Comments on: Coping With Controlling Parents? 5 Ways to Take Your Life Back

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sat, 11 May 2013 13:04:56 +0000

Dear CG,

The problem is that you’re living with your parents! In some sense, this gives them the “right” to say what they think about your boyfriend. I don’t think you can expect them to take care of you (which they are by providing you with shelter and safety), and yet not say what they think about your boyfriend.

You’ll never be an adult in their eyes. You’re their little girl, and they’re trying to protect you. I don’t mean to defend them — I would be saying different things if you didn’t live with them. But I honestly think that living with them opens the door to more involvement in your live.

I’ll pray you find that strength to move help your kids adjust to the change that’s coming up. I believe that’s the first step to taking back your life, and coping with the control your parents want to have over your life.

By: cg

cg — Wed, 08 May 2013 02:13:50 +0000

I came across this website when I was searching for some help on dealing with my parents. I am 34, a mother of 2, and I live my parents. I have been with my bf for about 2 years now and they completely disapprove of him. He isnt welcomed in my home. My dad has literally told him he is not welcomed here! It is a sad, stressful situation because I feel they will never support my decisions. Im at still at home because my dad is unemployed, my mom has always been an at-stay home mom. According to them, I will inherit our home, but the way I see it, it will never be my home. It will always be their home, and I will never be seen as an ADULT. I need the strength to get out & get my kids to be ok with the change. My parents always impose their guilt on my and my kids if we left… its just a bad situation and all I needed was to vent. I see am not the only one who has controlling parents… I need to move on with my life & not feel bad about the choices I make!

By: Laurie

Laurie — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 13:20:00 +0000

Does it help to know you’re not alone? It seems like controlling parents are all over the place! They want to protect you from everything and anything that could hurt you…and this is actually hurting you.

It’s ironic, that your parents are trying to control you because they love you. But really, they’re hurting you in the long run.

How will they see that they need to let you go?

By: Going nuts

Going nuts — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 23:05:35 +0000

I’m a 24 year old female, have been out of college, and working full time be it internships, or now, a paid job. My mom is trying to control my dating life and strongly insisted I not wear a bathing Suit to th beach with my boyfriend. If I mention him, you can tell she strongly disapproves and claims she knows better, and basically goes into panic mode. She’s totally fine if my little brother goes out, doesn’t inform her of his whereabouts; with me, I tell her for convenience and courtesy, and she uses this against me. I also mentioned if i were continuing on to grad school, i’d like to dorm and live away. her reaction was skeptical and sort of disgusted; no sense of support for me having independence. May I add she wa very pessimistic when my older sister brought up living on her own, and kept implying sh wouldn’t be able to. My sister has now lived independently for a few years now.

This is taking a toll on me and I’m waitiing to save up so i finally can move out. Am I a brat or rebellious child for wanting to make decisions like who I date or where I travel to? I

By: Hope

Hope — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 15:31:53 +0000

Reading these comments and searching the Internet really shows me how much of a universal problem bad (and specifically controlling and psychologically abusive) parents are.

My advice to younger readers is to not let the abuse drag on for years like I have. I am 24 years old, and due to the ripple effect of controlling parents have had a very painful time trying to reclaim my life (and my mind, and spirit).

I found the ‘action plan’ component of this article inspiring. I’m going to create some serious psychological and physical boundaries between my father and I.

I wish parents would stop seeing their (adult) children as objects and extensions of themselves. It’s just so painful and belittling.

Good luck, everyone. Let’s not inflict the same damage on our own children.

By: DJ

DJ — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 21:51:51 +0000

I still haven’t told them yet. I’ve thrown hints that I wanted to move eventually and they freak out saying “don’t take my baby, I’ll die without her” my mom keeps trying to tell me my boyfriend won’t take care of me and I won’t be happy. Anything to keep me living right next to her. I’m still dreading the day I leave. It’s going to be crazy.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 06:18:43 +0000

Pretty much my entire life my mom has been overbearing, all through high school she rode me about schoolwork and it was horrible. Now I am 19 and still living at home. I live in Canada so I am legal to drink alcohol, but she gets mad whenever i want to drink and puts a limit on how much I am allowed… She doesn’t drink so she thinks that I shouldn’t either even though I’ve never come home drunk or given her any reason to worry. I’ve also told her how I want more space and I was thinking about moving in with my boyfriend and she immediately shot down the idea and says that she has had more life experience than me so she knows better. She never let’s me make my own mistakes… She is comepletely overbearing even though I want so badly to be independent. I’ve even started paying rent but she still tries to tell me how to live my life… I don’t know what to do.

By: Bianca

Bianca — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 20:30:47 +0000

Hi, I am 21. I am currently a student at a University in Namibia. I have always had “issues” with my father. He hasn’t been part of my life while I was growing up – all I remember is being afraid of him, I do have a few good memories with him but those where a really long time ago. He never attended school functions or sport events. He never motivated us to achieve anything, my father use to tell me that I will never get anywhere in life, I will never finish school (guess I showed him). He has always made us feel bad, and tells us that he works so hard for us, he is the only one doing anything and that we are lazy – he even tell my mother that, who does all his paperwork, banking, cooking, etc (without her, my father would loose everything) When he tells us to do something – we literally jump.
I am busy studying Business Administration which I really enjoy, but I am unhappy in this country. My Boyfriend recently left for Germany and I thought I wanted to move to be with him, but realized I want to move to get away from home.
My plan is to move to Germany and carry on my studies there, which is cheaper than in my country. The education level here is really low. I am going to finance myself, break free from my fathers hold on me, and live for once.
I told my father my plans and he told me it will never work and made me feel really bad and stupid, he advised me to forget about the entire thing. This is hard for me to accept but my father does drink and becomes really selfish, and when he isn’t drinking he is always moody – you can barely speak to him. When anything goes wrong he blames us for it and even if you have a question about something you don’t know what something is, he shakes his head and looks away disappointed.
Now I am battling with myself with the idea of moving or not. I know I am 21 and can make my own decisions, but I am afraid.

By: ON

ON — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 18:49:44 +0000

Hey there,

I am 20 years old. I’m currently studying an engineering major at college. I’m not very sure if my situation is as dramatic as I think it is, but I still consider it as a major problem in my life. My parents are willing to control me about EVERYTHING and it is disturbing me a lot. For instance, whenever we go to a friends’ house, if I am asked if I’d like anything to drink, it’s my mum who’s answering instead of me. I warned her about this -perhaps a thousand times- but she is not listening to me, and she keeps doing the same things over and over. There are many different examples in my life, just like the one I’ve written, but I don’t want to keep it long. The main problem is actually about me and my boyfriend. we’re from different nations and are living in two different countries. Last summer I insisted a lot to go visit him -and by the way my boyfriend has a serious case of aerophobia,
he can’t use planes yet- and my parents ended up letting me go there, not my own though, we went there as the whole family. I don’t care if they let me go on my own or not -or at least for now-, what really matters for me is the chance of being next to my boyfriend, as I miss him a lot. I’ve been telling my mum that I’m willing to go there again this year, to visit him once more, but whenever I talk about this she gets extremely mad telling me that it’s so “ashaming” for us to visit them again. I don’t get that logic, but that isn’t the only problem. She keeps controlling my life with this. For some reason I always feel like “I have to obey them” but at the same time I realize the fact that I actually am losing lots of time while bearing with this stupidity. These times of my life will never be back -soon I will start working, and things will surely change-, and I am fully sure that I want to spend this period of time with my boyfriend, but I can’t do anything about this. She just keeps controlling me by not letting me go there, and I want to get rid of this attitude of hers. I want her to realize the situation -not just this, in general- that she has to realize that one day I’ll be marrying or moving out. (oh and by the way she tells me that she doesn’t want me to marry anyone and live with her forever…and she sounds so serious whenever she says that, it’s scary.)

I do consider the possibility that she may be over-protective, but she actually is controlling me, as this is not the only thing she’s doing. Whenever I tell her that I won’t go to the college just for one day, she yells at me so madly and makes me go there -if I simply don’t go there she won’t be talking to me for weeks, or even if she does she’ll be so cranky-; whenever I want to go to the gym, she asks me not to telling me that I’ll be tired… there are lots of examples like such.

I believe that we are having a problem in communication. I can clearly see that I have to make my mum listen to me, but she never does -as I’ve already tried telling her how wrong her attitude is-. I don’t know
if I’ll ever be able to change her mind, but I just keep trying. She simply knows that I hate seeing her so sad and cranky, so she’s making use of it. But it makes me think sometimes…why doesn’t she care about my feelings as much as I care about hers? This started to kill my respect for my parents -especially for my mum-, and it’s hurting a lot.

I want to be able to take my decisions on my own, in any aspect; otherwise I believe that I’ll never be able to survive this life.

Thank you.

By: KW

KW — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 04:30:52 +0000

HI. Well ive recently gotten engaged to someone my mother doesnt exactly approve of. From the moment I told her that we had gotten engaged she has nothing my negative things to say about the whole deal. I have tried talking with her. Every time it turns into an argument. This isnt the first time she has something negative to say about who i am with. I honestly think she would be upset no matter who i was with. Im at my wits end on this. and I am getting very frustrated with her attitude towards my fiancee. Ive tried tell her that she needed to back off that it was my life. And that i was supportive of her Third marriage even though it has failed. And that the least she could do was to be a little supportive of the fact that i am getting married. Especially since i am her only daughter. I dont know what else to do here. Does anyone have any kinda advice on this? This is putting a great strain on my relationship.