Me, at Camp Timberline in Maple Ridge, BC. O Canada!

Feeling homesick is normal for kids at summer camp, but it’s more fun if you can overcome it! These five ways to overcome homesickness will help kids, parents, and camp counselors.

I went to Camp Timberline last weekend, and remembered the homesickness I felt as a kid at camp in the summer. I went to Beaver Creek Bible Camp, and desperately wanted to go home.

Maybe that’s why I wrote 8 Tips for Overcoming Homesickness for Women Traveling Alone – because I know how it feels to be so homesick you could die, or cry, or fly all the way home. And that’s why I’m writing this article about kids and homesickness today, because I want to help kids enjoy their summer camp experience.

And I read an article in the local newspaper this morning, about homesickness and kids at camp. I thought I could do it better. I’ll let you be the judge!

How to Help Your Kids Overcome Homesickness

The first three tips will help you ease your child into summer camp, and are especially helpful if you know he’s prone to feeling homesick when he’s away from you.

Give your kids lots of experience being away from home

This tip is for parents, and it’s way more helpful if you kick it into action before your kids go to summer camp: send them off on practice trips so they get used to being away from home. If they go to summer camp by themselves for a week – and they’ve never been away from you before – then they’ll freak out with homesickness.

It’s important to start teaching your kids to be independent early, to help them adjust later on.

Introduce your kid to other campers before they leave

This is another tip for overcoming homesickness that works best if you do it before camp starts: arrange a play date or meeting with other kids who will be at camp, so your kid doesn’t feel so lost and alone.

If you can’t organize a meeting with another camper, try to introduce your kid to a camp counselor or the camp nurse before camp starts. You might even take your child on a tour of the campgrounds or cabins before camp starts, to help them gently ease in.

Involve your kids in the summer camp decisions

There are lots of decisions to be made about summer camp, ranging from what swimsuits to pack to what week to attend. Encourage your child to be as active as possible in making those decisions, so he feels he has some control over the situation. Feeling empowered won’t necessarily erase feelings of homesickness while he’s at camp, but it may help him feel more grown up before he leaves.

If your kids are prone to anxiety, read How to Help Your Kids Cope With Stress.

The next three tips are tools for kids to overcome feelings of homesickness while they’re away…

Distract yourself when you feel lonely or homesick

This is a great tip for overcoming homesickness for people of all ages: distract yourself with activities or other people (but not food!). Do something fun, like playing games with friends, exploring a different area of the campsite, or trying a new activity.

If I felt homesick at camp, I’d spend time with animals if I could. Camp Timberline has a lovely little petting zoo, with baby goats, sheep, and calves – not to mention the bunny rabbits, chickens, donkeys, and mini horses. I loved being with them, because they relaxed me. What makes you feel calm and happy when you’re away from home? Do more of it.

You might even talk to a camp counselor or fellow camper about your feelings of homesickness. It may seem like you’re the only one who is homesick, but trust me – other kids and even some of the camp counselors struggle with homesickness, too!

Remember that everyone is waiting for you at home

Another way to distract yourself is to think about positive things. Remember that you’ll be going home in a few nights, and your mom/dog/dog/cat/friends are waiting for you at home! They love you, and they’ll be there when you get home. I don’t encourage you to think a lot about home and all the things you miss…just remember that home is there, waiting for you.

Also, remember that your time at camp is short. It feels long and lonely, but it will go by faster than you realize!

What do you think – how do kids overcome feelings of homesickness when they’re away at summer camp!

The post 5 Ways to Help Kids Cope With Homesickness at Summer Camp appeared first on Quips and Tips for Life's Ups and Downs.

A mother selling her crafts with her child, in Peru.

At what age can you start teaching your children independence? Find out here – these parenting tips are from Angela England, founder of Untrained Housewife and author of Backyard Farming on an Acre (More or Less).

“Our children are tough, resilient, and creative because we encourage them to try new things,” says Angela. “My husband and I support small efforts early on. Having your kids working alongside you may not be the most efficient thing to do at the beginning, but it reaps huge dividends later.”

One of the most difficult things to do as a parent is to let your kids go – which is what independence is all about! But the sooner you teach them to work alongside you (I love that phrase from Angela), the easier it’ll be for them to succeed as they grow up.

This article is based on an interview I did with Angela, for a parenting article for alive magazine. Everything here is Angela’s – it’s basically a guest post. At the end of the article are links to her book and website.

I realize that this topic – teaching your children how to be independent – too huge to cover in an article! Whole books have been written, such as Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World: Seven Building Blocks for Developing Capable Young People by Stephen Glenn. This is just a brief introduction, and an opportunity for you to ask questions and share your experiences.

Tips for Teaching Your Kids Independence

I see so many parents who pour themselves into their kids in ways that can be unhealthy, doing everything for them beyond the time when a child is capable of doing it themselves.

Teaching children independence is important. My kids at 4, 6, and 7 1/2 can make their own breakfasts of eggs, sausage and toast, fold and put away their clean clothes, or collect eggs from our chickens each day.

We shouldn’t lower our expectations of our children, but rather give them skills to meet them. We may well have high expectations for our kids, but we can help them at every step of the way.

Take it one step at a time

First we mirror the behavior we expect, then we break it down and do it alongside them. Then, we monitor and fine-tune our children performing the task until finally our children are independent and accomplished at the task.

Whether it’s learning a home skill, building something exciting outdoors, or memorizing “difficult” Bible verses, this technique seems to have worked well for us. It does, however, require some commitment on our part to help them out with new skills. Teaching independence takes time, especially at the beginning.

Are you wondering what age you can start teaching your children independence? Feel free to ask in the comments section below! There are no black-and-white answers, but you may find a few parenting tips.

If your kids aren’t the easiest to get along with, read When Your Daughter Says She Hates You – 8 Ways to Reconnect.

Be aware of different ways kids can be independent

There are dozens of ways children can start taking steps toward independence from a young age. For instance, growing your own food as a family is a great way for children to learn how to be independent.

For our family, we are careful to minimize the hormones and artificial chemicals by growing more of our food ourselves. We’ve especially noticed a big difference in the meat and eggs we raise. Research has shown that pasture raised eggs and free-ranged meats have higher levels of Omega-3, for example, which helps developing brains function at their peak. So you can see how these nutrient-rich, whole foods can be an important part of keeping your kids 100%. 

We need children who can think outside the box and become innovators, and we need parents who are becoming more intentional in making those opportunities happen for their children – instead of sticking with the status quo.

Do your kids get anxious in new situations? Read How to Help Your Kids Cope With Stress.

Angela England, author of Backyard Farming on an Acre (More or Less), is a freelance writer who, along with her husband and four children, cultivates a 1/2-acre farm in their backyard. They raise dairy and meat goats, keep free-range chickens, and maintain a productive garden of fruits and vegetables. Angela founded Untrained Housewife, which guides others in the arts of rural living. 

If you have any comments about teaching your kids independence, please share below.

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Sandra Blackard, author of SAY WHAT YOU SEE®.

What is stressing your kids out? Here are three common sources of stress, plus practical tips parents can use to help kids cope with stress. These tips are from Sandra Blackard of the Language of Listening®.

“I believe the top three sources of stress for children of any age are external pressure to perform, too little self-directed time, and stressed-out parents,” says Blackard, who is an Austin-based author of the award-winning handbook SAY WHAT YOU SEE®.

She also says that what she hears from parents is that kids today react the same way to stress as we did in previous generations. They rebel, seek distractions, shut down, or worse (see Signs of Eating Disorders in Teens – From Perfectionism to Purging here on Quips and Tips for an example of the “worse”!).

“With ready access to computer games, smart phones, drugs and the internet, our kids’ stress just looks different and is a lot more public,” says Sandy. “Regardless of how it looks, kids’ need for understanding, supportive parents and self-directed activities to reduce the pressures of life hasn’t changed.”

Here, Blackard explains why self-directed time is so critical for children, and why life becomes stressful for them when they don’t have enough of it. She also describes several other ways to help your kids cope with stress.

Encourage Self-Directed Time

In their self-directed time, children are constantly setting challenges for themselves that they know they can master. Mastery allows children to tackle the next level of challenge with confidence. When you watch for this truth, you quickly see signs of progress you previously missed. Learning this about children helps parents relax and trust their children’s inner guidance, which in turn helps children trust it themselves.

Help Kids Trust Their Inner Guidance

This tip for helping kids cope with stress requires adults to listen in a new way. I teach parents to listen to what their children say and do like it matters, because it really does. Problem solving and pointing out strengths rather than judging, teaching or criticizing are the remaining steps in helping kids and teens create a healthy lifestyle. Opportunities show up all the time, even in little moments like when your teen turns and walks away after you ask him or her to take out the trash. Instead of judging and criticizing with, “Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you!” and reacting to the teen’s retort, “I need my shoes,” like it’s just an excuse to be insolent, you can start with a simple observation like, “You’re walking away.”

If you still feel resistance, you can say whatever is true at the moment like, “Seems like you don’t want to do this chore.” When you listen again, you will find out what the teen doesn’t like. Could be that it’s an interruption or simply a chore the teen hates. Whatever it is, a comment like, “Must be something we can to do about that,” will make possible a solution that works for you both.

Kids who are treated with respect act more respectful, which reduces everyone’s stress. Consciously applying these same methods to ourselves can help us de-stress even more. It’s not hard to imagine the difference it would make if we gave ourselves more self-directed time, listened to ourselves like we really mattered, pointed out our own strengths and trusted our inner guidance. What works for children also works for us.

Look Inward for the Definition of Success

Most of the families I work with are challenging the idea of measuring themselves against external standards and are instead starting to look inward for what success means to them. Well-being, balance and happiness are their new standards. Extending that to their children, parents are looking for more child-led alternatives like play-based early learning programs and variety in extra-curricular activities, rather than following the old formula of early formal academics or a single, life-long extra-curricular activity chosen by the parents to keep their children ahead of the competition. The self-directed nature of this new route reduces the potential for rebellion or shut-down later by reducing external pressure along the way.

Tune Into Your Child’s Goals

Many parents think they need to temper their expectations to keep from burdening their kids. What I recommend as a way to help kids cope with stress is to tune into your child’s own goals. When put in the lead, children naturally set the right level of challenge for growth. It’s as though they have an inner compass for success that tells them exactly what they need to do to master a challenge.

The best guidance we can give our kids is to help them find and follow their own paths. Living up to someone else’s expectations feels like pressure. Living out your own dreams feels like fulfillment.

If you have any thoughts on Sandra Blackard’s tips for helping kids cope with stress, please comment below!

For more tips on helping kids cope with stress, read How to Reduce Stress at Christmas for Kids.

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If you’re reading this, you’re probably a woman who doubts herself at work.

Women are more likely to be paralyzed by self-doubt on the job, self-criticism even when colleagues praise them, and fear that they’re not good enough at work.

Here’s what Lisa Bloom writes in Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World.

“One of the best things about men is their confidence, their rightness, their ability to go with their gut and produce,” says Rochelle Schieck, founder of Qoya. “I rarely overhear men in cafes talking about how differently they could have or should have done something.”

Bloom is quoting Schieck, who also says: “One of the most paralyzing things for a woman is her doubt. Do I have the right job? Did I pick the right partner? Are these the right shoes? Did I pick the right place to go on vacation? Doubt is like an anchor that keeps women rooted in murky waters of disapproval.”

At work, what do you doubt about yourself? I doubt my Quips and Tips blogs. I have a vision for them – which I haven’t even fully admitted to myself – and yet I doubt I’ll succeed.

How to Stop Being Paralyzed by Self-Doubt at Work

First, here’s why you need to deal with your career doubts:

“Self-doubt brings fear, such as the fear of failure, of the dark, of being out of control, of not being good enough. We fear loving because we doubt our ability to love and so fear rejection; we fear being generous because we doubt our capacity to generate more and fear we will not have enough; we fear sharing our thoughts or feelings for doubt that we will appear wrong or stupid. Doubt brings mistrust, which appears real, even though it may have no real substance…Such doubt creates worry, nervous disorders, and even paranoia.” – from Why You Should Never Doubt Yourself.

Pick a direction, and start moving

What would you do if you weren’t paralyzed by doubt at work? Would you quit your job to go back to school? The first step to shaking off your “doubt paralysis” is to figure out what you really want to do with your career – and your life.

If you doubt yourself at work, you will be consumed by fear. One of the biggest fears is leaving the safety of your job – even when you hate it! If you know you need to leave, read How to Quit Your Job When You’re Scared.

I really want my Quips and Tips blogs to succeed! This blog in particular – it’s like David, who God said is “a man after my own heart.” For some reason, Quips and Tips For Life’s Ups and Downs (used to be Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals) is my favourite child, my most special blog.

It’s also the one I doubt the most. Talk about doubt at work – I live with it every day at home, because I work from home!

I doubt Quips and Tips for Life’s Ups and Downs will succeed for a variety of reasons. It’s too general for people to follow regularly; I don’t have a community. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer – my passion is writing articles to help people, not building a community of friends or followers.

To overcome my self-doubt at work and stop being paralyzed when it comes to blogging, I’m praying over my Quips and Tips blogs every morning. I will follow my heart and soul, and let God take these blogs where He will.

Why do you doubt yourself at work? If you can’t move forward because of your inner critic, read How to Stop Criticizing Yourself.

Stay connected to your Source – especially when you’re at work

For me, it’s God. Jesus. What’s your source of energy, peace, light, hope, love, and self-compassion? This is how to stop being paralyzed by doubt in your job: spend time every day connecting to whatever it is that gives you strength and confidence. You don’t need to have confidence in yourself – God knows I don’t!

You need only have confidence in something Greater than you. This is especially important when you doubt your ability to do your job.

Overcome doubt by creating a schedule – and sticking to it

The key is to find the balance between creating a plan that will move you towards your goals at work. Also, you need to be open to changing your goals/plan/schedule if the situation (or your Source) warrants it.

For example, I created a series of Quips and Tips blogs – as well as a weekly blogging schedule – but now I’m finding myself more drawn to the idea of writing about whatever my Creator brings forward. I’m co-facilitating support groups with the Alzheimer Society, and am running into lots of issues and problems that people need help with. That’s where I want to be. Here. In the moment.

A schedule or plan will take you past job paralysis and doubt, into action and career goals. What’s your plan, wo-man?

Let yourself doubt yourself at work, but take it to your Creator. Let your fears and self-doubts be washed away; renew your mind and soul with hope, love, faith, and the confidence that things will work out exactly the way they’re meant to.

For more ways to cope with the paralysis doubt brings, read Are You Procrastinating – or Do You Have the Wrong Goals?

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My Georgie Girl, enjoying her treats once again

Diarrhea, stomach making noise (gurgling), and no appetite are all signs of upset stomach in dogs. If your dog’s stomach problems are worrying you, my tips may help. My terrier’s tummy was upset for almost a full year, until I finally figured out what was wrong.

May on Quips and Tips is supposed to feature quips from moms who weren’t well-behaved (think Martha Stewart and Sheryl Sandberg), but I found this quote about dogs that I have to share!

“Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs.” – Jerome K. Jerome.

My dog Georgie is a terrier, and she has been a “sinner” ever since we adopted her from the SPCA two years ago. She barks at male joggers, refuses to come when called if a squirrel is within a five mile radius, and barks when passersby look at the house (you should hear her when they have the nerve to knock on the front door!).

And she has a mild-to-severe stomach problems that took me almost two years to solve. Of course, this isn’t a sin, it’s just a pain for us both.

What Causes Gurgling Stomach Noises in Dogs?

I googled “stomach problems in dogs” until the cows came home, but found nothing helpful. So, since I solved Georgie’s tummy troubles, I thought I’d better share my tips! I hope they help you figure out what’s causing your dog’s stomach gurgling, diarrhea, or lack of appetite.

Sometimes, gurgling tummy noises can indicate a serious disease. I’ve written one article on cancer in dogs: When Your Dog Has Cancer – How Do You Say Goodbye? I hope your dog doesn’t have this disease – I hope your dog “just” has tummy troubles like mine.

Remember that dogs can have “human” stomach problems

I took Georgie to the veterinarian several times, and we decided she probably has IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Or, perhaps she even has IBD (irritable bowel disease). I figured this out by searching the internet for “dog’s bloody stool” and “dog not eating.”

The reason I thought she might have irritable bowel is because her symptoms are exactly the same as mine. I have ulcerative colitis. My symptoms include stomach upset, gurgling guts, diarrhea, bloody stool, lack of appetite, and gas…it seemed like my dog’s stomach problems matched my own, and my diagnosis of colitis was bang on!

Try Tylan – a stomach remedy for dogs

The veterinarian did two tests for parasites; both came back negative. She said that the only way to know for sure if our dog has irritable bowel syndrome is to take a tissue sample. Instead of putting Georgie under anaesthetic and making her undergo surgery, I chose to give her Tylan.

Tylan is an antibiotic that can cure infections. It’s often prescribed when a dog has diarrhea, and is used to help heal stomach and gut symptoms caused by colitis and intestinal problems. I also recently learned that Tylan tastes foul, which explains why Georgie won’t eat it unless it’s covered by chicken or cheese.

Another really important tummy tip is probiotics. Diarrhea and gurgling stomach noises may be linked to a lack of healthy intestinal bacteria in your dog. I’ve been told that yoghurt with probiotics is good for dogs, but I give my dog a  canine nutritional supplement that replaces intestinal flora.

Expect your dog’s gurgling stomach noises to return

The first six months Georgie was on Tylan, she didn’t have a single stomach problem! So I foolishly didn’t renew her prescription, and have spent the last six months trying to get her tummy troubles under control again. I don’t know why the Tylan didn’t automatically pick up where it left off – she was doing great for so long, but taking her off then putting her back on wasn’t as effective or easy as I thought it’d be.

So, back came the diarrhea, stomach noises, gurgling guts, and no appetite. I don’t know if she felt pain because of her upset stomach, but I fear so. My colitis hurts me, and I think Georgie’s gurgling guts aren’t comfortable for her.

The final solution to my dog’s stomach problems

One of the best sources of information about your dog’s health is other dog owners! I’ve gotten tips about charcoal, canned pumpkin, and yam – all are supposed to calm indigestion and upset stomach in dogs. I tried all three, but none calmed my terrier’s tummy.

What I finally discovered is that marrow bones – which I regularly gave Georgie – are too rich for her tiny tummy! She only weighs 22 pounds, and if she eats the rich, protein-laden marrow out of a raw soup bone, her stomach gets upset. I don’t know why the marrow bones didn’t seem to bother her the first six months she was on Tylan, but it worked to solve her tummy troubles now.

3 Tips for Solving Your Dog’s Gurgling Stomach Noises

Visit your veterinarian. Of course you should take your dog to the veterinarian for a checkup. I know it’s expensive and sometimes seems useless (I was frustrated with the three veterinarians we tried), but you need to get a professional opinion about your dog’s stomach problems.

Give your dog a bland diet. I give Georgie chicken soup and rice every morning for breakfast and every night for dinner. I make my own homemade chicken soup – I just boil a chicken carcass for three or four hours. She loves it, and it’s so good for her tummy. I supplement with a half cup of seafood kibble that is made for dogs with sensitive stomachs and skin.

Eliminate everything but the chicken soup and rice. I figured out it was the marrow bones that was causing my dog’s stomach upset by giving her only chicken soup and rice for a few days. When her tummy was fine, I added her normal treats back to her diet. When I gave her the marrow bone, voila! Her guts and stomach made gurgling noises the next day, and she refused to eat. A fellow dog owner told me it’s the same with her dog – she only gives marrow bones for 15 minutes a couple times a week.

Phew – my dog’s stomach problems solved! I hope my tips help you figure out your dog’s tummy troubles…I welcome your thoughts below.

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See how focused the cat is? Be the cat.

Work distractions come from all directions – and what is your biggest source of distraction? You. Here are three tips for staying focused on what matters most at work.

These tips are from Peter Bergman’s 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done (my newest all-time favorite life and business book). It’s a game changer! But, since I’m featuring quips from moms who weren’t well-behaved this month, I’ll lead with a quote from the author of The Happiness Project:

“What you do every day matters more than what you do once in awhile.” – Gretchen Rubin.

I have to change the way I approach my “every day”, because I’m flip flopping all over the place with Quips and Tips. I’ve created a billion different blogs, changed the look of them a gazillion times, and tweeted a zillion quips and tips – and am disheartened because my traffic is decreasing. I made almost $60,000 in 2012 from blogging, yet I feel like I’m fumbling and scrambling around like a fool.

But something changed! I learned the importance of knowing how to stay focused on what matters at work – and I want to share it with you.

Be repetitive

Bergman fleshes Rubin’s quip on “what you do every day” out:

“Most of our jobs hinge on repetition. That’s how we become good at anything. The problem is that we give up too soon because anything we do repetitively becomes boring.”

Are you distracted at work because you’re bored? Then you need to either find ways to make your daily rituals and repetitions more interesting, or you need to find a job or project that you’re passionate about. The more interested (enchanted?) you are, the more likely you’ll stay focused on what matters at work.

Being repetitive involves creating daily, weekly, and monthly schedules. Don’t cram too many things onto your to-do list! If it’s jam packed, then of course you’ll distract yourself any way you can. If you want to stay focused on what matters at work, you need to pare down your list to the essentials.

If your productivity is low because of time management problems, read How to Reduce Stress by Managing Your Time Better.

Do what matters first

Before you check your email at work, Bergman suggests taking care of one of your daily priorities. Tim Ferriss said the same thing in The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich (which is my other all-time life and business book).

To me, writing one Quips and Tips blog post a day matters. I need to stay focused on this, because it’s the crux of my business! What also matters is responding to my readers in a timely manner (something I’m guilty of neglecting because I get distracted), and connecting with other bloggers.

What matters to your job, business, life? Construct a schedule that prioritizes the things that matter to you. If you aren’t clear on what matters, then you won’t achieve your career goals.

Give yourself gentle, consistent reminders

I keep jumping all over the place with my Quips and Tips blogs because I forget what matters most to me. I took Bergman’s advice in 18 Minutes, and made a list of the things that matter to me.

It’s easier to stay focused at work if I remind myself of the things that matter to me:

• Freedom
• Being self-employed and working from home
• Creating, writing, blogging
• Making money blogging
• Connecting with people online
• Hearing from readers
• Encouraging and inspiring people

My list of the things that matter is right in front of me – it’s my gentle, consistent reminder that I need to stay focused at work.

Does your job move you towards what matters in your life? If not, read Best Jobs and Careers for Introverts.

Have you created a list of things that matter to you? Maybe the first thing on your list is to read Bergman’s 10 Minutes, because it will change how you run your life, your career, your cat.

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How about singing with a Peruvian band – is that the perfect job for you?

These tips aren’t for job hunting, resume writing, or career test taking. Nay! I believe finding the perfect job is about aligning your personality, education, skills, passion, abilities, and life purpose with the money making possibilities in your environment.

My first tip is to read The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss. I’ve read it twice, and listened to it on audiobook on a road trip from Alberta to BC once.

Here’s what Ferriss says about taking action:

“For all of the most important things, the timing always sucks. Waiting for a good time to quit your job? The stars will never align and the traffic lights of life will never all be green at the same time. The universe doesn’t conspire against you, but it doesn’t go out of its way to line up the pins either. Conditions are never perfect. “Someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. Pro and con lists are just as bad. If it’s important to you and you want to do it “eventually,” just do it and correct course along the way.”

The 4-Hour Workweek isn’t just about working fewer hours so you have more time to spend doing what you love; it’s about finding the perfect job for you.

How to Find the Perfect Job

This article is inspired by a reader’s question about finding work on Best Jobs and Careers for Introverts – From Online to On Air…

“Hi Laurie! Thrilled I found your site. I lucked up into the perfect job for me late last year. Unfortunately, it’s part time and the pay is not good. I’m in my late 40s and no time for the advanced degree it requires to move up, though I’d love it. My husband’s in real estate – he is definitely in his element. I was there with him for a while until I realized how much I hate it. I told him I’d do it again, since we need the money, but the thought closes up my throat and sometimes I break out in a sweat. I always knew I was an introvert, but now, I’m trying to figure out how to help my household financially and maintain mental sanity and appreciation in the process. I am writing a novel too. That’s where I am most happy and also when I’m reading other novels, but we need money. Thoughts? And thanks for your time.”

My first thought: is it REALLY too late to go back to school? I’m halfway through my MSW (Master’s of Social Work), and I’m 43. I don’t believe it’s ever too late to go back.

My second thought: can you cut back on your household spending and bills, and live on less? Try to live on your husband’s salary. Your income can be gravy, and give you the freedom and time to continue writing.

And here are a few general tips for other readers looking for the perfect job…

Figure out what “perfect jobs” you had in the past

This reader didn’t tell me what her perfect part-time job is! I wonder if she can turn that job into a full-time career, or if she can do the same job at a different organization (either part or full-time).

If you aren’t working in the perfect job for you, think back to the most interesting things you’ve done in the past. What did you love about your jobs? Who did you work with? Why did you go to work every day? Where were you?

Combine your passions, personality, and pursuits

My reader said she is writing a novel, loves to read, and needs money. If we were having coffee or walking our dogs together, I’d ask if she’s ever consider blogging? I’ve been making money from my Quips and Tips blogs for over five years; in 2012, I made almost $60,000. Crazy, huh? I think so too. I offer a few tips in How Do Bloggers Make Money? How My Blogs Pay the Bills.

Yes, it IS POSSIBLE to mold your passions, personality, and pursuits into the perfect job for you. I found the perfect job for me (blogging) by trying out different things until I fell in love the way I was spending my days.

Here’s another article that may help: How to Turn Your Hobby Into a Career.

Correct course along the way

Back to Tim Ferriss’ quotation: take action, and “correct course” as you go. Of course, it helps if you’re okay with change and if you can accept and quit jobs easily and freely. The ability to flow and flex with life isn’t a personality trait you’re born with – it’s a life skill you can learn. It’s a life skill you need to learn if you want to find the perfect job!

For more tips on finding the perfect job for you, read 5 Tips for Achieving Your Career Goals – From Confusion to Clarity.

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Our dog Georgie – I’d need a veterinarian to decide if it’s time to put her down! I couldn’t do it.

You don’t feel qualified to decide to put your pet down, so you talk to a veterinarian. How does the vet know it’s the right decision?

“One great myth of veterinary practice is that the veterinarian somehow knows ‘the right time.’ Part of that belief, I’m sure, is the client’s understandable urge to escape the responsibility for taking the life of a loved one. In all the euthanasias I’ve performed, no ‘owner’ ever asked me whether he should or could depress the plunger on the syringe that will kill the animal with whom they’ve shared their lives. Just once, I would’ve liked someone to move my hand off the syringe, say, ‘This is for me to do,” and relieve me of the weight of even one additional soul.”

That’s from Unsaid: A Novel by Neil Abramson. It’s a novel – a wonderful, heartbreaking, lovely book about life and death, medical experimentation on chimpanzees, research, and the clash of law and ethics. Not to mention relationships between horses, pigs, dogs, and humans – and even some laughter! I loved the book.

Abramson’s comments (through the eyes of the vet in the book) on how veterinarians decide it’s time to put a dog or cat down resonated with me deeply.

In Should You Put Your Dog to Sleep? A Veterinarian’s Advice, hundreds of readers ask for help deciding it’s time to put their pet down. I almost always encourage them to take their dog or cat to the vet, who can help them decide if it’s time to say good-bye.

But it turns out that veterinarians aren’t much more equipped than you or me to decide if it’s time to put your pet down.

You know your pet better than the veterinarian does

“You’ve lived with this animal for years,” writes Abramson in Unsaid. “You’ve laughed and cried with it, talked to it, eaten with it, and more likely than not, shared your bed with it. What makes you think I’m better equipped than you to judge when your companion wants to end its life? Show me someone who wants their vet to determine the right moment for death and I’ll show you a coward.”

Another veterinarian told me something similar. She said owners spend far more time with their dogs and cats than vets do, yet they expect the veterinarian to make the final decision to put your pet down. I think this is because it’s such a painful, heartbreaking decision for the owner – not for the pet! Your dog or cat may in fact be relieved to be released from his or her body.

Is your dog or cat telling you it’s time to say good-bye?

In the three paragraphs I’m sharing from Unsaid, the veterinarian twice mentions that your pet may be telling you it’s time to die. She says, “when your companion wants to end its life” in the above paragraph, and “what does your companion animal want you to do?” in the paragraph below.

Your dog or cat may be telling you it’s time to go, but you can’t admit or accept it. This is normal! We move away from pain, not towards it. We don’t want to lose our beloved animals. My life would be shallow and empty without my dog.

One of my readers asked about coping with his dog’s chemotherapy treatments. If your pet has been diagnosed with cancer, you might find When Your Dog Has Cancer helpful.

The questions veterinarians often ask to decide if it’s time

Below are the veterinarian’s questions in Unsaid, which can help you decide if it’s time to put your pet down:

“I would ask my long-ago learned quality-of-life questions: How is the dog acting? Is he eating and drinking? Does he go to the door to greet you when you come home? Does your cat still like catnip, chase shadows, use the litter pan? These queries are all designed to get the answer to one question – what does your companion animal want you to do? Is the continuation of life too painful? Is defecating and urinating on itself too embarrassing? Does it still like life enough to want to live?”

You need to figure out what your dog or cat has already decided.

What does your pet want you to do?

You’ve taken good care of your dog or cat (although if you feel guilty for occasionally yelling at or getting mad at your pet, you’re not alone!). You’ve provided food, shelter, love, health checks, medications, and annual vaccinations. You make sure your pet is safe all day and night.

Now it’s time to take care of your pet in a different way – which may be no less loving or kind! In fact, putting a pet down may be more compassionate and loving than other acts of care. You may be saving your dog or cat from suffering more.

What do you think? I think I’d still want my veterinarian to decide it’s time to put my dog or cat down.

Help coping with pet loss

In Letting Go of an Animal You Love – 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss, I share wisdom from veterinarians, grief experts, counsellors, and owners who survived their pet’s death. Their stories and insights may help you cope with the loss of your pet – and help you decide it’s time.

Animals and the Afterlife: True Stories of Our Best Friends’ Journey Beyond Death is an interesting book about how some owners experienced their pets after death. It sometimes helps to believe that their souls and spirits are there, waiting to meet us again…

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You don’t necessarily need counseling if you have a phobia…but it could help!

One out of eight Americans has a phobia or irrational fear of something. Sometimes phobias are irrational and illogical; other times there may be a logical cause of the irrational fear.

Many phobias lead to panic attacks, which are extremely frightening for both the person having the attack and the people around them.

Before we get into the signs you may have a phobia, here is a bit of background music…

Phobias in Psychology

The most common phobias in psychology include spiders and heights, and often involve panic attacks. Learn the types and causes of phobias, plus treatments.

“A person with a phobia suffers from an ongoing, irrational fear of something that is so strong it creates a compelling desire to avoid it,” writes Joni Johnston, Psy.D. in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Psychology. Some phobias go away over time. Other phobias become a huge part of people’s lives, and stay that way unless treatment is sought. Sometimes, the best treatment involves getting help for anxiety disorders or panic attacks.

Most phobias involve an unreasonable, extreme fear of everyday objects or events – which is why phobias are irrational. They don’t make sense, even to the person suffering from them.

How anxious does your phobia make you? Maybe you’re not seeing signs of a phobia. Read Types of Psychological Disorders – From Anxiety to Personality for more info.

What Are the Most Common Phobias?

Phobias can involve almost anything — coffee, line ups at grocery stores, dust. Some irrational fears that don’t seem to make much sense include arachibutyrophobia, the fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth, or geniophobia, the fear of chins. Another irrational fear is being afraid of Friday the 13th (not the movie), which is called paraskavedekatriaphobia.

Most people who struggle with the most common phobias are intellectually aware their fears are irrational, but they just can’t help feeling paralyzed by fear, anxiety, and helplessness. Panic attacks occur, out of their control.

Other phobias seem to make more sense. For instance, some people fear developing ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) or cancer. In extreme cases, this could develop into panthophobia and cause panic attacks. Other people are irrationally afraid of ants, which can become an anxiety disorder called myrmecophobia.

The most common phobia in North America is arachnophobia, or the fear of spiders. Speaking in public or glossophobia is another common phobia, as is agoraphobia (the fear of open spaces). Birds is another fairly common phobia: some people can’t look at, hear, or even say the word “bird” without having a panic, hyperventilating and crying — they suffer from ornithophobia.

The most common phobias in psychology often stem from everyday situations.

Where Do Irrational Fears Come From?

Most phobias in psychology develop in adulthood, but can stem out of a childhood fear.

Many phobias start as a “normal” fear based on reality and logic, to an overwhelmingly irrational avoidance of a harmless situation. For example, if you’re running in the park and a snake slithers across the path in front of you, you may quit jogging in that park. That anxiety may not go away even when you stop running in the park – it could spill over to jogging on the street, and even on a treadmill in the gym. Some phobias develop this way, and lead to serious panic attacks over seemingly harmless situations.

Healthy fears and phobias are two different things. Healthy fear keeps you alive and well, alert and energized. Unhealthy fear can cause anxiety and panic attacks, which can make life very difficult.

Learn more about phobias and anxieties with The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook.

Signs of and Treatments for Phobic Behavior

You may have a phobia if:

1. Your professional or social life is negatively affected by irrational fears.
2. Your fearful, anxious feelings won’t go away, and seem irrational even to you.
3. You arrange your life to avoid the situation or object. Phobias disrupt lives – which is why seeking treatment for anxiety disorders and panic attacks is so important!

Overcoming a phobia is possible, often with psychological help. Systematic desensitization is an effective treatment for phobias or panic attacks for many people.

If you’re thinking about getting help, read 5 Different Types of Psychologists, Psychotherapists, and Counselors.

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How do you help your friend leave her unhappy marriage? Maybe you don’t. (image by shareheads.com – thank you!)

A reader described her friend’s toxic marriage, and asked for ways to help her friend cope.

Here are a few tips for women who are struggling with the pain of seeing their friends in unhappy relationships.

Here’s my reader’s comment, on my article How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals.

“My friend’s husband is a liar, a cheat, and a thief. They have children together and she will get angry, but take him back due to the economy excuse, still in love excuse, they have kids to raise, financially a divorce would destroy the both of them. He lies to women at work, saying his wife – my friend – is a nasty woman. He wishes he could leave, but stays for the kids. But, he will have no problem posting ads behind her back, lying to people at work, friends, at church, to his own family. He has destroyed multiple womens’ lives. He has no problem stealing money or lying to clients. He uses past abuse in his life as his excuse. It’s like he’s 18 and could care less, and he’s in his late 40′s. How can I help my friend? How can I get past the pain of her continuing to tolerate the BS? Any suggestions? Thanks!”

It sounds like the husband and wife is co-dependent – they’re in a mutually satisfying relationship. It’s not a healthy one, but somehow they’re both getting what they need from it. He is lying, cheating, and using other women – and his wife is letting him.

How do you be a good friend to a woman in a marriage like this?

Accept that she has her reasons for staying with her husband

As you said, your friend has many excuses for staying in this unhappy marriage. And her husband has lots of excuses for his behaviour. Their relationship is meeting their needs – and it’s none of your business. I agree that it’s unhealthy and full of BS, but there is nothing you can do to help your friend leave her marriage. She has to have the courage and insight to see what’s happening – and she’s not ready to yet.

To learn more about co-dependency in love, read How to Untangle a Codependent Relationship.

Set boundaries when you discuss her marriage

I encourage you to listen to her talk about her marriage, because that’s what friends do. Let her vent and share her thoughts. But, I think you should put time limits on it (boundaries). If you spend an hour together, don’t let her talk about her toxic husband for the whole time.

Get YOURSELF healthy and happy

You can’t change your friend’s relationship or personality, but you can change how you’re coping with her unhappy marriage. Her relationship really bothers you because you love her and want the best for her. And, you see the damage her husband is doing to other woman. I encourage you to ask yourself for other reasons her marriage bothers you so much. How’s your relationship with your partner? Is her unhappy marriage triggering something in you?

Focus on becoming a healthy, happy woman. The more grounded and whole you are, the better a friend you’ll be.

Share your healthy, happy life with your friend

Start talking about your insights and activities with your friend. Focus on things that bring you joy, peace, inspiration, and wellness to your life. Don’t dwell on helping her cope with her unhappy marriage – she is coping the way she wants. Again, her marriage is her business. Your health and happiness is your business, and your perspective will spread to her!

Your friend will learn a new way of living by seeing you in action. You can lecture and push her all you want, but you’ll get nowhere. Instead, focus on getting and sharing your emotional, physical, and spiritual health – and you’ll have a profound effect on your friend.

Or you won’t. But if you don’t change your friend’s life or perspective, you’ll be affecting the world, your loved ones, and your self in positive ways.

If your friend is coping with loss, read 5 Tips for Helping a Grieving Friend.

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