How to Cope With Your Pet’s Death – A Veterinarian’s Help
Coping With the Death of a Beloved Family Pet...Heartbreaking
Two veterinarians describe how they coped with their pet’s death – their experience may comfort you as you grieve your pet’s death.
Pet loss involves stages of mourning, just like losing a loved family member or friend. With pet death, however, you may also be coming to terms with your decision to put your pet to sleep.
“Death…is not more than passing from one room into another,” said Helen Keller. “But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room, I shall be able to see.”
Imagine that your beloved pet can see now, is healed now, and is happy and even waiting for you now….let that comfort you.
For help coping with pet loss, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss.
How to Cope With Your Pet’s Death – Help From Veterinarians
The following stories about pet loss are from veterinarians who know what you’re going through.
A Veterinarian Shares How He Coped When His Dog Died
I remember losing our family German Shepherd as a 11 year old. I was devastated and it really was like losing a family member. The loss of a pet should not be taken lightly and it is not something most people get over quickly or easily – although many may think there is a social stigma not to grieve for animals as we do for humans. The fact is that the bond that is formed between people and their pets is in many cases even stronger than some of the bonds between people. Since losing our German Shepherd, I have lost two cats also – one was an elderly girl that had to be put down due to deteriorating health, whilst the other a couple of years later was sadly run over.
Each pet loss had a different effect on me, depending on the bond I had shared with each animal. I was particularly saddened by the death of our German Shepherd because I had grown up with her and because she had always been very close to me in my childhood. ~ From Veterinarian Mark Edwards
An important way to cope with pet death is to focus on you pet’s life rather than the death (regardless of the circumstances in which they died). As for humans, grief is a five step process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally the last stage – acceptance. Once you accept your pet’s death, it is not unreasonable to consider getting a new pet. This is definitely not something you should feel guilty about.
Getting your pet cremated can be a good way to remember him or her. You can chose to have their ashes given back to you in a wooden casket or an urn and can even have a picture and plaque put on this. Do give yourself plenty of time for the grieving process; you may even want to take time off work. You may be surprised how much the death of your animal affects you when it does finally happen.
If you feel guilty about pet loss, you might find 4 Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Dog or Cat Dies helpful.
A Veterinarian Describes Losing Her Pets Through Euthanasia
I’ve lost five dogs over the years; the last dog I lost was in April 2007. None died naturally, I had to euthanize them, and all but one had cancer. The other was euthanized as the result of a bad fall and was only 4 ½ years old.
I’m still sad, particularly about my “very best dog of all time.” She was euthanized 6 years ago, and I still miss her. We did everything together: she came to work with me, we camped together, and I haven’t had a dog like her since. Coping with grief because of your dog’s death takes time. Losing a pet is like losing a family member. You always feel a degree of sadness, but after a while it doesn’t hurt so much.
Some people like to get a new pet straight away because the loss of the old pet leaves such a hole. If you’ve always had a dog around the house, and then all of a sudden there isn’t one that can exacerbate the great sense of loss. In that case, a new pet can give you something to love and hug while you grieve the loss of the old pet. However, people need to be very careful not to compare the new pet to the old pet, as it will never measure up. ~ Veterinarian Rosie Brown.
Should you get another pet to help you cope with your pet’s death? If you have to put your cat or dog to sleep, it’s normal to go through the normal stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, guilt… I think denial and guilt are the two biggies when you have to say good-bye to your dog or cat. Many people feel guilt about choosing to “kill” their pet but it’s not like that at all. If it comes to euthanasia, then you and your vet are at the point where your pet’s quality of life will not be good, there’s nothing that can be done to make it better. You’re actually doing them a great kindness to end their suffering.
After your dog or cat has been put to sleep, be very kind to yourself and allow yourself to cope with your pet’s death by grieving. Take as long as you need to. Surround yourself with friends and family who understand what your pet meant to you, and who will listen to you and support you. The worst thing you can hear is “it’s only a dog, you can get another one”. Avoid people with that attitude, because it will only make you feel worse.
If you’re struggling with grief and guilty feelings because of the circumstances surrounding your dog or cat’s death, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss.
I interviewed veterinarians, grief counselors, and pet experts for the best ways to survive the death of a beloved dog or cat, and I included stories from real pet owners who coped with their pet’s death in sometimes surprising ways.
Are you coping with your pet’s death? I invite you to share below; describing your dog or cat’s life and death can help you heal.
Category: Cats and Kitty Tips, Dogs & Doggy Care Tips, Pet Care Tips
My dog SHADOW was great dog to me , because I grown up with him . He use to chase me to my friends home . A friend of mine is friend him too. We went through some rough patches in our lifes . On the other side we had awesome time to gather ( nothin can I this world can beat our joy ) . But , buddy SHADOW won the race today and left me behind , watching me from behind the finish line. I ll be with u dude , once I’m done with this distance between us . Where we ll be having a blast in our life every second , once I cross the finish line . Till then bang every dog in heaven & have blast ( my dog is so Randy just as me ).
I lost my Snow to cancer and megaespogas.He was on chemo for 6 months and seemed to be gettung better but in two days he went down hill and had to be put yo sleep.I miss him so very much i just cry everyday
Yesterday I lost my best friend of 11 years, Maya. I feel so devastated.I know she is in a better place, but I miss her so much, She was so kind and loyal. I will always keep her in my heart. Thank you for these wonderful years.
My best friend (my Boston Terrier Dee Dee) of 11 years died in March of 2010. I still miss her everyday, somedays more than others. Sometimes I dream about her, and, although it is wonderful in the dream to hug her and play with her and talk to her, it is hard to wake up and realize that it was just a dream. When that happens I miss her so much I can’t sleep and cry all the time. It is such grief I don’t know how it will ever go away.
my beautiful dog goldie was such a kind and gentle dog. she was so good with the grandchildren and other children as well. she was friendly and happy.
we thought she had arthritis in her hind legs and took her to the vet where they told us she had cancerous leisions all over her hind legs. they told us they could amputate, but that was no gurantee that the cancer would not spread.
so we had her put to sleep. both of my children were there when she died, and we were with her right to the end. we miss her so much,and we grieve every day. she died on april 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm.
I lost my beloved dog in March due to an emergency bladder stone surgery where the stones were stuck in his urethra. He was at the vets for a week. I would go sit with him everyday after work just to comfort him while he was healing. He showed signs of recovering but still wouldn’t eat or drink. They thought it would be better if he came home cause then he might eat in familiar surroundings. I brought him home but after a couple of hours he started to get week and unresponsive. I was losing my baby…he was put into the vehicle to go back to the vets….but he didn’t make it. I know now that he just wanted to come home to pass peacefully. Even today I still cry over losing him….the house seems so empty without him. He’s not there with me anymore when we go anywhere in the vehicle… I feel so ost and miss him so terribly. We had a wonderful 12 years together and always in my heart.
My beloved westie died last summer and I was devastated. She was only 8 and very healthy but my dad accidentally ran her over. I have only just begun to accept her death and trust me it is very hard. She was my best friend and she always knew when I was upset. She was truly a great dog and I can’t wait to be with her once it is time for me to go. She is very dearly missed:(
my cute white rabbit,PINKY left me on this may7th.She was my everything,my naughty lil bubbly gal.I miss u a lott…Y u left me.God plz gimme her back.Otherwise take me to her.I want to see her again,to pat her,run around with her,to eat wid her.to do all funny thingz.Love u lil sister..Come and comfort me.
Hi Tracey D
I read your story you wrote on 26 Feb 2012. I cried also upon reading towards the end. My heart goes out to you.. I have just lost my beloved poodle on the 22 Apr 2012. I am still coping with the guilt & grief. My story was posted on 3 May 2012. However, there is this website link below I find it’s very helpful which may help you to cope with your grief.
http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com
Pamela Chan
I lost my best friend Rush, a Silver Tabby, one year ago today.
He was 18 years old and my heart is still broken. Yes, maybe too long to grieve but on this day I remember his life with me and my ex-wife(he lived 9 years more with me after we broke up)
Nothing hurts quite so much as the loss of his nibbling on my nose in the morning, his talking to me, and his wonderful smell, and playing with him.
I just miss him….he was a good friend, my best friend.
Patrick
my beloved cat ELLIE is 18 and a half and very thin,also totally deaf ,and I know how you feel as I lost my gorgeous boy to cancer 3 years ago aged 11 and I was absolutely devastated. I am dreading making the imminent decision for my cat now. She is so thin and sleeps most of the time. She is next to me now snoring away ,but she is getting wobbly on her back legs and twitching more and more facially. I cry as I write this especially as my husband says I shouldn’t have pets if it upsets me this much ,but I love them so much.
Confused & intense grief over the unexpected & sudden death of my dog, a white x breed Poodle & Maltese named Bobby
My dearly deeply loved toy poodle passed away 22 April 2012 Sunday so unexpectedly & suddenly due to heart failure. He was only 12 years & 8 months old. My husband & I were devastated over the loss of Bobby. His departure was too sudden & unexpected. Everything happened within 5 hours. We were not ready & prepared emotionally & mentally. My pain has never been as intense as those periods when my 2 pet dogs passed away many years ago. Prior to the happening, he was still healthy, had been eating well, peeing & pooing well.
On the Sunday morning, he was still alright. Only in the afternoon, he started to show restlessness & breathlessness. I brought him down to get some fresh air (which I would normally do & he would feel much better after the walk) but he refused to walk. So I carried him & let him sit by the fountain so that he could breathe easily. We sat there for about 15-20 mins, then we walked back home. He still urinated on our way back home. I brought him to the swimming pool recess area but he was too tired to walk but sat on the ground. So I carried him & went back home instead. In the lift, he was very weak & his neck kept turning to the left with little energy. At that moment, I felt very worried & uneasy about his condition. But he was better when we reached home & I placed him on the floor covered with the comforter. He started to look for his daddy & even went into his favorite travel carrier when his daddy took it out getting ready to bring him to see the vet together.
As our vet clinic of the branch (we always visited) didn’t open on Sunday, I had to bring him to the other branch which was located even further away from our home. I remembered in the taxi he wanted to come out of the carrier, so I let him out. As he came out, he barked a couple of times as if telling me he was feeling well. I immediately hugged him & comforted him saying to him that we were reaching soon, just hanged on for a little while & you would be alright.
Upon reaching the vet clinic, he was immediately put on the oxygen mask and was given 2 injections, one for Dexasone (steroid) & one for Fursemide (diuretic) to get his condition stabilized. The vet told me his condition was very serious & may die any time in my hand on the journey when we transferred him to the pet hospital. (I was shocked & confused & refused to believe because his condition was not so bad before he reached here).
I couldn’t understand why his condition worsen so fast (To be frank, I don’t have much faith in vet. As that point, I felt that the vet who was also a senior one, did not do her best to treat my darling). On the way to the pet hospital, my darling was still struggling to breathe (there was no oxygen mask), so I wind down the taxi window to allow more fresh air for him. It took us at least 20 mins to reach there. Upon reaching, he was immediately warded & placed on oxygen mask & injected with fursemide to treat his acute breathing difficulty. The vet surgeon said that if his condition could be stabilized within the next 3 – 4 hours, he should be able to pull through. We waited for 3 hours & forced my way to peep into the room where he was being monitored with all the life saving treatment devices. During that hour, there was a change in shift in the staff nurse who, in my assessment, was not as gentle & careful as the earlier one. It came to a time he was trying to change the oxygen devices & for the 1 – 2 mins, my darling oxygen mask was removed. The staff nurse asked me to come in to monitor him while he went to the next room opposite to get the device. To my shocking, my darling tongue was turning very purplish & the next moment, went into coma. I quickly shouted for help. The vet surgeon & the staff nurse rush in to resuscitate him. His heart beat came back for only 10 mins but he couldn’t make it. He left us at about 9pm on Sunday 22 April 2012.
I was very angry with the vets. I had entrusted my darling to them for rescue but it seemed like they had made things worst instead of saving him. I blamed myself for making the a wrong decision to rush him to the vet (who had apparently had made situation worst instead). Before that, Bobby was still looking alright though I saw worrying & disturbing signs of Bobby having breathing difficulty. More than 2 years ago, he had had a similar situation but he managed to cope & pull through without seeing the vet. If only I had given him a chance to cope, relax & not putting stress on him (he wouldn’t have suffered the ordeal of travelling in the taxi & going through vet’s treatments which apparently made matter worst), he may have pulled through again.
Back on 19 Sep 2011 he was diagnosed with heart failure & kidney problem. Since then, we changed his diet to home cooked food again for the sake of his health. He always looked forward to his dinners & breakfast. He was placed on medication prescribed by my vet. I fed him ¼ tablet heart tablet (fortekor) & ¼ tablet diuretic (lung water removal) for dinner & only ¼ tablet diuretic for breakfast. He loved eating raw papaya (which actually had reduced his creatinine & BUN level) & helped in the healing of his skin problem. Every evening, we would feed him apple. He also loved eating bananas which we fed him occasionally. His appetite improved a lot with each day passed. He poohed at least 2 times a day & also pee well. Because of his heart failure problem due to malfunction of the mitral valves, he would have some coughings each time after drinking water, in between sleeps & when get excited. I would bring him for monthly check up to monitor his health condition. His last checkup was on 23 Mar 2012 & the vet did not detect any deterioration of his overall health. His next appointment was already fixed on the 7 May 2012.
Our hearts are feeling intensely painful over the loss of our Bobby. I am still coping with the pain & loss. I’m still feeling with guilt for sending him off so soon. I was very confused & blamed myself for my inability to keep him longer. Did I rob him of the chance to live longer? If the clock can be turned back, will the outcome be different if I did not rush him to see the vet?
We had him only for 14 months when I took over from my parent after our family pet dog, a mongrel which we adopted, passed away. They have been each other companion at my parent place for the past 9 years. Our family adopted him when he was 2 ½ years old. We deeply missed his companionship, the love & joy he had brought us during this period. He is our fur family member with an interesting character which I could never forget.
To everyone who is suffering because of their pet’s death,
I’ve read every comment and am so sorry that you lost your pets. I know how it feels, and I want you to know you’re not alone in your pain. Thank you for sharing – it really helps other readers who have lost their pets to death, and who have not shared.
Thank you for sharing your stories here, and may you rest in the knowledge that your pets are in a better place…perhaps even waiting to greet you! After all, who knows what happens to our souls after we die?
Blessings,
Laurie
Dear Karen,
I’m so sorry to hear how your cat died. It sounds like a terrible ordeal, and the veterinarian didn’t seem to do anything to help. There’s nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I would hate to go through that with my cat or my dog, and I hope that your heart heals.
May your cat’s soul rest in peace, and may you one day remember her with love, peace, joy, and acceptance. She is in a better place — chasing bigger bugs than we have on earth, and annoying bigger dogs than she ever has before!
Blessings and sympathy,
Laurie