My husband was supposed to get married to this girl in 2008, but things didn’t work out and she got married to someone else in Feb 2009. Co-incidentally, my husband and I met for the first time on the day this girl got married. The same year, in Aug, we got married and have had a happy marriage. I had no problems with him keeping in touch with her as she was happily married too and they were good friends.
Last week, my life was shattered, when I found messages on gtalk between my husband and this woman, talking about the time when they were together. My husband revealed that he still thinks about the time they made love and that he would never forget their first kiss. This devastated me and when I confronted him, he got mad at me and accused me of spying.
A few days later, things quietened down and we said sorry to each other and it seems fine now. But, he ensures his laptop is never available for me to check on anything and he never leaves his gtalk logged in for me to see any of his chat messages, even by mistake.
WHAT DO I DO? – Should I be upset and think about leaving? Should I forgive, forget and move on? We have a 17 month old little girl too

These comments leave you with what power is possible since the horse has already bolted out of the stable, yet not off the ranch.

Most men will persist for a bit(though don’t disclose this awareness to him), but you should still have numero uno role if he accepts he needs to hide this from you. This also makes it easier for him to return to the fold when it burns out. It means he won’t dare not do things with you and the family or overtly look glazed about another in your time. It means that you aren’t stupididly handing him over to the other creep. It means the other creep will be frazzled by his reduced availability. It means he was left with free choice in his behaviour and the knowledge you can fill in gaps he leaves and you look to have strengths and still standards. He is worried by what you may do to cope with less of him as you never tell him what it could be. It means if he ends up out of control and too disgusting in this affair you can get ready way ahead with a divorce lawyer, while having access to all the documents and information while together, without him knowing until you are ready to strike. Your lawyer costs are less when you’ve run the case and all he gets to do is respond. More likely the marriage will continue well since you’ve stopped feeling a victim and adjusted to sometimes husbands will have a spell of being a stupid boy and with your calm distancing a lot of the affairs magic will fizzle into dull repetition of the established banter and inevitable eventual conflicts over power with the creep and your husband. In the big picture you both have shared and invested more and no marriage hasn’t had periods of temporary wanderings mentally or emotionally or physically, but move on, still sharing more positives than gained by being divorced and even if lucky repartnering.

For women with this situation and no children in the early years of a relationship, just go ASAP.

For women with an abuser or continual alcoholic, even with kids go, before he tries to. Though prepare for divorce before confronting him to get the best deal.In this last scene you should have left before this affair happened if it’s him.
If it’s you, it’s a good reminder of what you ought to have in a relationship. Yet never believe any such recent hero once you go. Your hero will be a victim reader procuring his next victim.
Abused women and those dealing with an alcoholic aren’t at their best to attract a really good man untill they have left having recovered independantly.

My name is elina i reside in canada, I have been successfully married for 12year without issues, but just about few months ago I have been having serious difficulty and misunderstanding in my marriage and it almost leading to a divorce. I could not even tolerate it any more i have to take my kids with me and move out, but i sincerely love my husband to the fullness just dont know why he behaving strange lately.
This continuos for about 8months and just two weeks ago he went for a divorce lette which i and my kids are not ready for because i love im so much.
What do i do?

I am very sorry to hear about your marriage problems — my heart goes out to you both. It can be so difficult to know what to do or where to turn, or if your marriage is over or if it can’t be saved…I know how hard it is.

The best general advice I have is to get marriage counseling to figure out how to overcome this emotional affair.

I can’t give you personal or marriage advice, but I do encourage you to get strong and healthy emotionally, physically, spiritually, and even professionally. I know it seems hard or even impossible to get healthy and strong again, but it’s really important to move forward.

Where and how do you start getting healthy? You try different things until you find what works for you. Maybe a marriage counseling program will help. Maybe you need to do something, such as changing your life — perhaps by moving to a different city, traveling, or getting individual counseling. Some people find physical spa treatments helpful, or alternative therapies such as reiki or energy healing.

There are SO many ways to get healthy and move on! The trick is to find what works for you.

I wrote an ebook to help people let go of unhealthy attachments — which you need to do even if you stay married! It’s called Letting Go of Someone You Love: 75 Ways to Heal a Broken Heart and Let Go of the Past

Check it out; it may be just what you need to get strong and prepare for whatever is coming next. You may also find 80 Ways to Say “I Love You” helpful.

I wish you all the best.

Blessings,
Laurie