Are you worried about falling in love for the wrong reasons? These tips will help you avoid rebound love and start a healthy relationship with someone new.
Before the tips, a quip:
“When you’re on the rebound, your new relationship isn’t about itself,” writes Kearns in Better Love Next Time. “It’s about the old one.”
Falling in love too fast, making rash decisions, and tolerating people and behavior that you wouldn’t normally are possible signs of a rebound relationship.
To learn how to learn from your past relationships, read Better Love Next Time: How the Relationship that Didn’t Last Can Lead You to the One that Will by J.M. Kearns.
And, here are five tips on avoiding rebound love…
Avoiding Rebound Love in a New Relationship
Make sure you’re not hiding from the past
Unhealthy rebound love happens when you use your new love possibility to run away from your past relationship. “We plunge into a new relationship, not because we are paying attention to the past, but to avoid listening to it,” writes Kearns in Better Love Next Time. “We use the new relationship as a distraction.” Focus on finding true love by making sure you’re not running from something that happened in your past relationship.
Deal with your desperation or fear
Many of us have dated people we have nothing in common with or who we don’t even like – and who may not even like us. Are you dating out of desperation? That’s a surefire way to create a rebound relationship. If your heart is still broken from a past relationship, make sure you’re healing (and healing from breakups is a process!).
Figure out what went wrong with your last partner
To avoid rebound love, make sure you understand why your last relationship didn’t survive. Try to be honest and objective, and don’t make a hasty diagnosis. Kearns writes, “You misidentify the factors that made the last relationship sicken and die, and armed with that false vaccine, you set you to avoid the same infection in the future – and you walk right into it.”
If you have no idea what went wrong, read How to Overcome the Pain of a Bad Breakup and Be Happy Again.
Accept your role in your last relationship
Most broken relationships are caused by both partners – it’s rarely just one person who is to blame. Instead of blaming your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend for causing all the problems in the past, accept the role you played. This will help you achieve your new love and relationship goals by increasing your health, self-confidence, and ability to relate to others.
Also, make sure you’re ready for a new relationship. Maybe you’re not on the rebound – but you’re not healthy, either. Maybe you’re not pining for your ex – but you’re not 100% ready to commit to a new partner.
Let go of the past
This final tip for avoiding rebound love is about making sure you’ve moved on from your past relationship. Only you know if you’re over your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, and only you know if you’re emotionally healthy and ready for a new love relationship. Listen to your heart. Deal with your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical issues before you start a new relationship.
If you’re still in love with your ex, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love – it’s my most popular breakup article.
One last quip:
“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.” ~ Jonathan Carroll.
Are you letting yourself fall into a new relationship for the wrong reasons? Rebound love can’t last.
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