with that attitude, because it will only make you feel worse.
If you’re struggling with grief and guilty feelings because of the circumstances surrounding your dog or cat’s death, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss.
I interviewed veterinarians, grief counselors, and pet experts for the best ways to survive the death of a beloved dog or cat, and I included stories from real pet owners who coped with their pet’s death in sometimes surprising ways.
Are you coping with your pet’s death? I invite you to share below; describing your dog or cat’s life and death can help you heal.
Category: Cats and Kitty Tips, Dogs & Doggy Care Tips, Pet Care Tips
Yesterday we had to put to sleep our 7 year dachshund Peppy. She broke her neck when she jumped against our back fence while barking at the neighbors dogs. We did not realize what truly happened until it was to late. After she hurt herself she seemed somewhat normal but late Wednesday we noticed something was wrong. Thursday she could no longer walk so we brought her to the vet hoping for good news ; she hurt herself before a few years ago and seemed fine after taking meds. This time was different thought after we brought back home her health began to get worse… the vet sent us to a specialist yesterday. We were told that she was compeletly paralized and even if we would do the surgery it would not help. It felt like someone ripped a piece of my heart. We all gathered around and I whispered to her that I’m sorry for the pain and I loved her so much …she licked my face and I fell apart she seemed ok except for that she could no longer walk and would not be able to breath as it progressed ….I held her and told I loved her over and over the vet told us after second shot to step out because of what could happen. I can not stop crying. I miss my big girl I feel bitter she was taken from me to soon and it’s not fair. She was scared and confused that’s what gets me so sad she did not what was happening and there was nothing I could. It has only been a day and pain feels even worse than yesterday. We have to 2 other dogs who sit by doggie waiting for her to come out. I miss her so much. R.I.P Peppy I hope your chasing those birds in heaven.
Thank you for sharing your stories, about how you’re coping with your pet’s death. It’s so painful and personal — and I know it helps everyone who reads it, to know they’re not alone!
In sympathy,
Laurie
My best friend died on May 9th, 2011 at 10:35 AM. Gunther was a Rotti that I rescued. He was wonderful and sweet and so silly. In February of 2010 he was diagnosed with bone cancer. My heart was broken. I decided to do all I could to save him. On February 16th (my b-day) I left him at the vet for surgery to remove his leg. They kept him there for 3 days, if I could have slept there I would have. I missed him so. We followed up the surgery with 6 rounds of chemo. This was expensive, but it got me another 15 months with my loving dog. The Vet-Oncologist said he would live another 18 months to 2 years (I was hoping and praying everyday), but 15 months was all I got. I was hoping we could do more treatment, but the bone cancer spread to his lungs and I was told that nothing more could be done. It came so fast at the end. One day he was walking and playing a little bit, then the next he couldn’t get up. We took him to the vet, she didn’t think it was time yet. Thought maybe he had some arthritis in his back legs and put him on pain meds. This was the Wednesday before he died. My dad had to come over 2 times during the day to help me carry him out and stand him up to go to the bathroom. He was still eating and drinking. Then when my husband got home we would take him out 2 more times before bed. On Mother’s day we made the dreadful decision to put him to sleep. We called the vet and made arrangements to come to the house Monday morning, I wanted it done in his home where he was happiest. The vet was to be here at 1:00 pm. Around 10:15 AM we took Gunther outside to go to the bathroom and lay in the grass in his favorite spot.
He looked so happy and perky that I came in to get my camera (thinking maybe we were wrong and it was not the time), my husband called to me that something was wrong I came running and I could see something was not right. I ran to him and was holding him and petting him and telling him everything was all right. He looked at me, licked my face and then he laid his head down and died. I have felt overwhelming despair and grief ever since. I haven’t been able to sleep, the few times I fall asleep I wake up crying and I don’t know why. I can’t go in my bedroom (which is actually the formal living room, we put our bedroom downstairs when Gunther could no longer use the steps). My husband dug up the spot in the front yard where Gunther died and we planted a garden for him, it didn’t help. I walk around all day carrying his favorite toy and a picture of him. I wasn’t able to help my children through their grief because mine was too overwhelming.
Gunther was 4 when we got him and died at 10. I keep telling myself he had a good life and was well loved. I have had many dogs, but the bond I had with Gunther was like no other and the grief is much worse.
Also, let me just say…I believe the vets Knew that he was sick…but what could they do? Cancer like this is something that isn’t cured generally and I think that I would have chosen to put him down rather witness his quality of life be non enjoyable…When you love something…you let it go…at least thier bodies…their spirits never leave you…
I believe my dog is in heaven right now. I have no reason to believe otherwise and it is what gets me throught he times I feel the overwhelming amount of guilt about having to put him down to sleep. He had liver cancer. My guilt is that I knew but I did’t know…if that makes any sense. I knew that his lymph nodes were swollen and though I took him in, and they assured me that nothing was wrong (via xrays and bloodowork), I still knew in my heart he wouldn’t be here with me much longer. He also had terrible lumps all over his body…they looked like large moles and he was very itchy toward the end of the last year…I feel guilty about getting on to him about itching…although I know that he’s in heaven and he’s safe and sound in the Father’s arms…I still miss him tremendously…he was only 11 years old…he was a Bichon Frise…the runt of the liter and he died November 21st, 2010…I will NEVER forget him and I’m still depressed and grieving today…it’s not something I share with others, especially family, because they don’t understand…I suppose they wouldn’t…Don’t let anyone tell you that you have no right to grieve…you do…let the feelings out whenever and however long you care to…it’s by doing this that your pain will subside…at least to the point of being able to get on with your life…and know that he can hear whatever it is you’re saying to him…I always tell my Beejy boy…I love him forever and a day!
Thank you for sharing your stories of how you coped with your pet’s death. It’s an ongoing grieving and healing process that never really ends, isn’t it?
May your hearts heal, and you remember your pets with love, happiness, and joy.
Blessings,
Laurie
I lost my sweet little girl Dizzy on March 7 2010. I thought it would be okay but I miss her beyond words. She was my constant companion for sixteen years and now the house is empty with her gone and I’m really missing her. She was my everything. She was such a wonderful cat.
I still call her name out when I come home and open the door , that is how much I miss her and I was so use to her being around. It is such an adjustment with her gone.
My heart is broken because she took a piece of my heart but she will always hold a special place in my heart.
I loved her so so much
Rest in peace my little girl Dizzy
I love you
As of April 9, 2011 5:43 after 16 and half years with Cassiopeia I returned her to the heavens and stars…She has been a trooper.. Surviving her broken back after Katrina and now to succumb to spleen cancer. She had her family, friends and neigbours to say farewell . With the wind in her face, scent of flowers and indian flutes playing.. she was returned.
And Bailey Girl who was her keeper…still goes through her routine to wake her up daily…still searches for her.. Heartwrenching.Now that all friends and family have gone.. I miss her presence tremendously. Bailey Girl and myself are having a difficult time as each day passes.. Though I am at peace in returning her….the ache is overwhelming.. I miss you Cassiopeia…. Mom and Bailey Girl
Yesterday at 10.45am I had to put my wonderful little boy Milo to sleep. I cannot express the emmence sadness myself and my two sons felt doing that. Milo was a Domestic Ginger Shorthair we got him from the SPCA so many years ago.Milo ran away from home on Wednesday night(a very unusual thing for him to do).On Thursday my husband found him sitting by the duck pond not far from where we live.I took him to my vet and was told his kidneys were packing in.We spent our last night with him on Friday. My son took photos of him while we kissed and cuddled him and telling him how much we love him. On Saturday it was hard to watch him cry and then to try and stand. We had him put to sleep that morning.He was part of our family.We loved him dearly and I still hurt inside.Time will heal though. Memories are forever.
Thank You
Cynthia
I had my Martha put to sleep two days ago and I’m extremely sad and trying to get over the guilt I feel being the one to end her life but people keep saying it’s a last act of kindness you can give your sweet, very sick friend. As they were administering the anesthesia, I felt a very certain “release” and letting go of all pain. I think my sweet friend thanked me for letting her go. But I am devastated she is gone. She’s been my constant companion for 17 years and going to bed and waking up without her beside me is just heart wrenching. I hope with time it will get easier. I’m very sorry for everyone about your loss, but I think your pets will want you to be happy. So try. For them. Wishing you all peace.
I lost my baby VERY unexpectedly Christmas Eve 2010. As far as I could tell, at 9am he was fine, and by 9pm he was gone. We rushed him to an emergency vet (because we were out of town), but the doctor gave us little hope there was anything that could be done for him. There wouldn’t even be a specialist available to look at him for 2 days (until after Christmas). So we had to put him to sleep! It’s been 5 weeks today, and almost daily I’m still crying. However every now and then since putting him down, I’ve realized I was feeling happy, then I feel guilty for feeling happy. I’ve also thought about getting another pet, but then I feel like I’m being disloyal to my boy! My husband was very comforting at first, however he’s now started telling me my depression is getting old. I never had children so my cat WAS my baby/child as well as my CONSTANT companion! So HOW do I get over the loss and guilt that I’m feeling??? I know in my head I did what had to be done, but how do I get my heart to accept it and get on with my LIFE?
My best friend Tiff of 16 years passed away on 12/16/10. He was a very special dog and friend to me! I miss him very, very much and think about him every day since i had to put him down. For some reason on exactly the 13th month “almost to the day” his death hit me like a ton of bricks. It hurts just as much”almost more in a way” as it did the 1st day without him. I guess for some of us it just takes longer for the grieving process to reach a climax. I am hopful to start smiling again when i think about or see a picture of him. No dog or person will EVER replace the love & special bond we shared together.
I will always love you Tiff and i miss you dearly! I hope you are the first face i see in Heaven my boy!
I love you Tiff!
Your Pal,
Scott
Dear Misty, Angela, Wendy,
I’m so sorry that you had to say good-bye to your dogs. Pet loss is one of the most difficult, heartbreaking things to overcome, even if your pet lived a really long life.
I just wanted to extend my condolences, and thank you for sharing your story here.
In sympathy,
Laurie
I had to put my sweet boxer Lexy, almost 14 years old, down on the 20th of this month.. SHe kept going into corners, panting as in distress, stomach bloated, and etc.. We think she had cognitive dysfunction syndrome, aka, dementia in dogs.. I guess I kind of knew on the way to the vet at 3:00 am that we would be putting her down, our vet also thought something neurological could be going on.. I miss her terribly and when we buried her in the backyard, I had all these guilt emotions come over me, such as not loving on her enough like my other dog, because he was more of a lovey dog, spanking her last time I gave her a bath because she would not cooperate and things like that.. So I have dealt with an erray of emotions, I know that no other dog will ever take her place, I wanted to creamate her so I would always have her with me, but my husband does not believe in that.. any advice on not feeling guilty and just healing from this, I do have another dog who is 5. thank you!
I had to put my yorkie to sleep yesterday, she was
17 yrs old. I am so sad without her,I loved her so much.
Toto belonged to my best friend, Enrico who bought her in 1993,when he died in 1999, I took her. I can’t imagine life without Toto, she was such a part of my life the greatest dog i ever saw. I hope I will see her soon.
Here it is Christmas morning and I’m reading this blog.
Two and a half weeks ago I lost the sweetest, gentlest, most adorable, loyal, calm, darling baby ever.
She was only 6.5 years old. The necropsy results are not back yet. I had her cremated – at first I thought I was wasting money, but now I’m really glad I have her “back”.
I have been sick with grief and still am. I feel as though I’ll never get over this loss. She was with me 24/7 when I was home. She was only 7 pounds and was a “velcro” baby. I can’t call her a “dog” because she was so much more. She was a dream come true and was truly perfect. I miss her just as much as ever and want the pain to stop.
Two days ago, I bought a teeny, tiny puppy. She is precious and is a great distraction, but it’s not the same. Of course, I knew going into it that it would be totally different. I’m not sure I should have gotten this new one yet.
Tears still stream down my face when I think of “my girl” (which is virtually all the time), and my heart still aches almost as much as it did the day she died.
Rest in peace, Tinkerbell. You will always be in my heart. I will love and adore you forever and ever!
Thank you so much for sharing your stories of your beloved animal companions here. I’m so sorry you had to say goodbye to your dog or cat…it’s heartbreaking, isn’t it?
I hope this article about pet loss grief recovery helps…and please, feel free to share your memories of your pets here.
Yesturday, we couldn’t find out cat Smokey. Every once in a while, he tries to run out. But we didn’t see him run out. We looked everywhere and assumed that he went out side. This morning, I went outside called for him. No answer. I made a missing sign. I checked a few places one more time. Sadly, we found him in the closet dead. He looked like he was asleep. My husband and I are very sad. our 15 month old son is pretty oblivious to it. We couldn’t afford to bury/creamate him, so we called animal control to come get him.I had Smokey since 2003 and he was 2 years old. He was truly family. We didn’t get to say goodbye to him. That hurts so much. We can’t figure out if he was sick because he had slowed down but not enough to be concerned. I will always remember the good and crazy memories with my cat.
i lost benson my 8 year old bull mastiff on tuesday 7/12/10 it started last week i thought he had bloat and took him the vets but it turns out it wasnt but he didnt know what was wrong with him but he would have to investigate which would be around 600 200 for x rays and any treatment that he would need after, he said he was fit and healty and not in any pain, appart from his panting, so i took him home as it was impossible for me to be able to afford it, he has been great last few days playing with the kids then on tuesday i got up and did what i normally do kissed and cuddled him and went the shops, wasnt out for long and when i can back he was all excited and wanted to go out for a wee so i let him out he had a wee had a sniff round then just lied down on the floor with his face on his paws as he usually does if he is tired, gave a big sigh then lied on his side and just stopped breathing, i didnt know what to do as he was liein in the snow i was trying to get him up crying hiserically , i then covered himin his favourt blanket till my partner got there to take us the vets, i cant stop crying and when i try to sleep i just picture him lieing there, feel so alone and sad and just want him back, i have his teddie which i keep cuddling and smelling, i know he will be ok now and its probably better for him its just me being selfish but i miss him so much,but i think its nice the way he waited for me to come home,
RIP BENSON NEVER FORGET YOU XXXX
On Octboer 15th, my best friend in the whole world vanished in the middle of the day. Loki came into this world in my bedroom closet, March 25, 2006, via a ferral cat my son adopted. I posted signs, called the local vets and police department (they have a lost pet program), and the company that he was microchipped through. I am not a real people person and people just think I am crazy that I say a cat was my best friend but I don’t care. He followed me everywhere, and when I was working at the computer he was in my lap. He slept with me every night and was a ray of sunshine in my life. There is a BIG hole in my heart and my life and I am just as sad today as the day he disappeared. I really don’t see myself getting any better. I have had other pets and lost others before, however none it me as hard as this one.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dogs’ deaths…it’s heartbreaking. I can’t believe how long it takes to get over it — and some people never really “get over it.” Like me.
Our dogs are always in our hearts, every time we see a dog we remember our lost dog. It’s sad…but we really have to focus on how great it was when they were alive, and trust that they’re in doggy heaven, romping with their best buddies…and they’re watching us with love in their eyes.
My parents had to euthanize our family dog over 2 months ago – and I still cry about it as much today as I did on the day he died. He was everything to me. I know I should be happy for his life. He was 16 and a half, which is very old for a Cocker Spaniel. He lived a very full and very happy life. I know he lived so long because our family loved him so much and took such good care of him. He brought us together when we had family problems and he was always there to comfort us when we were sad. I miss him every day. Since he has been gone, I feel like I have a gaping hole in my life that everyone can see – like I’m missing a limb and everyone in the world can see it, but I’m acting like everything is normal. Even though I know my parents made the right choice, I still feel guilty for him being put down. He means the world to me and I know I will never feel as happy as I did when he was in my life. He was in my family since I was 7 years old, and I don’t remember life before him. I spent every single day with him for my entire life. I have lost many pets before, but this is different. It hurts so bad to know that I will never get to see him, pet him, kiss him, or hold him again. Sometimes I feel like I could just go to my living room, and he’ll be there – wagging his tail and waiting for treats. But I only feel like that for a millisecond, and then it hits me all over again that he’s gone. I dream about him a lot, which I love because it feels so real. But to wake up and realize the reality.. it just hurts so much. He was so perfect and loving, he should have been able to live forever. I miss you so much, Sam.. I’m never going to forget you and the joy you brought into my life.
I too just happened upon this website looking for some advice. My family and I lost our cocker spaniel “Andy” Thanksgiving night. It was the hardest thing ever. He was getting old, couldn’t even get up to get food or water but I think I was in denial about it the whole time.I kept thinking he would snap out of it and get back to the “old” Andy that was rambunctious. We had him for twelve years, since he was born and he was a pain in the behind most of the time but I think that is what made him so darn lovable. I miss him so much and I just cannot stop crying. I feel this huge weight on my heart. I’ll be doing something and I’ll think about him and then it hits me again how I am never going to see him looking at me with his little head crocked to the side. He was obsessed with blue racquetballs and I cannot look at one with out bursting into tears. I think with time it will get easier but right now it just hurts. I just really appreciated websites like these that allow us to come together and talk and reminisce. But mostly to realize we’re not the only ones going through this even though most of the time it feels like it.
Karen, Tony, Danielle,
Thank you for sharing about your dogs and cats here — it really is great to hear how other people are coping. It helps us know we’re not alone. We people are all in it together in this world below, grieving our pet’s death….and our beloved dogs and cats are in it together in a different, more peaceful world.
May we remember them with love, joy, peace, and happiness.
Blessings,
Laurie
Dear Kristina,
I’m so sorry to hear about your Sugar — and I know how you feel. I lost my dog exactly two weeks ago today, and I’ve cried every day since.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do to get over your grief. I think you need to let yourself cry, scream, and get your sadness out in every way possible. Expressing your grief will help you heal.
My husband said that every time we see a dog, we’ll feel sad that we lost ours. I didn’t believe him at first…but now I think that the pain of losing a dog is something you always carry with you. Of course, it lightens up and you will stop crying every day. But, your heart will always have a space for the dog you loved and lost.
I think you’re right to hold off on even thinking about another dog until some time has passed. You’ll know when and if you’re ready for a new puppy. Your new dog won’t be the same as Sugar, but it’ll bring a whole new type of love and companionship. Different — not better or worse.
I hope this helps, and invite you to come back and let me know how you are.
In sympathy,
Laurie