7 Things You Never Knew About Marriage
Research shows who unhappy marriages are hardest on (the husband or the wife?), whether feminists have happy marriages, and the key to a healthy, happy marriage.
Everything you ever wanted to know about marriage is all right here (yeah, right)….but first, here’s a quip from a famous mystery writer:
When someone remarked to Agatha Christie about her being 15 years older than her husband Max Mallowan, the archaeologist, she said: “That’s the wonderful thing about being married to an archaeologist. The older I get, the more interesting I am to him!” - Agatha Christie. (Click on the book cover for more information about happy couples and marriage).
Here are several things you may not have know about married life…
7 Things You Never Knew About Marriage
1. Unhappy marriages are harder on wives. UCLA researchers found that when husbands go home after work, their stress hormone cortisol is dramatically reduced whether or not they’re happily married. In contrast, wives enjoy lower cortisol levels after work only if they’re happily married. If they’re unhappy, their cortisol increases when they get home. Cortisol is a result of chronic stress and can lead to depression, chronic fatigue, and possibly even cancer.
2. Good fights keep marriages healthy. “When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict,” says Ernest Harburg, researcher and professor emeritus at the University of Michigan. “Usually nobody is trained to do this.” His research reveals that couples who suppress anger are twice as likely to face early death as those who express it. A marriage tip for people who never fight: get over being nice, and get a little mad sometimes!
3. There is one key to a happy marriage. A husband’s emotional engagement is the single most important factor in determining martial happiness for a wife. University of Virginia researchers found that women care more about being understood, having their needs met, and spending quality time with their husbands than money or household chores. Good marriage advice for men: be vulnerable and affectionate with your wives - especially if this is your second marriage.
4. People who never married risk an early death. Never married men between ages 19 and 44 are more than twice as likely to die early as their married peers. Even though the unmarried men in this study exercised more and were less overweight, they were more socially isolated. Never married women weren’t as vulnerable to early death.
5. Feminist marriages are healthier. In the past, research showed that both men and women thought that feminism and romance couldn’t co-abide together. However, Rutgers University researchers found that feminist women have healthier relationships, more sexual satisfaction, and more stable marriages. Since feminism and romance aren’t incompatible, some solid marriage advice may include switching up gender roles a little.
6. Men, not women, sacrifice for their relationships. You can’t tell me you knew this about relationships: Researchers from two different universities discovered that men maybe more likely than women to sacrifice achievement goals for a romantic relationship. Even the researchers didn’t expect men to give priority to a relationship over their professional goals. Since the study participants were college students, these findings may not apply to long-term marriages.
7. Researchers can predict who will divorce. Psychologists can not only predict who will divorce, they also know when. Annette Bening and Kevin Spacey’s marriage in American Beauty is a perfect example of typical mid-life marital problems. “These couples are alienated and avoidant. They are the people you see in a restaurant who are not talking to each other,” said University of California professor John Gottman. “They raise kids together, but there is not much going on with each other and they realize their marriage is empty. These couples stifle things and do not raise issues with their partner. Their marriages are a suppression of negative emotions and a lack of positive emotions. It is a very passive and distant relationship with no laughing, love or interest in each other. This style of suppression can cause intense loneliness that’s almost like dying.”
Extra ”things you never knew about marriage”:
- Treating the wife’s stress provides indirect care for men with cancer.
- A spouse’s personality affects the other spouse’s health.
- Childless women risk poorer health and earlier death later in life.
- Romance is the result of several types of chemistry occurring in a certain order, at the right time and in the right place.
- People who never married risk an early death.
If you found 7 Things You Never Knew About Marriage helpful, try:
- Solving 8 Money Issues That Cause Marriage Problems
- 4 Common Questions About Depression & Relationships
